Here we are again with our weekly comedy roundup. Below, we've provided some of this week' highlights for those of you out there who are too busy to read a whole article, but refuse to appear out of the loop when all of your co-workers gather around the water cooler to discuss the latest in list-based Internet comedy.
This week we're calling it The Saturday Humorricane, though if you can come up with a better name for this feature, feel free to post it below. When we asked for ideas last week, the result was a tense, awkward silence with the occasional muffled cough from the back of the room.
7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable
Quite possibly the first ever CRACKED article to balance deep, thought-provoking issues with cartoon pictures of miserable bears.
Notable Comment: Digg commentator daedalus779 has dubbed us the "czar of lists." We prefer Exalted Grand Wizards of Itemization, but a title' a title.
12 Most Ridiculous Similes in Music History
When some of your favorite musicians tell you that they're "like birds, rocks [and] lovers with radar phones," what they're really telling you is that they're completely unqualified to construct a simile.
Notable Comment: Several Digg commentators, due to poor eyesight, bad lighting or dyslexia, thought this article was about ridiculous smilies in music history, which explains why DownloadThis was so surprised that = / didn't make the cut.
The 8 Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They'll Never Happen)
We bring the possibility of futuristic robotic sex slaves back into the public consciousness where it belongs.
Notable Comment: Digg commentator EserVerx was quick to point out that all of our reasons for why these visions will never happen were irrelevant, citing the fact that we will deplete all of our resources, the sun will burn out, and the human race will be "doomed to extinction." See, this is the type of guy we were talking about in that first article up there.
The 8 Funniest Webcomics
You're probably wondering why everyone you know is substantially less miserable than you are. It' because they've been reading the comics on this list, and you haven't.
Notable Comment: Just about every single commentator could name a glaring omission from the list. Granted, a few of the webcomics they suggested weren't exactly humorous, so we'd have had to take "Funniest" out of the title. Also, one commentator felt that Calvin and Hobbes should have made the list, which isn't actually online. We'll take all that into consideration and rewrite it as "A Constantly-Increasing List of Comics in Any Medium and Genre." Catchy!
5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do
If you think you can hack this article and proceed to melt the computer screens of its authors, congratulations: You're a Hollywood screenwriter.
Notable Comment: Several Digg commentators brought one overlooked offense to our attention, and we're happy to give it its proper recognition here, in the eloquent words of dj50:
Lady with big tits and glasses typing insanely fast turns to the hero:
"Great news, we have a picture of the villain!"
"Awww ... it's too small, I can't make out anything."
"Let me try something."
(Turns to the screen and begins to type frantically)
"There ... now it's 10 times bigger."
"Yeah, but it's blurred."
"Here, let me hit this magic enhance button."
(Hits enhance button, and the picture clears up magically transforming into a high-resolution image of the bad guy)
"Wow, you are great and I'm surely gonna fuck you blind in about another 30 minutes into the movie."
Shady Acres manages to combine the over-the-top melodrama of teen angst shows with the slow-paced action of retirement homes.
We're so inundated with Trump news that we shrug off scandals that would tank any other president.
These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.