Now, I don’t normally shill things here on Cracked. That’s not for any ethical or artistic reasons, or anything like that, it’s just that sponsors learned long ago that it’s more beneficial to them if they pay me not to associate myself with their products (I’m what advertisers call “brand AIDs”).
Incidentally, this is why we’ll never get sponsored by Band-Aids.
I’d like to stress that neither AMC nor the creators of Mad Men are paying me. (Funny story. Turns out, no one is paying me. I was fired from Cracked about eight months ago and I’ve been hacking into the site ever since to get my articles up.) I’m only bringing up Mad Men because I genuinely think it’s one of the best shows on television. Not too long ago, I asked “What the fuck happened to TV?”, and I brought up The Hills, Jon & Kate Plus 8 Minus Several Crucial Chromosomes, A Show That Isn’t Actually About Cougars So Who Gives a Shit and I’m a Celebrity- Go Fuck Yourself as not only examples of television’s horrible degeneration, but also fairly convincing signs of the coming apocalypse. If you agreed with my thesis that those shows were like a like a special kind of cancer that insulted your masculinity as it slowly killed you, you’re probably wondering where all the good shows have gone. Mad Men is the answer to that. Here’s why.
So Don Draper, the hard-to-love yet impossible-to-hate protagonist is a fairly complicated guy. Very little is known about him and his prowess as an ad man is unexplainable. He sits around in his office, alternately drinking highballs and looking intense, and at the end of the day, pulls a sales pitch directly out of his ass and flings it around the office like a monkey flinging feces around a cage (or an office, really). Except in Don’s case, the sales pitch isn’t smelly and you don’t care if any of it gets stuck in your hair because it is solid fucking gold.
Still, it’s not just Don’s ability as an ad man that I respect, it’s his less-than-conventional solutions to problems. We’re going to take a look at a few of the problems Draper’s faced as well as the solutions a lesser man (you) would come up with. Then, we’re going to see what happens when you Draper that shit and turn to solutions that Don Draper actually used in the series.
Problem:
Your boss inappropriately hits on your wife.
What You Would Do:
This is tough, because this man is your boss, but no one should treat your wife that way. Write him a strongly-worded letter explaining the conflict, demand an apology and hopefully you can put this whole sordid mess behind you.
Draper That Shit:
Wordlessly coerce your boss into consuming massive amounts of alcohol and food, then challenge him to a foot race up some stairs thereby forcing him to throw up all over a bunch important clients.
That fucking happened! That response is NO ONE’S first reaction to a problem. No one except Don Draper.
Problem:
Your wife threw you out of the house as a result of your infidelity.
What You Would Do:
Tearfully beg your wife to take you back, promise her that you’ll change, and that you love her very much.
Draper That Shit:
Wordlessly fly across the country so you can hang out and fuck adorable hippies while your miserable, wronged wife raises your children. Fly back when you feel like it and move back into your house.
Problem:
A client insults your sponsors and they demand an apology. The client’s wife/manager is becoming incredibly difficult to deal with.
What You Would Do:
Reach out to your legal team, and ensure your client that they are legally obligated to play nice, or he will be in violation of his contract.
Draper That Shit:
Pull the wife/manager aside and semi-publicly fingerblast the shit out of her.
That actually happened, and it actually worked.
Do you have any idea how much better every show in the history of television would be if Don Draper was a character? Just consider Friends, and how much more compelling that show would be if Draper would occasionally drop by to fingerblast Jennifer Aniston.
I would watch that show.
If the Don Draper Method isn’t enough to convince you to watch Mad Men, there’s one other fairly important point I’d like to draw your attention to. Now, my background is Literary Theory, so I apologize in advance if I get too technical and academic in this next section.
Mad Men Balances Complex Themes and Intricate Story Telling
WHY ARE YOU NOT WATCHING THIS SHOW?!?!?!
This entry was posted on Saturday, August 15th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Uncategorized, don draper, mad men. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 21st, 2009 at 11:01 pm
king size bed frame…
Besides the high resistance, oak bedroom furniture also has an elegant look and a refined aspect, which is obvious even in the rustic furniture. …
November 7th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Zeitgeist. ZEITGEIST.
XD Genius.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
[...] And this is why I’d never make it in advertising. That and my lack of interest in Mad Men. You should probably want to watch Mad Men if you’re going to get in to advertising. Also, if you’re not a mouth breather, appparently.** [...]
October 14th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
I think the second paragraph is just gibberish. Awesome gibberish though.
October 10th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Am I the only one here who actually wants to read what’s behind the boobs?
September 24th, 2009 at 9:26 am
I adored this article. I love Mad Men…. one of the (many) reasons I enjoy watching is seeing my own saucy curves reflected in all the delicious hourglass figures parading around. I can finally see the light at the end of the size O surfboard body type tunnel!
Thank-you for writing this!
September 18th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
so on point.
September 18th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Started watching the show because of this article. Almost done with season 2. Gotta say, one of the best moves I’ve made TV wise in a couple years.
Breaking Bad is also friggin fantastic. Although I have to say, I thought the season 2 finale was a bit excessive. The shows slowly been making things worse and worse for the characters, which I liked. This was too much too fast.
September 17th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Ladies, please admit you watch that show only because of Don Draper!
September 17th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Ever watch ‘Breaking Bad’? Best show I have ever seen, ever.
September 16th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Never seen madmen. heard its great maybe will take a look, after I get done taking a dump. in the meantime
tv characters that suck
E from Entourage
Denise Huxtible from the Cosby Show
Monica from Friends
Sil from the Sopranos
every girl that dates E on Entourage
Mark from Home Improvement
and even though he is not on a tv show
Harry Potter - he is a soggy grundle
September 16th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Thanks now I’m addicted to Madmen. I also have to have a talk with HR because I went ‘Draper’ on some girl in the hallway.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:50 am
May have to check it out, I do love titties.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:28 am
I’ve watched this show. Uninspired drama, completely full of itself, and tons of gratuitous T&A. It’s Baywatch in an expensive suit (yet somehow more demeaning to women). The ridiculously contrived scenarios that allow the cardboard cutout of a protagonist to ‘do something cool’ (read: be an unlikeable, mean-spirited shit) make suspension of disbelief impossible.
September 12th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Get funnier, the chef.
Mad Men is the shit.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:41 am
What are the other 3?
September 8th, 2009 at 5:28 am
im going to fuck you up with some truth. jon hamm is a nancy and that show is as slow paced and unoriginal as it seems. it just comes in a pretty box. want to fight about it? its a show centered on strong male characters, written by women. im not saying women are incapable of writing strong shows im just saying its bogus. like those articles “50 ways to please your man,” by some woman. what the fuck does she know? there are like 4 things women can do to please their man. and one of them is to shut the hell up.
September 3rd, 2009 at 12:26 am
i do beleive that fingerblasting is the best verb i’ve ever heard. i vote to make it an adjective too, like, “i had a fingerblasting good time having sex with daniel o’brien last night. like, literally- there was fingerblasting.”
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
[...] Hamm as Don Draper in Mad Men - Maybe it’s because we have all wanted to Draper some shit, maybe it’s because his character has a lot of depth, but he is one of two actors I [...]
September 1st, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I don’t know, in the world where people have to take harassment training and smoking is treated like crime, a nostalgia show such as this can provide a good way to escape. After all, that’s what television is - a form of escapism.
September 1st, 2009 at 11:50 am
HAHAHAHA
That was too funny!
August 29th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
i just came back to repeat, that you are the idiot.
this is like the 4th or 5th article on random websites ive seen this summer that say “mad men is great”
meaning mad men producers are paying idiots like you to write good shit about their drivel.
your an idiot, and a sellout.
August 28th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
best end to an article ever
August 27th, 2009 at 12:51 am
[...] AMC. I’m not going to go into why Mad Men is an amazing show, that has been written already here. Instead, I have some self-portraits in a tuxedo I rented for a wedding. Keep in mind that I am not [...]
August 26th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
So I’m supposed to suffer through a TV show just to see some covered-up boobs?!? I have the goddamn INTERNET! I can see all the boobs I please, covered or not, in one Google, and never have to go near a TV. This is not a selling point, DOB.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
FINGERBLAST!
August 23rd, 2009 at 12:40 am
Brilliant Job, DOB-
thank you for bringing this to everyone’s attention-
i believe you changed history this time. <3
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 am
Mad Men is a great show (pity so many people seem to be here just to hate on it, still little going on in their lives I suspect). What I think is interesting about it is that its dealing with a period in history that was quite revolutionary in many ways (The pill, the rise of television, civil rights, the cold war, Womens liberation, etc, etc), but its very much looking at it from the establishment perspective rather than from that of the rebels.
What is interesting about Don Draper is that despite appearances, he inwardly knows that he’s living a lie (he carries a shame of his own devising). This second self, ironically is what gives him his advantage (his ability to think outside the box of the familiar) but he probably doesn’t quite realise this. To him the past is something to escape, to deny, to obscure. He’s arrived at the American Dream, he has a beautiful wife, kids, a well paid job. But its not enough to contain him although it seems clear that when he is being reflective, he wishes it would.
The other characters in the show are equally a complex. With Joan you’ve a woman whose sexual attraction has undone her ambitions. She’s been able to command mens attention for so long that she’s allowed them to only see her as a sexual object. When the opportunity to become more than the head of the typing pool arose (assisting Harry Crane with the TV scheduling) they didn’t even consider her for the role, even though she did the ground work. Thus her conflicts with Peggy, who has quietly gained a foothold in the mans world and is slowly rising up the ranks.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Mad Men is fucking amazing. No question. Several of the main writers are women, too, which might account for the fact that there are plenty of interesting and complicated female characters.
Yes, I am including Joan Holloway in that.
August 21st, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I have to say, I don’t know what everyone’s problem is, but Mad Men is a really great show. It had been recommended to me for a while, but I finally got around to watching it in the past week. Suffice it to say, I watched both seasons in that time. The characters are people you care about, the plot lines are interesting, and–it has to be said–it’s undeniably sexy. Negative stereotypes? Who cares?
August 21st, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Umm… Scott, are you really trying to make this show another part of the so-called Liberal Media Conspiracy that all the über, right-wing conservatives are continuously trying to prove exists by screaming loudly and as often as possible that it…well… exists?
But then again, maybe I’m being too harsh. After all, the show’s creator/executive producer/writer (Matthew Weiner) is the same guy who wrote and produced for another show that was best known for it’s screaming liberal bias… “The Sopranos”.
Seriously dude, get a grip.
August 21st, 2009 at 6:54 am
This show is written by liberal pricks who like to reinforce negative stereotypes about our parents (or grandparents) generation.
Sure, there was racism, sexism, and many other negative isms, but hey, those things still exist today!
August 20th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Heard about it. Netflix’d it. Tried it. Hated it.
The writing sucks. The actors suck. The directing sucks.
“Mad Men Balances Complex Themes and Intricate Story Telling”
I disagree. Vehemently.
Did I mention the writing sucks? It really sucks. The creative process (summarized):
“Let’s reinforce every negative stereotype about our parents generation, then, rather than dispel some commonly held myths, lets beat the audience over the head with ridiculously farcical portrayals of the past. And while we’re at it, let’s be sure to write a show where [i]everysinglefuckingcharacter[/i] is some combination of douchebag, whore, manwhore, dull, racist, dull, sexist, boring, useless and/or inexplicably angry.”
Even the murderous gang of thugs on HBO’s “The Wire” harbor the occasional redeeming quality. The posse on “Entourage” share many of Draper’s sins, but at least they’re entertaining and fun to watch.
Don’t waste your time watching knockoffs. Go watch the HBO shows that AMC is failing to emulate. You’ll be much happier, and you won’t have to lie awake at night asking God how and why so much as a single American survived the 1960’s. “Mad Men” will make you wish the soviets had won.
August 20th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
absolutely amazing article, I’ll use this as evidence to defend the show when wack people talk it down
August 20th, 2009 at 3:42 am
DOB is hilarious.
Mad Men is a great show.
Nonetheless, I can’t help but be decidedly disturbed by this article’s glorification of his digital rape of Bobbi Barrett. The way it’s written makes it sound passionate and consentual, and it wasn’t. It was a nasty, scary, horrible scene and by the way Bobbi’s head snapped back, it looked like he really hurt her.
But otherwise, great article, DOB! As always, I love your work.
P.
August 19th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I don’t like this show for the same reason I’m not crazy about movies w/out happy endings. We all know the people with the most ambition and the least scruples are the most successful, I don’t need to see a TV show to enlighten me to that. If I want to see douchebags get everything they want and not what they deserve, I just have to show up to work.
August 19th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Welcome to join the Millionaire Friends circle: ****MillionaireCupid.org*** where you can hook up the wealthy singles,sexy beauties. Find your sexy partner easier and more effective!
August 19th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Im sorry, I couldnt enjoy this show.
The fact the man can get away with doing that much would drive me mad with jealousy. I mean, even knowing that he did and that people adore him for his asshole-ish nature slowly destroys my brain.
What little of it is left I mean.
And if he is fucking the chick in that show, the red head with the huge “talents” then I may as well move to Montana and become a lumberjack. Forfeiting my life to the woods, a gut, riding moose, a beard, and the hope a wood chipper can destroy me because dammit, there will be no reason in continuing.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
So what you’re saying in the last paragraph is that we all should watch Mad Men because of Christina Hendricks’ amazing acting, yes?
I’ve been hooked since episode 1, but then I’m a “chick”. I get all goofy about a show when it has junk like excellent acting, good dialogue. I can also appreciate when both of these are enhanced by set design, costumes and props that are meticulously recreated and used to achor the characters to time & place they exist.
A couple people below have referenced That 70’s Show in comparison. I grew up in the 70’s and I gotta say that yes it was funny show but it never felt authentic. Whereas watching Dazed & Confused really brought me back, almost as if I’d stepped into a time machine.
Anyway, people who have half a brain should at least give the show a chance if for no other reason than DoctorChaos thinks it sucks.
So that’s my argument. If you like quality story telling, boobs and time travel, give the show a chance. If you like laugh-tracks, explosions instead of plotlines and think the good Dr. is a genius, then skip it.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:48 am
I’m commenting now about “Breaking Bad”. The posts in this forum made me curious, and I watched it.
This show is amazingly good. Mad Men doesn’t even compare. Mad men is a “hey, not bad - i guess I’ll watch this” show. Breaking Bad I watched the entire 1st season in one take. I’m super picky about TV and I lose interest very quickly if the show deviates or I see character deviations (I’m looking at you DEXTER..1st season..soooo good - WHY WHY WHY were you ruined???)
Breaking Bad. amazing.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:34 am
id watch that show just to see Christina Hendricks shes been bothering me something ferce when i first saw her in the fire fly serise
August 18th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
This convinced me to watch the show for the first time, so… Thanks! I’ve been thinking about it off-and-on all week since Sunday, and I think that’s the mark of something good… gives you something to think about. Though I should have known better than to try to get my mom to watch something Cracked-endorsed.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am
I really liked the way you presented the balance between complex themes and intrincate story telling DOB, I’ll be sure to watch the shit out of that show.
August 18th, 2009 at 4:44 am
Oh, I forgot to mention, it would have been funnier if your section had been longer and at the bottom there was a note from the editor which disclosed that he was the one who covered it in boobs.
August 18th, 2009 at 4:40 am
I admire your guts DOB, but after arrested development being cancelled I find it hard to see that any actions anyone will ever try will be good enough to save something.
August 18th, 2009 at 4:05 am
Totally agree with JonnyT. The first 15 minutes of the series are almost unbearable: “Look how racist they were!!!”, “Look how much did they smoke!!!”, “Look how misogynist they were!!!” and so on.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:46 am
druidg is lost.
August 17th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I think druidg just might be legally retarded.
August 17th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
This is a really good post, and you are too funny! I LOVE Mad Men. Thanks!
August 17th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
why the hell would i want to watch a show about a 60s ad firm? lame clothes, bunch of smoking retards who hold their smokes like homos, and i can see titties any time i want not on some craptastic “drama”
the few seconds of it i have watched were terrible, i mean it really sucks.
only an idiot would LIKE this show.
August 17th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
@Greener:
I hope to fucking god you’re kidding.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
The show is really good, although it can be a bit in-your-face with too many self-conscious references to its era. It’s like That 70s Show (which happens in the 70s, but avoids beating us to death with the differences between then and now) versus That 80s Show (which basically made every joke centre around how big “small” cell phones were, how gay robot dance was, etc.) There’sa reason one show was cancelled before like 5 episodes…
In Madmen, we get “this typewriter is the pinnacle of technology” (Oh, it’s such a piece of shit compared to our modern computers! lol), “Oh my God, I’m an office lady reading Lady Chatterly’s Lover!” (Now little kids can buy that book! lol) - that kind of shit. It’s not too obtrusive, so you can get past it, but that’s the weak spot, for me anyway.
It’s still the best show on television.
August 17th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Phenomenal show…and yes, they are idiots for not watching it.
August 17th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Hey is there a way to remove those pictures on the last three paragraphs? I can’t read his reasons for watching Mad Men when his reasons are blocked by those images, I don’t understand his last convincing argument. He was about to list examples!
August 17th, 2009 at 3:38 am
Lol i’m in Australia and havent seen this show yet, but have read reviews saying it is good. I’ll check it out D.O.B, thanks for the tip.
August 17th, 2009 at 3:11 am
A cogent analysis of the current state of stagnation in television and the much needed response by Mad Men.
August 17th, 2009 at 2:21 am
Should have posted a spoiler alert on top…i’m actually watching the show, just started. i also think it’s great but you’ve probably ruined 2-3 episodes for me.
August 16th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
This show is a weekly soap opera. Obviously it appeals to men. But it is still a soap opera. Case closed.
August 16th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Hotaru: The show intentionally objectifies some of the women on the show because it’s a period piece on 30’s-60’s America. Mad Men is a great show if you’re not a total pussy about a little historical realism.
August 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I’m still more partial to Entourage. Probably because of Jeremy Piven, perhaps Kevin Dillon. Muchomaxo, I quite like your theory, although, you listed Family Guy. And it has at least one show missing: South Park.
August 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
To MuchoMaxo: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT! Who in their right mind cancelled that show. He should have been fired for even suggesting it be cancelled.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Charles Dickens
Nuclear War
Zeitgeist
That’s some conspiracy theory
August 16th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
i love you.
August 16th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
How about Breaking Bad and the “Walter White Method of Solving Problems?” Also classic and unlike little else on TV right now.
August 16th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
fingerblast is an awesome word, up there with fingerbang
August 16th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
ewww…. DOB has turned off cleartype on his computer. WHY??
August 16th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
To all the guys that say this show suck, YOU’RE ALL BUNCH OF PUSSIES!
Look down your pants…oh right…you guys lost your cock and balls because all of you are bunch of Feminine Pussy-Ass Bitches!
Shut the Fuck Up!
August 16th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
The best series ever made were made in the last 8-9 years: Sopranos, the wire, curb your enthusiasm, arrested development, deadwood, american dad/family guy, house MD, etc etc so it’s not all doom ‘n gloom.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I was actually a little interested in the show, but this article - especially the boob part - only made me want NOT to watch the crap.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
what Hotaru said :\
August 16th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Because the show sucks. Watching some douchebag screw with his boss, fine. I could go for that.
Watching a show that emphasizes women for parts… yeah, epic fail.
August 16th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I wanna read what’s under the boobies ._.
August 16th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Please don’t use the term fingerblast. Fucking gross dude.
Mad Men is a great show but not for the action junkies who like 24.
August 16th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
How much did they pay you to plug their piece of crap show? Man … Now even Cracked is selling out. Sad man … very sad.
August 16th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Mad Men is like if a soap opera (with GOOD acting) had sex with Sopranos and then gave birth to this magnificent baby which grew into this exquisite show.
Don Draper = HOT. Joan = Insta-orgasm. LOL
August 16th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Thank god someone tells it like it is. Don Draper is one GQ motherfucker, and Joan is so beyond hot.
August 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am
people who don’t like mad men obviously haven’t watched more than 3-4 episodes.. it takes a bit for it to grow on you and it might seem boring at first..
but there’s probably no other series with such character depth..
plus.. obviously.. Don FUCKING Draper
August 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Show sucks.
August 16th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Well, it was no wonder you were fired. Though I sadly doubt that you were. Coming up with some ingenious at the end of the show like House…. oh oh shit. Wait!! You’re saying he’s crude to his Boss’ like… House.. oh oh shit, man alive. It’s safe to say after watching Season 1 of Mad Men, I was done with Mad Men, it’s only saving grace is the fact that it’s not about cops or doctors. It’s boring, not edgy, mildly original with a cast that leaves something if not everything, missing. Boo hiss, you too would miss a good show if it were fucking you up the ass with a razor dildo.
August 16th, 2009 at 9:25 am
I’m a few episodes in. So far - it’s good, but not great. There isn’t much good TV on anymore, but that doesn’t mean the bar gets lowered for a new standard.
It’s not the wire, it’s not deadwood, it’s not the first season of Dexter, it’s not the shield, its not the west wing (first 4 seasons only), it’s not sportsnight, etc etc…
those were/are all great. This one. it’s ok. male chauvinism, smoking - yep…its the 50’s. If you like this - read “The man in the Gray Flannel Suit” — its a 50s classic regarding the “displaced unsatisfied everyman businessman”
I haven’t watched breaking bad - but due to the mentions on here, I’ll check it out - I’m curious.
August 16th, 2009 at 7:40 am
more boring white people shit
August 16th, 2009 at 5:59 am
now that the wire and arrested development are gone, this is definitely the best show on TV
August 16th, 2009 at 4:48 am
Mad men is the best show on television (not just because D.O.B. said so)
Reading these comments reminds me of why I hate everyone.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:29 am
Never got a chance
August 16th, 2009 at 2:42 am
premiere
effect
August 16th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Never heard of the program, but then I don’t have T.V.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Saffron??
August 15th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
sugardaddylove.com^-^
Is it wrong for a man to have a sugar baby or a woman to have sugar daddy??
It is an absolutely extramarital relationship,
but more and more services came out on Internet focusing on this kind of relationship.
such as ^-^ sugardaddylove.c om ^-^
it’s the biggest sugar dating site for beautiful woman and rich man!
Welcome to free sign up~~~~
August 15th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
The moment I saw the ads for that show, I knew it would try to pass adultery off as sexy content. And writing an article called “why you are an idiot for not watching ____” is really douchey, and it didn’t help Arrested Development either. Finally, Breaking Bad, hell yeah.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
When I seen that pic of DOB he looks like my older brother, scary shit. I have got to pull off a Don Draper on somebody I hate, most likely the whole get a person drunk then have a foot race, then the vomit.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
fuck yes firstreflect breaking bad is the shiz nizz
August 15th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Is that redhead wearing a fucking cape?
August 15th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Breaking Bad kicks ass. Watch it. Watch it now.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
While you’re at it - you are an even bigger idiot if you are not watching ‘Breaking Bad’.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Watch Absolute Power. It’s a British show starring Stephen Fry.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
This is surreal. I actually know the producer/creator of this show, Matt Weiner, and his family pretty well (his youngest son is my son’s best friend). He’s a warm, friendly guy and extremely down to earth and unassuming. He has zero arrogance or attitude and I’m happy that such a non-asshole is enjoying so much success (He also used to write and produce for the Sopranos).
August 15th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
TITS
August 15th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
When you say “This actually happen!”, do you mean “This actually happened, but not, because it’s fucking tv”? Because none of these things are based in reality, no matter how bad ass or noteworthy. Thumbs up fo sho, though.
August 15th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
daniel, you’re a visionary
August 15th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
The pyramid of Joan’s “so much woman” had me in stitches. Kudos.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Brand AIDS? DOB, without that picture, i would have never looked at you in the same light again….. But spot on with the analysis of MadMen, and BEEG AMERICAN TEETEES never hurt anyone. Unless they fell on you.
I vow to take the Draper course of action from now on in my life.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Can you write something on par with this for the show Breaking Bad? It’s fucking cool, imho.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Spot on, my friend. It’s the best show on TV, with the hottest female cast. Joan’s tits are the best thing on the show, well said!!
August 15th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
@Maxamillion:
Dude… shut up.
You are embarrassing us.
August 15th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Mad Men Sucks!..and so do you DOB. Your “comedic” writing is in itself a joke..so i gues in a way you are making us laugh..just not with you, you no talent hack..why dontcha try to get a job on the family guy writing staff
August 15th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Perhaps the men and women on MadMen don’t curse because they are so fucking classy (just like me!). While I am admittedly a tv junkie, MadMen is the best!
John, you are so right! Hendricks is such a cow! How dare she look like Marilyn Monroe instead of Kiera Knightley. Boobless chicks with the bodies of pre-adolescent boys are so hot…to pedophiles.
August 15th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Madmen is a chick show. Pure and simple. A melodrama about relationships and personal demons. The sex and language are stilted due to being on basic cable, so they try to compensate with cleavage, cleavage, cleavage and a lot of tame sexuality. Certainly Christina Hendricks has a nice rack, but I doubt she’d look great in a 2 peice swimsuit. She has the widest hips I’ve ever seen. Almost freakishly wide.
It would have been more compelling on HBO as I hate censorship. That said, It’s still an decent show, but I can only take so much melodrama from characters with which I simply cannot relate.
It’s simply hip to say one likes Madman now. Therefore, like every fanboy or conspiracy theorist, that fact gives people a chance to feel special. So the most lonely and vocal people say they love Madmen and shout it everywhere someone will listen (like Cracked), yet the mainstream rarely watches. Because it simply isn’t that great of a show.
August 15th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
dutch said
When people say TV is dead, I nod in agreement, then point out AMC’s other awesome show: Breaking Bad.
atta boy, and now im going to check out mad men later.
August 15th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I love Mad Men and it really is a good show.
August 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I’m convinced. You could have put the boobs at the top of the post and skipped the writing. You had me at boobs.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Hmmm? You make a compelling argument.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Sorry man, but you like Tim & Eric. Anything television-related you endorse, I will avoid as though it is bubonic plague made of AIDS and herpes.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
hmm.. well i suppose you have a point with your final argument… I will definitely give this show a chance.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Never seen Mad Men, my friend in Hollywood works on it and says I should watch it, But if I had handle some shit I would VIC MAKEY that shit, the Sheild was awsome, and what happened to THEIF? they made 3 episodes then nothing..Breaking Bad is cool but The cook guy is hard to beleive as some sort of badass, HUNG is cool, still trying to get into it, cause TRUEBLOOD is Played yall! I dont like the vampire hype anymore, except the begining, thats awsome!
August 15th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
When people say TV is dead, I nod in agreement, then point out AMC’s other awesome show: Breaking Bad.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Fuck YES! I didn’t know Mad Men was back on this soon! Admittedly, the UK won’t get it for cunting months, but that’s why God invented streaming and torrents. God bless you, DOB (and another great article).
Love this programme. Draper is the man.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
There are few problems that cannot be resolved by well-timed, semi-public finger blasting. All hail Don Draper.
August 15th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
24 and Breaking Bad are good, non comedy showws. Other than that, everything sucks.
August 15th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Breaking Bad is really good too.
August 15th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
DOB is a fucking tool. Mad Men blows.
August 15th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Why am I not watching mad men?
Because I m poor and dont have cable
August 15th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Mad Men is really good, but Breaking Bad is still miles better.
August 15th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
all hail titcow
August 15th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I love watching Mad Men, mostly because it makes me feel very classy. When anyone asks me what it’s about, I can say “It’s about the cut-throat world of advertising in the sixties, set against a backdrop of historical events,” and feel smart and classy. As long as I don’t mention all the fingerblasting, people actually think I’m reasonably intelligent.
Also, “fingerblast the shit out of her”? That is one nasty mental image.
August 15th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
The best show on TV. I’ts the little things that really make it, like taking the shoes off to go into the bosses office and barbers trimming nose hairs. An incredibly well written, intelligent and magnificently artistic show. Glad to see Cracked like it, too!
August 15th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Why am I not watching Mad Men?
I find it boring, and I can look up pictures of Christina Hendricks (the hot red head whose breasts you have plastered all over this article) on the Internet. That’s why!
August 15th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Wow, Draper sounds like a douche, like every leading man on TV. The drooling fanboy act doesn’t make me want to watch the show.
But I’m not gonna lie, that last part saved it.
August 15th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I’ve been saying it for years now, Mad Men is the best show EVAR.
August 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Mad Men sucks, that’s why no-one watches it. Watch Breaking Bad if you watch AMC.
August 15th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Jon Hamm (Draper) graduated from my university & from the same department that I’m about to graduate from. I think that there is a picture of him somewhere in our main building that’s captioned: “See, English majors CAN do something with their lives!”
(Plus I have a feeling that the majority of the people who read this site are guys so if I have to be the one female voice saying this, so be it: Don Draper is HOT!!!)
August 15th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
DOB, everytime I read your articles I remember my fetish for men with a good sense of humor. It’s a good tingle. Also, from now on, instead of doing what Jesus would do, I’ll do what Don Draper would do.
August 15th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
They were in talks (with his Agent) as late as last night. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ They’re acting like they really want to snag this guy in case he gets the Captain America role (which would only boost MM’s ratings even further… smart!).
August 15th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Sounds like a pretty run-of-the-mill steaming pile of garbage to me.
OH W8 I MEAN BOOB BECUZ IM PENIS!LOL BEST SHOW EVER.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:47 am
i agree with justin
August 15th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Your analysis of Draper’s antics was spot-on and cracked me up.
You could add this:
Problem: You crash your new car after a night of debauchery and drinking with a client’s troublesome wife and have to deal with the police.
What You Would Do: Beg for mercy, call your attorney, ask your wife to come get you.
Don’s Solution: Call the former secretary who had an illicit baby (who isn’t yours although she might hope it would have been) and have her come bail you out and pick you up. Have the former secretary host the bitchy client-wife in her apartment while you go home and unapologetically tell your wife it was the high-blood pressure meds. Never mention it again.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:43 am
mad men
breaking bad
nice article btw
August 15th, 2009 at 11:40 am
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best show on television.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:32 am
When I pray every night, I ask Jesus to try to be more like DOB.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Hey, I don’t Don Draper my problems. I Jack Bauer my problems.
Hit on my wife?
Shoot you in the face.
Insult my sponsor?
Shoot you in the face.
Wife kicks me out?
Shoot her in the face.
Someone oozes man-juice over Don Draper?
Shoot them BOTH in the face.
Now, THAT’S conflict resolution. BAUER Style.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I tried watching the show, but was bored to tears with it.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I was convinced long ago, and DOB just reinforced my eternal love for this show.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:09 am
ahahah egad dob, you’re hilarious!
August 15th, 2009 at 10:56 am
yes! this show is amazing. so is breaking bad. that is what makes amc full of win
August 15th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Not convinced. At all.
Good shows: The Wire and Breaking Bad.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
There’s also the fact that the show includes the amazing and supersexy January Jones (yes, that’s her REAL name).
August 15th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Ahh-i don’t believe you-This show sucks and the academy of moving pictures video television vis a vis Arts isn’t going to convince me otherwise.
a bunch of constipated boorish Americans molesting stone age ugly chicks is not interesting, and your dopey article doesn’t convince me otherwise.
You Sir, are a knave-ask that one girl you met on facebook that one time what she really thinks about those completely retarded dresses the dopey harlots wear.
point. set. and match. Praise Lord Bale
August 15th, 2009 at 10:09 am
This whole article could have (some say should have) simply been a photo of Christina Hendricks.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Charles Dickens
Nuclear War
Zeitgeist ZEITGEIST
August 15th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I watch this show religiously. It’s funny, well written and acted. Also love how Don explains away his broken arm…
August 15th, 2009 at 9:39 am
It’s an awesome show, for all the reasons cited, but mostly because it’s not the typical formula so often utilized in most (if not all) TV shows. Oh also because Don is fucking hot.
Joanie’s my favorite character though, wish/hope they spend more time on her storyline this season.
I watch. Oh yes I watch.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:28 am
I get the feeling he copy and pasted whatever it was at the bottom… doesn’t look quite right…
August 15th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Well played, O’Brien. But your pitch for Mad Men would have been more effective if you’d wordlessly fingerblasted the readership.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Mad Men is awesome.
Just another sign that Cracked editors know everything and should just be put in charge of all life as our supreme overlords.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:09 am
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August 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I kind of actually wanted to read what you had to say there at the bottom.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am
God, I love Mad Men. A whole box o’ kudos, DOB.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Mad Men has been the best show on TV for the past 3 years. Well done, DOB
August 15th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Ha! This was an amusing article. I was under the impression that Mad Men was one of the many pop-feminist shows about how unfair everything is for women because, after all, when there’s nothing left to whine about in the present one can always whine about the past! I might give it a watch after this article, but I doubt it’ll be as good as SFU, The Wire or The Sopranos.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Funny dude, I just watched an episode of this like a week ago. And have got the urge to watch it again. Good shit.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:26 am
And thtose last few pics are the closest you’ll ever get to real tits. While REAL cable shows have a barrel load of audible “FUCKS” per hour Mad Men barely utters a “shit” here and there, and there’s as much nudity as any random episode of Days of Our Lives. Mad Men also lacks violence, of ANY type. We can NOT see violence on Sesame Stret for fucks sake.
I love that era, the way that women were treated and so on, but it’s real hard to watch on screen, it’s just not at all appealing, and if these guys were all as hardcore and badass as they’re made out to be you know there would be a lot more whoring and a lot more swearing.
Give me Sopranos, Dexter and Deadwood any day, or better yet try to put Mad Men in the modern era, include at least 5 uses of the word FUCK and at least one decent set of tits per episode.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Because you don’t get to see that much sweet cleavage from CH in the show.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:06 am
There’s only one problem with this… there are no such things as “adorable hippies.”
August 15th, 2009 at 7:36 am
… What?
August 15th, 2009 at 7:34 am
One of the best TV shows ever made
August 15th, 2009 at 7:00 am
TV is for dull, hollow people? i’m not convinced that’s true. Partially because one you define as fun may watch TV, oops, there went dull, anyone with many friends and does a lot of activities may may watch TV, oops, there went hollow. Happy?
August 15th, 2009 at 6:55 am
Meh.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:43 am
@Nikky - yes it has. BBC4 have shown at least two seasons now.
Also, Christina Hendricks!! First encountered her on Firefly…wow, talk about phenomenal.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:39 am
I’m going to be an even bigger idiot and not actually read this article. TV is for dull, hollow people. Except during football season.
Oh, and piss off, Dan. Tests have consistently shown I’m not an idiot.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:29 am
I don’t know why AMC would show TV shows as they are a movie channel but fuck movies, Mad Men is awesome
August 15th, 2009 at 6:28 am
Has Mad Men made it over to this side of the pond yet, coz I’ve never heard of what I’m being told to watch, and now want to watch because I’m a televisual lemming…..
August 15th, 2009 at 6:21 am
Your argument is strong and valid.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:21 am
I guess I know what I’m watching this Sunday.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Did you know that Don Draper was built on a real person. Draper Daniels, a fifties and sixties advertisement executive, who invented the Marlboro Man, but felt bad about it.
I recently read that the way he proposed to his wife, who was his business-partner at the time, and who he wasn’t dating, was by going into her office and proposing a merger between them. Yes, that is what he said. She answered that she wouldn’t consider marriage without at least a years courtship. Daniels took her hand and shook it, saying “Alright. Today counts as day one”. Some time later, they drove past the courthouse, and Daniels said he needed to get a license. She assumed that it was a fishing license or something, until he roped her into getting a marriage license. 15 or so years later, shortly after he died, she found two rolls of quarters in a box. As it turned out, back in the late fifties, Daniels had bet a mutual friend of theirs that within two years, his businesspartner would be his wife, and he won.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:07 am
I haven’t been looking forward to a season premiere this much since ‘98. Mad Men is righteous.
August 15th, 2009 at 6:04 am
this is al gore man. r u super cereal u got fired. wtf. maybe u shuld cry ur 9 month unemplyment by making a thing on south park. AL GORE MAN AWAY *WHOOOOOOOOOSH*
August 15th, 2009 at 6:03 am
I love Mad Men more than I could possibly love a human baby. Thank you DOB.
Coincidentally, as a woman, I’m a little disappointed that the last paragraph was covered by boobies. I wanted to read it.
August 15th, 2009 at 5:46 am
This show kicks ass, I’ve been pumped for season 3 since season 2 ended.
August 15th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Dude, that is like the dumbest show I have ever seen!
RT
http://www.online-anonymity.net.tc
August 15th, 2009 at 5:23 am
This is a strange coincidence, I just started watching this show from season 1, and here I come to Cracked noticing an article about Mad Men, nice going DOB.
August 15th, 2009 at 4:59 am
Why didn’t you do one of these for The Wire?
August 15th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Sold. But I don’t think they have it here.
August 15th, 2009 at 4:41 am
“Now, I don’t normally shill things here on Cracked” Sorry my bullshit meter pinged off the charts
August 14th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I hope Janie kills her creep fiance this season. Don will just come to her in jail and say “you’ll be surprised how much this never happened” and she’ll be back to getting eye-fucked all over the office while she doesn’t take shit, just where she belongs.
Also, what the hell happened to the draper dog? He totally pulled a Tiger Brady on us and vanised into thin air.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:02 am
I see Neil Fifer turned down an offer to be in Mad Men this upcoming season to prepare to play Captain America (good for him)!
August 14th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I’m always so happy that there’s a DOB article on Friday to cap off the week.
August 14th, 2009 at 9:25 am
i love you so very much
August 14th, 2009 at 9:21 am
There’s a plate of nachos in my pants and you’re all invited.
August 14th, 2009 at 8:59 am
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August 14th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Also, why the shit isn’t this column being pimped in the top left corner of the homepage like usual?
August 14th, 2009 at 7:59 am
The only thing I don’t understand about Mad Men is why anyone needs to be TOLD to watch it. Can you fucking believe it hasn’t been guaranteed a Season 4 yet? An armload of Emmys, and AMC is still taking a “wait and see” approach. Un-fucking-believable.
WATCH THIS SHOW ON SUNDAY. It needs you, and more than that, you need IT.
August 14th, 2009 at 6:49 am
I love my weekly DOB article. always dongtacular. (when is spell check going to quit correcting me on that word?) such an addiction. Does anyone know if it’s better to print the article and smoke it, or freebase it and go IV?
August 14th, 2009 at 6:26 am
The fact that DOB has a man crush on Don Draper, on whom I have a real crush, just goes to show that we are perfect for each other.
August 14th, 2009 at 5:13 am
Teehee. Boobs.
August 14th, 2009 at 5:01 am
Holy shit.
I happen to have a mad men episode on my other tab.
Waiting for that Megavideo bullshit to unblock me.
(Spoilers)
So many questions unanswered… Does pete kill himself? Does peggy accept her child? What is to come of Don’s unborn child? Do they stop pretending that black people are invisible?
Only time will tell………
August 14th, 2009 at 4:57 am
I was busy watching Sons of Anarchy, another show that seemly differ from my interest, but was bad as hell.
Looks like I have another show I’m going to play catch up with. After Breaking Bad, that is.
August 14th, 2009 at 4:52 am
I wonder what Charles Dickens and Nuclear War would be doing in the same sentence?
August 14th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Short but awesome. I will consider watching this show.
I really want to know what the last paragraph says. Something about Charles Dickens and zeitgeist. ZEITGEIST!
August 14th, 2009 at 4:32 am
good article DOB still waiting for that twilight book of yours to come out