The 5 Saddest Things People Do to Look Smart
We're at a point in our society where being smart is becoming more and more valued. Hollywood films are featuring smarter heroes, TV shows try to shame people who are dumber than a fifth grader, we elected a smarter president, etc. Unfortunately, every time something becomes cool, a lot of people are in such a hurry to jump on the bandwagon that they focus on the outer trappings and don't put in the work. In this case, trying really hard to look smart without focusing on learning or thinking.
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Why study when you can just put on some glasses and look at people real serious like?
The biggest problem is that there's a lot of different kinds of smart, and we can't all be good at all of them. Some people just panic and think there's only two groups of people -- the smart and the dumb. The cool and the uncool. These people might be smart in some ways, but they feel like they have to exaggerate those ways and fake being smart in all the other ways in order to not fall into the "dumb" category, which really really terrifies them.
But pulling these stunts just backfires terribly, like when people try to:
#5.
Brandish Academic Credentials
Now, there's an appropriate time to pull out your Ph.D. or your standardized test scores, like when you are applying for a job or a school, or picking someone up at a bar.
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"Hey, do you wash your pants with Windex because I got an 800 on my SAT math section."
There are also hilariously inappropriate times, like during sex, or to prove you are the smartest person in an argument.
Now, maybe this is just me being silly, but I'm pretty sure that you show you are smart in an argument by being correct. Sure, the issue being argued might be murky and debatable, but the facts you use to back up your side can be obviously right or wrong. For example, if you claim that China is not going to stay a dominant economic power because the Chinese economy relies on a barter system where everything is paid for in chopsticks, you are obviously wrong, because we all know things are paid for in fish balls.
Via Benjwong
Yum!
If people pointed out you were literally, factually wrong about China's currency, you probably would back off and be a bit embarrassed, like a normal person, but some people somehow think they can keep up the bluff by pulling out academic credentials. "You may have an encyclopedia showing that China has actual paper currency, but I have a PhD in economics! And I graduated at the top of my class!"
These people are confused about how credentials work. In the real world, we show our GPA, test scores, and degrees to get into a school or a job, and those set up the expectation that we'll do a good job or succeed in the program. But then we actually have to do the job, or the coursework. Once you have fucked up and covered the $100 million genomics lab in burnt peanut butter or something, nobody is going to care about how many letters you have after your name. They are just going to assume you got them by fraud.
You think they would have caught this earlier.
This is exactly the same in everyday life. No matter how many credentials you have showing you were smart in the past, if you are insisting that adamantium is an element on the periodic table or explaining that cats have six legs, you are being visibly and provably stupid in the present. Even if you can convince people you once taught Stephen Hawking everything he knows, they are just going to shake their head sadly and wonder what tragic accident took away your mental faculties since then.
#4.
Brag About Personality Test Results
The average human being isn't flexible enough to fellate themselves. That's why we have personality tests. Myers-Briggs personality test results are horoscopes for people who think they are too smart to fall for horoscopes. The actual test just gives you a set of 4 letters, but additional layers of the system give each type an insultingly flattering label like, "The Mastermind," or "The Champion."
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This could be you!
That's an improvement on traditional horoscopes, where you could end up being a "Cancer," if you're not lucky. But no, every Myers-Briggs personality type sounds awesome and special, which is probably totally unrelated to how popular the Myers-Briggs personality test is.
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Notice nobody ever tells you that seeing a butterfly in an inkblot means you're a misunderstood genius.
Even though every personality type description focuses on how awesome you are, some have special focus on how smart you are, such as the INTJ type:
Often intellectual, they enjoy analysis and complex problem-solving, and are much less comfortable with the illogical and unpredictable nature of other people and their emotions. They may not want to bother with people who they do not perceive to be their intellectual equals. ...the INTJ often has a unique ability to foresee logical outcomes.
This is even more convenient than taking the SAT to show how smart you are because, let's face it, answering personality test questions is not rocket science. You don't need to have a speck of knowledge in any field or discipline, you just need to be able to answer questions while pretending you are Data or Spock from Star Trek.
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"Well, I DO 'easily see the general principle behind specific occurrences'. I bet no one else answered yes to that!"
Aside from the fact that most psychologists feel the test has "the intellectual content of a fortune cookie," you run into the same problems as with academic credentials. Nothing from outside is going to make you look smart if you can't actually be smart in front of people.
#3.
Stack The Deck
If you're insecure about your smartness, then there's nothing more scary than the thought that someone will ask you a question you can't answer. Your nightmares consist of you stuttering, "The number of electoral votes in Michigan? It's... well... uh..." and a blurry, looming crowd saying in slow motion, "I thought you were supposed to be smart..." while you fall backwards into a bottomless pit and wake up screaming.
Via FeelingElephants
It's 17, sleep tight!
These nightmares lead people to do foolish, obnoxious things in an attempt to beat their imagined persecutors to the punch, like prepare the information beforehand and supply it before they're even asked, which you probably know is really, really annoying.
If you've ever been ambushed out of nowhere by someone telling you the number of electoral votes Michigan has, this is probably why. Or if someone has hijacked your conversation about this weekend's movies to enlighten you about how the inner world of women was a running theme in many of Ingmar Bergman's films.
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"Hey, Alan, sorry to interrupt your conference call, but did you know that Nietzsche's statements about the death of God are widely misunderstood?"
Some of their favorite subjects are conspiracy stories and "secrets" that most people won't normally know, usually because they are made-up. Because when you pull a, "Did you know ..." on somebody, nothing's more deflating than "yes," so obscure and non-mainstream is the way to go.
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"Hey, Alan, I just read The Bell Curve and apparently science proves black people are genetically less intelligent."
So you'll get a kid that's just read Atlas Shrugged and thinks they've stumbled on a "I bet you never thought of this" goldmine of ideas to dump on people and dazzle them, not realizing those ideas are on the fringe not because they are obscure but because most people think they are lame. So his idea of impressing someone at a party is to recite a Cliff's Notes version of the book, seeing his ability to remember key quotes and details as evidence that he really gets it (while nobody else does), and not as a sign that he read the book 2 days ago (while nobody else did).
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"Oh, PLEASE. You're completely misinformed about what happens in Chapter 8, Part 1. That clearly takes place in Chapter 8, Part 2."
But you can't stack the deck forever. Someone's eventually going to bring up a book you didn't read two days ago, or possibly at all. But if you're not smart about that particular thing, is it really that big a deal? Can't you just go, "I guess I'm not an expert in politics," and laugh it off, instead of developing stupid nightmares?
Write Cracked articles.
Reply"Did you know that Nietzsche's statements about the death of God are widely misunderstood?"
ReplyOh, I actually said that once in conversation :/
Whoa, #3 is kinda messed up.. I personally like to tell people around me information that may or may not be useful to them. Like sometimes ill come across little interesting facts like George Washington not being the 1st president and tell people so they'll know too and hopefully spread the information, therefore educating the populace . Personally I never asked a teacher how many states are in the U.S. but I was told anyways out of nowhere. Does that mean the teacher is trying to look smart by validating their intelligence to pre-schoolers? NOPE. As a member of society its your responsibility to educate your fellow man. What if the first cave man who invented fire just kept that s**t to himself? He invented the first flame.. but because everyone at his village was talking about mammoth meat and how to survive rock slides hes not supposed to butt in and say, "HEY, lets burn some shit!"?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNot that im particularly dissing on your article, im a blogger myself so i know how you have to just go with the flow sometimes.. Just throwing my un-asked for point of view out there for my fellow man. SPREAD THE KNOWLEDGE!
i doubt knowing george washington wasn't the first president has ever truly helped someone (besides jeopardy, and even then you'd have to know who and why). okay, technically he isn't, but is the first a*****e on a dollar bill or in a school house rock song? nope.
(spoiler: it's really not that interesting anyway. stop being a show off internet tough guy.)
I see you think fire was a man-made invention... Interesting.
Fun fact: George Washington was the first president; snopes, and others, have articles debunking the idea that he wasn't. Also, teachers are paid to tell you things you don't know (analogy: my not wanting you to give me a ride doesn't imply I am against taxis) Finally, your last bit is talking about invention and the spread of novel concepts, this is not the same as going around telling people random bits of trivia for "their benefit". Honestly, I have nothing against sharing neat facts, but it is tedious when it is off subject or clearly for the sharers benefit.
i like takos :)
ReplyMy only beef with "stupid" people is when something is clearly posted in sign form(I work at a convenience store; eg: a machine is out of order, etc), they haven't read the sign. For example, one lady came in and tried to get get an iced mocha. The sign said we were temporarily out, but she kept pushing the button anyway. I even told her it was out, and she said "Oh, I see., and kept pushing the button.
ReplyGah, or people who ask for your advice on something... and then promptly ignore it, and f**k up whatever they were about to do. f**k those people.
I only agree with nos. 3 and 4. #5 is valid since your achievements show how smart you are in an all scale level: past, present and future. Hence credentials ARE NEEDED. You might be intelligent, but you don't have the perseverance to finish school. What's the point in that? And people who are intelligent KNOW WHAT THEY NEED. Most of us (yes, us) know that we need degrees from excellent schools to get better job opportunities. That's because we think for our future, and we try to make wisest decisions. It's a matter of choosing where we should be, and not just enroll in some random school for the sake of 'finishing/having a course.' You can't blame people for attaining good credentials because they have worked hard to get them.
Reply Hide All See All 6 Replies#4, well, bragging is a form of excessive self-esteem so I hate it. #3 if you don't know something, just admit that you don't. A pile of lies just to pretend you actually are knowledgeable about something is dumb.
#2... I don't think you understand how OSM geek stuff are. It's not our fault if these things interest us. And why does these geek stuff only gain the interest of intelligent people and not the dumb ones? Because most of the clever people population have discovered how fun it is TO READ and watch. Most of those who don't know much always saym "I don't actually like reading books because they bore me." Like it or not, that's an obvious flare that signals, "Hey, I'm dumb and I don't appreciate literature." I'm not saying their physically unabled. They can dance but what good is that? Going back, it's not MY fault if I'm interested in Star Trek or Star Wars because both have been made by amazing bunch of people whose imagination surpass those of the masses. And we can't help but appreciate these things at maximum level. It's not an exclusive thing, of course. Not everyone who likes geek stuff are intelligent. Faking it would be sad.
#1, well, it's not because you're intelligent that you should be a show off. It's just that some hate dumb and lowly people. To dislike the masses, or stupid people, is a character trait you can't gain from high IQ. It's something more personal, a moral choice. And duh, villains mostly have high degrees. It just means that if you have vast knowledge about everything, chances are you will want everything else. The higher your IQ, the higher the chances of you joining the Dark Side. Like it or not, not every intelligent person cares about those who have lower intellectual abilities. That is what slavery is all about. It's a bad thing, but it's the truth.
Spoken like a person who took a Cracked article rather personally.
1. Number five is about attempting to make yourself look smart in a situation where you're failing to make yourself look smart by the points you're making. Education does not make you smart, nor does it make you wise, nor does it make you right. In my opinion, it certainly can be (and often is) indicative of those things, but it's irrelevant to a debate. If you have to bring up a degree that's totally unrelated to the topic at hand, and possibly even if it is related, in order to try to "win" the discussion, you're out of real points to make. Facts about a debate make the debate, not facts about the people having the debate.
That's not to imply that a degree or ten is worthless. (That's another debate.) But the only legitimate use of that degree in a debate is to make the better argument. "I have a degree!" is not a better argument.
2. "Like it or not, not every intelligent person cares about those who have lower intellectual abilities. That is what slavery is all about." I'm going to let the astounding implications of that statement slide, and simply point out Aesop, George Washington Carver, and Spartacus. Slavery's got nothing to do with brains, and probably not even sociopathy. It's purest greed, an issue of only conscience, and a master requires no more brains than their slave.
Now, by all means, tell me I'm wrong because you went to MIT.
Hey Ethan, how's the view up there on your high horse?
Ethan, your argument for #1 is complete bullshit, especially the slavery part. Slavery is all about taking advantage of people in a worse position than you, and never allowing them to escape their position. It's not about making the stupid people work for the smart ones. Also, you're kind of implying that everybody who IS smart, totally has each other's backs. Right. I must have skipped history class when they went over all that.
A degree simply shows you passed the courses needed to get the degree, and is quite useless if you're still an idiot in real life. To the person who made the "high horse" comment, I say "indeed".
Oh, and I almost forgot my initial response to your overblown smug post.... REALLY??
ooh, looks like Christina really hit a nerve, eh?
Oh, and also. I find it interesting how you criticize the people reading up on obscure or surprising facts, since that's what half of Cracked's lists are. XD
ReplyAh. Myers-Briggs. We took that in my (high school) psychology class. I was kind of disappointed with how firmly my teachers believed in it, but they believed the tongue-map and verbal/auditory/kinesthetic stuff too. Not that I feel like looking those up to be certain they're not true, but they didn't leave any room for doubt...
ReplyAnyhoo, if I remember right, your Myers-Briggs results actually vary based on the days that you take it, so it's hardly a personality-type test...
"...whales are not in fact fish, but mamm-" Mamm- what? Mamm- WHAT?
ReplyMammaries.
Totally irrelevant, but I f*****g love your username.
PS. China's economy is going down since China is run by chinamen. Little yellow rats with peoplelike smurfsized bodies. They smell like piss. Yellows, ay?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesDon't look now, but I think someone just put peepee in your Coke.
Troll harder.
THIS WAS JUST A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT YOU ALL PASSED!
Every article made by you, Christina, is boring as fuck. By the way, go find just one philosopher that likes anything as much as philosophy and I will suck your mandick. Since I never lie and since I wont suck your dick no matter how the world possibly turns out, no philosopher likes anything as much as philosophy. Especially not go-carding. That entails great risk of bodily harm. Not that a philosopher is a philosomatos. Quite the opposite. But a hurt body distracts as much as a vulgar one. Also, f**k you. Twiligt SUCKS f*****g donkey dick. Some might cry about it because they want love. Others because they hate donkey dick. f**k YOU. f**k YOU MAN. Boring bitch. Ps. I have a Ph.D. so don't even try me.
Reply Hide All See All 10 RepliesYou might want to lay off the caffeine for a little while...
or the cocaine....
Way to make Christina's point Troll.
Yeah, he totally just pissed on his own shoe.
congrats on the Ph.D. it makes you look super smart while typing obscenities
What a train wreck of an angry comment. I'm sure this fits under at least 3 of the 10 categories Seanbaby wrote about.
Player-haters degree?
If you don't like Christina's articles, why do you presumably keep coming back to read more of them? Why waste your time reading something you don't enjoy? Also, curious: you hold a Ph.D. in what, exactly?
Why don't the Cracked forums have a "Report" button? This guy needs a good banning.
guys
guys chill
he's trolling
do not feed the trolls
Wow, this is the second time that Christina has brought up "The Bell Curve" in a negative light. The Bell Curve doesn't actually argue that blacks are dumber than whites or anything as blunt as that. The point is that certain races tend to have slightly lower IQs than others. That doesn't mean that they are less effective human beings or anything, or that you should judge somebody by their skin color. After all, there is a pretty good chance that a white person could be talking to a black person who has a much higher IQ than they do, so simply bragging about your race based on average IQ store is the dumbest action of all.
ReplyIn reality, "The Bell Curve" was more about class than race, and low income people tend to reproduce with other lower class individuals, who are disproportionately likely to have lower IQs. It is the existence of some races in the lower classes due to factors such as racism, culture, dependence, etc that leads them to having a slightly lower average IQ in the aggregate. It isn't inherently about the racial genetics, but the social paradigm that these individuals exist in that guides their mating habits.
Christina earlier implied that "The Bell Curve" was "debunked," (as if it were a hoax or something...) and indeed there has been more recent research that challenges that of the book, but newer, wider studies have also supported the book's conclusions as well. The science isn't really settled on the matter of race, class, and intelligence.
I'd also point out the fact that even if some races were slightly less intelligent, in terms of IQ, that doesn't mean that they are "worse." Everyone has interesting talents and insights to offer, even the less intelligent. Would the great accomplishments and contributions of great thinkers and cultural icons be less meaningful if you found out that their race was disproportionately less intelligent than another? Of course not! Even if they specifically had a low IQ, would their accomplishments be any less meaningful?
Also, a slight difference in average IQ could easily reverse itself in a generation or two.
I like the idea behind this article, but I think you misunderstand the meaning of being "smart" Intelligence isn't something you can gain or lose based on self awareness -- it's an inherent trait, and works kind of like a bowl. Education, on the other hand, works like water. If you have a large bowl but don't fill it with water, it's just as useless as having no bowl at all. On the other hand, a person with a small bowl who fills it to the brim with water is much better off.
ReplyAbridged version: Intelligence =/= Education.
It's a Christina H. article, man Don't expect anything more than uneducated assumptions, anecdotal 'evidence' and sweeping generalisations based on one or two personal analyses.
Well, as I have a Bachelor of Business, I can tell you that all the points in this article are wrong... :P.
ReplyI really hate when someone calls another stupid because of their ignorance. If they are using an incorrect point to back up their incorrect statement, fair enough. I see far too much "You didn't know *name* was British? You must be a moron!!!" bullshit.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesUnfortunately, a lot of people confuse stupidity and ignorance.
So they're ignorant of the difference between stupidity and ignorance then...
Wow, how stupid are these people?
Haha, you guys are all so dumb that you were tricked into commenting on this article. Only an idiot would comment on this article that is so clearly meant to cater to dumb people. Now, I'm gonna go back to festering in my own intelligence and just pretend that I never had to read a word from any of you "smart" people.
ReplyI see 'over-exaggerate' being used much more often than just plain 'exaggerate' these days. It's occasionally appropriate, but wouldn't the latter have sufficed?
ReplyAnd yes, I did try to think of a less pretentious-sounding way of saying that, but had trouble, then decided against it. f**k trying to sound dumber, it's the same principle right?
I've always been considered "smart" but I have never really had the urge to do any of these things. The trick is to stay humble and grounded so I get rip-roaringly drunk regularly and do "dumber" s**t then most haha. While I was still in school, I took a lot of advanced classes and I watched this list on a hilarious daily basis.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNice explainabrag.
Yeah I invented pyrotechnology, mathematically deducted shape shifting of fire, time traveled eons back to period when fire was being created and changed its usual purple color to golden yellow
AND I do dumb s**t like sacrificing self-advertising douches to appease fire god just so people don't call me 'smart'
Good word, dude. Can I use that sometime?
You forgot wearing non-prescription glasses.
ReplyNo no, SMART, not HIPSTER.
this is pretty true. everyone likes to think they're smart. f**k who cares, its like an endless cycle of bullshit. i could care less if im smart or not. as long as im happy, with what im doing and am making logical desicions then im cool.
Reply