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5 Official Websites You Won't Believe Are This Bad

#2. I Need to Lighten the Mood, So Here's Gary Busey Trying to Fuck You

This site can be whatever it wants to be, because Gary Busey is legitimately full-on crazy. And it's actually nowhere near as crazy as I expected it to be. It's a surprisingly appropriate destination for Gary Busey: Sex Magician.

It's like an ad for a new-age religion that promotes Gary-Busey-fucking-induced enlightenment. Nothing else in his whole site tops that amazing header picture. Sure, it's interesting that, on his homepage, he added only three pictures to represent himself and these are the ones he picked:

"Gary, pictures of you not looking crazy exist; can we just use one?"

... but that's nothing compared to the softly lit, wind-through-hair, "I'm-clearly-the-kind-of-guy-with-ceiling-mirrors-over-his-bed" portrait of seduction up top. It's just so powerful, in an I-Think-Someone-Sanded-Your-Eyebrows-Off sort of way.

The Highlight:

Of course.

#1. Holy SHIT, Space Jam!

It's gonna get pretty real here for a second.

When I was in 8th grade, I made three Geocities websites. Two of them just featured my commentary and predictions concerning various storylines happening in the World Wrestling Federation, and one of them was for the short-lived pop-punk band (Dizzy Cubed) that I formed when I was 14 years-old. The sites were obnoxiously bright, full of gifs and generally offensive to all senses. I got into some pretty weird font territory on one of those wrestling news sites, and the only pieces of content on my band's website were a scanned picture of my bass guitar, and a black-and-white picture of the guys from Blink 182 wearing doctored "We Heart Dizzy Cubed" t-shirts that I'd crudely rendered in MS Paint. They were three of the worst websites of the mid '90s, when every website was the worst website.

Well, someone saw those three websites (before they were taken off the Internet), and crafted their entire graphic design style based on the lessons contained therein. This person learned everything they know about aesthetics and website functionality from three websites ("DizzyCubedRocks," "WWFRawIsDaniel" and "WrestleFarts").

And then that person was hired to make the website for the major motion picture Space Jam.

A lot of the fun/horror here comes from clicking around and really exploring the official online home of expensive hit blockbuster, Space Jam (starring Michael Jordan). You have a lot of options: games, souvenirs, a jump station, jam central, planet b-ball, a- wait, hold on, a jump station? Junior Jam? What the hell do any of these things even mean?

"Where is- I just want to sign a guestbook, or something, what the hell are Lunar Tunes?"

So explore! Go nuts! For example, go to Junior Jams, where you can learn basketball tips, but also "meet the characters," plus there's a coloring book, and also a section on "neat stuff to look at." Does that clear up why this section was called "Junior Jams"? No? Oh, well, let's just not worry about labels. Let's really dig into this. Here is a screen-grab from Junior Jams:

You can't tell, but the "Games" ball is constantly spinning.

And for comparison, here's a screengrab from a site that was created specifically to highlight every mistake that new designers make when creating websites. It's called The World's Worst Website.

You can't tell, but I'm throwing up right now.

I could dwell on how eerily similar they are, but then I wouldn't have time to show you the "Jump Station"!

"Where should we put these links?"

"What? Just put it with the other links."

"Oh, OK. OK. Is that- Are those in the 'Shuttle' or 'Moon ... face'? Is that one of our sub-pages?"

"They're in the Jump Station, Jesus. It's all pretty straightforward."

The Highlight:

If you search around long enough, you'll come across a section called "Shooting Hoops." It's buried in an image in the "Planet B-Ball" section (obviously). I clicked on it, thinking there might be some kind of basketball-shooting flash game.

Will do!


Special thanks to Robert Brockway and Lindsey "Percules" Percle for additional research.

Daniel O'Brien is Cracked.com's Senior Writer (ladies), and he is growing a hideous mustache on his face all month long to fight cancer. Donate to his face right here (everyone). Or donate to Cracked writer Soren Bowie's face right here, or donate to Team Tiger Awesome's Nick Mundy's face right here, or anyone on the Cracked.com Cancer-Fighting Attack Squad right here

For more from Daniel O'Brien, check out Dan O'Brien Reviews Roseanne Barr's Blog and White People Love Kanye West.

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