Three Things George Clooney Really Likes

Since Cracked works next door to Teen People Magazine, we're constantly getting mail meant for them. So we were lucky to stumble upon an article where George Clooney responds to their young female fanbase, for the popular "Three Things I Like" feature.

Hello, gang! I'm actor George Clooney, and I was delighted to be asked to talk about the three things I love most. My only problem was narrowing it down to three! I gave it a lot of thought, though, and my three favorite things in the whole world are snowmobiles, f*****g and Judo.
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I first got into snowmobiling while filming parts of Ocean's Eleven in Vancouver. It's great! When I'm on my snowmobile, I feel like a million dollars. I own 34 snowmobiles. Here's a drawing of my favorite snowmobile:

I love to f**k, and always have! f*****g is a great way for me to relieve stress. I try to f**k someone at least once a day, and sometimes more! Here's a drawing I made of me kneading Julia Roberts' buttocks:
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I'm an ass man, so a woman's ass is a big part of f*****g for me. If I could, I'd f**k every woman in the ass, but I always ask first! Some women don't like getting fucked in the ass. Here's a drawing I made of me grabbing Catherine Zeta-Jones' round, apple ass:

Judo was invented in Japan in the late 19th century. I love it! One time, I collapsed Philip Seymour Hoffman's right lung with Judo for no reason at all. He almost died. That's how strong I am when I use it! This is how you write "Judo" in Japanese:

Always remember to chase your dreams, Teen People magazine readers. You never know where they'll take you. Just look at me!
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