This weekend at the MTV Movie Awards, dozens of awards were given out to people whose names I didn’t recognize. I’ve never been a big MTV Movie Awards aficionado or anything, but seriously, I have no idea who these people are anymore. They’re all in singing vampire movies, right? Singing vampire movies about abstinence, right? And people watch that? Kids these days are idiots. Gimme Kevin Bacon anger-dancing through an old factory any day.
There were a couple people older than 20 at the awards however, and they did interact with each other in a testactular fashion. Bruno, a fashionista with comedic mannerisms (i.e. super-gay) played by Sacha Baron Cohen, entered the theater swooping through the air on a harness. Notably, he was wearing wings and something which I’m going to go ahead and describe as a bedazzled jock strap. Mid-flight he hit some technical difficulties, and descended head first into the lap of Eminem, famous for his talky-songs about berating women. This arrangement of bodies had the remarkable effect of positioning Bruno’s cock, balls and ass right in the face of the rapper, who appeared to be dissatisfied with the arrangement.
As a comedy writer I have text files littered all over my computer, half written bits and ideas from my years working the dick-joke-beat. And like most normal and healthy young men, I also have a fascination with putting my balls on popular rap artists. So upon hearing this news I realized that years ago I had written up a list of different ways one could put their testicles on Eminem, something I had originally intended to put up on my Geocities page, under my pen name at the time “~Dongwriter32″
After cleaning it up a bit and removing the ones that could get me on various no-fly lists, I proudly present to you a list of methods for how to get your balls on Eminem. Hopefully you find it enjoyable, and maybe even useful, perhaps if you’re a really big Eminem fan or someone with a particularly complicated bucket list.
Ladies, I know this article is biased towards male readers, but hope you enjoy it just the same. If you wish to participate, I’ve sourced the following supply of artificial balls you can make use of.
Or, tune in next week for my unisex article “How to Cover Rachel Ray with Ants.”
__
How to put your balls on Eminem
Wait for a powerful wind storm in Eminem’s neighborhood. When a tree branch takes out the power lines, sneak into Eminem’s house and place your balls where he normally keeps his flashlight.
__
Invite Eminem to a boy-girl party. During a game of spin the bottle, wait for Eminem to win seven minutes in heaven with a girl. When they enter the closet and turn out the lights, they are shocked to find you concealed in a poncho now hiked up to your waist, hastily placing your balls on Eminem.
__
You’re a successful dentist, who wants to give up the daily grind and place your balls on Eminem. Wait for the multi-platinum selling artist to avail himself of your services, ask him to sit in the dentist’s chair, and tilt it all the way back. Place your balls on Eminem.
__
With the help of a colleague, who is a deceitful tour guide, you have lured Eminem into a Turkish bath. Before he realizes that this is not in fact an Olive Garden, you appear in a cloud of steam to place your balls on Eminem, before disappearing just as quickly into the haze.
__
Seeking the natural rush of adrenaline, Eminem signs up for sky-diving instruction at the school where you teach. During his first jump, Eminem will be strapped to your chest in the tandem jump position. At the designated height, ask Eminem to pull the ripcord attached to the harness. This ripcord will release your specially designed pants, freeing your balls, which can now be placed on Eminem. When he begins to panic, calm him down and pull the real ripcord, deploying the parachute. If he complains after you land safely, soothe him by explaining that he made a common beginners mistake.
__
While visiting your firehall during the filming of a music video, Eminem asks to use the firepole. Descending in a reasonable manner, he gets mired at the bottom in the crash pad, which is suspiciously softer than normal. As he works to free his feet, he is unconcerned about the possibility of a pantsless fireman descending upon him balls first, which, sadly, is happening with great speed.
__
NASA has aircraft which, when flown in parabolic arcs, simulate low-gravity environments. For a price, these planes can be made available to VIPs or Eminem. When Eminem eventually signs up for such an experience, during the first few simulations he will have a hard time adjusting to the environment, and will rely heavily on the crew’s actions to keep him safe. If the crew wishes to place their balls on Eminem, little can be done to stop this.
__
__
A malfunction at the theme park has left a roller coaster stuck on the tracks. It’s in an nonthreatening position however, stuck on the initial incline, so the maintenance staff are in no great rush to free it. But what’s this? Someone has freed themselves from the safety latch on their seat and is standing up! Tear away pants flutter to the ground below as the crowd gapes in shock. EMINEM BALLED A HUNDRED FEET IN THE AIR the local headlines will scream tonight.
__
While at the park enjoying a picnic or drug deal, Eminem pauses to seek shelter from the sun under a leafy oak tree. You, disguised as an owl, lower your hindquarters from the branches above. Ever so gingerly you put your balls on Eminem, gently cooing “Hooooooooo. Hoooooooo,” to maintain your disguise.
__
Eminem is attending his community’s annual autumn festival. Begged to take part in the apple bob by his children, Eminem reluctantly agrees. What he doesn’t know is that you have taken an apple, hollowed it out, and used it to conceal your penis, which is now angled towards the water surface from underneath where you lie concealed with a snorkel. Your balls thwack once, twice, three times on Eminem’s chin before he realizes something untoward has happened. Before he can escape, you latch on to his torso with your legs, pinning your balls to his face for another five seconds before he can struggle free. A major victory.
__
Your cousin has landed a position of great responsibility at the water park, where he is responsible for ensuring children are adequately spaced out when descending the water slide. Eminem, enjoying a day of sunshine, approaches the top of the water slide and after a short wait is permitted to go down. You, concealed nearby and covered in butter, sprint after him and down the slide. You easily catch him, and stradle his head for the next 25 slippery seconds while you sing songs from the Little Mermaid.
__
Maybe just ask him nicely? Like make it into a little rap:
Check it - got much respect guy
Wootcha wootcha wootcha let me drop my nuts on yo thigh?
__
Eminem pops into your sporting goods store intent on getting an new, extremely boss looking ball cap. You agree to help him on his quest, and also promise with the utmost sincerity that you will not place your balls on him. The promise sets him on edge initially, but he soon forgets it. After a long search, he finally finds the perfect hat. He purchases it and thanks you profusely.
Eminem raves to all that will listen about your incredible hat and buys many more over the next few months. Your business develops a roaring trade with other celebrities. Meanwhile, a slow acting poison secreted within the hatband of the hat eventually sends Eminem into a deep coma. As a close friend of the singer you visit him regularly in the hospital, placing your balls on him at your leisure, sometimes with tiny costumes.
__
This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Balls, Eminem, I can't Believe Balls didn't have a tag created yet.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Nicolas Cage Investment Advice: Be In Movies, Buy Everything
10 Job Hunting Strategies Guaranteed to Get You Arrested
Why We Should Be Terrified of the 2012 Apocalypse
11 Cracked Lifehacking Tips
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
October 18th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Im laughing so hard, there are tears rolling down my fucking cheeks! This is possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read.
September 11th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I love it very funny
Increase your Metabolism
July 7th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
hahaha, i think you might still be added to some ‘no-fly” lists
July 7th, 2009 at 7:39 am
“As a close friend of the singer you visit him regularly in the hospital, placing your balls on him at your leisure, sometimes with tiny costumes.”
Thats the one that got me.
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Jus drop some cliched BS motha goose rhymes and paiint yoself brown son. He’ll even swallow the gravy dawg.
June 18th, 2009 at 2:54 am
0_0
June 16th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
The most hilarious writing that I have read in a while
June 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am
You should have inserted a pic of nite owl on eminems face.
June 12th, 2009 at 2:22 am
“How to Cover Rachel Ray with Ants.” Thank you, so very much Bucholz.
June 12th, 2009 at 1:31 am
The waterpark one is the best.
June 11th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
emenem ate my balls
June 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
oh my god this was brilliant
June 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Good! Love it!
check out__ http://WealthyMingle.net _where you can meet the sexy beauties, wealthy singles and even hot celebs. What are you waiting for? Find your sexy partner NOW!
June 9th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Love this article, especially “sometimes with tiny costumes”
June 9th, 2009 at 9:44 am
BAHAHAHA! This article is so great. Pure Win.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Holy crap. A pantsless fireman descending upon someone with great speed is a terrifying scenario.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:49 am
Ow man. My torso hurts i laughed so much, you hilarious bitch. I especially love the idea of a man latching onto eminem with his legs for some ball-face contact
June 7th, 2009 at 7:03 am
I understand you’re a comedic writer, but umm… dude, are you ok? Seriously… you should keep those things safe, not risk the unbearable bodily injury. I DID like the whole bedazzled jock strap thing tho
June 6th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Hahahaha out of all of them I loved the owl one!!!
June 6th, 2009 at 4:05 am
Comedic genius. Love the owl one. I was LMAO.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Awesome, i hope one day i can achive somthing as great as t-Bagging eminem lol.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
That was the funniest thing I have seen for ages, it went round the whole office in 30 mins, everyone crying with laughter!
June 5th, 2009 at 3:00 am
[...] Click on the photo for full instructions [...]
June 4th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
[...] How to put your balls on Eminem: A Practical Guide (cracked) [...]
June 4th, 2009 at 11:45 am
A friend sent me this link. He thought it was hilarious. I’m sorry he wasted my time.
June 4th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Thank you for once again making my day.
June 4th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Good stuff!! Hey guys, how long have been single? Do U wanna find your sexy partner more easier and effective?? Please check out ___WealthyMingle.net___ where you can meet the wealthy singles,sexy beauties and even hot celebs. What are you waiting for? Just go and hook up your soul mate now!
June 4th, 2009 at 2:28 am
“…placing your balls on him at your leisure, sometimes with tiny costumes.” Classic!
June 4th, 2009 at 12:22 am
OMG EMINEM is finally out of the closet!
And he looks thuper!
June 4th, 2009 at 12:19 am
This is all well and good, but what if you want to put Eminem’s balls on someone? Once again a good article spoiled through lack of scope.
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
I love how Eminem looked so offended by it, yet he did the exact same thing to someone in a video of his. Why do I know what happens in the video for The Real Slim Shady? I’m not proud of my past.
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Aww man I can never put my balls on Eminem… I only have one testicle.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I just don’t understand. I thought i was of a relatively sane variety but reading this i could help but laugh my ass off. This shouldn’t be funny. But it is. Placing one’s balls on a famous icon of crappy music should not be this entertaining. But it is. My world has turned upside down.
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:47 am
Wanna join a hot and heated forum that discusses the truth about these big stars?
http://Tallconnect.com has lots of sports fans there! besides, it’s hot models, milfs, sexy chick s and handsome young men and chicks mingle club!!LOL checka!!
June 3rd, 2009 at 6:31 am
[...] How To Put Your Balls On Eminem: A Practical Guide June 3, 2009 - 10:30 am By COED Staff • How To Put Your Balls On Eminem [...]
June 3rd, 2009 at 5:54 am
I dont think it was real… Come on eminem wouldnt allow it..
Electronic Cigarette
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:08 am
Slice of your nut off and put it in a cardboard tube that is sealed at one end. Tastefully package it up and mail it to Eminem. When he opens it up, your nut rolls out and lands into his hand or possibly, if your nut get snagged along the way and he is peering into it like a telescope, it rolls onto his face (best result)…
Note: You can only usually do this twice. Three if you’re DOB.
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 am
I’m with Lester on that one.
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:50 am
“…sometimes with tiny costumes.”
fucking lost it when i read that.
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:03 am
That was hilarious. Easily your funniest article in weeks.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 am
Sure this was planned from the get-go. Eminem is making a cum-back (and speaking of cum on his back… I guess they cut out the part where he actually inserted his tongue into Sacha’s anus… HAWT!!! Ba-BOING!!! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=36&sku=E-CD00371
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:29 am
Obtain and wear a Dr. Dre costume. Approach Eminem and place your balls on his head. Repeat as desired.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:00 am
The apple bob one made me shriek with laughter, well done good sir.
Also, to all the Americans/ non-Americans talking shit about each other’s countries, grow the fuck up. And Jonathan can kindly fuck right off for being a xenophobic, dickless little shit.
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Holy shit this article was definitely dongtacular .
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 pm
This is….The best thing i’ve ever read…ever.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:44 pm
hahahahh this is one of the funniest things i’ve read on here.
p.s. thanks for the consideration for us ladies.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Eminem decides to get a quick thrill and goes to a bungie jumping ride. Your cousin at the top convinces him to jump face first down to where you, wearing camouflage that matches the pad at the bottom of the jump, are waiting with balls uncovered for the arrival of his much chagrined face.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I think the fact that em was mic’ed kinda gave away that it was fake. Plus, did you really think it was a happenstance that he descended directly on top of eminem? And that Em didn’t move? Come on… You had to read it online to figure it out?
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
This is fantastic,.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:00 pm
You spend 5 years of your life intensively weight training with your balls to ensure they can withstand extreme force. With the money you made working your day job as a high school janitor you rent out a living space in Eminem’s neighborhood. You quickly become acquainted with the rapper and he invites you to his house. You mention that you want to see the balcony so he brings you to it, being the polite host that he is. When your both idly admiring the view push him off the edge. As he hangs off the balcony by his fingers screaming for help you unzip your pants and drag him to safety with your balls, effectively saving his life.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Yeah, I just read that it was staged right bedfore I came here.
That means you can officially be the first unexpected balls to be on him.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:25 pm
WANNA meet your classy half?
you can log on __ClassyMingle.com___. many nice and single people you will meet. Do not miss the love in your lifetime
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
http://www.imdb.com/news/ns0000002/#ni0814409
It was apparently planned from the start.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
LOL @ johnstb3….I thought it was over the edge. Maybe way over! Fake, maybe?(His “so called anger”)
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Start a small cafe in San Francisco especially known for its gourmet coffee. While on vacation in the bay area, Eminem will naturally stop in to enjoy the now-famous coffee. As he closes his eyes to fully enjoy the rich, full flavor of a spicy mocha, you ever so furtively take your balls in hand and lightly tap them against the back of his neck. Distracted by the delicious hot beverage, he does not even notice, and you cherish this secret triumph for years to come.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
btw what time zoe is this site in? my comment says it was posted at 5:49, but my computer (set to east coast time) says 9:49. Is this west coast?
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
That was agreat article, the mental image of singing little mermaid songs while latching on to Eminem’s face had me lawling hard. Great article, keep it up!
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
The balls on Eminem was the only thing that saved the awards for me. I kept getting more and more pissed the more awards TWILIGHT kept winning. Especially when it beat out The Dark Knight. I peed my pants lawling at Eminem’s clearly homophobic anger.
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:58 pm
lol rachel ray is hot as hell. i wouldnt mind covering her in ants. sounds kinda kinky as a matter of fact
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
It was interesting to watch, but as the picture above suggests, “M&M” really didn’t make a great effort to move out of the way when the nuts were obviously going to fall on his face. Two things come to mind in that scenario….either it was staged (most likely) or he may have actually enjoyed the “encounter”! The obviously fake rumble by his body guards also suggests that it was staged with “M&M’s” blessing.
Me thinks he dost protest too much (Shakespeare)?
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I love how Americans will argue that universal healthcare is worse than paying thousands a month to keep Grannie going.
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
All right little Casnadian man, you best leave Rachel Ray alone. She’s nice and sweet and can cook and I would fuck the dogshit out of her.
Other that great article.
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
the whole thing wasn’t that funny, it would have been funnier if someone stabbed bruno…alas it wasn’t the source awards
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
It was awkward when I explained what I was laughing at. Seriously though, fucking win.
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Man, I find it funny when aliens talk shit on my country. You churlish little weasel dicks belie your jealousy when you complain about America because, despite whatever inflated shortcomings you drum up, we all know that the US is still a better country than your negligent-socialized-health-care, elitist (ironic), pussy-footing shit heap.
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Utterly hilarious. There’s an air of seriousness to it all- splendidly intertwined with the humour.
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
dongtastic
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
LAWL, the owl one was the best. xD
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
DONGTACULAR
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
…Yes, Red Ninja. It does make you gay if you got a boner from reading this.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
the practical guides to do unpractical things are the best articles on cracked
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Nice nod to the ladies who can always fully appreciate the cock and balls jokes. . looking forward to rachael ray ;(
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Video camera and pcp. Oh yes.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
My scenario is such:
Wait until spring is in full bloom, Eminem is likely to be lured to the local park to admire the new flowers. Try and find out about special botanical events in Eminem’s neighbourhood.
Find a particularly nice bed of spring flowers, lie amongst them with your legs open, Eminem will come along and admire this particular arrangement. Spurred by the sweet scene, he will want a full inhale. When he bends down to take a sniff, swing your balls at him.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I can sooo picture the owl disguise one.
It’s definitely my second favorite out of the bunch, the first being the last idea since it’s planned so Joker-esque.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:47 pm
I imagined this could become the script for a kickass video/flash animation.
Can somebody make that?
Plese?
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
reminds me of that “how to punch oasis” article a while back.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Does it make me gay if i got a boner from reading this??
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Man, Sacha Baron Cohen is a comedy god.
Not to take anything away from Bucholz, mind you.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
bucholz tuesday
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:34 am
Thanks to this article, for the first time in my life I’m wishing I had balls.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Yes.
Yes you were.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 am
Am I the only one who was left thinking of Bruno’s soft, creamt thighs???
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
Dude, the Movie Awards part was pretty funny, I’m sorry I missed it. But the rest… well, you seem to have a very gay fascination with the male genitalia, or absolutely way too much time on your hands. B)>
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:46 am
I agree with davE (the retarded one [not Keanu Reeves, mind you]). This article wasn’t as well written or entertaining as usual, and a little boring. Come back to Canada. We need you here.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:43 am
Dong-frigging-tacular!
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Dongtacular.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
@ davE
Obviously being from the US you should be a fan of low-brow humour, it’s not your fault you don’t understand the jokes, he uses alot of big words. It’s ok, it’s actually surprising enough that you can read, so don’t be upset when words like “profusely” escape your limited vocabulary. I feel for you and will be there to help you if need be.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Not as good as the Oasis one.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:28 am
Good stuff! __ http://MillionaireCupid.org __ where you can meet the wealthy singles,sexy beauties and even hot celebs .Hook up sexy partner easier and more effective! What are you waiting for? Just Sign up and hook up the sexy beauties now!
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
Man, there’s good comedy in this…
“…the next 25 slippery seconds…”
“…which, sadly, is happening at great speed.”
“…sometimes with tiny costumes.”
Brilliant.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
Such a great situation for comedy, i.e. balls on Eminem’s face, but the article was kind of meh. Maybe I’m just getting desensitized to dick, or in this case, balls jokes. Well everybody can have an off week, better luck next time.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
That last one is positively sick.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 am
lol…’talky-songs’
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
I thought this one was going to be stupid, but as it turns out, placing your manhood on eminem can be quite the hilarious escape mechanism! Fun for the whole family!
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:39 am
Im going to wait for the photo of some chick “balling” a Delta Bravo (code for douche bag) in a bar, with plastic balls she carries around with her. That SHOULD take off…it will make balls non-threatening, then maybe more real balls will be embraced. So, thanks for that!
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:22 am
awesoome article and awesome comment superior dave
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:18 am
“You, concealed nearby and covered in butter…”
One of the best lines on the internet, in or out of context.
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:49 am
You have spent far too much time thinking about this . . .
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:47 am
Incredibly dongtacular.
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:39 am
And how could BALLS not have a tagline yet?
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 am
That was definitely dongtacular
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:30 am
bucholz*
sorry about that
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
funny shit i need more of your writing buckholz
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
This article was hilarious. Well done. I know this is nit-picky, but the passive voice in the roller coaster bit was hella awkward and bugged the shit out of me. How’s about: Tonight’s headlines will scream “Eminem balled 100 feet in the air.”
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:16 am
This was the first Cracked article that ever made me laugh out loud…which is hard to do. SO FUNNY!
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:06 am
Oh God this was so funny!!
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 am
@ davE
Wow. That comment was outstanding. No, you should be awarded something, like balls to the deep recesses of your oesophagus. A hairy beanbag of suffocation perhaps. Apparently your definition of ’superior American humor’ (or humour) lacks any intelligence, or the faith that a reader will have an imagination. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but the last time I checked the meaning of ’superior’ it meant ’something of better grade or quality’ (as used in this context anyhow). Why not use that ’superior’ humour in your comment to get the point across? Unless your definition of ‘humour’ is ‘re-hashed cliches, arrogant views on the rest of the world, and one-liners so old they make people cry upon utterance’. I don’t want to hear that crap. Humour should make you laugh, not begin to fear that the world is over-populated by contemptuous fuckwits.
@ Mr. Bucholz
Great writing. Keep it up!
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:51 am
I saw many people are discussing this on the forum of tall people relationship site called http://Tallconnect.com . You may go there to check it if you are interested.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
Conversely, you could simply exercise a lot, becoming muscular, and hit on Eminem. Due to the fact that he is in fact, a homosexual, he will actually ask you to put your balls on him.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
That first picture looks like a shot of the worst MMA fight in history.
And davE has no understanding of the English language. Or proper grammar.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 am
Diabolical.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:16 am
that part of about the little mermaid cracked me up
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 am
Wasn;t the whole thing just a set up? Eminem was in on it I’m sure.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 am
go back to Canada, please. you have no understanding of our superior American humor, this is obvious since you just managed to make an article of dick jokes horribly boring.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:41 am
Really funny article. Maybe you could even get him to pose for a magazine shoot and then place your balls on him just as the photo is taken. Ensuring the entire world knows of your triumph.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:40 am
Wow, that was great. Why is this not on the front page yet, seriously?
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:11 am
Holy fucking hell that was awesome! This was every bit as top-notch as the “How to punch Oasis in the face” article.
Great times.
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:38 am
did he die