When taken at face value, pictures from the olden days are either fake as hell or proof that the entire time between the Big Bang and our birth was totally fucked up. But, as we've shown many times in the past, with just a little backstory, even the strangest old-timey photo starts to make sense. More or less.
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"Gentlemen, three men died to bring you the Jack-o-matic prototype ..."
Now this is bullshit. This photo was taken about 50 years ago -- why are we not all wearing mech suits right now? We understand that this dude was almost certainly killed by Superman days after this photo was taken, but somebody should have picked up where he left off and given us all the terrifying cyborg future we deserve (which, of course, we would all simply know as "the present").
This is a 1965 General Electric concoction called the Hardiman, one that we're fairly certain they have never used to coerce deadbeats into paying their electric bills. Their goal was to build the ultimate human helper, a giant mechanical exoskeleton that provided "super strength for average man." Strenuous tasks and the handling of dangerous materials would no longer be a hassle, as the ton-plus of steel enveloping your body would easily handle all the heavy lifting. You know, like how Doctor Octopus just wanted help doing his experiments.
This is what happens when a Village Person turns to supervillainy.
The problem was, it was too heavy, and GE abandoned the Hardiman in 1971, never promoting it past prototype level. Come on, guys, how the hell is Ripley going to defeat the alien queen if we don't get this shit working?
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And were inspected by spiffy swing trios.
Owning a tank would certainly be badass, but where would you store it in between bouts of squashing your enemies and blowing up any building you deem too ugly to live? Back in 1938, Frenchman J. Lehaitre unveiled the compact tractor-cycle, named as such because the "you-die-now-fucker-cycle" didn't roll off the tongue as well.
Its big hook was supposedly its ability climb up steep hills and handle rocky terrain that a regular old Harley would simply wuss out over. Unfortunately, its low top speed (25 mph on a boring-ass straight road), ensured that the tractor-cycle never caught on. It also might explain the downright-bored look on that poor test-driver's face.