Hey, Michael, thanks for sending over these storyboards, we’re super psyched to have you on board for The Great Gatsby. We did have a couple of issues. Nothing major, just some… Well, let’s just get right into it.
OPENING SCENE
Really spectacular opening. I suppose the original might be a tad dated, at this point. Now, instead of Gatsby and Daisy being separated from the general population by their considerable wealth, they’ll be separated as a byproduct of them being the only property owners in an apocalyptic desert wasteland. And instead of having that fancy, eye-catching car, it looks like Tom will own a rocket-equipped school bus, which is equally memorable. Really great stuff.
MEETING DAISY
OK, this is really interesting. I get that you’re trying to make Daisy seem like the most desirable woman ever, to justify the lengths to which Gatsby goes to win her affection, it just seems like you may be taking it a little too far. I worry because you’ve made Daisy such a strong, independent woman, it makes me wonder why she would need Tom to begin with. Also, is Tom Buchanan in this movie? He’s kind of a pretty big part of the book. I noticed that Daisy has a robot named “Tom-E.” That can’t be Tom, right?
Also, just for future reference, you don’t… you don’t really need a word bubble and dialogue. I get it, I see that Nick is very impressed.
GATSBY’S PARTY
This is in conflict both with the book and the wasteland you’ve already set up, so I think you might need to change everything. Also, am I reading this right? Is Linkin Park playing in the background of a scene that already has different music playing? Should I assume there are two simultaneous soundtracks in this movie and that one of them is always Linkin Park? I can’t imagine that working. Also worried about MC Baha Men for a number of reasons.
MEETING GATSBY
It’s going to be tough to get fans of the book and representatives of the Fitzgerald estate behind the idea of putting robots in this movie. And it’ll also be hard just getting your average, general audience-member behind the idea of introducing robots out of nowhere 40 minutes into what is either an apocalyptic party film or a romantic tale about obsession and class wars. I’m not doubting your abilities (loved Transformers), I’m just suggesting that you might want to either introduce the robots earlier and explain their presence, or not introduce them at all. I’m leaning towards the second one, but you’re the hottest director in town right now, so it’s your call I guess.
SUIT UP
Why? Why does he call it that? It’s almost like you just scanned the book for words you thought were neat and added them into the screenplay. Oh, actually, speaking of which, is there a screenplay we can take a look at, or do you just sort of only work in pictures and boom noises? And, this might be nitpicking, but “it was the best of times” is from A Tale of Two Cities, not The Great Gatsby. Do you think that all books are the same book?
MEETING WOLFSHEIM
Please let me send you a copy of this book. Please please let me do that, I think it could really help the story. And you, it could help you with basic literacy.
Are you in this movie now? I thought this was just a typo or you including your own notes or something, but the next I’ll say 60 pages or so have some pretty aggressive sexual stuff between you and Daisy…
THE DOCTOR’S EYES
A few things.
1.) These are clearly stills from Transformers.
2.) Telling me you can’t wait until I see something isn’t exactly helpful.
3.) Why is MC Baha Men back? Subquestion: Have you ever met a black person?
4.) Is that a typo, or does Gatsby only speak in explosions now?
THE FINAL BATTLE
You’re mixing Atlas Shrugged, Star Wars, a Gatorade commercial and down syndrome all together in one jumbled, miserable final scene and, frankly, it’s condescending and a little insulting. Do you want Shia AND Ben Affleck to play Nick? Also, you’re thinking of the wrong “Jordan,” by the way, you have to… you have to read the whole name. And, reading on to the epilogue, you’ve got it so that Gatsby saves the day and lives, Tom-E learns how to love, MC Baha Men gets arrested and Daisy, who you’ve renamed “Meganfoxatron,” ends up marrying you, which is offensive on all levels to anyone who is even vaguely aware of not just The Great Gatsby, but of books in general and basic plot structure. Really, anyone with even a cursory understanding of the difference between film and real life will be horrified when they see what you’ve done.
We’ll give you $280 billion to make this movie by next summer.
This entry was posted on Friday, June 26th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under michael bay. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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October 28th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Someone named ryan used this computer. I have to find out who he is, and why he left his name in.
Also, dongs.
October 18th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
HELP!! I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING!!
Choking…on my own saliva…slowly…gasping for breath!
You win the Internet, sir.
The meaning of life has been discovered.
October 12th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
fucking greatest thing I have ever read
October 3rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
“Is that a typo, or does Gatsby only speak in explosions now?” My coworkers think I’m high because I’m laughing so hard right now….perfect.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:30 am
This is like…It’s like you took all of the jokes in the world, and performed science on them until you finally distilled out a single drop of pure FUNNY, and made an article out of it. It’s so awesome.
September 26th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
i almost threw up.
a lot.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
DOB, you’ve set a new record. This is the first thing ever written on Cracked which has ever made my husband laugh. Bravo, sir, bravo.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I laughed so hard just now that I nearly choked to death on this tasty hazelnut chocolate bar I’m eating. DOB, you should start putting a disclaimer to not eat while reading your articles. Or else put a link to some Heimlich maneuver page at the beginning of each article.
Well done!
August 31st, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Oh my fuck.. I laughed so hard!
August 26th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
hey i just wanted to introduce myself
August 14th, 2009 at 1:47 am
Не сочтите за наглость, позвольте поинтересоваться
Есть такой вебсайт http://www.mydatelove.com
Вот думаю кроме советов и статей добавить туда реальный сервис знакомств
August 1st, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Well played. Take that Michael Bay, you boner exploder you.
July 31st, 2009 at 11:36 am
The final battle scene up there reminds me a lot of the last Chaos Dunk in “Charles Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden.” Just saying. Anyone else notice that?
July 29th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I nearly choked to death reading this… awesome!
July 29th, 2009 at 10:32 am
i can’t read.
July 20th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Hey, I read the Great Gatsby last week and am now working my way through Atlas Shrugged!!! This is an AWESOME coincidence!!!
July 17th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
This is seriously the best blog post I’ve ever read. Between the food stamps, Linkin Park, titties, and boner explosion, I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard.
fancy!
July 17th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
This is awesome, It really picked me up from a shitty day.
Daaammmnnn!!!
July 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Oh god.
“offensive on all levels” doesn’t even begin to cover how awful this would be.
I laughed, but it was tinged with fear - the fear that your predictions may one day come true.
July 13th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
$280 billion might be a bit low if you want tits in the Jordan space boner finale. I wouldn’t want you to have to sacrifice your artistic integrity.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
This was amazing. You are a genius, DOB
July 8th, 2009 at 12:44 am
nice, how did you get the first draft screenplay for revenge of the fallen?
July 7th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Really funny. I can’t stop laughing,
July 7th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
oh my god this is HILARIOUS
July 7th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Very very funny. I hope Daniel O’Brien is managing to actually make money writing this stuff.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Hilarious!
July 7th, 2009 at 10:34 am
freaking hilarious, i changed my undies twice reading this
best part: “She has all the titties, its so awesome”
that all being said, i enjoy michael bays movies. sometimes you just need explosions, robots, linkin park and of course, titties.
whew… im still laughing. good stuff, good good stuff
July 4th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
[...] Cranleighs now, and the Doctor gets roped into playing cricket as scenes from The Great Gatsby (not the Michael Bay version), unfold around us, including intense questioning of Nyssa as to how it’s possible she looks [...]
July 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am
[...] Nick’s character development aside, The Great Gatsby is a fantastic book. It’s a short read, and if you haven’t read it you can easily finish it in an afternoon. Since much of the book actually takes place around the fourth of July and throughout the summer, I would urge you to consider reading it on a lazy summer Saturday afternoon. It’s not as stuffy or “intellectual” as you might think. There’s drugs, sex, controversy, murder, and all the things that would get it an R rating if Michael Bay turned it into a movie. [...]
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
The ending is amazing. The pictures are perfect.
BONER!
I cracked up.
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 am
I like it
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
The first one is absolutely fucking epic. This whole thing takes a massive drop in quality after it, if only because it’s the best thing I’ve read all day.
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Oh wow! Yeah, thank you for that. I cried I was laughing so hard. That is scary accurate.
July 2nd, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Oh yea will smith is totally white i kno from his dick size.
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:14 pm
this is better than anything bay’s minions could dream up, to be honest.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I just wish this was less spot-on. It puts me in mind of a satire someone wrote years ago called, “Walt Disney’s MacBeth”, with Johanathan Taylor Thomas as the title character, complete with a talking horse named Mac.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Michael Bay makes movies? I thought they were awkward two hour music videos.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I have never laughed so hard at anything on the internet. Brilliant brilliant brilliant. Thank you.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Even my mom thought this was funny. Even my little brother thought this was funny, and he thinks all books are the same book. (more literary articles, please?)
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
This is actually one of the funniest blogs i have EVER seen. Wow… just wow… “Do you think that all books are the same book?”
MEGANFOXATRON… I will forever think that when I hear about her in the media now.
Also, from now on I will do my best to only talk in explosions and boobs…
Gold. Keep it up.
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Can Michael Bay make a movie of A Tale of Two Cities, please?
It could be, like, the French Revolution, but in an apocolyptic future, with robots. Megan Fox can play Lucie Manette, and she can blast her father out of the Bastille with tons of explosives! Robespierre can be a giant, transforming guillotine robot: Robo-pierre.
Also Jane Eyre. The possibilities are limitless, really.
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:20 am
That was absolutely hilarious. I especially love the piece with Linkin Park everywhere….”Hey man got any Linkin Park”…that was gold!
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:07 am
hahah that was great. Though I should haved waited until I wasn’t at work in my cubicle surrounded by the quietest people I have ever known.
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:31 am
They should make this movie.
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:13 am
LOL
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 am
[...] Storyboards from Michael Bay’s The Great Gatsby [...]
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 am
my fried recommented me an interesting palce ____SugarDaddyChat.com____it is the best dating site for sexy beautiful women and rich man!
July 1st, 2009 at 6:28 pm
The internet overuses the word “epic” to a tragic and sad extent.
But this. was. EPIC.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:47 am
LOL MC Baha Men is genius. I laughed the througout the entire thing, its freaking hilarious.
July 1st, 2009 at 5:27 am
Very funny and accurate.
I have a theory that there is no Michael Bay – He is in reality a Focus Group of 12 year old boy’s polled (haha there’s 2 ‘L’s) about what they want from movies that’s why there is no narrative or cohesion.
July 1st, 2009 at 3:52 am
I can’t decide which is sadder, that Michael Bay is still allowed to make “movies” (well… He calls them “movies”…) or that people are basically making him insanely rich out of it.
I guess I should make my own movie… It doesn’t have to make any sense apparently, just include a lot of explosions and tits.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Good lord, the man who writes these articles is practically insane.
But, then, what is a delicious bit of comedy without a healthy sprinkling of insanity? It’s not the lame joke around the cafeteria table that makes kids laugh. It’s the milk spraying out of the braying jokester’s nose.
Cheers, DOB. Your work is fantastic.
Buzz.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
So the analogous scene of the one chick getting hit by a car would be…
Megan Fox having a robot three-way with Megatron and Optimus Prime in which they reconcile their differences for a few hours? I’d buy it.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Michael Bay: “Yeah, this is the best”.
That is the best line in this whole article.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:24 am
I’ve read The Great Gatsby, but I can’t remember anything about it really. I assume this is an accurate portrayal of it.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:52 am
[...] read this the other day and had some serious lulz going… Storyboards from Michael Bay’s The Great Gatsby | Cracked.com __________________ http://cvhc09.blogspot.com/ DAN COLE WITNESSED THE RAPING OF A 15 YEAR OLD [...]
June 30th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Almost forgot to breathe I was laughing so much. This is sublime.
June 30th, 2009 at 5:59 am
I really need to stop reading your articles in the library; I think I’ve managed to piss off even the people who aren’t at least pretending to study.
June 30th, 2009 at 5:54 am
[...] Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has arrived in theaters, and to no one’s surprise, Michael Bay has stayed true to form and given us a loud, action-packed summer blockbuster. Also to no one’s surprise, critics have savaged his latest work: the Rotten Tomatoes aggregated review score comes in at a meager 20%. And again, to no one’s surprise, the idiot savants of the blogosphere have, as if by reflex, piled on the Bay hate and lampooned his heavy handed filmmaking techniques and lack of sophistication. [...]
June 29th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
I just now realized that was Shia eating the banana at the end.
There I go again, losing control of my bowels to laughter.
June 29th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Amazing. Simply astonishing.
I’m wracking my brain to think if there’s a better depiction of a Michael Bay plot, and this is second to none.
Bravo. Hilarious is an understatement.
June 29th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
seconded.
June 29th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I must say that I am about to die from coughing… from laughing too much. Thanks for raping my funnybone, and sending me into raucous peals of laughter. I haven’t even seen either Transformers Movie. (Well, I saw the one with Ultra Magnus, but I don’t think that one counts.) Still, this is one of the funnies things I have read in quite a while. And in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, “It’s funny ’cause it’s true!” Surf Wisely.
June 29th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
So whens the release date….
June 29th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Dan, I’m crying as I write this. I can’t stop laughing. I think I love you.
June 29th, 2009 at 7:59 am
[...] book and representatives of the Fitzgerald estate behind the idea of putting robots in this movie.” Storyboards from Michael Bay’s The Great Gatsby. Via Czeltic [...]
June 29th, 2009 at 7:31 am
[...] Storyboards from Michael Bay’s The Great Gatsby. [...]
June 29th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Captain America Actor named! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ SWEET!!!
June 28th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
I’m not entirely sure what happened, but family members asked if i was smoking drugs after reading this article, they found me on the floor, staring into space amidst spurts of laughter.
June 28th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
o’brien… jesus man… this is the funniest thing i’ve read in the history of the internet. i have tears in my eyes, just a little bit. i aspire to someday be as great as you. that is all
June 28th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
That was so, so hilarious.
June 28th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Space Wargy. Genius.
June 28th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I saw Transformers 2 last night, and now I pretty much hate Michael Bay.
June 28th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Much better than anything by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
June 28th, 2009 at 10:20 am
I think this is the best article you’ve done so far. Honestly, the pictures showcase how mentally retarded Bay is (BONER! was the most awesome one) and the ending was magnificent and unexpected.
June 28th, 2009 at 10:19 am
As soon as I saw the picture of Mayor Wolfsheim, I started laughing. I didn’t stop for a minute and a half.
Great article.
June 28th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Бесподобный топик, мне интересно ))))
June 28th, 2009 at 7:52 am
This is the best article you have ever written for this site.
June 28th, 2009 at 6:32 am
who is john galt? is it in you?
lololololololololololol
I hope michael bay reads this and his head explodes as his final most epic explosion
June 28th, 2009 at 6:28 am
Вы допускаете ошибку. Предлагаю это обсудить. Пишите мне в PM, пообщаемся.
June 27th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
So…. much… win….
June 27th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
By the time that I got to Gatsby speaking in explosions, I was laughing too hard to continue. And then the end - comedy gold. Honestly, that was great. It pretty much perfectly sums up his formula, with the exception of the insertion of some ridiculously inappropriate comic relief character that sticks around ’til the end of the movie.
June 27th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Ha! Good job (as always)!
June 27th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Good old Cracked stuff. Good to be laughing! More fun videos that I recommend! “Week’s Most Hilarious Videos” http://www.tv1.com/playlists/454
June 27th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Gatsby speaking in explosions? Awesome.
Actually seeing how black people in Bay people actually do talk like that? Scary
Making fun of Michael Bay never gets old.
June 27th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I just about died laughing at the part about Wolfsheim. Also, throwing in “Who is John Galt?” was priceless. The Jordan reference was also appreciated. Love this article.
June 27th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
So is your Mother’s stinky twat. And you don’t hear us bitching about it… fucker!
June 27th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Well, it’s already more interesting and thought-provoking than the book…
June 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Oh god. I love this. I actually love this.
The Atlas Shrugged reference is pure fucking gold.
June 27th, 2009 at 11:36 am
this michael bay stuff is getting kinda old…
June 27th, 2009 at 9:33 am
I really appreciate this. It’s about damn time somebody combined great literature and Michael Bay.
June 27th, 2009 at 6:39 am
WANNA meet your classy half?
you can log on __ClassyMingle.com__ many nice and single people you will meet. Do not miss the love in your lifetime
June 27th, 2009 at 6:19 am
So much there to love; speaking in explosions, the two songs playing, that close-up of the wolf.
I sorta love you Dan O Brien.
June 27th, 2009 at 5:06 am
Beyes movies have degenerated to the point that if you have seen the trailer, you have seen the movie.
June 27th, 2009 at 3:40 am
i argue for the fact that changing the actor playing the main character half way/two thirds through the film wouldn’t make a difference.
With all the “boom. breasts” talk i’m sure the key demographic wouldn’t mind.
hell, you could change it to a talking dog. or just another giant pair of boobs.
BAM. Oscar.
June 27th, 2009 at 3:22 am
cool storyboard
June 27th, 2009 at 1:52 am
I hope this does such good opening weekend business that they immediately greenlight “Meganfoxatron - Origins”.
June 27th, 2009 at 1:07 am
The sad part is that, within a certain exception level, it’s a depressingly realistic reading on the context of his movies. Up until the “suit up” section, I don’t even think there is ANY exaggeration for comedy’s sake on your part whatsoever. That is, in fact, completely, horrifyingly believable.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
The worst part is I couldn’t possibly resist watching it.
June 26th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Cue Linkin Park Song: Crawling in my skiiiiiiiiin…
Badunkadunk!
June 26th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I would watch the fuck out of this movie. In a heartbeat. Like, no joke.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I believe this is a statement about mankind and the future of the human race.
…
I don’t really know what that statement is yet, but I have to meditate on this subject for 30 years in the mountains before I can make a decision. brb
June 26th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
lol that was amazing. Michael Bay has no idea what he’s doing and you captured his random tangents and jumping around perfectly. His movies have no continuity and he seems to set world records for the longest and biggest explosion scenes in each subsequent film for absolutely no reason at all.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Yeah, well, that’s just, like… your opinion, man.
Seriously though, the analogy is based on wide-spread rationalizations like “it’s okay that it’s dumb; it’s just a movie” and “pussy is pussy”. These ideas are wholly unsubstantiated and, certainly to varying degrees, harmful. Sure, rape is awful, but still, the Wayans brothers just put out ANOTHER “- Movie” movie!! You still don’t see the connection?
June 26th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
KanyonKreist, that was a terrible analogy.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
The people who say Michael Bay’s movies are “fun” are the same people who jerk off to a rape scene if it’s Halle Berry being raped. They even use the same excuse to defend both: “it’s just a movie.”
June 26th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Haha Nick and Daisy are cousins!!!
Funny
Haha, but good otherwise
June 26th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
DOB this is genius.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
i love michael bays movies, since there is no problem with guitars, explosions, and tits.
And anyone who does not agree with me is a robot.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
His movies aren’t fun. They’re loud, annoying, and damn far from awesome. I can enjoy a film for lacking artistic merit as long as it’s fun or entertaining (I’ve seen more Arnold Schwarzenegger action flicks from the 80’s and 90’s than any sane person has), but I simply don’t enjoy Bay’s work. His stuff is trite (among other words), and the Transformers film series has encouraged me to hate the Transformers franchise more than ever. I didn’t like it when I was a kid, and I flat-out hate it now.
Fuck Transformers!
June 26th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
His movies are fun. Seriously. They’re not art, but they’re fucking awesome. So, seriously. Stop bitching about it.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
This is one of the funniest articles I’ve seen on Cracked. Top dollar work here!
June 26th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
“Titties: Everywhere”
June 26th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Meganfoxatron would be the greatest addition to existence, EVER!
June 26th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I’m going to have to agree with Jomba on this one- I chuckled a couple of places, but when you point out in a way over-obvious fashion what was already funny in picture form, it just sort of kills the humor. Still, above average article.
June 26th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Funniest thing I’ve seen in at least a month. Gatsby speaking in explosions caught me totally off guard. That made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breath for half a minute, damn you. Plus, Megan having “all the titties,” man, that’s some funny s***. Also, is that explosion in the middle frame of the Final Battle storyboard really in the shape of an extended middle finger? If it is, awesome.
June 26th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Great work and a great story
June 26th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I would pay good money to see this film. I love lots of ’splosions!
Funny article, however I feel some strange need to defend Michael Bay. He makes fun entertaining summer movies and he’s good at it. Transformers, Armageddon, Bad Boys…these are sweet movies dammit! Who cares if they aren’t profound, intellectual films? Not me.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Dugan, blockbusters are easy. What takes talent is writing movies with actual plotlines that can’t be entirely summed up by multiple exclamation points.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
This is by far the funniest damn thing I have ever read on the site. Well done, old sport, well done.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Hey everyone, Dugan has a shitty taste in movies
June 26th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Outstanding work, sir.
@Megan Fox: Will Smith is not a black person.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Wow, sure is a lot of superiority complex going on in here. I’d like to see you make a movie that makes $160+ million in it’s opening weekend. Michael Bay is just giving people what they want.
and that happens to be pointless action movies with big toys.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
There’s people out there that actually enjoy “The Great Gatsby”?
June 26th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
This is one of the most clever and one of the most funny things I’ve ever read. Amazing, just perfect, the whole “Jordan” mix-up had me laughing out loud, The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Lol, this is hilarious! I hope Bay doesn’t touch Gatsby, but if he does, i hope it turns out a little something like this just so Cracked can say, “i told you so.”
Someone spent some serious time on this storyboard and it was worth every minute of it!
June 26th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I’m spectacularly worried that they actually gave The Great Gatsby to Michael Bay now.
June 26th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
DOB, i have one thing to say to you:
daaaaaaaaammmmnnn!!!
June 26th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@TricellAgent, bc Michael Bay should not direct movies
June 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
@ T Walsh
Is he conservative? Ooooh…that makes sense.
June 26th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@TricellAgent For the same reason Tim Burton can’t make a warm and fuzzy movie without dark and sinister elements. Seriously, the opening credits to Willy Wonka seemed like it was less about one child’s good nature succeeding where selfishness and lies could not, and more about Wonka’s Death Factory (the secret ingredient is people*!).
*I am aware that this joke was made in both Epic Movie and the trailer (actual movie?) Gobstopper, and can also be considered a Soylent Green reference.
June 26th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
BONER!
June 26th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Pff, you don’t need profound when you have tits and explosions.
June 26th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
thats just effing priceless.
June 26th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Why can’t Michael Bay make a deep, meaningful story for a movie without a huge explosion in the foreground? Is he hiding his pyromaniacal tendancies within action films? Does he have ADHD or something similar? Is he functionally retarded? No one seems to have an answer for me! WHY? I NEED TO KNOW WHY IN GOD’S NAME CAN’T HE MAKE A PROFOUND PIECE?! WHY, MICHAEL, WHY?!?!
June 26th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Michael Bay’s crimes against cinema never get old. Plus, this article was hilarious in and of itself. Good job. The producer’s reactions were ace.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Damn, that was funny.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Really great article, And I really like Michael Bay’s view on The Great Gatsby….they should give him 300 billion too add some more explosions in the beggining
June 26th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
TL;DR…………… Just kidding Dan, this was funny as hell.
@ Michael Bay, that’s great I like titties too , but around here we call them Boobs.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Space Wargy of 2012! Somebody need to make that a movie.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
The only way that god-awful book could be interesting. I still don’t understand how that book was BORING.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Ok, I get it. You dont like Michael Bay movies. But this is just getting boring. Every article about him is the same “Titties and explosions! woo he’s stupid!” Yes, I know that is what his movies revolve around, but they are supposed to be retarded, campy summer movies. Not great intellectual masterpieces.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Between spasms of uncontrollable laughter, I could only succsessfully insert three letters into the comment box.
lol.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
[...] Storyboards from Michael Bay’s The Great Gatsby Tags: Michael Bay, The Great Gatsby [...]
June 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
[...] Storyboards from Michael Bay’s “The Great Gatsby” [...]
June 26th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Jesus Christ, how many Michael Bay articles does cracked have to do before they realize they are beating a dead horse with a frozen piece of poop? Oh wait, DOB wrote it…
June 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Wow! Reading this made me EXPLODE in my pants! I like titties!
June 26th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Ha ha. You guys jest, but this reminds me a lot of the trailer for Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes.
June 26th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I put the Gat in Gatsby, MOTHERFUCKER!
Ha. DOB in peak form.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Is Michael Bay a conservative media figure?
Really?
I don’t know how you define conservative in America, but if making movies that revolve around titties and bouncing titties of girls running, and a lot of bathroom humor is conservative then Cracked is a conservative site
June 26th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Lincoln Park sucks! The band the neighborhood and the city!
June 26th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I swear…Spill puts out their Michael Bay’s Rejected Dark Knight Script last year…and we get imitation after imitation….enough already
June 26th, 2009 at 11:45 am
by the time wolfsheim shows up i was almost in tears. then i cried laughing. the pictures…my god, the pictures. i could get hit by a car today and raped tomorrow and STILL have a good weekend after reading this.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:44 am
” are you in this movie now?”
Great job.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:42 am
We had to read this in 11th grade… somehow, I think that this version is better.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I’ve read that Gatsby was actually named after the slang ‘gat.’ It’s a very old term, and the idea would be that Fitzgerald wanted a name associated with the underworld and disrepute.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:39 am
This was the grandmamadaddy of Michael Bay articles. I’d be afraid to even try to follow it. Transformers 2 (which I hear is a lot like Transformers 3, due out next summer) just hit theaters a week ago, though, so we’ll probably see some more. Seriously though, this was IT.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:33 am
That’s AWESOME!!!!
BOOOOMMM!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2009 at 11:23 am
looks like a lot of work went into this, a lot of good work.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Ill bet michal bay actually has that last picture on his wall with “I thought of that shit first!” written above it in crayon.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Typical DOB, attacking a conservative media figure. I won’t hold my breath for an article exposing the stupidity of a liberal director.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I’d watch it.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Wow, that Michael Bay just gets better and better doesnt he!
RT
http://www.anon-tools.tk
June 26th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Wow, that is truly amazing dude!
RT
Drilling holes in cars
June 26th, 2009 at 11:04 am
As long as it’s got no elements of romantic or stoner comedies, I’ll watch it.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Amusing article.
June 26th, 2009 at 10:49 am
“You’re mixing Atlas Shrugged, Star Wars, a Gatorade commercial and down syndrome all together in one jumbled, miserable final scene and, frankly, it’s condescending and a little insulting.”
…and it’ll probably gross 300 million dollars. Gah.
June 26th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Jomba is Jamaican for retard.
June 26th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Gatsby is my favorite book ever, and you just asserted yourself as my favorite columnist EVER.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Hey Jomba, that sound you hear is the point of the article sailing over your head.
‘Do you think that all books are the same book?’ - that’s funny.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:35 am
The explosion giving the finger was a nice, subtle touch - I almost missed it at first.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Would have been funnier without the commentary. I’m no Michael Bay fan but when you comment on things that are funny because they are exaggerations of what he does in the first place it’s overkill.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:18 am
They probably stare at you anyway… Elephant Man!
June 26th, 2009 at 9:16 am
laughed uncontrollably at this. people are staring at me now.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Meyer Wolfsheim as a Wolf was enough for me to love this.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:02 am
one work: ROCK!
June 26th, 2009 at 8:27 am
I laughed.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:27 am
In normal circumstances i would have thought that this is a funny but over the top article
But because I saw Transformers yesterday, I have to say that this article is 100% percent correct depiction of what goes in the empty mind of Michael Bay
what I want to say is that I needed to read this article after the tremendous stupidity that i had to endure Yesterday.
Thank you very much Sir
June 26th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Ahahahaha. Like the South Park episode…
“Those aren’t ideas, they’re just special FX”
“…I don’t understand the difference.”
Really funny (because it’s a really true) article =D
June 26th, 2009 at 8:20 am
“She has all the titties, it’s so awesome.”
I would pay good money to see this movie.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:09 am
I lost my shit at “Space Wargy.” It was bliss.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:03 am
laughed so hard I have tears exploding from my eyes
June 26th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Will all u computer geek fucks stop oglng my awesome tits? imean i kno im attractive buy i wud never fuck MB hes a fucking faggot rasict whos never met any black person expept will sMith!!1!!!!!1!!
June 26th, 2009 at 7:56 am
These are the kind of changes that ruined The Bourne series, and Eragon. At this rate they’ll need to rewrite ‘The Great Gatsby’ according to Michal Bay’s movie. What’s next? ‘A Christmas Carol’, ‘Romeo & Juliet’ ‘Hamlet’ when will it end?
June 26th, 2009 at 7:45 am
It’s funny……because it’s true…….Now I want to re-read ‘The Great Gatsby’ just to see how Michael Bay would do it.
June 26th, 2009 at 7:34 am
HAHA that was AWESOME.
Great one!
June 26th, 2009 at 7:29 am
“Subquestion: Have you ever met a black person?”
Thank so very much for everything, but especially this line… you know that in interviews Bay is now trying to put the blame on the voice actors, as though he didn’t have any control over the project. Brilliant.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:59 am
HAHA. Is Gatsby talking in explosions now? good stuff.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:56 am
I would not be surprised to see this hit theatres.
Well. Maybe a little.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:46 am
I can only assume that is Michael Jordan about to slam dunk Mars all up in our shit. This is very good.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:41 am
that was awesome! this is the pinnacle of Michael Bay jokes,
June 26th, 2009 at 6:37 am
A vast improvement on this deeply mediocre, overrated book.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:34 am
that started out rly funny but then became insanile. and not in a good way.
youve honestly made picking on michael bay unfunny.
(u guys do taht waay too much)
June 26th, 2009 at 6:31 am
Michael Bay + Atlas Shrugged = best image in my head, ever.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:28 am
So I take it that in terms of literary criticism Michael bay is not a member of the “there is gay sex in The Great Gatsby” camp
June 26th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Hilarious, O’Brien definably pumped new life into Michael Bay jokes.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:24 am
The saddest thing is, I can actually see this happening.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:17 am
That last panel made me squirt milk out of my nose with the sheer ridiculousness of the dialogue. DOB, you blew my mind once again and for that I thank you
June 26th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Oh so THAT’s how Transformers came to be (the shit that it is). Now I see how he thinks. Thanks DOB for this public service to us all.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:07 am
Much respect mr. Bay. Without your movies children would grow up to be intelligent and that would mean no more minimum wage heroes.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:04 am
Dongtacularity at it’s purest. Thank you DOB. Thank you. Thank you to hell! Or just thank you.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:53 am
DOB, “I need you more than Ben Affleck needs acting lessons…”
Well done, friendo.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Do you only speak in explosions?
The best part is that Linkin Park is pretty much the antithesis of everything Michael Bay attempts to communicate to his audience.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:30 am
And soon Bay threw out the Great Gatsby movie script and just used the plot for transformers 2
June 26th, 2009 at 5:29 am
Wow..those poor guys,many people talked about this when we chat online on tall dating site ___ http://BigTalls.com ___where has many humor guys and fashion girls,even hot models.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Full of truth, awesome, and funny.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:24 am
That was just unbelievable. When i got to the part where michael bay says “yeah this is the best” in the dialogue i laughed out loud in my cubicle.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:23 am
I hated The Great Gatsby anyways so let Michael Bay get a crack at it anyways, at least it’ll have boobs and explosions.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Yeah the “Gat” in “Gatsby” line is awesome! I’d watch this over the Robert Redford version any day!
June 26th, 2009 at 5:08 am
My English teacher just rolled over in her grave.
June 26th, 2009 at 5:02 am
*claps* glorious!
I loved it when Gatsby starts speaking in explosions
June 26th, 2009 at 4:56 am
good article, I swear only you and Swaim are the only funny writers on this site
June 26th, 2009 at 4:49 am
Great stuff, DOB.
Megatron: Are you armed, mortal?
Gatsby: You kidding? I put the ‘Gat’ in ‘Gatsby’, MOTHERFUCKER.
Megatron: Daaaaaaamn!
June 26th, 2009 at 4:27 am
I love how no matter what happens, I can always count on DOB to put a smile on my face.
No homoeroticism intended.
June 26th, 2009 at 4:22 am
very nice,, i heard many celebrities have a account on _____Meet Wea lthy com_____ “”"”"”, i.m doubt since i found her profile.. you can talk with them online, it’s awesome~~~
June 26th, 2009 at 4:18 am
Yay for mixing books.