We all need the occasional break from who we are in everyday life. That's why shy, awkward teenagers like to go on Xbox Live and ... selectively quote Django Unchained. It's also why a bunch of famously serious or edgy artists secretly make children's entertainment so wholesome that any cynic's heart would vomit puppies and rainbows in response. For example ...
6George R.R. Martin Wrote A Game Of Thrones Book For Kids
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Game Of Thrones, adapted from George R.R. Martin's epic book series, is one of the most popular TV shows despite, or because of, the fact that it contains more sex and violence than all of Tarantino's back catalog.
We aren't fully caught up, but we assume these two end up boning and killing each other.
But He Also Did:
Which is why it's especially worrying that there's apparently a children's book for introducing your sweet summer child to Martin's depressing winter of death and debauchery. Martin's 1980 book The Ice Dragon was recently re-released and advertised as taking place in the same literary universe as his A Song Of Ice And Fire series, which, for emphasis, we'll refer to as the Penis-amputation-verse. The novel tells the story of a young girl named Adara who befriends a dragon made of bluish ice.
There are fire dragons, too. And songs, probably.
Some have pointed out that The Ice Dragon doesn't actually fit into the history of Game Of Thrones, but that's because it's a fictional story within the Penis-amputation-verse that Old Nan told to Jon Snow as a bedtime story when he was a kid. So it's nice to think that, when they're not being burned alive, the kids of Westeros at least get some nice fairy tales where nobody is raped or castrated.
5Motorhead's Guitarist Is In A Cute Panda-Themed Kids Band
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What can you say about the legendary band Motorhead? They're so inappropriate for kids that, upon birth, any child conceived at a Motorhead concert automatically gets taken away by the state.
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Just showing this photo to kids counts as reckless endangerment.
But They Also Did:
The guitarist and second-longest surviving member of Motorhead, Phil Campbell, is also in a costumed band called Panda Party that creates "engaging kids songs and upbeat nursery rhymes to teach ABCs, colors, and so much more." And this isn't another bullshit "kids' product" that's obviously for adults like Go The Fuck To Sleep. By all accounts, this is Campbell's sincere attempt to educate youngsters under 6 with the power of pop rock ... even if the Panda Party costumes look like something you'd find at a furry orgy.
Although Campbell does play the guitar in Panda Party, it's not actually him in any of the costumes. Presumably because they don't have a whiskey flap built in.