When I got into work last Thursday, Cracked.com Editor-in-Chief Jack O’Brien gave me a company credit card with a modest amount of cash and instructed me to buy a ticket to Iran. He said it was essential to the site that we be a part of this “monumentally important election” and that I should do it because my “socially degenerative drinking habits” and “frequent bouts of nudity” have made me impossible to be around. He assured me that this election is easily one of the most important events in my lifetime, and that it is my obligation as a journalist to witness this history-making moment.
Anyway I used the money to buy tickets to a porn convention that was happening at the Los Angeles Convention Center.
Erotica LA is a once-a-year convention that celebrates adult film, sex toys, sexual advancements and at least one website that boasts nothing except “EXTREME VAGINA SHAVING.” Basically, Erotica is an appreciation of all things sweaty, heaving and perfect in this world. It’s like a writhing, pulsing beanbag chair of bodily fluids and daddy issues and I love it. I didn’t know it when I walked in the door, but Erotica LA, and specifically the porn stars contained therein, had more to teach me about current events and the future of the entertainment industry as we know it than I ever could have expected.
I don’t know why I didn’t realize it at the time. I guess I must have been distracted by something.
The most effective Red Bull ad I’ve ever seen, even if the can is backwards.
The PornBot caused great conflict in me, as a result of my love of pornography and paralyzing fear of technology.
Porn stars giving free candy. Porn stars giving free candy. Porn stars giving free candy.
These are my people.
Every second, 28, 258 Web surfers are viewing Internet pornography, and “sex” is the most-searched word on the entire Internet. To find out why this might be (and because I’d already eaten my share of free ass-shaped candy, played a porn themed video game and matched wits with the PornBot), I decided to track down some porn stars and do some interviews.
The first person I interviewed was Gianna Michaels who, in addition to being super good at porning, is genuinely one of the sweetest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. If the image of her getting rammed in the back of a van wasn’t already burned into my retinas, I could really see myself settling down and raising a bunch of kids with her.
[Full Disclosure: A) I don't know anything about proper journalism and B) when I asked porn stars for interviews, I guess I didn't actually expect them to say yes. So, when it came time to conduct the actual interviews, I didn't technically have any questions prepared. Still, that didn't in any way stop me from holding a little notebook up to my face to present the illusion that I was reading questions. For the record, this is what I was looking at during our interview:]
DOB: Gianna, thanks very much for meeting with me.
Gianna: No problem. Who did you say you were with?
DOB: Cracked.com!
[Blank stare]
DOB: Cracked….Dot com?
Gianna: OK…
DOB: It’s a comedy website, we’re… It’s not important. Comedy website.
Gianna: OK, sounds fun.
DOB: Alright, now, first… first question….
DOB: [Clearing throat] How… long have you been in this business, and how often do you work? And how long will you plan on staying in the business? That… I’m sorry, that was three questions…
Gianna: I’ve been in the business four years, and I work about three days a week, minimum, but I make my own schedule. It’s really like a freelance business, but a very consistent one. You wake up in the morning and you check and see if there’s any work that day, and you go if you want to go, or you stay home if you want to stay home. I’m going to keep doing this as long as it pays, because I love it. I work three days a week, and I’m making my living just fine.
DOB: (Three days?! Son of a bitch!) Oh, cool, that’s terrific. Moving on, how do you think the Internet’s impacted the adult film industry, as a result of the sudden rise in easily available amateur material as well as multiple websites that provide free, streaming porn?
[This was actually a really cool moment, because it was clear that it was a topic about which Gianna was particularly passionate, I've never seen her so worked up or excited before. Except, you know, in all those videos.]
Gianna: It can be an incredibly destructive force, that’s a good question. It’s really troubling for the industry. More and more studios are going under everyday, they have to close shop. I mean, look at music. We’re facing the same problem that the music industry was facing a few years ago.
DOB: Uh huh.
Gianna: Because, I mean, look at the amount of options people have these days. And sure the Internet’s great, but it just might not be worth it based on all the businesses it’s ruining. It might just completely destroy and break the porn industry. Seriously.
DOB: Get outta town.
Gianna: Because, I mean, look around, there’s fuckin’ a hundred different fuckin’ sites about sex, and they’re all free and they’re all amateur. The viewers, they don’t fuckin’ care where it comes from, they don’t have a fuckin’ obligation to a fuckin’ professional studio, you know? To them, they don’t fuckin’ care. Pussy’s pussy, you know?
DOB: Yes, I do.
Gianna: And there’s a million fuckin’ other options. Fuck, what do you do?
DOB: Yeah… Well, what are you gonna do?
Gianna: Well, this is the time, because here is the reality check: Everyone is going to get free porn. And if people are going to get porn fuckin’ everywhere, you’ve got to give them something special. You build a website, get a more personal experience, give the consumer an extra something, something personalized, some incentive that gets them to follow you and care what happens to you. And some people
will be able to do this, and some won’t, and I guess we’ll just see in a few years who’s fuckin’ still standing.
[Note: If I was a more up-on-my-toes kind of reporter, I'd have quickly said something to the effect of "More like who's standing, still fuckin', am I right?" Instead, I said:]
DOB: Totally. Cool. So, next… Next question, what’s the next step in porn for you, what’s the next… thing you’re gonna do?
Gianna: Make my own website, and take some editing classes and get into editing for adult film.
DOB: Totally. Cool. Final question: It was recently announced that President Barack Obama is going to be rescinding his previous promise to put a cap on salaries for the higher-ups of businesses that have already received bailouts. This abrupt change has certainly turned a few heads. Your thoughts?
Gianna: Well, that’s unfortunate, but I mean, did you know that one of the reasons General Motors lost so much fuckin’ money in the first place, and the reason a lot of people didn’t get bonuses is because they’re spending so fuckin’ much on health care for their employees?
DOB: I…wasn’t…actually…aware, no-
Gianna: I mean they had to cut back on so much because the alternative was they couldn’t give health care to their workers. So it sucks about what Obama did, but the whole thing…(She pauses, searching for the right words.) It’s a Fucked Situation. It’s tough everywhere for everyone. It’s tough all over. No one is having an easy time right now. It’s a Fucked Situation.
[Again, another perfect set up for me to say something charming like "And you know a thing or two about fucked situations, am I right?" Instead...]
DOB: Awesome, that’s awesome. I think… I think that’s about all the questions I had prepared.
DOB: Thanks very much for your time.
Gianna: Oh, no problem… This wasn’t comical at all, by the way.
DOB: Yeah, that’ll happen, with us.
I left Gianna’s booth, still sort of enchanted both by her thorough knowledge of the Internet as well as that filthy filthy mouth of hers when I ran into another porn star, Kiera King, who was also kind enough to meet with me.
You’d think I’d wise up and be more prepared for her interview but my life is nothing if not an infinite series of repeated mistakes and unlearned lessons. Kiera was certainly attentive, but I’m pretty sure she sort of hated me (what are you gonna do?). Technologically speaking, she was a little bit farther along than Gianna in that she already had a website that she had total control over, but what Gianna lacked in tech savviness, she more than made up for in not-hating-me-ness, so I think it’s kind of a tie. A sexy, filthy tie.
DOB: Hey, Kiera, thanks for agreeing to do this interview.
Kiera: Sure thing.
DOB: First question: How long have you been in the industry and often do you work?
Kiera: Just eight months, but I love it. I work about four or five days a week. I danced, stripping, for about a week and then someone said, “Hey, you should do this, you should do movies.”
DOB: Neat. So, I was talking to Gianna Michaels a little bit earlier and she doesn’t seem too optimistic about the future of the industry as a result of the Internet.
[Long pause.]
Kiera: OK.
DOB: Oh, I- Did you have anything to say about… that? Any thoughts?
Kiera: Not really.
DOB: Oh. No, it’s just, Gianna said that it might destroy the industry, so…
Kiera: Well, I’m not going to worry about it.
DOB: [Quietly.] But…Gianna said-
Kiera: Look, the way I see, it, whatever is going to happen with the Internet is going to happen. I can control my website, but not the Internet or the industry, so I’m not going to waste my time worrying about something I have no control over. Why would I waste time on that?
DOB: Gianna said-
Kiera: Like I said, I got into this business eight months ago, the economy was already shit, you know? I’m thriving right now because I’m new, and I’m not used to getting paid what the other girls who’ve been doing this for awhile got paid, so I’m making my website work. I’m in complete control of my website, I’m thriving, I enjoy this and I’m not going to bother about anything else.
[Maybe it was because I was wasting her time --and Kiera was staunchly anti-time-wasting-- or maybe it was because this was a sensitive subject, or maybe she just happened to notice the fact that I clearly didn't have any notes prepared, but this is when I started to get the feeling that Kiera wanted nothing to do with me or this interview. She kept shooting me dirty looks and actively trying to walk away, but she wasn't allowed to leave her booth and I'm incapable of picking up on social cues, so the interview continued. Still, in a horribly misguided attempt to diffuse the situation, I decided to change the subject to something non-Internet-porn-related.]
DOB: Final question, Obama’s decision to close up the Guantanamo Bay Prison has pretty clearly divided the nation. Some worry about known and suspected terrorists ending up on our soil in our prisons, while others applaud the president’s efforts to move the prisoners from such a, let’s say, “less democratic” holding facility to something more in keeping with America’s ideals and character. What, uh… What are your thoughts on that?
Kiera: What?
[I'm the worst fucking interviewer on the planet.]
DOB: The… he wants to close the prison and move them-
Kiera: Move them here? No, that’s a terrible idea. Our prisons are already so overcrowded, the whole penal system is completely screwed up. With overpopulation in prisons already a problem, I can’t see a reason to throw more prisoners in there and close one prison, I just feel like there’s a better way to spend the taxpayer’s money.
[I know much less than porn stars on every single conceivable subject.]
Kiera: Anymore questions?
DOB: Uh…
DOB: No, no I think… I think I’m all set, here, this was great.
Whether it was luck, skill or porn star witchcraft, Gianna and Kiera provided some of the most insightful and important ideas regarding future of online entertainment I’d ever heard. I mean, I think it’s already pretty obvious that the Internet is what it is today almost entirely because of porn–high speed Internet, higher quality videos, streaming sites; it all can be traced back to our overwhelming need for immediate porn. Still, I didn’t realize just how on target Gianna and Kiera were when I interviewed them. You might have missed it the first time around. You know Gianna’s plans for creating specific, personalized incentives for her consumers? The fact that she acknowledges the need for connecting directly with her audience, finding what they want and giving it to them? That’s Niche Marketing and, according to Entrepreneur, that’s exactly how you cultivate, strengthen and profit off of a dedicated following and if, as some have speculated, there’s no way to save television at this point, then this is basically the future. Whether you’re writing a book, promoting a movie or breaking new ground in ass-to-mouth technology, what’s essential in today’s entertainment industry is building a dedicated audience that will follow you.
And just look at those glasses. Look how smart she is.
By meeting with her audience, finding out what they want and giving it to them, Gianna’s not just another Jane Q. Pornstar, she’s actively providing a specific service that people need. She’s creating something new that fills the void as defined by her audience. That, according to lots of smart people, is how you build an audience and develop your brand. She’s not just a standout in the adult film industry, she’s already standing head and shoulders above every existing mainstream studio. While most studios and networks are actively ignoring the Internet’s impact, Gianna’s already learned how to thrive on it by finding what problems her audience has and solving them. That’s what Gianna’s going to be doing while Fox waits around for this whole Internet fad to pass.
“I’m so hot for New Media.”
And Kiera is equally well-equipped for the future. Until we figure out how to make loads and loads of money off the Internet (never gonna happen), people are going to need to be prepared to work for less than the bloated salaries that are currently being thrown around. A lot of executive, fancypants elitist porn stars probably aren’t prepared to make the leap to the Internet because it means a pay cut, which means less money to spend on dick-top hats and vagina monocles. Kiera is new and eager and hungry. She’s ready to work often on a website over which she has total control and she’s willing to do it for less money than porn veterans. When, as Gianna predicts, the studios do collapse, Kiera is going to be one of the ones left standing because of her aggressive work schedule and lean salary.
Just makes you think. We can already credit porn for getting the Internet where it is today. And they’re certainly ahead of the curve when it comes to figuring out and managing the future of the Internet. And they clearly know more than I do about everything, so it just makes you wonder.
Why the hell aren’t porn stars running this country?
This entry was posted on Friday, June 19th, 2009 at 3:00 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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October 24th, 2009 at 5:30 am
In that first picture, Kiera King looks like Peter Kay in drag!
except without the body of a chubby northener…
September 11th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Pretty cool
September 9th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
the detective dog paper was hilarious haha
this is definitely one of my favorite cracked articles
September 8th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Best article I read in a long time!
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:10 am
buddy if i was you id ask her for more then another interview hell ill even volunteer for it
September 1st, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Omg lol, this was prob the most funniest and honest piece of article i ever read, good job man!
keep it up!
August 28th, 2009 at 4:37 am
The most effective Red Bull ad I’ve ever seen, even if the can is backwards. Thats brilliant
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Hey Kiera you don’t have to worry about him making you look bitchy you just come off looking that way naturally.
Keep up the good work DOB…
July 25th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
this is easily one of the greatest articles i’ve read on the site
not the funniest, but still one of the greatest (if not THE greatest)
and yeah kiera it’s a comedy article don’t worry he still painted you as articulate and knowledgeable even if he thought you kinda hated him
July 13th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Are you, by any chance, the person who lived in Ventura, California in 1968? Had a dog named Shadow? Was into art,big time & was also very talented musician.
If you are,e-mail me to catch up on “lost years”, if not, I’m sorry to bug you-your stuff is cool anyway,so I’m glad I got to your site.
Rindy Carroll from Honolulu,Hawaii.
Mahalo.
July 12th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Also, Kiera, it’s a comedy website. If the article had not been written that way, it would’ve just been a straight shit interview that wasn’t very funny.
It was much more hilarious picturing D.O.B. quietly saying “but Gianna said-” and then you curtly interrupt him. Don’t worry, nobody really thinks you’re a bitch, although the sentence “But hey, thanks for making me out to be a bitch ” is kind of bitchy.
July 12th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
This is the best article on this website. I’ve gone through them all, there’s a lot of goodness, but this is the all around best article here.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Hmmm… I def. Dont remember being annoyed or hating u one bit. ? I remember not being able to hear u very well… But hey, thanks for making me out to be a bitch
lol… For sure never gave u dirty looks or was annoyed. My phone got stolen so maybe i was still pissed about that. Sorry i left such a horrible impression… I owe u another interview
July 4th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Detective dog with trench coat and hat already exists. Sam from Sam and Max, the Freelance Police.
July 3rd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I love the fact you put the LMC logo in there.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:13 am
Really wonderful interviews.
June 27th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
When the US automakers were big and not facing any competition, the UAW pushed for more and more handouts from the company until they practically ran the place. When competition loomed, the US automakers were bogged down with legacy costs (created by the unions) and were slow to make changes to their infrastructure (because the unions would resist at every turn). The automakers had to get rid of much of their infrastructure, because they could no longer afford to maintain it, but even with the smaller infrastructure they were overwhelmed by legacy costs that are now bigger than many costs of current operation.
Once again, every industry pays for at least some healthcare costs. Many even pay a lot of healthcare costs. If a company can’t pay its healthcare costs, it’s probably….. wait for it…… A FAILED COMPANY! Paying for a companies healthcare costs actually allows a completely shitty company to survive longer, making it take longer for those resources to make their way to other more productive industries.
June 27th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Ummmm. Actually, GM’s problems don’t exist because “they have to pay for their employees healthcare.” First of all, they don’t have to pay their employees healthcare costs. The UAW extorted them into agreeing to pay for all sorts of healthcare costs when GM was an industrial juggernaut, and now that they actually face competition, and now that they are a much smaller company than they once were (in headcount terms), they are paying for the healthcare of a lot of retirees. Also, those healthcare benefits are ridiculously generous.
Second of all, lots of industries are paying the healthcare costs of their employees. So how can that be the reason for GM’s troubles. Stupid cracked……
June 26th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
W0000!!!1!1111!!! H0t pr0n b1tch3zzzz!!!!11!!1!1!!!
June 26th, 2009 at 10:17 am
citing cracked? what fucking school do you go to and where can I sign up (something tells me you don’t need to worry about applying)?
most professors will be a bump on a log and try to make you use “scholarly resources” that are “peer-reviewed”. Fuck that noise.
pass me the blunt dawg!
June 25th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/candy.jpg
who is this?
June 23rd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I Love YoooOOOOooooouuuuU!
But really, your a bunch of stupid, fake, degrading bitches! I’d rather watch some amateur any day instead of your forced moaning caveman grunts.
June 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Dear lord, this information is pertinent to my thesis, and it’s due on Friday… fucking hell, am I citing Cracked.com? Yes, I believe I am.
June 22nd, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Who’s the chick in the 3rd picture? (2nd one of a girl).
Looks familiar..
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 am
Haha Brilliant…
June 21st, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Actualy Jily, no… we’re not. Go suck start a chainsaw you whorin’ cunt!
June 21st, 2009 at 2:03 am
guys, you are seeking single people for friendship or romantic love? It’s easy for you to meet a single interracial millionaire—–hot4date.bravehost.com/love.htm— thousands of single millionaires here.
June 20th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Dan, you are one LUCKY sonofabitch.
I envy you man.
Nice article. It’s a good thing you included boobs in here, it made it complete.
Good work
June 20th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
She better make more movies or I’m gonna die. Sara stone is gorgeous.
June 20th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Fantastic article, it really made me laugh (a rarity in my cold, sterile world of girl-nerdery). Also, beautifully sculpted tits– who can go wrong?
June 20th, 2009 at 5:07 am
YAY! A hilarious return to form…well done!
June 20th, 2009 at 4:03 am
Gianna Michaels FTW!!!
OH!! DO THIS ARTICLE AGAIN BUT INTERVIEW “Stormy Daniels”
The other guy running is a total douche bag times 10 She’s also really smart as well from my brief research
She’s running for LOUISIANA SENATE!!! I hope she wins!
June 20th, 2009 at 2:23 am
…u fucking shut-ins. It’s not like they tape the implant to the breast outside of their body. ALL tits are ‘real’ … u dumb shits! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=25&sku=E-CD00413 Show these bitches some respect!
June 20th, 2009 at 12:56 am
Two things that made me laugh snort Mountain Dew
“It’s like a writhing, pulsing beanbag chair of bodily fluids and daddy issues and I love it.”
And
“Get Outta town”
Loved it.
June 20th, 2009 at 12:32 am
Nice article, I wish that I believed a single word of it (or any DOB article, really). Although the spambots finally make sense, at long last.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I like the new thinking man’s DOB. I read this stuff and I think, yeah, I’m just a dumbass, but this is like a blueprint on how dumbassery can be used to break through the floor to a new level of insight.
Is Jack a real person? I’ve been having suspicions that he’s not lately.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I lol’d. Very hard.
DOB makes me hot.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Wow, that was like, a real article. Since I first stumbled upon cracked.com I found DOB to be only mildly amusing at times, now I’m a fan.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I expect to see a Detective Dog web-series on my desk by Tuesday.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
pun intended btw lol
June 19th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Gianna Michaels has just earned my respect.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
love me some gianna lol. ‘filthy’ mouth indeed.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
meanwhile, I appreciated the LMC in your ‘notes’ I miss the lunch money criminals
June 19th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Big fan of Gianna…big fan.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
You have no idea how many times I’ve abused myself watching Gianna.
Her cans are REAL, btw.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
During those last weeks, a creeping fear got a hold on me. It seemed like you were … oh my god.. you know, like, going all mature on us. There was some kind of inertia you seemed lost within, dealing with stuff like having opinions on how this whole pop-culture thing was going nowhere or something middle-aged like that.
And then it connected. Your newly acquired adult point of view led you there. And then everything clicked, and you gave us this beautiful, more thoughtful DOB, in direct contact with the world. And it was good. Oh, it was so good. Yeah, like that, oh, yeah. Phew. For a moment I thought we had lost you and Brockway - bless his soul - had forced you into being mild. But nope. You’re back. Rumors of you getting responsible were just slander. Good to see you back. Oh, so, so good, oh, yes.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
This is really well written.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
there’s a lot of nasty fake boob in this piece
June 19th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
“It doesn’t matter you much you praise them, O’brien, they won’t suck your little dick.”
HAHHA now that’s comedy
June 19th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
It doesn’t matter you much you praise them, O’brien, they won’t suck your little dick.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
***B l a c k W h i t e L o v i n g-c O m***
Find yr perfect One
with a Push of a Button
its that easy
June 19th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
As long as they remember: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=9&sku=ENGL-CD00321 Hmmm… now DATS great gravy!!!
June 19th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Daniel is this thing about Gianna Michaels really true? I’m a big fan of her from her first time ever auditions and “Amateur” videos to her good run with the bangbros, and I have always found her to have a nasty aggressive really unpleasant attitude, and here you say she is nice.
So I’m thinking maybe her awful demeanor on camera is only her persona and she is really a nice intelligent, articulate girl and I can actually marry her.
So tell me where you lying about that?
June 19th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
LOL….. Wanna hook up with those 18+ hot models, sexy girls and handsome guys, just join the best and largest tall dating club: http://Tallconnect.com , We bring together tall-dating minded singles from USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Europe and more. Come on, have a try! Join for FREE.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Gianna is smoking. How big did her sweater boulders seem in real life DOB?
June 19th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Loved the article!
June 19th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
ok
this article was awesome and informative
now go back
and find annie cruz and interview her on set
and i will pay a cool 50 for the video
June 19th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
once again, i’m going to strangle my guidance counselor! I’m stuck in an office while you’re talking to hot chicks? and then writing about them or of their words…flw
June 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Hmmm… actual nudity in the background of the pic with kiera! how did anybody not catch that?
June 19th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
One day, Gianna and I will be happily married, and I will be rich from profiting from her sluttitude (it’s a factor of 7, by the way)
June 19th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Nice pictorial.
What was the article about?
June 19th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I wish you would have interviewed me, long time reader first time writer… not really… atleast on the writing park…
nice job.
p.s. that robot was creepy
June 19th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Outstanding DOB!
June 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
I don’t get what’s funny about this? You interviewed some ugly whores and asked them really boring questions.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:44 am
wow, you really are a shitty journalist, but the article came up dongtacular anyways
June 19th, 2009 at 10:35 am
how is this funny? at least it was better than the glenn beck and rape article.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Too bad, he wasn’t able to “interview” Sasha Grey. Now that would have been interesting.
June 19th, 2009 at 10:22 am
lol…really? I found a place that many players are hoo king up with h ot mo dels, seems the club called: http://tallloving.com , do you hear this before?
June 19th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Everything about this was genius. And that includes “vagina monocles”, as well as the whole message behind the article. It’s nice to hear these women saying things other than, “My hobbies are shopping, listening to music, and…” -sighing, clearly been told to say this one- “…getting big black cocks in my pussy” for once.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Middlingly insightful and middlingly funny make for a surprisingly kick-ass article.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:43 am
OH MY GOD.
Yes. That was brilliant.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:40 am
there’s a naked woman in the 5th picture from the bottom
June 19th, 2009 at 9:30 am
dongtacular
June 19th, 2009 at 9:02 am
“Gianna: Well, that’s unfortunate, but I mean, did you know that one of the reasons General Motors lost so much fuckin’ money in the first place, and the reason a lot of people didn’t get bonuses is because they’re spending so fuckin’ much on healthcare for their employees?
DOB: I…wasn’t…actually…aware, no-”
THAT was too funny! Great work as always, Mr. Revolution!!!
June 19th, 2009 at 9:01 am
this is not comedy, it’s like really lazy satire
June 19th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Wow. You had to interview the ugliest fucking women didn’t you?
June 19th, 2009 at 8:26 am
“[Quietly.] But…Gianna said-”
Nice work, DOB. I will now un-hire the assassin I sent to stuff your throat with dicks. (If I can find his number).
June 19th, 2009 at 8:14 am
i couldn’t get past the first interview because i got bored. you can do much better than this. i did like detective dog, however.
June 19th, 2009 at 7:32 am
True words!!
June 19th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Well done article.
“Vagina Monocles” would be a sweet band name.
June 19th, 2009 at 7:14 am
Good article DoB, but I miss the raw, seething hatred of partisan politics spewing into the comments section of a comedy article… Anyone?
June 19th, 2009 at 6:51 am
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN
June 19th, 2009 at 6:41 am
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June 19th, 2009 at 6:37 am
They love their work? That convinced me this whole thing is made up.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:33 am
“And they clearly no [sic] more than I do about everything, so it just makes you wonder.”
Like spelling? Sorry, I still love you DOB
June 19th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Fantastic as usual, DOB
June 19th, 2009 at 6:15 am
@Swaimfan: I don’t think the actors get to write the scripts. I think an autistic monkey does that. So I figure the actors still get a free pass for being intelligent.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:09 am
Yea, this was acceptable DOB.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:57 am
If it the last two questions for both of them weren’t there, I would have actually believed DOB did the interview, nice job.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:53 am
What the FUCK! I thought of vagina monacles in the forums! Oh well. I featured in an article, sweet.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Vagina monocles. I just lost it…
June 19th, 2009 at 5:35 am
So instead of shaking hands did you shake their breasts?
June 19th, 2009 at 5:30 am
This is much better than your last piece.
Good job - still need a little more of your you and Jack content IMHO, but still, way up there.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:30 am
good job - politics and boners.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:24 am
OMG. She is very gorgeous. I was surprised to see her nice profile on a celeb dating site with hot pics and videos. It seems called ____Meet Wea lthy com_____ Was she dating with a rich man? Is she single?
June 19th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Detective Dog kicks ass
June 19th, 2009 at 5:09 am
Wow, for once I actually believe that DOB interviewed some people instead of making it up. Good job
June 19th, 2009 at 5:07 am
‘..money to spend on dick top hats and vagina monocles’
Classic! Simply classic!
June 19th, 2009 at 5:03 am
““sex” is the most-searched word on the entire internet” - This is not correct, the truth is much sadder. Go to google trends and compare “sex” to “facebook”.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Well, don’t forget the torrents, file sharing is another major contributor to developments in high speed internet access.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Woof.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:27 am
So, what you’re telling me is that the “Gianna Michaels for President 2012″ campaign starts here? Well, she’s got my vote!
June 19th, 2009 at 4:23 am
I’d totally back “Gianna 2012″
June 19th, 2009 at 4:17 am
great article, but you need to spell check before posting. we still love you DOB even though we “know” more about everything than you do. we love boys who are cute and dont say anything.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:09 am
Damn you bakerthemarc, i was waiting for 1 month to write first in the comment column and you ruined it.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:08 am
If they’re so smart maybe they could try coming up with a plausible scenario in a film.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:53 am
Another fantastic column Dan. All the best.