The vast majority of my speeches take an intellectual and scholarly approach. I am beginning to realize how difficult it must be for people of a lesser culture or civilization to be able to discern the true meaning of my words. It is with a heavy heart that I accept that the followers of Islam fall into that category.
As there seems to be a growing proclivity towards requiring mea culpas from those who, in normal times, would never need apologize, I humbly offer my regrets, retroactively, for the following events that were not really my fault to begin with:
I am sorry that the Turks provoked the Inquisition. I am remorseful that the Church was compelled to such extreme measures to ward off the threat to civilization that were being posed by the heretics and Protestants.
I regret that the Crusades were, in hindsight, the only viable mechanism to unite Europe under the rule of law. I feel remorse that Mohammedan tyranny and Muslim aggression was so potent as to bring on this defensive series of wars.
I'm sorry that Galileo did not release his scientific discoveries more appropriately given the era he lived in. I regret that I was not Pope back then, able to more effectively guide him in public relations.
I apologize for the perpetrators of the recent sexual abuse scandals. Although this occurred before I become Pope, and I personally have never served with any one of these errant clergy, and although it' a distinctly American phenomenon, and I rarely had any interaction with the American church at that time, I suppose I'm now accountable for everything that goes on in the Church. That' the deal, right? I mean, I don't even speak English fluently. But the captain is responsible for the actions of every member of his crew, even though that sounds pretty extreme, if you ask me.
I hope that this serves to appease hearts and to clarify the true meaning of my address, whether you're enlightened enough to appreciate it or not.
Recommended For Your Pleasure
The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019
Some particularly obsessed fans sacrifice huge amounts of time and effort to come up with answers so we can all sleep a little better at night.
- By Zanandi Botes
- April 09, 2019
Rarely does an Easter egg shatter your hold on reality ... but these just might.
- By Adam Wears
- April 08, 2019
Lots of people forgot these movie moments ... but, like, how?
- By JM McNab
- April 11, 2019