"That beautiful and scantily clad young woman, whose name escapes me at the moment, is my favorite musical artist of all time."
"It's a good thing my carbonated soft-drink came with one free music download, for I would have felt uncomfortable downloading free music on the internet."
"Finally a halftime show that combines my love of hard-nosed championship football and pre-pubescent teen-pop!"
"I will buy any CD that produces sound."
"I am upset that I work full time and still fall below the poverty line. I blame queers and people of another race."
"Clearly, the best way to reduce crime is to build more prisons. Evidence linking poverty and crime is flimsy at best."
"At least both candidates favor education initiatives with humanitarian names that direct money towards arbitrary and biased standardized tests. Hiring more qualified teachers and rebuilding crumbling inner-city schools would yield questionable results."
"The rich do enough for this country. They should not have to pay higher taxes than the rest of us."
"I fear that we might one day be attacked by a country whose economy is based almost entirely on trade with the United States. Therefore, we must spend more on our military than every other nation combined. This will make other countries feel more secure, and they will whore their underclass to us rather than initiate an arms race."
"Morality is derived from creatively interpreting apocryphal texts, not the desire to reduce human suffering."