Dennis Hopper Runs Errands

Dennis Hopper, widely regarded as one of America's sanest, soberest citizens, allowed CRACKED to tag along while he ran his daily errands.

At the Laundromat:
Hey, man. You got any change? I gotta get my shit dried out, man. I need
some of those little round ones, y'know, shiny little fuckers. Quarters!
You got any quarters?

At the Bank:
I'm gonna deposit this money, okay? I'm gonna put it right here, and I'm
gonna be back for it. Just watch it for me, man. If anything's missing
when I get back, I got friends who will cut your dick off and hang it in
Continue Reading Below


the drive-thru window.

At Church:
God? I'm gonna lay some real fucked-up sins on you, right here, okay?
Just gonna set 'em down for a while. 'Cause I don't need that shit,
right? All the drinking. The drugs. The sex. Y'know what, maybe I'd
better just keep 'em. Thanks anyway, Man.

At the Gift Shop:
I love these mobiles, man. It all, like, it all goes around and around,
like the world, man, like the fucking Universe, y'know? On a plastic
hanger. You got any weed?

At the Chinese Restaurant:
I'll have the egg drop soup and a big fucking bowl of opium paste. What?
Continue Reading Below


Sorry, man. Flashbacks are drivin' me crazy today. You got any gook
hookers back there?

At the Grocery Store:
Hey, pretty lady. That's a nice big banana you got in your basket. You
Continue Reading Below


ever smoke banana peels? It's like kissing the Buddha, babe. Here, gimme
your lighter, I'll fix one up for both of us. Where you going? Hey!
What's your name?

At the Butcher:
I like chopping up dead things too, y'know? I mean I'm really fucking into
it, man. It's really beautiful if it's done properly. You want some help
back there?
Continue Reading Below


At the Video Store:
Fuck! Everywhere I look, I see little boxes with my picture on 'em! It's
like, me, lookin' at me, lookin' at myself, lookin' at me! That's
bullshit, man!

At the Bakery:
Um, yeah. Gimme one of these Bundt cakes. Man, that looks good. Could
you heat it up for me, real quick? 'Cause I can hardly wait to take it
outside and fuck it.

At the Post Office:
Shut the fuck up and get down on the floor! I ain't walkin' outta here
until all of you fuckers are DEAD! So GET THE FUCK DOWN! NOW!!!
Whoa! Hey, I'm just kidding. Easy man, I just need some stamps.
To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 'Ugh' Trump Stories The News Totally Forgot About

We're so inundated with Trump news that we shrug off scandals that would tank any other president.


4 Crapsack Things That Are Still Legal In The USA

The year is 2020.


6 Obnoxious Tourist Scams From Around The Globe

Every tourist destination has scammers looking to separate the unwary from their money.


The Craziest Movie Easter Egg That Nobody Noticed

We thing this might just be the craziest, most elaborate Easter egg in movie history.


6 Soulless Companies That Own, Like, Everything

Here are some companies we're just sorta letting take over the world.


5 Towns Ruined By The Movies Filmed There

We're not sure if you've noticed this, but movie fans can get a little ... obsessive.