Last night was the final Presidential Debate in one of the most talked about races in recent memory. Much more important, though was that last night was also the final Cracked Liveblog of the Presidential Debates. Cracked Columnists Gladstone, DOB, Ross and Swaim got together to bring you the kind of insightful commentary you won’t find on this or any internet, and we don’t think it’s going too far to say that every moment in human achievement pales in comparison to this remarkable event.
Suck it, CNN.
9:04 PMMichael Swaim - He’s already pulling the “pray for Nancy Reagan” card.
9:04 PMMichael Swaim - He must be in a tight spot
9:04 PMDan O’Brien - McCain was asked why his plan is better, and he’s not saying it.
9:05 PMRoss Wolinsky - It goes without saying: Because he is older and whiter.
9:05 PMDan O’Brien - “McCain why is your plan better than Obama’s?” “Say, did you hear about Nancy Reagan?”
9:05 PMDan O’Brien - Unless Obama’s plan somehow put Nancy Reagan in the hospital.
9:04 PM Hbn Gladstone - (Arriving late) Hi
9:05 PMRoss Wolinsky - Speaking of older and whiter, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Gladstone!
9:06 PMRoss Wolinsky - Obama did NOT express worry about Nancy Reagan. I guess I’m voting McCain after all.
9:06 PMDan O’Brien - That actually makes me want to vote for Obama.
9:06 PMDan O’Brien - I want a candidate that has the balls to ignore Nancy Reagan’s helpless cries.
9:10 PMMichael Swaim - STOP SAYING JOE THE PLUMBER!!! OUR NATION IS NOT A METAPHORICAL BLUE COLLAR WORKER!
9:10 PMDan O’Brien - Wait, is Joe the Plumber an actual guy?
9:10 PMRoss Wolinsky - That’s Joe Sixpack’s cousin.
9:11 PMMichael Swaim - This guy’s got the ear of everyone in power…he’s like his own shadow government!
9:11 PMMichael Swaim - On the plus side, our pipes will be snug and unclogged.
9:11 PM Hbn Gladstone - Democrats are declaring class warfare on plumbers?
9:13 PMDan O’Brien - Look, the plumbers have been dragging down this nation long enough and, frankly, I think we’re all a little sick of their bullshit.
9:13 PMMichael Swaim - Eatin’ mushrooms, savin’ princesses…it’s all just so glamorous.
9:13 PMDan O’Brien - Knew it was coming.
9:13 PMDan O’Brien - I applaud us all for holding off on a Mario reference for so long.
9:14 PMMichael Swaim - That wasn’t a Mario reference; it was a reference to my friend Toph. One time he took a bunch of mushrooms and kidnapped a girl.
8:16 PMMichael Swaim - Net spending cut=”I’m going to cut stuff, but seriously…nothing you like. Like, shit factories. I’m not sure why we even still have them.”
8:16 PMMichael Swaim - Programs should work better. I’m collecting vague platitudes this debate.
8:17 PMRoss Wolinsky - “WE NEED NUCLEAR POWER” IS NOT A CUT!
8:18 PMDan O’Brien - McCain wants to get a hatchet and THEN a scalpel. He’d be both a terrible doctor and a terrible carpenter.
8:19 PMRoss Wolinsky - “If I am elected, I will make sure that planetariums and other educational centers receive ABSOLUTELY NO FUNDING WHATSOEVER.”
8:19 PMDan O’Brien - Seriously, what the fuck is McCain’s problem with Planetariums?
8:24 PMDan O’Brien -“Teachers, Environmentalists, at least one plumber, people who enjoy torture- They all hate me.”
9:30 PMRoss Wolinsky - McCain likes football!!!
9:30 PMRoss Wolinsky - Whoa… did he just go from football to stem cell research? He’s GOOD.
9:31 PMMichael Swaim - Quite a segue.
9:31 PMDan O’Brien - To be fair, he’s senile. He has no idea.
9:31 PMMichael Swaim - To IMMIGRATION.
9:31 PMMichael Swaim - Wow.
9:31 PMRoss Wolinsky - It’s like stream of consciousness.
9:33 PMDan O’Brien - Obama just called us cynical.
9:33 PMDan O’Brien - Typical political bullshit.
9:33 PMDan O’Brien - And then he said “Tit.”
8:33 PMDan O’Brien - It should be stated that his rally crowd just booed him last week.
8:34 PMDan O’Brien -“I find not-taking-my-bullshit to be quite an admirable quality.”
8:41 PMDan O’Brien - Joe Biden, even after elected in Delaware, would go on the radio on Sundays and talk about football. He was a terrific guy.
8:41 PMRoss Wolinsky -This is going to be amazing.
8:41 PMMichael Swaim - McCain can’t look at Obama because he knows in about two minutes he’s going to have to defend Palin to millions of people.
8:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - Predict
8:42 PM Hbn Gladstone - How many times will McCain say Maverick when describing Palin?
8:42 PMDan O’Brien - I’m gonna say he’ll say Hockey Mom more than he does Maverick, and I’m willing to put money on it.
8:42 PMRoss Wolinsky - Price Is Right rules?
(MCCAIN BEGINS)
8:43 PMDan O’Brien - I shoulda put up cash on “reformer.”
9:46 PMDan O’Brien - Jesus. Nothing will make you sound less like an old guy than saying “Cockamammy,” McCain.
9:46 PMDan O’Brien -- I can’t even spell that word, it’s so old.
9:46 PMRoss Wolinsky - You’re darn tootin!
9:46 PMMichael Swaim - I refuse to believe that there was any time in history when someone said the phrase “cool hand on the tiller” in natural conversation and wasn’t on a boat.
9:46 PMRoss Wolinsky - McCain is doing the Lindy Hop… in his mind.
9:48 PMRoss Wolinsky - I think the first step is redefining “foreign.”
9:48 PMDan O’Brien - Give a NUMBER. One fucking number. 2. 12. 37. These are all good numbers.
9:48 PMMichael Swaim - Numbers are campaign poison.
9:49 PMMichael Swaim - 8? KILLED the McKinley campaign.
9:49 PMDan O’Brien - - 192.
9:50 PMDan O’Brien - - See how easy this is?
9:50 PMDan O’Brien - I just pulled that number outta NOWHERE.
9:50 PMMichael Swaim - Fuck it Dan. I know we’ve just talked about it in passing, but let’s DO IT. Let’s RUN.
9:50 PMMichael Swaim - We’ve got the numbers to back us up.
9:51PMDan O’Brien - The kind of forward-thinking numbers this nation craves.
9:01 PMMichael Swaim -Dan, we’ve got to respond with a scathing political ad. Maybe imply he’s a zombie or something.
9:01 PMDan O’Brien - “Imply?” We’ll just film him, wandering around feasting on brains. That footage probably already exists.
9:03 PMMichael Swaim -
9:04 PMMichael Swaim -See? That’s how quickly we can turn these around. I’m telling you Dan, we’d be foolish NOT to run. Do you know what they keep in the White House? As much candy as you can eat.
9:04 PMDan O’Brien - Bullshit, because I can eat SO much candy.
9:04 PMDan O’Brien - However much candy you think I can eat- Double it.
9:04 PMDan O’Brien - That’s how much I can eat.
10:05 PMDan O’Brien - This was supposed to be the face-to-face debate where candidates would have to be honest, and address issues. But all they’re doing is saying “Obama says this.” “No I don’t.” “Bullshit.” We still don’t know who to trust. How could we?
10:06 PMDan O’Brien - I want to dress up like Santa and kidnap a president. That’s how abandoned I feel.
10:06 PMMichael Swaim - We have impressions. That’s about it. And I hate to break it to you, but that’s all anyone’s ever had since about 1800.
10:06 PMMichael Swaim - Before that, there were only about twelve people who could vote, so they got pretty in-depth information.
10:06 PMMichael Swaim - But now, forget about it.
10:07 PMMichael Swaim - We’re living in a country governed by our emotional reactions to billions of dollars of lies.
10:07 PMMichael Swaim - Quick, someone add a joke!
10:07 PMRoss Wolinsky - 8====D
10:18 PMMichael Swaim - An “army of teachers” would definitely hurt our national security.
10:18 PMDan O’Brien - And our education.
10:18 PMMichael Swaim - Unless they’re martial arts teachers.
# 10:18 PM Ross Wolinsky - It would also be the most boring horror movie ever.
10:22 PMDan O’Brien - Obama is advocating the firing of bad teachers.
10:23 PMDan O’Brien - I think “bad” is kind of risky. Because we had a European History teacher in my high school who knew dick-all about history, but she also would routinely have sex with students.
10:23 PMDan O’Brien - And that’s an important part of education.
10:24 PMDan O’Brien - I wouldn’t want to take that away from the students.
10:24 PMMichael Swaim - No Child Left Behind.
10:28 PMMichael Swaim - WARNING: ENTERING CLOSING STATEMENTS. FIRST EIGHT ROWS WILL BE SPRAYED WITH BULLSHIT.
10:28 PMRoss Wolinsky - If you need me, I’ll be nailing Jell-O to the wall.
10:29 PMDan O’Brien - I’ll be nailing Palin against the wall.
MCCAIN:Well, let — let me say, Bob, thank you. And thanks to Hofstra. And, by the way, our beloved Nancy Reagan is in the hospital tonight, so our thoughts and prayers are going with you.
OBAMA: Well, first of all, I want to thank Hofstra University and the people of New York for hosting us tonight.
MCCAIN:Senator Obama … what you want to do to Joe the plumber … I’ve talked to people like Joe the plumber … Now, my old buddy, Joe, Joe the plumber, is out there … We’re talking about Joe the plumber!
BOB SCHIEFFER:: Won’t some of the programs you are proposing have to be trimmed, postponed, even eliminated? Give us some specifics on what you’re going to cut back.
OBAMA: “I support charter schools and pay for performance for teachers. Doesn’t make me popular with the teachers union. I support clean coal technology. Doesn’t make me popular with environmentalists.”
MCCAIN:I watched the Arizona Cardinals defeat the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday.
… every other ad was an attack ad on my health care plan … that say that I oppose federal funding for stem cell research … I don’t … ads that misportray completely my position on immigration …
OBAMA: “the American people have become so cynical about our politics, because all they see is a tit- for-tat and back-and-forth.”
MCCAIN: Let me just say categorically I’m proud of the people that come to our rallies.
SCHIEFFER::Why would the country be better off if your running mate became president rather than his running mate?
MCCAIN:In Iraq, he had this cockamamie idea about dividing Iraq into three countries.
SCHIEFFER:: Would each of you give us a number, a specific number of how much you believe we can reduce our foreign oil imports during your first term?
(MCCAIN STARTS)
MCCAIN:The whole premise behind Senator Obama’s plans are class warfare.
OBAMA: Senator McCain talks a lot about earmarks.
MCCAIN: Senator Obama talks about voting for budgets.
OBAMA: Now … a couple of things Senator McCain said … has been disputed by everybody who has looked at this claim that Senator McCain keeps on making.
SCHIEFFER:: In math and science competence … we trail most of the countries of the world. Some even say it poses a threat to our national security.
OBAMA:I think it’s going to be critically important for us to recruit a generation of new teachers, an army of new teachers
This entry was posted on Thursday, October 16th, 2008 at 1:11 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Ha, that last photo is apparently real, there’s an explanation for in on Snopes and a video on YouTube… Well, I haven’t seen the whole debate so I wouldn’t have known ^-^
You guys are so fun, I wanna party with the cracked staff for real. Never a dull moment it seems, and if there is I sport a rather long attention span. I tend to ignore these debates, if I want to see monkeys throwing feces at eachother Ill go to the zoo.
The main problem with education isn’t that there are a lot of bad teachers. The main problem is that there are a lot of unmotivated and incompetent students. Then the parents get all bitchy and blame it on the teachers.
This recession is the collapse of self-regulating markets in action. What countries have been affected least? Obviously the Scandinavian countries that operate on socialist economic policies.
Socialism has not failed anymore than capitalism has, if we recognize the current economic crisis as the failure of capitalism.
You need to add the word “socialist” to your profanity blocker. If there’s one thing I’m more sick of than Joe the Plumber, it’s the abuse of the word socialism(ist).
I’ll make a deal with you, the people of the internet:
You make the effort to actually look up the meaning of words before you use them, subsequently reducing how ignorant you are/appear to be, and in return, I won’t shoot you with my velociraptor missiles. Best weapon idea ever.
10:05 PM Dan O’Brien - This was supposed to be the face-to-face debate where candidates would have to be honest, and address issues. But all they’re doing is saying “Obama says this.” “No I don’t.” “Bullshit.” We still don’t know who to trust. How could we?
Thank you, Dan O’Brien. You’ve summed up this election in 6 sentences.
I can’t believe there is actually a “Joe the Plumber”.
Poor guy.
All he wanted to do was ask Senator Obama a itty bitty tax reform question and now he has journalists camped on his front lawn asking him who he is voting for…
Re: he “Our country was founded on competition and capitalism is competition.”
Yeah, because the -government- giving so-called capitalist/competitive companies billions of dollars isn’t socialist at all. Pffffft, what kind of competition says to the losers “Here’s the trophy anyway, you sure tried hard!”
Obama wants to fire bad teachers? But where will I use my only talent of “having boobs worth staring at while grievously bullshitting about MacBeth”? How will I ever live up to my full potential? Curse you, Obama! I reject your army of teachers and establish a guerilla faction. Suck it.
The riskiest time for any mortgage is within the first 2-3 years. So mortgages from 1997-2001 (Clinton’s administration) would’ve be well and truly seasoned prior to the losses coming through which were first observed in 2005.
Also the issuance of RMBS increased substatially during the past 5 years obviously creating a bubble.
Clinton opened up a new market that was ultimately abused and not necessarily the fault of any particular policy maker. Perhaps the market participants can take ownership. Oh wait, limited liability. Nice.
What the fuck have you all done? You have turned into the swine that we are supposed to despise. You are repeating insane remarks of incompetent taxsuckers. Hunt Moose you unremarkable creature. I say my family was killed by a drunk even though that is a fucking lie. Joe the Plumber is really Joe the guy I get my weed from or Joe the guy that brings me my pizza. You aren’t all completely retarded yet. Grow a pair and stop feeding the monster. Because his time the candidates aren’t to blame, it is all of you illegitimate monstrosities.
Scott…no shit this isn’t a news site. I don’t come to cracked for news. I come to it for a break from my mundane life to get a little humor. If you knew anything about this issues in this country then you would think the debates are interesting. As for those advocating socialism…are you retarded? Our country was founded on competition and capitalism is competition. If you can’t work hard enough to earn enough money then you lose. Some people win and some people lose. Get over it and if you can’t, move to one of your socialist European countries.
The issues involved are a little more complex than those you mentioned (and I wish to see a link to your BCom before you debate that one with me) but here is a comment that i think any right minded person can agree with:
If you are suggesting GWB is/ever was a competant administrator, you are not qualified to ever engage in intelligent debate. EVER.
[...] Sunsweet is again running the Sunsweet Ones campaign nationally, starring yours truly and hers truly. In this frightul economy my agent also somehow managed to wring almost double the prior year’s payment terms out of the purveyors of that delicious delicious nature’s candy. Take that Old Man Cranky! [...]
i agree with swaim that america is NOT metahporical blue collar worker.
im all for help the little man and fuck those corprate pigs but cmon theres so much ass kissing here we might as well just put larry the cable guy into power
ok I for one enjoyed this article. I love the ramblings you guys have while watching TV. I for one would like to read a live blog while you guys watch a Golden Girls marathon, or even Designing Women…Comeon you know you want to
I don’t know if you guys have heard about this but, Joe the Plumber is a real person. Although, his real name is not Joe, nor does he have a plumbers license.
Sorry handsomespeck, I said I’d quit. But this blatant display of ignorance by Raoul demands a rebuttal.
So Raoul, you’re not too keen on the financials, are you? As in you’re a fucking moron. The Fannie Mae/ Freddie Mac loans to borrowers who couldn’t afford them were enabled when the Clinton administration loosened financial regulations in 1997. Then, Clinton appointed Garelick and Raines to run the corporations, and gave them million dollar bonuses to meet loan quotas. And here’s the reason Bush couldn’t fix it: BECAUSE MORTGAGES TEND TO LAST MORE THAN 2 YEARS YOU STUPID FUCK. We are now seeing all of the people who took those loans fail to repay them when the economy stopped inflating. Thus, the Clintonian inspired bubble.
So don’t point fingers when you have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Go back to your peace pipe and leave intellectual society alone.
um…sorry to break it to you guys, but Joe the Plumber’s a real dude, apparently.
I thought he was just a metaphor, too, but one of my teachers said she thought it was interesting that some plumber from Ohio (where I live) was so important during the debate…
If the current financial crisis is a result of Clinton’s policies how come Bush did nothing for 8 years about it? The more likely scenario than your flat earth Clinton on the Grassy knoll scenario is that Dubya lacks Basic Bloody Competency on anything (especially the economy) except for Drink Driving on Coke with Australian tennis stars. Fox news followers should stick to “When Cheerleaders Attack” and leave the thinking for the grown ups.
Now that I think about it, I really can’t see how black people voting for Obama is reverse racism at all. The only thing being discriminated against is John McCain and/or Sarah Palin, and they are not a race.
In any event, it’s nobody but the individuals’ business how they vote. I brought up women because you brought up the assumption that over eighty percent of African Americans were going to vote African American for skin color’s sake, and I figured that another mistaken statement about people voting based on their organs (which, yes, female issues are related with race issues in terms of how white men view their status as voters, so it was relevant) would help put things in perspective. Apparently it didn’t.
I’m done, too. Somebody talk about dicks or tits or bears piloting fighter jets equipped with velociraptor missiles or something awesome like that.
As for the Socialism supporter,
Yes, I know there are some quasi-socialist European countries. However, note that none of them are leading the world economically (and don’t start spouting off about the current state of the economy, which was caused by stupid policies being pushed by the Clinton administration). The best way to cause a country to go into decline is to start choking out its leading corporations with abusive taxes. Then *poof*, all those “free” programs go away.
As for Cracked being a news site. Of course it’s not a news site! I just hate to see the articles wasting so much time on politics when they are so skilled at writing on other subjects (except Gladstone).
As for handsomespeck, 1) reverse racism is racism being committed by one group and ignored while another group would be criticized for a similar action. 2) I think its ludicrous to ignore how much of one demographic is voting for one candidate. No other social group in America has commited their vote in the same manner. Not whites, not Christians, not men or women, and not hispanics. 3) The fallacy in your ‘women’ comment is in the fact that women are very evenly divided. This indicates that the entire gender ISN’T merely voting for Palin. Completely unrelated to blacks for Obama.
Anyway, long post and I’ll leave it at that. But to sum it up, Cracked, look at how many diggs you get for your current political commentaries. Pretty weak (right up there with White Ninja). Just let it go, guys.
“All women will vote for Palin because she’s a woman.” Chicks do not vote with their vaginas, and nonwhites do not vote with their skin color”
I hope all women do not vote with their vagines, cuz I want the machine sterilized before I go in to vote…however I may need some lessons cuz I honestly am not sure how I would vote with mine……
RE:Socialism…we are not a socialist country, and I don’t believe the majority want to be a socialist country, if they do, they should move to one, not try to force the USA to be one…
You know what Plumber, Joe the? I don’t own a company that makes a quarter million a year, so the amount you pay in taxes doesn’t really bother me. I have a family of 4 (for the purposes of this post) and we live in a 2-door Corolla (’88, sky blue, custom paint, chrome spinnaz).
When I start seeing an American president that can cut the taxes I pay on my 33-peanut-a-week salary (as a Casnadian, no less), then I’ll be impressed. Until then, stop interrupting the normally top notch programming I come to expect from American TV- like FOX’s When Cheerleaders Attack, or Car Crashes Gone Wild.
I don’t really see why people have such a problem with socialism (note I said SOCIALISM, not communism, which are two different things, people seem to get them confused). Many European nations do it and they seem to be doing alright for themselves and be happy with it. Sure, people get taxed a fucklode, but what does it matter when the stuff your would have to save for is free anyway and you can get a good deal of that money back with benefits?
Are the people freaking out about political bias of cracked articles aware this isn’t a news site? Anyways thanks for making the debates more interesting cracked.
I finally made it onto cracked! In that picture of Palin with the Vikings, I’m on the far left, center. My hand, left bicep and drinking horn are visible. I’m famous!!
Did I say you were a racist? No. Your opinion was, however. And I don’t see how saying eighty percent of black people are going to vote for a black person just because they’re black is recognizing reverse-racism. They’re going to vote for him because they feel he’ll do the best job and be more able to relate to themselves and their interests. All the white people voting for McCain are not voting for him because he’s a white Christian (though I know some that are), but because they feel he’s the candidate that best represents how they feel about the issues addressed during this election.
“over 80% of the African American vote will go to Obama because of the tint of his skin.” is along the same line of reasoning as “All women will vote for Palin because she’s a woman.” Chicks do not vote with their vaginas, and nonwhites do not vote with their skin color. This might be the case for people who are too lazy to do anything but look at the candidates, but over eighty percent of the people voting for Obama care a little more about the issues than that.
(to clarify, “just like them” from the first comment meant “black man,” not “feels how they feel.” my bad)
Forgot to mention how many times McCain reminded us of the anger of the American people in the beginning of the debate.
Apparently, we are all extremely angry.
Joe Sixpack: When I say over 80%, that’s only because I don’t have the precise statistic. I imagine it will be much, much higher. Plus, who are you trying to kid. With groups like Acorn specifically registering only Democratic voters, the fact that each vote they register goes exactly the way that they want is just pissing in democracy’s eye.
handsomespeck: Absolutely not. It’s sad that you would use the classic Democratic catch-22 that says that anyone recognizing reverse-racism is actually a racist themselves. But good try.
However, what I am pointing out is that many CHOOSE not to vote for somone who isn’t just like them. I’m dissappointed that you would insult an entire demographic.
I thought it was better in it’s unedited form…more like listening in on a conversation. Less like political commentary. But either was it’s fucking funny and anyone who doesn’t think so must not realize that this whole election has turned into a big fucking joke!
yea let’s ignore the fact Clinton, Gore, and Kerry all got close to 90 percent of the black vote. it has nothing to do with obama’s skin they just hate republicans.
You guys should really stop weighing in on the presidential election. You’re supposed to be a comedy site and this is not funny at all…plus it’s obvious you’re biased toward liberal thought. Maybe you should write a disclaimer before I have to read this trash.
In all seriousness, McCain didn’t seem like he knew what he wanted to do. He threw out bombs right and left but kept that manic, desperate smile as if he were saying, “I’m not old, angry and flailing. I’m an upbeat guy.”
Support brother Obama, as he supported brother Odinga in his virtuous quest to bring the modern Western invention of ethnic cleansing to Kenya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1P_P8lBCsE
So You're Locked In a Room With Your Clone: Fight or F#@k?
Genius or Insane? 8 Rejected Cracked Photoshop Entries
Disney to Reboot Mickey Mouse, Internet to Make Fun of Them
My Brief Time as Encyclopedia Brown's Partner
October 21st, 2008 at 3:02 am
FUCK.YOU.CRACKED. FUCK you for this unfunny article….damn…SHIT!!!
October 20th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Ha, that last photo is apparently real, there’s an explanation for in on Snopes and a video on YouTube… Well, I haven’t seen the whole debate so I wouldn’t have known ^-^
October 18th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Is that last photo real? What on Earth is McCain doing with his tongue and hands? I’m gonna be so happy when Barack wins
October 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
You guys are so fun, I wanna party with the cracked staff for real. Never a dull moment it seems, and if there is I sport a rather long attention span. I tend to ignore these debates, if I want to see monkeys throwing feces at eachother Ill go to the zoo.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Was this really just a grievous mishearing of Jose the Plumber?
October 17th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
The main problem with education isn’t that there are a lot of bad teachers. The main problem is that there are a lot of unmotivated and incompetent students. Then the parents get all bitchy and blame it on the teachers.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
oh…my…god.
October 17th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Try this McCain supporter on for size!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DO0eR47WuLY
October 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
This recession is the collapse of self-regulating markets in action. What countries have been affected least? Obviously the Scandinavian countries that operate on socialist economic policies.
Socialism has not failed anymore than capitalism has, if we recognize the current economic crisis as the failure of capitalism.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
You need to add the word “socialist” to your profanity blocker. If there’s one thing I’m more sick of than Joe the Plumber, it’s the abuse of the word socialism(ist).
I’ll make a deal with you, the people of the internet:
You make the effort to actually look up the meaning of words before you use them, subsequently reducing how ignorant you are/appear to be, and in return, I won’t shoot you with my velociraptor missiles. Best weapon idea ever.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:52 am
10:05 PM Dan O’Brien - This was supposed to be the face-to-face debate where candidates would have to be honest, and address issues. But all they’re doing is saying “Obama says this.” “No I don’t.” “Bullshit.” We still don’t know who to trust. How could we?
Thank you, Dan O’Brien. You’ve summed up this election in 6 sentences.
The end.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:06 am
o god… lol XD
October 17th, 2008 at 6:29 am
I can’t believe there is actually a “Joe the Plumber”.
Poor guy.
All he wanted to do was ask Senator Obama a itty bitty tax reform question and now he has journalists camped on his front lawn asking him who he is voting for…
October 17th, 2008 at 5:23 am
I don’t know what to think now.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Re: he “Our country was founded on competition and capitalism is competition.”
Yeah, because the -government- giving so-called capitalist/competitive companies billions of dollars isn’t socialist at all. Pffffft, what kind of competition says to the losers “Here’s the trophy anyway, you sure tried hard!”
October 17th, 2008 at 3:22 am
I love Gladstone and his three comment contribution
October 17th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Obama wants to fire bad teachers? But where will I use my only talent of “having boobs worth staring at while grievously bullshitting about MacBeth”? How will I ever live up to my full potential? Curse you, Obama! I reject your army of teachers and establish a guerilla faction. Suck it.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:10 am
BuckleAU,
The riskiest time for any mortgage is within the first 2-3 years. So mortgages from 1997-2001 (Clinton’s administration) would’ve be well and truly seasoned prior to the losses coming through which were first observed in 2005.
Also the issuance of RMBS increased substatially during the past 5 years obviously creating a bubble.
Clinton opened up a new market that was ultimately abused and not necessarily the fault of any particular policy maker. Perhaps the market participants can take ownership. Oh wait, limited liability. Nice.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:07 am
8====D
Longest nose I’ve ever seen.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I’m a fucking mongoose.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:07 am
I’ma kick your ass, Joe the plumber.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Suck my balls
October 16th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Change? Got any change? Little change? Bless you.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Damn you Frankenberry and you too Cap’n Crunch! I kill ye!
October 16th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I’m still fucking your wife I’m Joe the Plumber. Fuck you.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I’m an asshat
October 16th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Hello, SWM 59 here any young guys wanna cyber?
October 16th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
I pooped me pants.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Bitch betta has my money!! Ho betta has my cash. Cuz if she aint, I put my foot right in her ass.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I have a penis and I also have titties
October 16th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Derrrr!!!Duhhhh! Joe!!!! Duhhhh!!!!
October 16th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
What about my ass?
October 16th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
What the fuck have you all done? You have turned into the swine that we are supposed to despise. You are repeating insane remarks of incompetent taxsuckers. Hunt Moose you unremarkable creature. I say my family was killed by a drunk even though that is a fucking lie. Joe the Plumber is really Joe the guy I get my weed from or Joe the guy that brings me my pizza. You aren’t all completely retarded yet. Grow a pair and stop feeding the monster. Because his time the candidates aren’t to blame, it is all of you illegitimate monstrosities.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Where the hell did that picture at the end come from? is McCain making a dive to rim Obama? How did I miss that part of the debate?
Also, thank god I missed that part of the debate.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Scott…no shit this isn’t a news site. I don’t come to cracked for news. I come to it for a break from my mundane life to get a little humor. If you knew anything about this issues in this country then you would think the debates are interesting. As for those advocating socialism…are you retarded? Our country was founded on competition and capitalism is competition. If you can’t work hard enough to earn enough money then you lose. Some people win and some people lose. Get over it and if you can’t, move to one of your socialist European countries.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
stop fucking with my plumbing skills.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
My balls itch.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
BuckleAU, Raoul.
The issues involved are a little more complex than those you mentioned (and I wish to see a link to your BCom before you debate that one with me) but here is a comment that i think any right minded person can agree with:
If you are suggesting GWB is/ever was a competant administrator, you are not qualified to ever engage in intelligent debate. EVER.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
I’m Joe the Plumber and I rape kittens. yay
October 16th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
My cock is hard for your mother
October 16th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Where are my fucking pants?
October 16th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Hey, I’m fucking your wife right now. I’m Joe the Plumber. Fuck you.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
[...] Sunsweet is again running the Sunsweet Ones campaign nationally, starring yours truly and hers truly. In this frightul economy my agent also somehow managed to wring almost double the prior year’s payment terms out of the purveyors of that delicious delicious nature’s candy. Take that Old Man Cranky! [...]
October 16th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Palin needs to show me her tits.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Manbearpig is real! I’m super duper cereal you guys. Why won’t you believe me? I’m super cereal.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
I’m voting for the guy with the biggest cock. I’ll bet it is the colored fellow. Oh well, I am a whore for big black cocks.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
You fuckers love it. Vote for my grey old patriotic ass or vote for Tyrone. It’s your choice.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
You know…to buy anal lube and such.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
He meant Joe the gay guy. Duh. Homos need a paycheck too.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
If only we could use torture to get the answers!!! Anybody have a water board???
October 16th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Politicians should never try to be funny. It never goes well.
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u51/The_Mutt_pics/Page_1_2_2.jpg
October 16th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
i agree with swaim that america is NOT metahporical blue collar worker.
im all for help the little man and fuck those corprate pigs but cmon theres so much ass kissing here we might as well just put larry the cable guy into power
October 16th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Im pretty sure the majority of McCain/Palin voters must be named Joe. Joe Sixpack and Joe the plumber must be their way of getting the Joe vote.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
ok I for one enjoyed this article. I love the ramblings you guys have while watching TV. I for one would like to read a live blog while you guys watch a Golden Girls marathon, or even Designing Women…Comeon you know you want to
October 16th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Joe the plumber is married to Susie 12 kids.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
WHO THE FUCK IS JOE?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Joe Sixpack and Joe the Plumber need to get together. Vodka and hangovers would follow, of course.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Joe the Plumber works with me - LEAVE HIM ALONE!
http://www.TOKILLFOR.com
October 16th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I don’t know if you guys have heard about this but, Joe the Plumber is a real person. Although, his real name is not Joe, nor does he have a plumbers license.
But hey, that’s America.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Sorry handsomespeck, I said I’d quit. But this blatant display of ignorance by Raoul demands a rebuttal.
So Raoul, you’re not too keen on the financials, are you? As in you’re a fucking moron. The Fannie Mae/ Freddie Mac loans to borrowers who couldn’t afford them were enabled when the Clinton administration loosened financial regulations in 1997. Then, Clinton appointed Garelick and Raines to run the corporations, and gave them million dollar bonuses to meet loan quotas. And here’s the reason Bush couldn’t fix it: BECAUSE MORTGAGES TEND TO LAST MORE THAN 2 YEARS YOU STUPID FUCK. We are now seeing all of the people who took those loans fail to repay them when the economy stopped inflating. Thus, the Clintonian inspired bubble.
So don’t point fingers when you have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Go back to your peace pipe and leave intellectual society alone.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
um…sorry to break it to you guys, but Joe the Plumber’s a real dude, apparently.
I thought he was just a metaphor, too, but one of my teachers said she thought it was interesting that some plumber from Ohio (where I live) was so important during the debate…
Nailin’ Palin.
October 16th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081016/ap_on_re_us/joe_the_plumber
Anyone see that? hahaha
October 16th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
@BuckleAU
If the current financial crisis is a result of Clinton’s policies how come Bush did nothing for 8 years about it? The more likely scenario than your flat earth Clinton on the Grassy knoll scenario is that Dubya lacks Basic Bloody Competency on anything (especially the economy) except for Drink Driving on Coke with Australian tennis stars. Fox news followers should stick to “When Cheerleaders Attack” and leave the thinking for the grown ups.
October 16th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
JOE THE PLUMBER! I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! UH. WAZZUP! UH. UH. THEY TOOK OUR JOBS! IM NOT YOUR FRIEND BUDDY! UH. DONT TASE ME BRO!
October 16th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
What’s wrong with the Lindy Hop?
October 16th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
@BuckleAU
Now that I think about it, I really can’t see how black people voting for Obama is reverse racism at all. The only thing being discriminated against is John McCain and/or Sarah Palin, and they are not a race.
In any event, it’s nobody but the individuals’ business how they vote. I brought up women because you brought up the assumption that over eighty percent of African Americans were going to vote African American for skin color’s sake, and I figured that another mistaken statement about people voting based on their organs (which, yes, female issues are related with race issues in terms of how white men view their status as voters, so it was relevant) would help put things in perspective. Apparently it didn’t.
I’m done, too. Somebody talk about dicks or tits or bears piloting fighter jets equipped with velociraptor missiles or something awesome like that.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
As for the Socialism supporter,
Yes, I know there are some quasi-socialist European countries. However, note that none of them are leading the world economically (and don’t start spouting off about the current state of the economy, which was caused by stupid policies being pushed by the Clinton administration). The best way to cause a country to go into decline is to start choking out its leading corporations with abusive taxes. Then *poof*, all those “free” programs go away.
As for Cracked being a news site. Of course it’s not a news site! I just hate to see the articles wasting so much time on politics when they are so skilled at writing on other subjects (except Gladstone).
As for handsomespeck, 1) reverse racism is racism being committed by one group and ignored while another group would be criticized for a similar action. 2) I think its ludicrous to ignore how much of one demographic is voting for one candidate. No other social group in America has commited their vote in the same manner. Not whites, not Christians, not men or women, and not hispanics. 3) The fallacy in your ‘women’ comment is in the fact that women are very evenly divided. This indicates that the entire gender ISN’T merely voting for Palin. Completely unrelated to blacks for Obama.
Anyway, long post and I’ll leave it at that. But to sum it up, Cracked, look at how many diggs you get for your current political commentaries. Pretty weak (right up there with White Ninja). Just let it go, guys.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
@timsgm
I totally vote with my vagina. I just don’t use it to vote for Palin.
It’s very tricky. You have to have great balance.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Sorry if you’re in Canada this totally is a news site.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
“All women will vote for Palin because she’s a woman.” Chicks do not vote with their vaginas, and nonwhites do not vote with their skin color”
I hope all women do not vote with their vagines, cuz I want the machine sterilized before I go in to vote…however I may need some lessons cuz I honestly am not sure how I would vote with mine……
RE:Socialism…we are not a socialist country, and I don’t believe the majority want to be a socialist country, if they do, they should move to one, not try to force the USA to be one…
October 16th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
What the…? Scott, did you say this isn’t a news site? You lied, Bucholz! I want my $5.00 back, and challenge you to a fight in the parking lot.
(We only have one parking lot in Casnadia.)
October 16th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
You know what Plumber, Joe the? I don’t own a company that makes a quarter million a year, so the amount you pay in taxes doesn’t really bother me. I have a family of 4 (for the purposes of this post) and we live in a 2-door Corolla (’88, sky blue, custom paint, chrome spinnaz).
When I start seeing an American president that can cut the taxes I pay on my 33-peanut-a-week salary (as a Casnadian, no less), then I’ll be impressed. Until then, stop interrupting the normally top notch programming I come to expect from American TV- like FOX’s When Cheerleaders Attack, or Car Crashes Gone Wild.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I don’t really see why people have such a problem with socialism (note I said SOCIALISM, not communism, which are two different things, people seem to get them confused). Many European nations do it and they seem to be doing alright for themselves and be happy with it. Sure, people get taxed a fucklode, but what does it matter when the stuff your would have to save for is free anyway and you can get a good deal of that money back with benefits?
October 16th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Are the people freaking out about political bias of cracked articles aware this isn’t a news site? Anyways thanks for making the debates more interesting cracked.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I finally made it onto cracked! In that picture of Palin with the Vikings, I’m on the far left, center. My hand, left bicep and drinking horn are visible. I’m famous!!
Petersburg, Alaska- Mayfest celebration 2007
October 16th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
ha ha ha this was pretty funny. though not as funny as Michael Swain’s mastermind.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
@BuckleAU
Did I say you were a racist? No. Your opinion was, however. And I don’t see how saying eighty percent of black people are going to vote for a black person just because they’re black is recognizing reverse-racism. They’re going to vote for him because they feel he’ll do the best job and be more able to relate to themselves and their interests. All the white people voting for McCain are not voting for him because he’s a white Christian (though I know some that are), but because they feel he’s the candidate that best represents how they feel about the issues addressed during this election.
“over 80% of the African American vote will go to Obama because of the tint of his skin.” is along the same line of reasoning as “All women will vote for Palin because she’s a woman.” Chicks do not vote with their vaginas, and nonwhites do not vote with their skin color. This might be the case for people who are too lazy to do anything but look at the candidates, but over eighty percent of the people voting for Obama care a little more about the issues than that.
(to clarify, “just like them” from the first comment meant “black man,” not “feels how they feel.” my bad)
What demographic did I insult?
October 16th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
What about Joe 30-rack?
October 16th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
We WILL have a shit sandwich. All we get to decide: white or brown bread?
October 16th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Why did Gladstone try and hitch his wagon to this? All of the funny commentary comes from Swaim and DOB, of course.
Ross, you’re not too bad, but Gladstone needs to spend more time making funnier HBN.
Seriously, the Kid Rock one was the only one I laughed at.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Looks like McCain is having a heart attack right there. Palin for President!
October 16th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
What’s also kind of funny is how the knee jerk reaction of the Democrats is: hey, isn’t it silly how many times he said “Joe the Plumber”.
They say that to draw attention away from the fact that Obama officially came out of the closet as a socialist with one question.
That’s probably the funniest thing in this article.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Forgot to mention how many times McCain reminded us of the anger of the American people in the beginning of the debate.
Apparently, we are all extremely angry.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
First of all,
Joe Sixpack: When I say over 80%, that’s only because I don’t have the precise statistic. I imagine it will be much, much higher. Plus, who are you trying to kid. With groups like Acorn specifically registering only Democratic voters, the fact that each vote they register goes exactly the way that they want is just pissing in democracy’s eye.
handsomespeck: Absolutely not. It’s sad that you would use the classic Democratic catch-22 that says that anyone recognizing reverse-racism is actually a racist themselves. But good try.
However, what I am pointing out is that many CHOOSE not to vote for somone who isn’t just like them. I’m dissappointed that you would insult an entire demographic.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I thought it was better in it’s unedited form…more like listening in on a conversation. Less like political commentary. But either was it’s fucking funny and anyone who doesn’t think so must not realize that this whole election has turned into a big fucking joke!
October 16th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
“Kind of ignoring the fact that over 80% of the African American vote will go to Obama because of the tint of his skin.”
You’re apparently assuming that most African Americans don’t have the cognizant ability necessary to vote for someone who isn’t just like them.
Classy.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
yea let’s ignore the fact Clinton, Gore, and Kerry all got close to 90 percent of the black vote. it has nothing to do with obama’s skin they just hate republicans.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
HOLY SHIT JOE THE PLUMBER ISN’T REAL
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/10/16/joe-in-the-spotlight/?hp
October 16th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Wonderful, Cracked Staff. A professional waste of my time and bandwidth.
If you want to discuss something funny, talk about Murtha saying Obama will have a problem with racists.
Kind of ignoring the fact that over 80% of the African American vote will go to Obama because of the tint of his skin.
I’d say McCain is going to have a problem with racists (and apparently Cracked editors as well).
October 16th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
“Maybe you should write a disclaimer before I have to read this trash.”
You hear that? People are now being forced to read things on the internet. I think we should have the Hague look into this.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I’m saddened they barely mentioned my cousin this time around…
October 16th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
You guys should really stop weighing in on the presidential election. You’re supposed to be a comedy site and this is not funny at all…plus it’s obvious you’re biased toward liberal thought. Maybe you should write a disclaimer before I have to read this trash.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I’m disappointed that the “I’m really wildly unpopular” line didn’t make the cut. That was my favorite part of the whole liveblog.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
yeah seriously swaim, everytime i see your avatar i think your carrot top or some shit.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Swaim, you really need a new avatar.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
In all seriousness, McCain didn’t seem like he knew what he wanted to do. He threw out bombs right and left but kept that manic, desperate smile as if he were saying, “I’m not old, angry and flailing. I’m an upbeat guy.”
October 16th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
is that last picture actually from the debate?
October 16th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Didn’t Joe the Plumber work for Rectal Rooter?
I’m just saying…
October 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Just for laughs…
Dan O’Brien’s next favourite tool: http://www.topcosales.us/product_detail.asp?PID=0231-7
October 16th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I wonder how many people would care if Joe the plumber suddenly turned out to be a black guy.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I can’t believe McCain rolled his eyes at Obama.
What a cunt.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
JOE THE PLUMBER! nanny nanny boo boo. JOE THE PLUMBER!, JOE THE PLUMBER!, JOE THE PLUMBER!
October 16th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Support brother Obama, as he supported brother Odinga in his virtuous quest to bring the modern Western invention of ethnic cleansing to Kenya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1P_P8lBCsE