Movie drinking games are a favorite pastime for those who enjoy competitive drinking, but don't want to put forth all the hard work involved with picking up a Ping-Pong ball. Just as basketball has its Magic and Bird, movie drinking games have their legends: the kid who matched The Dude joint for joint and White Russian for White Russian, or the guy who took a shot of old stale vodka every time American Wedding recycled a joke from American Pie.
While any drinking game can be hard on your liver, CRACKED decided to create some movie drinking games that are just plain hard.
Every time the word "fuck" is spoken.Drink again:
Every time someone is spitting while they talk.Finish your drink:
Every time Tony speaks louder than any reasonable human being would ever speak.Fuck your sister:
At the end when Tony' sister says, "You want to fuck me, Tony?" If both siblings follow the first three rules this should actually feel pretty natural by that point.
If you're black, drink:
Every time you laugh and your white friend doesn't.
If you're white, drink:
Every time your black friend laughs and you ask him if he' choking because you're unaware that a joke has been told.Everyone drinks:
When you both realize that the white friend is just fake-laughing every time Ice Cube speaks.Finish your drink:
When the white friend laughs way to hard at a joke involving the N-word.Continue drinking:
Because you'd be taking awkward slugs of your drink if you were watching Barbershop
together even if you weren't playing a game.
Every time John McClane says something that is probably too witty for someone who is being shot at.Example: "An emergency? What does it sound like I'm ordering a fucking pizza?"Drink again:
Every time John McClane says something that is probably too witty to say to someone who' trying to kill you.Example: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.."Finish the drink:
Every time John McClane says something that' probably too witty for someone to say when no one else is within ear-shot.Example: "Who the fuck' driving that car, Stevie Wonder?"
Vandalize your house:
Every time John McClane causes property damage to the Nakatomi Tower.Try to punch the news reporter:
Who has shown up at the scene of your now flame engulfed home.Bonus points:
If after you punch him you grab his microphone and scream, "There' your fuckin' landing light, Holly!" A line from Die Hard 2
, but nevertheless another example of McClane saying something despite the fact that no one' even close to being within earshot.
Chug your beer:
Every time something completely ludicrous is happening on screen.Try to stay upright:
Through the part where Jenny, the hot blond stripper, decides to fuck a retarded guy she hung out with in elementary school.After an hour straight of chugging, experience the terror:
Of watching Forrest Gump
from a cognitive vantage point that is as impaired as Forrest'.Realize quickly:
That as a retarded person you now find the film offensive because despite all of the awards it won, Forrest Gump
is really just one long retard joke.
Every time a black person appears on screen.Start to drink:
During the fake party scene but then stop once you realize that a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan doesn't count as a black person.Try not to kill yourself:
While watching Home Alone
completely sober.Bonus points:
If you're white and are watching it with a black friend and have to navigate the always tricky: "A cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan should count because I value you all equally"" argument.
Dazed and Confused
Take a drink:
Every time you or your buddy says something like, "man I wish high school was still as cool as it was back in the days of Dazed and Confused
."Take another drink:
Every time Matthew McConaughey or Ben Affleck says, "man I wish my career was as cool as it was back in the days of Dazed and Confused
." Note: In the unlikely event that either McConaughey or B-Affs is not present, just assume that whichever one is missing would say this every single time their character appears on screen.Finish your beer:
Every time the kid playing Mitch Kramer touches the bridge of his nose.
Have your stomach pumped:
After finishing 237 beers.
A Time to Kill
Take a drink:
Every time a character in the film sweats profusely or comments on the heat despite the fact that it takes place at a time when air conditioning is readily available.Drink again:
Every time someone in your group makes the "Jack Bauer used to be an asshole," joke when Kiefer Sutherland is on screen.Chug:
When someone in your group makes the "Jack Bauer used to be old" joke because they're too drunk to tell Kiefer Sutherland apart from his father Donald.Finish your beer:
Just because everyone in the movie looks so goddamned hot and it' making you thirsty.Now imagine she' black:
At the end of the movie when McConaughey tells you to, even though you're too drunk to even know what he' talking about and you remember not being very sure that the line made sense when you were sober.
Million Dollar Baby
Everytime you check the back of the box to make sure that this movie about women' sports was directed by the same guy who made Unforgiven
Every time you check the back of the box to make sure this movie won the Best Picture Oscar.Finish your beer and open another one:
When the sadistic fucks who wrote the movie start making your girlfriend cry just because they can.Keep drinking:
After the movie has ended and your girlfriend decides that she wants to "talk about what the movie meant."Fail to enunciate your words:
As you argue that it' best not to dwell on what was clearly one of the most horrific movie-viewing experiences of either of your lives.
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