Hollywood is buzzing about Woody Allen's upcoming Matchpoint, a London-based thriller that marks the director's first film set outside of New York City. Allen was so pleased with the change of tempo that he plans to try a new genre and location for his next project as well. That film, a teen sex romp starring Allen himself as a horny frat boy in Cancun, is scheduled for release this Spring. We got our hands on a copy of the script, and have excerpted a monologue below.
"Spring break...tch...what am I doing in Cancun? Everyone acts as if, you know, it's not spring in any english speaking region in the Northern Hemisphere. I mean, I would probably be having more fun in Wales, and I don't think the sun has been out in Wales since 1983.
At least I wouldn't have to, to take my shirt off there. Look at me. Look at how white my skin is. I mean, transportation authorities should declare no-fly zones over wherever I'm sunbathing so, so that pilots aren't blinded by the glare from my torso.
And this tattoo that Tyler made me get when I was drunk. "Whatever happens in Cancun stays in Cancun." Tch. What does that mean? I mean what does that even mean, really? What am I — conducting mafia hits down here? I guess Tyler thinks that when we get back to college, the students who didn't come to Cancun are going to torture me until I admit that, tch, that he was taking body shots off the waitress at Senor Frogs.