I will no longer sleep with Tina Fey if she asks me to.
That’s right. I mean, the New York Times will probably be running my official “I Will No Longer Sleep With Tina Fey If She Asks Me To” announcement sometime next week, but I wanted you, the Cracked Readers, to hear it first, and to hear it from me. Now, I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking:
Your thoughts:“Horseshit, O’Brien. Of course you will. You appreciate her smart, quirky, self-deprecating sense of humor and you can’t deny that her skin looks incredibly soft. Also, you’ve always had a thing for powerful women, particularly ones that rock sexy librarian glasses, and no one rocks them quite as hard as Tina.”
That all might be true-
Your thoughts: “It is true, God Dammit.”
Okay, alright, take it easy. You’re right. I’ll admit, at one point in my life, I most certainly would have graciously accepted Tina Fey’s generous boning invitation. There was a time, not too long ago, when all I thought about was receiving Tina Fey’s Please-Come-Over-And-Bone-Me-Silly text message late at night. “Sure thing,” I’d cooly reply. “I’ll be there soon,” I’d add, also cooly. Then I’d drive over in my 97 Nissan Sentra and I’d pop in my homemade, totally romantic Now That’s What I Call Boning Mixed CD, (it’s basically a Barry White album plus one track of me grunting while lifting weights). The rest, as they say, would be history. Ass history.
But, that is not the case anymore, Ms Fey. According to this god damn article in Reader’s Digest, Tina Fey is practically publicly begging me to ignore her late-night text messages. One of the major offenses that stuck with me was Fey pointing out the difference between male comics and female comics: “I think male comedy is more boisterous. Usually it involves robots and sharks and bears. Female comedy is more likely to be about the minutiae of human behavior and relationships.” Robots and Sharks and Bears? How many Richard Pryor jokes had “Bear” as the punch line? How many Seinfeld jokes involved sharks? (”What is the deal with constantly swimming to avoid dying? Am I Right?”) None, Tina. Stop pretending male comedy is all id-driven retard candy and female comedy is all brilliant, thought-provoking social commentary. “Female comedy is about the minutiae of human behavior and relationships”? I’d reference some hilarious female comedian to disprove your point right now, but I can’t fucking think of any.
Don’t worry. It gets worse.
As aggravated as I was to hear Tina disregarding the entire history of male comedy as juvenile, robot-obsessed frat humor, I could forgive her, because she’s a very passionate and outspoken woman, and I think it would be neat to see her naked. But then she went on to commit a most grievous sin. In the interview, Fey very subtly and very briefly calls out one Jon Stewart:
“RD: What pleases you more, applause or laughter?
Fey: Laughter. You can prompt applause with a sign. My friend, SNL writer Seth Meyers, coined the term clapter, which is when you do a political joke and people go, “Woo-hoo.” It means they sort of approve but didn’t really like it that much. You hear a lot of that on [whispers] The Daily Show.”
You thought you could outsmart us by whispering, Tina Fey, but guess what: Reader’s Digest is a magazine. (With words.) Do you have a problem with The Daily Show, Tina Fey? Do you think you’re better than The Daily Show, or that you’re funnier than Jon Stewart? I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where I’d need to choose sides in a Fey-Stewart Feud, (especially one that I’m almost entirely creating), but I can say without a doubt that I choose Stewart. The Daily Show has had some weak spots, but I am fucking thrilled that Stewart is, consciously or not, the unofficial spokesman for my generation. He’s our guy, Tina. First you shit on male comics for not being as attuned to the minutia of human behavior as female comedians (Lisa Lampanelli?), and then you’re dissing The Daily Show? Please pull your head out of your finely-toned ass long enough to hear me tell you how much sex we’re not going to have.
Loads.
I hope you can understand and, really, you brought this on yourself. You’re a funny writer and comic actress and I love 30 Rock. I love it. However, because, for some reason, you seem to believe it’s your mission to discredit and write off male comics everywhere, you and I can never have the wild, scorching love affair we’ve both been dreaming about for years. I’m sorry, but it just isn’t going to happen, not even if you beg me for it. No matter how many times you apologize and no matter how much candy you send me, you’ll just never be ‘riding the midnight meat train,’ as they say, (no one says that). I hope you can move on with your life, even though I’m pretty sure you can’t.
Speaking of Women I Never Plan on Having Sex With
Let’s see what’s new with that bitch who plays Hannah Montana. According to a recent study, a substantial amount of Hannah Montana toys contain high levels of toxic lead. It would seem poisoning our children isn’t just for the Chinese anymore. I’ve been saying it for years, people, Hannah Montana wants every American child to die horrifically. Understand, she views live children as nothing more than “abortions that got away” and, given her well-publicized status as a serial abortionist, she just thinks she’s finishing the job. I have seriously been saying that for years.
Still, this is probably a tough time for Little Miss Snakeface. Lead toys and, if you’ll recall from last week’s post, she is hilariously lonely- that’s a lot for a fifteen year old. Well, I’ve got just the thing to cure at least one of those problems, Montana. Last week, I asked the relentlessly charming and cripplingly attractive Cracked audience to post why they’d make excellent mates for you and the response was overwhelming. If none of the fine folks mentioned below meet your standards, (I can’t imagine why), I’m sure we’ll have some more hopeful suitors next week.
P.S. MetalBrainSurgery, I want that song.
“Because Mandy Moore has not yet responded to my shameless internet flirting.“-Gladstone He’s hurting, Hannah. Console him.-D.O.B.
“I for one would love to date hannah montana. i can say on our first date i certainly wouldn’t have a team of kidnappers prepared to take her, hold her for ransom (lets face it, billy ray’s gotta still be rakin in achey breaky heart dough), then upon receiving the money force montana to do my laundry(my mom made me start doing it myself last week, it’s pretty confusing) for the rest of my life instead of returning her to her throne of lies.
I also enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and music made by less than untalented tweens.” -Tim
“I’m hot, so… There’s that.
Oh right, and I love Hannah Montana and would never violate her, cut her up and send her limbs to cracked bloggers for them to do with them what they see fit.” -Maarten You’ll get paid when I get her hands, Maarten.-D.O.B.
“Not only can I cook and dance but I also have mounds of useless knowledge. Everything from Freakazoid to ham to prowrestling. I also have a comprehensive guide to old timey slang. I can even help with abortions. I mean she has at least 1 a day so why not have a part of me in what I destroy. Also being the father of the antichrist would look good on a resume.” -LoganB You’re not gonna find a better man, Montana-D.O.B.
“I’ve got candy.”-JuanitoGallo I stand corrected.-D.O.B.
“i should be hannah montana’s new boyfriend because: I am the antichrist and a close friend of cthulhu, also i am funny and smart, i know how to listen to a woman and i like to slaughter people, black magic and drugs.
we are meant to each other.
i feel like i already love her.”-Sieg
“hannah montana i want to know some things about you, not really about you but your fetishes actually!
if you do decide to lay your eggs in my severed neck (like you do) check the following that you do and enjoy
[]likes to lay there while people verbally berate you with mabisms and spit on you
[]likes to get socked in the jaw by a overweight baltic man while you touch yourself
[]do you like “watersports”
[]do you like to send nude pictures that i can easily give to the press and ruin you
[]do you think the simpsons should be canceled cause it sucks now a days
[]are you a furry? come on you can tell me
[] and can i buy you a drink. yeah i know your 15 but all the cool kids are doing it, you wanna be cool right?
so get back to me if you can
oh and hannah montanta created AIDS to rule the world and uses her show to turn all the men gay so the population would collapse” -stark And a bonus Mabism! Booya!-D.O.B.
“I’m a girl AND I’m only a year older than her.
That’s her kind of thing, yeah?
I’d gladly give up my head for this plan, which can only end in her downfall.
(You got that kind of audience commitment, A.V. Club?)”-Ellie They certainly don’t, Miss Ellie! Suck it, A.V. Club!-D.O.B.
“I should be her boyfriend because I can save her a lot of money. Specifically, I am not above kicking her in the stomach real hard once a month.” -Glenn
“Hanna–
I ain’t gonn’ be moved on this. Right or wrong, you gonn’ mind me. Like Jesus Christ said, “Imma suffa’ you. IMMA SUFFA’ YOU!” Get yo ass back in my house!”-Lazarus
“I’m an alcoholic sociopath with numerous convictions for aggravated assault and I’m on the sex offenders registry in four states–
Fuck, I think I screwed up. Can I start over?”-J.R. Bob Dobbs No no no, you’re doing fine, keep going. -D.O.B.
“I should be Hannah Montana’s boyfriend because I’m a girl…
Oh, additionally because I’m trained in thrown weapons (axes, spikes, knives), fencing, American Sign Language and playing Dungeons and Dragons.
Put those all together, and you get the best date EVER for Hannah Montana! Now, where’s my spinny wheel of doom…”-Mandie Technically everything can be a throw weapon, but we’ll let this slide.-D.O.B.
This entry was posted on Friday, March 21st, 2008 at 2:59 pm and is filed under My 97 Nissan Sentra, Swaim tried to rape a dog, That Bitch Who Plays Hannah Montana, Tina Fey, midnight meat train. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Disney to Reboot Mickey Mouse, Internet to Make Fun of Them
My Brief Time as Encyclopedia Brown's Partner
So You Need to Disarm A Chimpanzee
5 Steps to Writing Successful Erotic Fiction
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
August 18th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I’d like to hear her make fun of Stephen Colbert. He would tear her apart particularly because he wants the attention, as apposed to John Steward who doesn’t give a shit.A
August 14th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Hahaha. Yeah. 8 years of the Bush presidency would’ve been so much better without John Stewart. Because he’s a bleeding heart liberal and everything.
Fucking christ. Tina Fey is critisizing John Stewart. Tina Fey of “Baby Mama” fame. Tina “I got my start working as a fake news anchor with Jimmy Fallon” Fey.
The world has officially eaten its heart out.
August 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
jon stewert isnt really that funny. maybe if you’re super democratic…
July 27th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Hannah Montana spawned hitler, stalin, george w bush, castro, and nicolas gace from the severed and impregnated neck of tle last living dinosaur. she is also the reason all the other dinosaurs are extinct.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:11 am
I personally liked Mandie’s entry.
Dungeons and dragons is NEVER a useless skill!
July 19th, 2009 at 9:00 am
“I also enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and music made by less than untalented tweens.” -Tim
When I glanced over this I legitimately misread tweens as Whores.
June 15th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Tina is right, on The Daily Show people applaud every single time Jon makes a confused face at every stupid video on the show.
I am a fan of the show, but it does get annoying.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I will still probably have sex with Tina Fey but I’ll have to gag her first so I don’t have to listen to her annoying, repetitive banter
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
nicelierofl
October 24th, 2008 at 8:47 am
[...] plays Hannah Montana. How involved was this feud? Well, as evidence, every single letter in Miley Cyrus leads to a different blog post where I attack [...]
June 19th, 2008 at 9:16 am
nice site and nice article! BTW, I saw many hot sexy videos @ ___PlusMeet.c o m___, where many sexy big boobs women, big booty women and big manful guys meet together for fun, friends, romance&love!
April 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
[...] the slider through in parts. It consisted of the very kind of “applause lines” that Tina Fey was bagging on The Daily Show for using instead of actual, you know, jokes. Pander lines. Stuff that wouldn’t have worked had a [...]
April 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am
[...] the slider through in parts. It consisted of the very kind of “applause lines” that Tina Fey was bagging on The Daily Show for using instead of actual, you know, jokes. Pander lines. Stuff that wouldn’t have worked had a [...]
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
First off, Fey is right. The Daily Show hasn’t been funny since Craig Whats-his-name left.
Next off, all female humor is about how men suck. Every listened to Laura Kightlinger, Joy Behar, Brett Butler, Roseanne, all your top women “comics”, all they do is bitch about men and how much they suck.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 am
From http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/25/flight.incident as mentioned by Trevor:
“In the teen’s possession were handcuffs, duct tape and a type of rope or yarn, according to the FBI. Authorities noted that those are not prohibited items.”
So all those items are acceptable, but a small bottle of shower gel — or a MacBook Air (without a hard drive) — is flagged because it “may contain explosives”? Hmm…
March 31st, 2008 at 8:00 am
[...] laborious, six-hour lovemaking is one of the best full-body workouts you can get. And unlike some other Cracked bloggers, I have few qualms about banging gorgeous celebrities (as long as we keep the lights off and [...]
March 28th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
[...] you’ll recall from last week, as a result of Tina Fey’s comments in Reader’s Digest that may or may not have called [...]
March 28th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Murphy, I couldn’t agree with you more man, but we can only hope for the world’s sake Hannah Montana avoids that, because with Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears, that’s two young stars who went that way, and God only knows how much fucked-up teen star this planet can handle. Think of what that would do to our population girls as old as 17 (I know one) idolize Hannah Montana, if she fucks up, that’s a whole generation pretty much down the crapper. If she wants I’d be glad to teach her to play Halo and WoW so she never leaves the house and never has this problem!
March 28th, 2008 at 1:28 am
Incase you missed it the first time. It’s called “Servants of the False”
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=816355
March 27th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
So male comics are all goons, as proved by the cast of SNL, yet female comics are good, based on a few obscure (and poor as I’ve discovered) female comics that require active attention to stand up? Females are likely just as good as male comedians, but there aren’t as many female stand up comedians as I’ve noticed. It follows that since 90% of male comics aren’t great, then female comics would only come out as a handful.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Are you on your period? try some cranberry juice, bro.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Lowbrow,
You just said everything I wanted to say. Thanks for that. The douchebag that criticizes a comedian for making a joke that he clearly doesn’t understand can’t even write up a humorous article.
O’Brian,
That’s like a comedian making a joke about all Jews being cheap and some guy who has a jew for a best friend getting all bent out of shape because his best friend just doesn’t happen to be cheap. Touchy, are we?
March 27th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
“Every comic way of writing is unique, but I think male comedy is more boisterous. Usually it involves robots and sharks and bears. Female comedy is more likely to be about the minutiae of human behavior and relationships.”
Clearly the qualification here is male comedy is superior? Also this explains why female comedy resembles to females yakking on public transport.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Tina Fey is right on.
John Stewart might be funny but I’m tired of him getting a free pass on criticism and you make it out like it’s religious sacrilige to talk about how fucking brainwashed his audiences always are. I hate the Daily Show audience and how they applaud everything.
http://sophomorecritic.blogspot.com/2007/07/should-john-stewart-run-for-president.html
March 27th, 2008 at 5:10 am
i am a man and i don’t take offense whatsoever to what she was saying. she was clearly joking. she was just saying that there are few women who can pull of boisterous humor, and male humor is often that way… not that it is always that way… i mean, she has worked in the comedy business for years.. so i would trust her opinion somewhat. also, she was kidding. calm down, man…
March 27th, 2008 at 12:38 am
I’m reading this article, and all I can hear is Chris Crocker going “leave Jon Stewart ALONE!”
(I’d post the ubiquitous image if I could.)
Seriously. You’d swear off an affair with Tina Fey because she said something not-nice about someone you don’t even want a BJ from?
Priorities, people.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Tina Fey is the one bright light coming from SNL in the last few years. Smart, funny, sexy…she coul dhave held her own in the show’s heyday.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
WOW…so sweet, seems she is famous on a tall dating site~~~~~~~ Tallmingle.com ,there are many hot models.they vote the most beautiful member each month.
funny thing…..
March 26th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Fuck Stewart…he’s well on his way to replacing Combes opposite of Hannity…or a revival of Crossfire. Fey’s comment is dead on, Jon and the Daily Show have become a one-trick pony setting up the same political joke fodder every episode so the “Rock the Vote” generation can tune in, turn on and drop out. As a moderate it just becomes tiresome…here comes another Bush-is-a-fool-and-how routine et cetera. They should have kept Chapelle on the scene and retired Jon before CNN or MSN shamefully picks him up so he can have third rate debates with Johnny “Geraldo” Rivers and Bill Maher.
As for Mr. O’Brien, you need to either have a point or have some funny because this shit was bone-dry and witless. Did you’re sense of humor go on strike in outrage too? You should have taken Tina’s advice and thrown in a bear or shark joke…how about this article was as funny as a moustache ride back stage at a Great White reunion concert?
March 26th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Also, Jon Stewart is not the voice of our generation and is M.C. for major events entirely too often. Plus, you KNOW that old noobs are saying “those hooligans with their the YouTube and the Daily Show, and the blog-o-sphere,” or “That Juno is just so quirky and isn’t afraid to be herself. I bet Jon Stewart is her favorite comedian.” I don’t know about you but I don’t like being stereotyped. And Colbert could kick is ass comedically any day (strangers w candy anyone?)
March 26th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
‘m sry to break it 2 u GUYS, but female comedians have more innr str8nght and charactr thn shovenists lik Jon Sterart evr will. THAT’S wat makes them funny nd who they are. Excpt stoopid femle comedians like Maria Bamford and Srah Silverman, they r totally a discrdit to the FEmale SPEESHIES.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
A swimming pool full of dead babies makes me laugh
March 26th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I’m sorry in advance if someone already said this, but there are a shitload of comments so i am just going to say it.
What is the difference between a pool filled up with dead babies and a female comedian?
March 26th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Ummm…Tina Fey is a professional comedic writer and actor. Everything she said that you’re referencing she was joking about. She’s friends with Jon Stewart. I doubt you’ll read this but if you do please know that she was joking. Trust me, she’s smarter than you are.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Jon Stewart isn’t funny. His comedy consists of showing a political person saying something out of context, and then showing a reaction shot of him making a dumb face, then saying something loud.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
woops wrong link http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=816355
March 26th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
heres a rough version of I hate hannah montana. just guitars and drums. No vox or bass yet.
http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=6401925&q=hi&newref=1
March 26th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Murphy,
Your words brought tears to my eyes my friend. Thank you, and God Bless.
http://www.NeilsNotes.com
March 26th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Actually, I’ve seen two funny female comedians on comedy central, both of them were lesbians so I think that might be why. Heterosexual females are tryin to ridicule men and being sexy at the same time (probably, maybe, i’m not an expert on this, don’t quote that). Also, I haven’t really seen any stand-up comedians do jokes about sharks, lasers and bears. Hell, not even about ninjas or pirates. Jokes about race, sex, drugs and other taboos are quite common.
March 26th, 2008 at 7:59 am
O’Brian,
It’s called a generalization. It something that comedians do.
Please note that, from now on, I will still keep ignoring your calls and texts but not because you’re not attractive enough but because now you are just retarded. The world doesn’t need any more morons procreating. I’m sorry Ms. Fey hurt your feelings and made you cry but please grow a pair. I cannot imagine any woman wanting to be with a man that doesn’t have the crown jewels in tact on account of his sensitivity. Thanks.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:31 am
The scar on Tina is “The Mark of Hanna”. While it looks minor, the real damage is how Hanna scarred her soul.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:01 am
Tina Fey,
That is just messed up. Wearing a tie. A TIE!!!!!!!!
Seriously, I agree with BWM.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:46 am
If you’re going to stick it into Hannah Montana, do it fast. She’s the current incarnation of the Jailbait Icon, and she’s good at it. She’d look great in a schoolgirl plaid skirt and a high socks, with her cotton shirt open and knotted under her perky tits.
Kind of like that Britney video…remember about 10 years ago? Still want to stick it in HER?
Ten years from now, don’t be surprised if Miley ends up getting gang-banged in a trailer park by toothless, potbellied moonshine drinkers who have been sporting the same mullet since before “Achy Breaky Heart.”
Now Tina Fey is another story. Tina is NOT prey. Tina is a predator. Tina has been hit on….like a driving range golf ball…for DECADES. She’ll take your pathetic opening lines and juvenile seduction attempts and shove them straight up your ass at the tip of her enormous strap-on.
Tina fucks, she does not get fucked. She squeezes men for semen like a bartender squeezes a lemon. “Sure,” you say. “I’ll be the man that smacks that bitch into line.” Other men have tried, and other men have wakened in an alley in Mumbai, missing a kidney.
If Chuck Norris was born with a vagina, he’d wish he was Tina Fey.
Satan fears the day she dies, and has been building defensive fortifications since her birth.
Stick with supple, soft, pliant, innocent little Miley Cyrus. Do her until your eyes cross.
But, if you value your soul, stay away from Tina Fey.
That one is MINE.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:33 am
I WAS going to give a long comment, but almost everything has been said; Fey never bashed male comics, lauded female ones, or said anything bad about Stewart or the Daily Show.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:42 am
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=25&sku=E-CD00275
March 26th, 2008 at 2:37 am
^Seriously.
I don’t think Rosie is funny. Along with Dane Cook. No thanks.
Tina Fey,
That is just messed up.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:12 am
HAWT Vagina!
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00263
March 26th, 2008 at 12:58 am
In Fey’s defense, she was on SNL when Will Ferrell was part of the cast, who doesn’t have nearly the comedic prowess of Stewart. I’d be skeptical of male comedians too, if I had to deal with Ferrell.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:36 am
WOW….so sexy girl,does she still play on tall dating site~~~~~~~ Tallmingle.com ?I heard this many times from my friends playing on that site.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
oh and George. fucking. Carlin.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
@ Television Voyer - I’ve been to both the Daily Show and Colbert Report - no laugh track, no laugh cues. Colbert still had the applause cues for intros and outros. I was surprised that the Daily Show didn’t even have those, but I guess its because everyone there already knows when to applaud.
and I can’t believe that on a humor blog there are people dissing Jon Stewart. That’s just depressing - also John Oliver and John Hodgeman rock my world.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
But who knows she had a profile at mixedfriends.com which is a niche interracial dating site? She had a hot video there. She is really sexy with bikini in that video. someone thought it is naughty. but I don’t think so
March 25th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
@JPark - yes, its exactly like fox news with a few jokes thrown in, that’s the perfect analogy.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
finnished recording the guitars. I think friday im going to my friends house to record the vocals and bass.
March 25th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I gave Tina that facial scar whilst giving her a facial (lucky biach!)… pearl necklace for her birthday cumming soon (luckier biach!)!
Cereal: http://www.NeilsNotes.com
March 25th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Man, that’s harsh. Poor Tina.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
This, sir, is hilarious!
Those librarian glasses are still hard to resist for me though… and that mysterious scar on her face makes her edgy.
For further political satire… check out:
http://adjust-yourself.blogspot.com
March 25th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
You forgot about the classic hate fuck.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Hannah Montana stole the cure for cancer only to use it as a condiment on her fried baby legs salad.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I’m not sure what’s worse: the people who took the comments in the original article 100% seriously, or the people who couldn’t tell this entire thing was tongue-in-cheek.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
“Bad girls” The movie. That is all.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
You completely missed the point on this one. Try reading the article again and leave your preconceptions about how you need to turn this into a fight behind.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
to ass_master3000, telling Tucker Carlson, a bow-tie wearing fruitcake, that hes just a talking head doesnt make you cool OR tough. In my book, that was just a smarmy John Jewart picking on someone who wouldnt do anything about it to boost his own status and had nothing to do with anything he was actually talking about. The guy sucks.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:13 am
you are an angry nerd and your article wasn’t funny
March 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Lighten up, O’Brien. Tina Fey clearly wasn’t trying to attack or belittle the Daily Show or her male colleagues. She was simply making some light insights into the world of show-business. It’s Reader’s Digest, for Chrissakes!
Jesus, someone feels threatened!!
Been a while since you’ve enjoyed the female touch has it?
March 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Jon Stewart isn’t funny. The Daily Show was funny back before it got popular and Jon had just started as the host. Now its gotten too mainstream and much of the original talent that made the show so good have moved onto better things.
I’d still hit Tina Fey. We’d do it while watching Star Wars (the original 3) and I would constantly be yelling memorable Star Wars quotes like “It’s a Trap,” “I Though They Smelled Bad on the Outside,” and Utinni!!!”
Tina, if you reading this get in touch. I will show you the power of the dark side…
March 25th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Listening to the Tina interview on the Reader’s Digest site, she doesn’t even MENTION the Daily Show. It’s unclear whether they’ve cut this comment, or simply tweaked her words beyond all recognition. Even if she did whisper the Daily Show’s name like a sweet sweet nothing into the interviewer’s ear, the whoooooole clapter comment starts out with her talking about this phenomenon IN WEEKEND UPDATE. She is not saying that she hasn’t received her share of clapter. She’s saying that she personally enjoys getting hearty laughter more than politically (or applause sign) induced cheers.
http://media.rd.com/rd/video/rd_video/tina_fey_interview_96K.mp3
March 25th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I know this. The worst Weekend updates I had ever seen were when Tina Fey and Jimmy “The hugest douchebag ever” Fallon were stinking up my Saturday nights with their lame ass, off handed jokes, and their inability to NOT laugh at their own jokes. Sure Stewart does the same thing, but when he laughs, it’s genuinely funny.
I agree that The Daily Show has regressed a bit, and Colbert is getting better, but remember that Jon Stewart has a lot to do with The Colbert Report. Maybe his attention is getting spread too thin?
Oh well, I’m tired of wasting time doing this…
Lenny. Fucking. Bruce
March 25th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Bill. Fucking. Hicks.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:27 am
[...] Cracked’s I Will No Longer Sleep With Tina Fey If She Asks Me To: “I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where I’d need to choose sides in a [Tina] [...]
March 25th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Yeah the Daily Show is a pale shadow of what it once was, while the Colbert Report is getting funnier and funnier.
Lest all you bashers of Jon Stewart forget though, he cemented his status as a hero when he went on Crossfire and kicked the shit out of Tucker Carlson.
Furthermore, as someone said above, it was mainly the correspondents who made the Daily Show funny, and from what I’ve seen the newest batch are a bunch of posers who try to follow in the footsteps of greats like Colbert, Carrell, and Rob Corddry.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I Will No Longer Sleep With Tina Fey If She Asks Me To…
This story has been submitted to Stirrdup. Your support can help it become hot….
March 25th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Oh Who the hell is Tina Fey ?
March 25th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Seriously, Tina Fey is trying to use the gender card to a) plug for the demon witch Clinton and b) try and convince us that SNL has any credibility/relavence to anything, let alone politics? Did you see the Entertainment weekly article trating the show like they’re the New Gods of Television? Please. ‘I Drink Your Milkshake’ and a pillow do not funny make.
But you know, I’d still have sex with Tina Fey. It would just be Angry Sex. Involving a bear and/or shark and/or robot. And she’d have to keep her glasses on. Because yum.
March 25th, 2008 at 8:59 am
OH NO
Hannah Montana is on bebo and that little bitch that does that show with her well their is only one way to fix this
real or not we must smite them
REBEL REBEL
Here’s the link
http://bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=6094839682
and her myspace page (the real one I think !?)
http://www.myspace.com/mileycyrus
BTW cover your ears on her myspace page as she will has music that will turn your ears
into mouths that can extend and rip your eyes out of your sockets. IT’S TRUE!
March 25th, 2008 at 7:31 am
I’m certain that the Daily show does use a laugh track - all talk-centric shows do, in fact any show with an audience does because they have to give cues for the tv audience to laugh. And on-set they usually have lights that flash up during the punch line to give the live audience a cue to laugh. In the past they would have set hands actually hold signs saying laugh, clap, etc but that’s a bit unnecessary nowadays.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:39 am
[...] a Reader’s Digest article she let slip some comments that some found objectionable. Now, I LOVE the Daily Show, but I think her point that some jokes get laughs because people [...]
March 25th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Um… Richard Pryor did at least one routine about a bear.
Bugger.
March 25th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Fey used to be really down to earth, girl next door hot. Now she acts like her shit don’t stink. Get the fuck out of here. SNL hasn’t been funny in years partly because of you, and the Daily Show is 10x funnier than anything you’ve done…
March 25th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Consider your bookmark removed, you bigoted, inbred, racist, sexist halfwits
March 25th, 2008 at 3:36 am
Regarding Hanna Montana toys, research revealed that only 17 percent of the mental retardation effect could be attributed to lead content. The remaining 83 percent was due to the theme.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:14 am
[...] read more | digg story [...]
March 25th, 2008 at 2:53 am
I think you missed the point of what she was saying and now have started a rivalry where there really is none. She was talking more about the audience of the Daily Show than Jon Stewart. I agree with her (and Jon Stewart has made this same type of comment) that clapping when Stewart says something bad about Bush or O’Reilly is not the type of reaction Jon Stewart is looking for. You can even see it on the show how it bothers Jon Stewart sometimes when people are clapping and screaming when he makes an anti-bush reference and the laughs get lost.
As for her second point. If you look up the word boisterous (which was the actual point she was making, the robot part was a joke) you find “2 a: noisily turbulent : rowdy b: marked by or expressive of exuberance and high spirits”. Which is true of most male comics. Male comics (and there are exceptions to everything) tend to go for the loud reaction by going with jokes that elicit surprise (like when Louis C. K. calls his kid an asshole) and a lot of the times the male comics are excessively loud themselves (like that hack Dane Cook). Female comics tend do more observational stuff and character stuff (like early Whoopi Goldberg). Of course there are exceptions, Jerry Seinfeld is more feminine and Sarah Silverman is more masculine. In fact a lot of the more successful female comedians are more masculine because males tend to consume more comedy and thats what they tend to enjoy.
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
March 25th, 2008 at 2:37 am
That’s just more Tina Fey for me, then. But if she mentions Hillary Clinton, we’re doing anal.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:21 am
[...] First she says male comedy usually involves robots and sharks and bears. Then she characterizes Jon Stewart as going for cheap laughs? As much as we love 30 Rock, it is SO on.http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/03/21/i-will-no-longer-sleep-with-tina-fey-if-she-asks-me-to-also-h… [...]
March 25th, 2008 at 2:12 am
You know, that’s an odd charge for her to make, considering her version of the Daily Show, Weekend Update, was never close to as funny as the Daily Show — not to mention that the laughter was all prompted — that ever night the audience had already seen the run-through before the live show and was forcing themselves to laugh because a sign told them to. With all her Hillary supporting and Jon Stewart bashing, I’m beginning to lose respect for the lovely Tina Fey.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:04 am
I just visualized a pact between Michael Jackson, Tina Fey, Hanna Montanna, and Dr. Ruth…
no more abortions, legal fees, male comics, or lonely nights….
Seems one of them brought a dildo… wtf, dude, i need new meds…
March 25th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Tina needs to go back and look at the level of comedy she was producing for one segment of fake news for one show a week. Weekend Update was barely ‘clapter’ material. I realize she had other work on that sinking franchise but she couldn’t even keep the level of her own segment up to par. It would have served her well to be humble with the success she’s just recently come in to.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Stewart! Shit, Stewart.
Note to self: If you’re going to criticize someone else than be sure to……
Aww, to hell with it.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Jon Steward has his audience trained to laugh whether or not he makes a funny joke, which isn’t often. All he has to do is stop and grin at the camera, cue laughing. Watch an episode and you’ll see.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Jon Stewart, spokesman for a generation? How old are you? Isnt that guy like 50? I thought he was for the baby boomers who ask him to keep hosting their lame awards. Do you mean his writers? They’re fine, but they were good on other shows too. Dude was a job away from being Ryan Seacrest - same thing, different writers, different audience and clapper-jokes. I mean come on, how many versions of the same tones/faces/befuddled forced laughter can you take in one segment? Confirming your fuzzy left-leaning moderate beliefs of self-righteous cycnicism and fooling you into thinking he and you are more well-reformed and smarter than those rubes who can’t afford cable may be comforting and clap-worthy, but is not the same as comedy.
I’ve not seen Fey condescend like that - she often gets a thrill out of making her audience cringe a bit and laugh only out of discomfort. She is no spokesman either, but she can at least write decently.
Now, Colbert I could see….and he’s got some great bear jokes.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:02 am
I’m glad others are seeing it. It’s fine to stay ‘loyal’ to Jon Stewart…but to compare the ‘performance’ cability of he vs. Colbert…there is NO contest. Colbert presents an entertaining and energetic character that is: Steven Colbert News Anchor! Colbert puts on a SHOW. He entertains. And man…could he be any bigger of a devil’s advocate to his guests…LOL. And (we all know) that type of interviewing styple ALWAYS get the best out of the interviewee.
And to the person a couple of posts above me… I checked out http://www.NeilsNotes.com I’m an instant fan buddy…thank you!
March 24th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
shes right, The Daily Show isn’t very funny. John Stewart’s shtick gets real old, real quick.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Hey Daniel,
Nice write-up…lol. You’ve certainly stirred the shitstorm on this one.
Check out: http://www.NeilsNotes.com (I’m still laughing over it!). Maybe do a write-up about that site.
R
PS: I’m gonna be thinking about Tina tonight as go to sleep…nice work!
March 24th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
@MetalBrainSurgery: Glad to hear it! Can’t wait for the song.
@The Rest of You: Dream Theater and/or Joe Satriani fans, it wouldn’t hurt to head on over to MBS’s Myspace page.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Calm down, I have heard many comedians make the same comment about “Clapter”. They would much prefer that they get a laugh rather than have the audience agree with their political statement. I would bet that Jon Stewart feels the same way. She didn’t need to mention the Daily Show - but it is seriously one of the biggest offenders. And Tina isn’t really picking on Jon or his writers as much as she is making fun of the people who are watching the Daily Show, not to laugh, but to get their political information (not to mention a lot of ‘their’ opinions).
And the bit about men doing jokes about bears and sharks - dude, go back and watch SNL during the years she was there. Lots of friggin sketches about bears and aliens and other crazy shit.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
[...] I Will No Longer Sleep With Tina Fey If She Asks Me To [...]
March 24th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
I find Tina Fey and Jon Stewart to both be equally un-funny and pretentious so this is no skin off my nose.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
As long as Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen Degeneres live and breathe, their combined suck will offset any number of Dane Cooks.
Any
Fuckin’
Number
March 24th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Yup, Liz, those sammitches are not going to make themselves.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
@Neil - to be fair the daily show actually contains more information than pretty much every cable newscast. all while being hilarious.
It is like Fox News with a few facts thrown in.
And yes, comediennes are rarely funny. You have Lisa Lampinelli and Sarah Silverman but they are tom-boys that talk like sailors (male sailors). Most others? Straight women talking about “relationships” or bull-dykes talking about “relationships”.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
good news, im half way through recording the guitars for “I hate Hannah Montana (Shes a bitch)”. Already got the drum machine progamed so the drums are done. ill finish the guitars tomorrow and then record the vocals sometime this week. bass should be done in about a week. so yeah if you dont have this song in 7 days hit my myspace up with angry messages. http://www.myspace.com/metalbrainsurgery
March 24th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
“Ah, what great fodder for the misogynists. Aren’t you proud of yourself?”
At least he has something to be proud of, unlike you, hanging you head in shame because you’ll never know the unbridled power a Y chromosome bestows on those lucky enough to posses it.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
well, that tears it. The majority rules, Liz better go get the ham and get going on that sandwich.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Yes, yes I am. sandwich please.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Yes, go make me a sandwich.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Ah, what great fodder for the misogynists. Aren’t you proud of yourself?
March 24th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
[...] Read the entire article here [...]
March 24th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
hannah montana i will totally be your boyfriend! i’ll lower my (sorta) good singing to your level and we’ll sing love songs about how much i love your serial abortioning! but i’m a few months younger than you, but it’s okay, i’ve seen your pictures. you don’t have to explain, there WAS a slight baby-like bump, but you got rid of it…
March 24th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Fey was onto something about the “clapter” thing, but even though I dislike the Daily Show I still think it’s a shitload funnier than anything on SNL nowadays.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Really? hard to believe.i heard this news times from many friends playing on a tall dating site~~~~Tallmingle.com~~~,i did not believe, i think that they are know nothing but dating and love.
i am wrong.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Damn, O’Brien. Why don’t you grow a pair instead of being so overly sensitive. Tina wasn’t criticizing male comics for preferring robots, sharks and bears to minutiae of human behavior and relationships. She is just saying it is different. I don’t know what guy wouldn’t think that robots, sharks and bears are better fodder for humor. I am all set to agree with Tina on that one because, to me, it reads “men find humor in danger while women only whine about their boyfriends”.
She also wasn’t criticizing Jon Stewart. She was criticizing his audience (if you can call that criticism). What is so wrong about pointing out that sometimes an audience will express that the agree with a political viewpoint even if they don’t find the joke funny? She didn’t say Jon Stewart wasn’t funny. She just said that the audience doesn’t laugh at all of his jokes. If you are getting upset at that, I have to believe that you secretly want to sleep with Jon Stewart.
You should know by now that not every attempt at humor draws a laugh. Even the greats like Jon Stewart sometimes miss. Just like you missed right here. You know, when you decided to trash my future wife. Yes, I am mad because I still love Tina Fey and I’m hoping that she will read this and see my chivalrous attempt to defend her honor and fall in love me and send me lewd text messages. Frankly, I’m glad you no longer want to sleep with her. One less guy for me to compete with.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
When are females going to learn they aren’t funny? I’ll sum up every female comedian, ever:
(Female comedian) I have a vagina!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) I’m fat!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) My husband/boyfriend is so stupid!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) My boyfriend/husband has a small dick!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) Periods suck!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) My kids are annoying!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) Other people’s kids are annoying!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) I’m always doing laundry/making dinner/vacuuming!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) Some man hurt my feelings and I think he’s a jerk!
(Stupid female audience) Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Female comedian) My Mother/Mother-in-Law/boss/some other female in my life who slighted me in the smallest way is a bitch!
(Female comedian) I’m rude and obnoxious!
(Stupid female audience) You go girl!
As for those that think Sara Silverman is funny, she wouldn’t even have a show if it weren’t for her relentlessly sucking Jimmy Kimmel’s four inches of pathetic boyhood. She’s just another rich, snobby jewess with an ego that even manages to eclipse size of her monstrous nose.
Women need to realize that comedy is a man’s game and that there are plenty of other places that they can succeed in life, like prostitution. Women, instead of torturing us hardworking men, the men that have real jobs that we need to maintain so we invent, manufacture and pay for the endless crap you always want us to buy you, with your misguided attempts at humor; why don’t you stay in the bedroom and keep churning out the next generation of manly men; men who will grow up and pay for the social security benefits you’ll suck out of the system like the selfish whores you are.
As for Tina Fey, I would do her, but only if she was into anal and I could use a pineapple.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
While I agree that Tina Fey is wrong about male comics…I am a man and I think Jon Stewart sucks. Now, before you get pissed, I think Daniel O’Brien is funnier than Jon Stewart. ‘The Daily Show’ sucks and I am proud to say that I would rather have an hour of ‘The Colbert Report” than sit through the Daily Show ever again. The only redeeming factor of ‘The Daily Show’ are the correspondents (which were both Carrell, Colbert, and a slew of super funny people), but it is not worth listening to Jon Stewart make annoying jokes. He does not speak for my generation…he whines for my generation.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
i love sharks, and bears, and robots. maybe we could build a robotic bear-shark. it may be the only way to defeat hannah montanas approaching alien armada.
March 24th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I am very surprised Tina Fey said that. As much as I love to defame male comedians, I can’t condone such generalizations. Especially when they’re about the beloved daily show.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
@ Turd Johnson - are you fucking insane. Is it possible to hate the daily show and love colbert? They’re the same thing. Jon is a parody of your typical news anchor and colbert is a parody of blowhard talking head shows like bill o’reilly (papa bear). Not to mention colbert used to be on the daily show an write for the daily show and jon produces the colbert report. but you know, yea, those are just facts.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Tina Fey’s on notice.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
To Tom Ripley,
Did you really need yet another reason to deface you Hannah Montana social calendar my friend? I deface mine daily (without using my hands/reason in the link below)…God she’s hot! Oh oh…getting some teak now…gotta go!
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=28&sku=E-CD00366
March 24th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
i read the reader’s digest article, and to me Tina Fey’s comments about comedians and the daily show were obviously jokes about male and female comedians. and the ‘clapter’ term was not funny enough to include in the interview, even for reader’s digest.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
What a stupid article, John Stewart and the daily show is a total piece of self-congratulating crap. Voice of a generation, more like the voice of all of those self-important college students whose professors really ‘opened their eyes’.
Preach it Tina Fey. Just don’t mess with Stephen Colbert, he’s actually original and funny.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
You will no longer be having sex with Tina Fey? Excellent. May I have your place in the rotation?
March 24th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I’m not sure I’d have used Seinfeld as an example of good, robot-and-sharks-free, stand-up comedy.
No, I lie. I am sure.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Thank goodness you fixed that picture of Tina Fey! Now I can not masturbate to her in protest more effectively.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Dear Mr. O’Brien, I have found your blog both insightful and empowering. Thank you. I’ve decided I am going to go home this very evening and deface my Hannah Montana social calendar. Not because I’ve suddenly developed a hatred toward her, but because I want to strip myself of all those things that ruled my life before I’d come to know cracked.com! It represents the binding force of pre-determined life experiences which I’ve come to despise thanks to (you all) my new friends. No longer will I bother to check my round about birthday calendar, or my sassy sleepover checklist. Goodbye Hannah, you obsessive controlling bitch, for my life will be mine once again!
Sincerely,
-Mr. R
March 24th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
@fragg - to be fair the daily show actually contains more information than pretty much every cable newscast. all while being hilarious.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
the skits with Hillary and Obama created quite a stir and SNL is taking some flack for it. there is an argument wether what SNL does can be considered “political satire” as opposed to “political comedy,” as “satire” usually involves some sort of cleverness. A sort that SNL has lacked for a good long time.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Fucking space bears with laser sharks is funny but robots are teh gay
March 24th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Is your woman ’straddling the gauze?!’ and making your life truly a living fucking hell?! What better way to say: fuck off…stop being a bleedin’ twat!’ , then by sending her a FREE card saying just that at: http://www.NeilsNotes.com (PS: you can send it ‘anonymously’… how kewl is that?!).
March 24th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I don’t get Comedy Central anymore. Too poor.
So I’ll gladly fuck Tiny Fey for you. And you. And you. But not you.
March 24th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Tiny Fey…a classic example of a women with a little success under her slutty belt. They get so many hours in front of the camera, then they think their opinion matters to people. See Tina take it in the crapper at: http://www.NeilsNotes.com
March 24th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Living in a house with 4 females (one wife and 3 cats) I can honestly say there is no better solution to a female’s period than getting thier innards cut out. Only 2 cats and one wife to go. (The cats go in next week)
March 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Living in a house with three women (My wife and my two daughters) I can honestly say that there is nothing funny about a woman’s period. It is extremely serious business.
March 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Oh, and funny female comedian=Lisa Lampanelli, Sarah Silverman, and NO ONE ELSE.
Sorry, poo jokes are better the jokes abot how much your period is bothersome.
March 24th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Hannah Montana is responsible for “Snakes On a Train”, the cancer that is killing 4chan, and the flux of parody movies that dont cause amusement, so much as the cause homicidal rape-lust.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I don’t really think it’s fair to put Tina Fey and Hannah Montana in the same category. Hannah Montana is the next Lindsay Lohan disaster (just watch for the signs of ssubstance abuse), and Tina Fey is a hilarious SNL character. Although I still think I would side with Jon Stewart if it came down to it. But if I had to choose between SNL and The Daily Show, I think I might go with SNL. But Hannah Montana’s a bitch and will be in a rehab facility in Utah next to Lindsay herself any day now…
March 24th, 2008 at 9:23 am
So it’s hard to tell based on the little thumbnail of O’Brian on the blog list, but he’s pretty attractive right? I’m almost positive he should have to post a larger picture, a profile of some sorts, and maybe make a list of “top 10 ways a Cracked blogger can seduce me”. Just throwing it out there.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:30 am
The scary thing about the Daily Show is the number of people who rely on it for the news. Sure, it is a great show–entertaining and often presenting intelligent opinions on current events in a wacky, satirical way. But people, get your newsy-news from some other sources as well.
You know, like Lex Friedman.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:00 am
I gave Tina Fey an abortion 14 years ago, back when she was telling jokes about her period and peeing while sitting down. Unfortunately, the abortion crawled out of the trash bin, not before eating all the other fetuses there within and began making a name for itself by singing and blowing television executives.
Hannah Montana was that abortion.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:01 am
I would totally do Tina Fey, even though I am (as far as I know) a completely (or mostly) straight woman.
I would not do Hannah Montana. She kills puppy dogs and bunny rabbits on easter and puts their ground up bones in easter chocolate. along with hypnotic powders to make people watch her show (if you can call the trash that she’s in a “show”.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:41 am
Don’t feel bad Razok. No one has laffed or even commented on my hillarious jokes yet. Not even the venerated D.O.B. :o(
March 24th, 2008 at 1:30 am
Dang. No one replied to my rabid wish to see Hannah Montana’s face consumed.
I am saddened.
I have to agree with $17.50/h (I really don’t feel like typing out your full name, apologies in advance.) in that the Daily Show is less of a laugh aloud show and more of an “Oooooh” show.
It’s definitely amusing however, though I’ve had more than one laugh aloud moment.
March 24th, 2008 at 1:04 am
I think Tina Fey is somewhat right. I know my instinctual response a lot of the time with the Daily Show is more oh a “Oooooooh” rather than a straight up laugh. However, I think she is missing the point. The Daily Show is political and (I think) supposed to amuse AND titillate. (Yes I laughed at that. What? Im 12.)
March 24th, 2008 at 12:53 am
oh btw, Swaim isn’t an anagram, it’s an acronym. Aren’t you guys supposed to be writers or something?
March 24th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Good Female Comedians: Sarah Silverman, Kathleen Madigan, Tig, basically all the people involved with the Comedians of Comedy - there are a bunch of really good ones, but the point is that funny is funny whether its coming from a female mouth or a male one and i don’t really buy into this bullshit of there being a male comedy and a female comedy. Funny is funny.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:29 am
oh, and also because I didn’t get to last week:
Hannah Montana should date me because I’m smart and funny, this she can clearly see from the fact that Daniel O’Brien has seen fit to quote my Mabisms every time I post some in his comments section. I also have designs to destroy his father, both as punishment for unleashing achey breaky heart and hannah montana herself, and as a precaution so that he may no longer spread his seed. But mostly she should pick me because I went to the Christian Bale school of dating. So I know a thing or two about how to please a lady. And when she reveals herself to be the lizard queen we all know her to be so she can try to lay her eggs in my sternum I can fight her off using my ma batman-esque skills.
oh, and also much like herself I hate freedom, want to build a time machine so I can bask in the joys of the holocaust, regularly infect inner city children with AIDS, and thrive off the fluids within aborted fetuses. That too.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:17 am
At first I forgave Tina Fey for her labeling every male comic as robot-bear-shark obsessed idiots because first of all look at who she’s been working with for the past few years and secondly because I think that robots, sharks, and bears are pretty awesome. So she was wrong, but it was a forgivable error, that is until she insulted Jon Stewart. I also think Tina Fey is funny (if a little overrated), but Jon Stewart is a million times funnier. He’s made me laugh so hard I cough almost nightly for almost nine years. That’s impressive. She’s made me laugh a lot, usually chuckle, sometime giggle myself silly weekly for some time. Good job, but not nearly as impressive. Is the Daily Show perfect? no, but its the best thing in late night comedy and has been for some time. But even slighting my hero Jon would be okay if not for the hypocrisy. She labels every male comic as a robot-bear-shark loving idiot and then attacks Jon for not being that. W-T-F-mate, indeed.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:04 am
Oh yeah I remember now. It wasn’t me slept with Tina Fey. It was my half scottish, half black, half brother ( glenmoor42 ) that slept with Tina and he met her a wonderful dating
site called intimatemingle.com which is a dating site for interracial singles.
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:42 pm
i really unbelievable it. Tina Fey is so ugly and disgusting. i saw her fucking album on intimatemingle.com which is a dating site for interracial singles.
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:39 pm
See, maybe I wasn’t clear. I do think Tina Fey is funny. I think she is hilarious, in fact. I love 30 Rock. I loved SNL when she was the head writer. My problem is that saying all male comedians are loud, shark-robot-bears-obsessed idiots is as bad as saying that women can’t be funny, (which I don’t believe). So, I think there are a lot of smart male comedians and generally my favorite ones are the ones who don’t actually mention sharks, bears OR robots in their act, and I also think Tina Fey is very funny, but her apparent anti-male-comic agenda is aggravating.
March 23rd, 2008 at 9:33 pm
females cant be funny, but as hannah montana is going out with me (she loves overweight baltic sexual offenders) ive seen the light, they can be funny. but only when she is socked in the vagina, the face she makes and the gurgled scream just melts even the blackest of hearts and a burst of laughter rings forth.
so i guess they can be funny only if it involves vaginal torture.
which according to redbook is the cure for lead poisoning!
(im cheating on hannah montana with tina fey!)
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:53 pm
until, Goddammit.
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Sleeping with Tina Fey was not that great, she just kept making jokes about my freakish large penis intil one of my signature moves put a stop to that.
@kingmonkey, oh shut up, what? Mrs.glendoor42 take your balls when she left?
March 23rd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I will still sleep with Tina Fey is she asks me to. She’d just have to concede that Robots, Sharks, and Bears are a million fucking times funnier than she ever will be.
March 23rd, 2008 at 6:41 pm
A robot, a shark, and a bear walk into the bar. The bartender says, OMFG IT’S A ROBOT, A SHARK, AND A BEAR!
Needs work.
March 23rd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Gladstone: SWAIM = Secretly Wanting Anal Intercourse with (g)Man is an acronym not an anagram, no linguistic ball-busting intended.
Also there should be a Cracked contest for who can come up with the top 10 best robot/shark/bear jokes.
-What’s black and white and red all over?
-A killer robot that eats black bears and a great white sharks!
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I sense a whole shitload of misogyny here. I’m guessing that more than a couple commentators have been shot down by the girl they have a crush on.
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:37 am
I’m too lazy to see if this has been posted before, but didn’t Tina Fey do that (hilarious) AmEx commercial where one of the jokes was her reading a script and going “Change the shark to a bear” and then “The wizard should have a girl’s name.”
Hmmmmmm….
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:06 am
As a man, a mans man, a real manly man - that doesn’t feel or emote but reacts and obeys to grunted orders from my gut - I am here, by divine right, to bitch slap Tina Fey three ways from Sunday into sometime last week (most like thursday). And to present her time traveled near lifeless corpse to Hannah Montana as a sacrifice at her abortion altar. At which point I assume Hannah will lay her demon seed, and proceed to cleans it.
Finally to Jon Stewart, whom Tina Fey owes her opportunity to allow Tracy Morgan the time and resources needed to make my gut bark orders of clapter, good show fine sir, good show.
Concerned
March 23rd, 2008 at 6:49 am
I don’t want to rape or murder Hanna Montana…. I jest want to watch HER rape and murder innocent fetuses.
March 23rd, 2008 at 3:12 am
It crossed a line sometime ago when it became boring. Just today it crossed a new line when an otherwise amusing entry was made irritating by the obligatory dig at HM. Now its fucking tedious. By constantly taking digs at her your becoming as annoying as she is Mr. O’Brien.
I expect ‘Daniel O’Brien is an evil serial abortionist snake monster’ articles to appear soon.
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 am
Two words: Molly Shannon.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:52 pm
So, Stewart DOSEN’T sometimes go for the “I’m clapping at that because I agree with it politically” reaction rather than the actual, legitimate laugh? Because annointing him as the voice of a generation kind of makes it sound like he does.
Is there some hypothetical point at which the Hanna Montanna stuff crosses some kind of line, or can we feel free to pretty much just say we all intend to rape and murder her, ROTFL?
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Irish HERITAGE. Australian sharks and bears and whatnot.
Lampinelli= NO.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Jon Stewart is the voice of your generation well there’s a bullet I missed.on a lighter note
Colbert for President All other go to hell!!!
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:10 pm
D.O.B., the fact that you’re getting irked about a throwaway comment that Tina Fey made in Reader’s Digest just proves her point. You’re a male humor writer getting riled up about an interview she did in a magazine for illiterate mongoloids - by all accounts this makes you “a boisterous male comedian.” Man up to that shit like a man and don’t hate on Tina for telling the truth.
PS: Your posts need more robot jokes.
March 22nd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Well, Lisa Lampanelli is sort of funny, but it’s mostly because she tells a lot of jokes about fucking people. Based on this, I’m nearly ready to conclude that Lampanelli is a man is disguise.
March 22nd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Wait wait WAIT! Who the FUCK said that women were allowed to start making jokes? Is this part of that whole “sufferage” bullshit?
March 22nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
No, I would say that Eddie Izzard counts as a man, a man who likes to dress pretty, but a man.
March 22nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
@ DOB: I was thinking Lampinelli too! Great minds think alike and all that, eh? And another thing, why do you feel the need to write “-DOB” after your italic comments on Mabisms? I mean, who else would be writing it?
@Ellie: Are you trying for a monopoly on non-American-English-speaking-countries? Ireland, Australia… WHAT NEXT?
@Tina: When you say “the minutiae of human behavior and relationships”, you’re talking about fucking guys with small dicks, right? Because if so, I totally agree that female comics are more likely to bring that up.
@Everyone: Does Eddie Izzard count as a female comic? If not, then yeah, no really funny female comics.
March 22nd, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I really do miss my boys though, Hannah, Could you please return them after you’ve done your demonic business with them.
March 22nd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I never really found Tina Fey all that acctractive, not even before Hannah Montana castrated me because she claimed “Its like performing a hundred abortions at once”.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
I Think, i could handle both of these ladies, and its all thanks to Cracked. Without Cracked i never would have discovered the trendy little website for Christian Domestic Discipline, but thankfully i am now aware of the ways to control a woman. Mainly by not allowing her to be educated, and beating her randomly until she jumps and hides under a bed when the doorbell rings.
Oh, and Hannah Montana proves David Icke’s lizard alien people theory, you see, she is a lizard human overlord when she is playing Hannah Montana, and just an overall baby killing whore when she is just “Miley”.
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
Top 5 Reasons Hanna Montana will be dating Tina Fey soon:
5. Lesbianism is cool.
4. She can then do two abortions a month.
3. Tina Fey makes her laugh. Every laugh destroys a child’s innocence.
2. Bears!
and the #1 reason: Just to torture D.O.B. with the knowledge of what he is missing out on.
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:41 am
Hanna Montana invented the Wheel. So she can crush cute furry animals and small children while driving around town.
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:36 am
Actually, most (read: all) Australian female comics are somewhat un-funny.
I know because I live there, and have to battle things like robots, sharks, and bears on a daily basis, just like Andy Pants says. Male comics are just keepin’ it real.
March 22nd, 2008 at 5:49 am
They’re also all Australian. I mean don’t get me wrong Wallsy but most of the cracked bloggers probably haven’t heard any female comics from Australia, where men are manly and women are also quite manly. I think it has to do with adaptation to a harsh environment, filled with things that would kill you just for shits and giggles.
March 22nd, 2008 at 4:55 am
There totally are funny female stand-up comedians. Corinne Grant, Claire Hooper, Judith Lucy and Fiona O’Loughlin are all funny. (This is not a complete list)
March 22nd, 2008 at 4:12 am
I think Tina Fey has read the Alphabet of Manliness a few too many times. Surely she understands that our affinity for bears, sharks, and robots stems from the fact that bears, sharks, and robots are just fucking awesome. I mean, come on, if you could set up a giant tournament ring where people had remote control robotic bear-sharks attack each other, I know that the man in each and every one of us would be willing to pay a lung to watch it at least once. *There would be naked women too. Not Tina Fey or Hannah Montana; unless said naked exploitation led to the ruin of either/both of their careers*
March 22nd, 2008 at 2:06 am
I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL EAT HANNAH MONTANA’S FACE!
The level of revulsion has reached critical mass and I have just frothed at the mouth!
But, seriously, D.O.B. You can have her hands.
…after I’ve eaten the face.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:26 am
Tina Fey should be Hannah Montana’s boyfriend because they now officially deserve each other.
That is a bit to harsh on Tina. Let’s just give Tina’s eyes to Hannah Montana…
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:25 am
Yeah, screw both Hannah Montanna and Tina Fey, people like this are, dare I say it what is wrong with America in general. I’d like to throw them into a pit star trek style and watch them fight to the death for some reason.
How dare Tina Fey, who is (as far as I know) a lowly WOMAN insult a MAN like John Stewart?!?!?
Honestly who cares about the (word I don’t really understand or know how to spell) of human behaviour relationships? Ever wonder why male comedy is about robots bears and sharks? Because MEN KICK ASS, that’s why. Whilst women are at home (where they should be) cross-stitching and whatnot, pondering the minutiae of ‘human behavior and relationships’, Men are out in the REAL world fighting killer-robot bear-sharks through hand to hand combat and high-kicks.
As for that bitch that plays Hannah Montanna, I feel sorry for the multiple cracked readers she will have to marry one day. Makes me sick, all this shit.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:56 pm
it’ll take a week or two more to get everything recorded (intesely brutal rythyms) and I need to borrow my friends mic so I can track the vocals. But yes you will get it. but untill then check out my other music at http://www.myspace.com/metalbrainsurgery
March 21st, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Oh my god. I feel like I can die happy now.
O’Brien, you make me want to denounce my Irish heritage less.
(Not completely, and not really, it’s just that SOMETIMES, I feel like MAYBE I should denounce it SOMEWHAT less [you fecking drunk'd ejit])
March 21st, 2008 at 11:11 pm
D.O.B. keeps ignoring MY text messages for late night trysts, too
Also, Hannah Montana invented the exploding Pinto car…
March 21st, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Wait a minute, is Daniel O’Brien a woman or not?
March 21st, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Did Swaim try to rape a dog again?
March 21st, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Tina Fey will suffer the infernal machinations of the grim tyrant, by which I mean Hannah Montana.
March 21st, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Hannah Montana made Tina Fey criticize the Daily Show.
March 21st, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I think I should be Hannah Montana’s boyfriend because i know how to cook up the best uterus nullifying concoctions out there. Guarenteed to abort any form of life the minute that pitiful seed comes in contact with the putrid, deathly yellow eyes she calls eggs.
All except for those possessing demonic or apocalyptic traits, of course.
March 21st, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Actually lads, as a fully functioning Irishman I can tell you that we spell ‘favourite’ the same way as the Cromwell loving bastards. Also words like colour. *The More You Know!* (Rainbow/Shooting Star).
March 21st, 2008 at 4:45 pm
there are no funny female stand-up comedians
March 21st, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I think we need some kind of national holiday for this guy.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/25/flight.incident/
I don’t see why he hasn’t won some sort of award.
March 21st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Canadians use “ou” instead of “o” as well. I don’t know why I wrote that.
I’ll have to side with Tina on the male comedy thing. Well, at least stand-up male comedy. Well, at least current stand-up male comedy anyways. They’re like walking, talking FOX sitcoms. Yuck. One major offender is Tina’s awful co-star Judah Friedlander. Anyone who’s ever been unfortunate enough to see his act will know that if the subject of robots, bears or sharks comes up he will claim to be have fucked and killed robot, bears and sharks.
March 21st, 2008 at 4:08 pm
What a terrific fucking anagram. I mean, it’s funny, it doesn’t feel forced, it’s in keeping with the general theme this blog seems to have developed.
I…I just love it.
GMan, thank you, but I’m hoping Gladstone’s wrong. You didn’t write “favourite” because you’re British, it was a spelling mistake, right? Right!? Please don’t tell me you’re British. I mean, I think all people should be treated with respect. I’m not a bigot, I just think British people should be kept in cages. Cromwell-loving bastards.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:48 pm
GMan, I note by your spelling of “favourite” that you are likely an Englishman. As such, I’m guessing your O’Brien idolatry is borne out of some English/Irish forbidden fruit fetish.
I’m sorry. I just can’t compete with that. Not with a name like Gladstone. How I must smack of the same old acceptable British blood of wish you tire so easily.
Wolinsky? Well, you’re just an anti-Semite, aren’t you? Indeed, I bet you hate Jews almost as much as Ross does.
And Swaim? Well, considering Mike’s name is an anagram for Secretly Wanting Anal Intercourse with (g)Man, I’m guessing you’re also a homophobe.
Well sir, you can take your Gaillic-loving, Jew-hating, homophobic ass elsewhere!
Actually, don’t. We need the readers.
(We all have a crush on Dan too.)
March 21st, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Daniel O’Brien is rapidly becoming my favourite Cracked Blogger.
Gladstone, Swaim, Wolinsky, get your heads in the game.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:19 pm
The Daily Show was on while we were doing it, I think.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I fucked Tina, back in the day. She was totally turned on by my robot shark- bear comedy bit.
I never called her back so that’s probably where all that hatred is coming from.