Once again, we've wrangled together the past week's Cracked.com goodness and put it all in one recap article, for which we still haven't chosen a suitable name. While better than last week's "Weekly Humor Round-up Jubilee," "The CRACKED Saturday Humor Jam Session" is still pretty miserable. Any ideas? Seriously, write whatever you think this weekly review thingy should be called in the comments below. Remember when Katie Couric urged viewers to suggest sign-offs? Well this is kind of like that, only much, much more important.
Let the parade of recent articles and notable comments begin:
Video Game Showdown: Wii '07 vs. Arcade '92
We pit the new-fangled Wii against our old standby, the arcade.
Notable Comment: The award for first Martin Amis reference in a comment on Cracked.com goes to Louche_Canon, who felt compelled to let us know that the author "wrote an entire book whose central conceit was 'arcade will always outdo in-home video gaming'." Louche_Canon, thanks for keepin' us classy.
The 10 Most Memorable Movie Cameos by Non-Actors
Ten cameos that made us say "The hell ...?" followed by "Hold on, this is awesome."
Notable Comment: Digg.com commenter bigjimd366 wrote "horrible top ten list.[...]And Mos Def is an actor and a damn good one ... so is Tom Cruise just not any good." True, Mos Def has acted, and we admit to bending the rules a little on that one. But we're not budging on Tom Cruise.
The Top 10 Deadbeat Celebrity Relatives
The most notable drunk/stupid/greedy/lazy celebrity relatives.
Notable Comment: "I'd still do LiLo in a sec, I'm a big fan of that drugged up trashy look. screw what others think thats still hot to me! prolly cause I'm a deadbeat myself woo woo" If by "LiLo," you mean the Polynesian orphan from Lilo and Stitch, then yes, we feel the same way. (From phufufoo on Digg.com.)
9 Baseball Moments More Wretched Than Steroids
Behind the steroid skeletons, we explore the most curious behavior in baseball history.
Notable Commenter's Username: The Digg user "FrodoBongins" commented on this story, and we'd just like to salute him/her-who are we kidding?-him for choosing that handle. Way to fight the stereotype of the guy who wallows in his own filth while engaging in Internet debates/sexual encounters all day.
Mello Yello to Go-Bots: The Top 10 Poor Man's Versions
Because calling "X" the poor man's version of "Y" never stops being fun.
Best User-submitted PMV: With so many great additions to our poor man's versions list, it's a tough choice. After literally 30 seconds of contemplation, we've decided to go with "Tom Selleck's mustache > Burt Reynolds' mustache," by Cracked.com user RJG86. Congrats, sir or ma'am. If only you would've used your first and last name as a username, then we could track you down and send you the grand prize: an off-white 1995 Honda Civic. Maybe next time.
What would happen if a YouTuber REALLY moderated a Presidential debate?
If only CNN had some balls and let a YouTube vlogger actually moderate the presidential debates.
Notable Comment: "C'mon ... Two things come in to play with Kuchinich here to have a hot banging wife like that: Big Cock, or lots of fucking $$$, or maybe both. But his looks is definately not!" writes uselesssexpert on Digg. It's the big cock, man. It's gotta be the big cock.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.