We're here with the star of this holiday season' biggest blockbuster.KK:
I don't know about star. I mean, it' not even a speaking role. CRACKED:
Well, you have had quite a run lately, haven't you?KK:
No shit, right? Oops, sorry. You can bleep that, can't you?CRACKED:
No worries, go on.KK:
Oh yeah. No, you're right, it' been totally crazy. There' been the movie, commercials, videogames, interviews"¦ I've been reincarnated! I love it! I can't remember the last time I got a real
night' sleep. All this after the phone didn't ring for, like, 70 years. Amazing. I'm like the new John Travolta, only talented and not so chubby-and not such a douche. Bad example. You can bleep that, too.
Wait, you say 70 years? But wasn't there a King Kong
remake in 1976? Weren't you in that?KK:
Special effects. CRACKED:
The reason I didn't get in was because it was strictly a union picture, I was never a union guy, and Jeff Bridges had some integrity-of-the-workplace bug up his ass and threatened to walk"¦ blah, blah, blah. Bottom line: I got shafted! But who' laughing now, Jeff Bridges?CRACKED:
So what were you up to when Peter Jackson called?KK:
I was digging out this fur bug that was stuck in that spot between my thigh and my taint. It was biting the fu-
No, I meant for work.
Oh! Um"¦ I was doing a little National Geographic porn on the side and temping at a company called Lanotech . They make those little rubber stoppers that are at the bottom of, like, refrigerators and washing machines. You don't really ever think about them, but they're pretty important.CRACKED:
How did that work out?KK:
Well, my "cubicle" was basically the parking lot. Occasionally, I ran some errands. I think they kept me because they didn't need an extra security guard.CRACKED:
Are you related to the wrestler King Kong Bundy?KK:
Haha, not that I know of. I mean, my mother never said anything to me. But she was kind of a slut, so you never know.
I apologize in advance for this, but everyone wanted me to ask: do you eat bananas?KK:
) You know it' funny, but I really
do. I'm embarrassed to say, but I can't get enough. A sliced banana in my morning bowl of Total is like heaven to me. Why? Do you have any?CRACKED:
Oh, I just thought you might be setting me up for one of those celebrity mind-fucks like on Oprah where she' hiding Beyoncé' mother backstage then brings her out at the end of the show.CRACKED:
That would've been awesome.KK:
Yes. (uncomfortable silence)
Yes, it would have been.