When you accept a life in the public eye -- whether that's in entertainment, politics, or just being a woman on the internet -- you open yourself up to critics. You can either take that criticism in stride, attempting to learn from it on the extremely rare occasions when it could be considered constructive, or -- like the folks on this list -- you can fly straight off the rails and burn down everything you see in a righteous fury.
5Florida Governor Rick Scott Takes Out Attack Ads On A Random Lady In Starbucks
Florida Governor and unwitting Voldemort impressionist Rick Scott is one of the more unpopular politicians in America, thanks to his less-than-progressive views and a smile that looks as if he just unhinged his jaw to swallow an entire infant. Nowhere was this disapproval more apparent than when Scott entered a Gainesville Starbucks and found himself on the dangerous end of Cara Jennings, who scolded the governor about his record on health care and abortion before calling him an "embarrassment to our state" and an asshole, which was sort of implied, but it's always better to be clear.
"You deserve not the noble title of 'Florida man'!"
Because this is 2016, the confrontation made its way to YouTube quicker than Scott and his myriad siblings skittered out of their egg sack, lo, those many centuries ago.
The proper thing for Scott to do in this situation would be to ignore Ms. Jennings for approximately 10 nanoseconds, which is how long it would take for the internet to forget about her. Of course, that would make this a painfully short entry. Behold, ladies and gentlemen, "Latte Liberal Gets an Earful":
That's right: Taking a retaliatory attack ad out against a single, average citizen in a random Starbucks sounds completely shithouse crazy, but that's precisely what Scott did. His political action committee dug deep into Jennings's past and ostensibly discovered that she's a "former government official who refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and calls herself an anarchist," and who spends all her time in coffee shops buying lattes with government assistance and cursing at the occasional governor who strolls in (she was actually at the aforementioned Starbucks working on a freelance job, but that's beside the point).
And that concludes this episode of How To Further Tank Your Approval Rating With Governor Rick Scott. Tune in next week, when Scott consumes the life force of a McDonald's drive-through cashier with a simple caress.
4Rob Schneider Flips Out Over Extremely Mild Criticism, Gets Rocked By Ebert
At first blush, calling out a Rob Schneider flick for its lack of Oscar potential seems like a cheap shot -- Schneider's movies certainly don't strive for the Academy's attention, and there are plenty of other stars who've never even come close to caressing the bare bum of a tiny metallic man. However, that was sort of the point that Patrick Goldstein, staff writer for the Los Angeles Times, was making: In reviewing Schneider's Deuce Bigalow: The Sequel That Literally Everyone Forgot, Goldstein insinuated that churning out crap like that was one reason big Hollywood studios lagged behind independents in Oscar nominations.
But leading in Razzie ones.
If anything, it was more of a shot at the studios than at Schneider himself, but the Igor to Adam Sandler's Frankenstein didn't see it that way. He took out a full-page attack ad against Goldstein in a slew of trade magazines including Variety. In it, he points out the fact that Goldstein hasn't won a Pulitzer Prize or, for that matter, any other awards -- a fact that apparently disqualifies him from critiquing a movie about Rob Schneider's dick. He then signs off with a bona fide physical threat: "Patrick, I can honestly say that if I sat your colleagues at a luncheon, afterwards, they'd say 'You know, that Rob Schneider is a pretty intelligent guy, I hope we can do that again.' Whereas, if you sat with my colleagues, after lunch, you would just be beaten beyond recognition."
Incidentally, "Rob Schneider is a pretty intelligent guy" is perhaps the least believable line Rob Schneider has ever written.
Roger Ebert, bravely willing to dance with the devil that is Rob Schneider, helpfully pointed out that Goldstein's shelves were actually lined with a plethora of industry awards. He then went on to say, "Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo while passing on the opportunity to participate in Million Dollar Baby, Ray, The Aviator, Sideways and Finding Neverland. As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."
Somebody then handed him a microphone, so he could drop it.