One of the best things about the Internet is that anyone can make a website. On the other hand, one of the worst things is that anyone can make a website. We found that out quite fast in the '90s, when the new frontier that was the early Internet got filled with diarrhea fever dreams -- made both by 11-year-olds with access to rubber cement, lunch bags, and landlines, and by billion-dollar media conglomerates.
And like the Neolithic megaliths of yore, these crappy sites still stand, like an awful stain on the already disgusting tapestry of porn we call home. Here are some of the more inexplicable 1990s artifacts that are somehow still around.
8The Heaven's Gate Suicide Cult Still Has A Web Page
If you're too young to remember Heaven's Gate, they were a cult who believed an advanced species would arrive with the Hale-Bopp Comet to take them to Heaven. That all sounds delightfully nutty, but the sad part is that they committed mass suicide when the comet appeared in 1997 because they believed it was their ticket for the plane -- they literally refer to it as their "boarding pass." We know this because it's on their website.
Behold: the only website in the world to have ever earned the "space" background.
The site is, heartrendingly/predictably, mostly gibberish, but one thing that jumps out at you in their list of links is a letter titled "Our Position Against Suicide," which is like the NFL having a position against hitting balls (of all types). And in case you still weren't convinced that the truth was out there, they even helpfully include an artist's rendering of what they believe a member of the "Kingdom of Heaven" might look like. Surprise surprise, it's the guy from Signs.
Who must be in his mid-30s by now, since this is clearly his yearbook photo.
7You Can Re-Experience The Magic Of The O.J. Trial Media Circus
If your idea of nostalgia includes "horrific murder trials," behold CNN's O.J. Simpson Trial page, your one-stop shop for glitchy graphics and everything you almost certainly already know about the most famous trial of the 20th century.
That's as clear as a digital photo got in the '90s.
CNN has kindly been maintaining this page all these years, even though we have a perfectly good Wikipedia right there. They do have a wealth of information nobody else would want to host, including O.J.'s unused suicide note, a "Quicktime animation of crime scene," and a separate section for every person who so much as took O.J.'s drink order in 1994.
This was very handy for those who collected the O.J. Trial trading cards.
Now, we know what you're thinking: "Oh boy, I hope it has a primitive '90s comment section." You bet it does! No doubt we'll find it brimming with levelheaded, informed opinions.
Ah yes, that old "spousal abuse card" murdered ladies love to play.
And in the unlikely case that you're left wanting more O.J. after all this, there's also a section which includes an "astrological analysis" of the trial and "humorous" links, though most of them are dead (no pun intended).