The gloves; you're not bench-pressing here. How much hand protection do you need to grip a couple of sticks that are about the weight and girth of two pretzel logs?
An End to Witty Commentary
As a rock star, you are constantly surrounded by people who think you s**t velvet, and those people have probably led you to believe that you're a pretty funny guy. But here's the thing: you're not. Like, at all. If I wanted to see some a*****e laugh at a couple of his own nonsensical stories, I'd get drunk at my dad's place. At least there'd be a good fistfight involved.
Just remember, Mick, you're going to need those hilarious anecdotes when you're trying to distract the drunk sorority girls from realizing they're having an orgy in a port-a-john with a septuagenarian.
So, that was simple enough. Now on to the real offenders: the throngs of people stupid enough to pay money to see these assholes in the first place.
No Yelling Out Song Requests
Musicians have these things called set lists, and they are integral with lighting and... never mind, you're drunk. Just stop it.
No Band T-Shirts
Everyone knows that you're not supposed to wear the T-shirt of the band you came to see, but it's a little known fact that wearing any band T-shirt at a concert is also permissible grounds for the use of violence. We get it, you really like music and were able to find a T-shirt of an obscure band that you'd never heard of until you found the T-Shirt. Nerf Herder is a favorite of yours? Really? I know, your buddies told you it's a pretty cool shirt, but why don't you save it for your Muff Diving class tomorrow morning.