5 Movie Heroes Who Caused Their Own Biggest Problems

#2. Predators -- The Characters Learn the Predators' Biggest Weakness, Do Nothing About It

20th Century Fox

Predators is the 2010 Predator sequel that finally adopted the confusing naming convention of the Alien/Aliens saga (we're looking forward to the dumb prequel, Predatheus). In it, a bunch of random people composed of soldiers, mercenaries, and Topher Graces wake up one fine morning to find out that they are on a strange alien jungle planet, where they are hunted by a group of obviously very bored Predators. Um, as in alien murder machines, not sex offenders.

20th Century Fox
Except Predator Gary. He's not allowed within 10 feet of the hatchlings.

Eventually Isabelle, the Michelle Rodriguez character (played by Not Michelle Rodriguez), reveals that she has heard of such Predators before, from a 1987 historical document starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. According to the lone survivor of that incident, he managed to live because the Predators apparently have thermal vision, so he used mud as a camouflage in order to block out the alien's heat signatures. Awesome! So now they have an easy way to beat the ugly fuckers and the movie is over, right?

The Mistake:

Nah. Here's what the group's de facto leader (Adrien Brody) decides to do immediately, and we mean immediately after hearing the "we can become invisible to them with mud" thing: "We set up a defensive perimeter. Make it look like we are holing up. That'll bring them to us. We force them into a choke point. We get them in overlapping fields of fire. It can be done."

20th Century Fox
"I mean, I'm Adrien Brody in a Predator movie. Literally anything is possible."

This is the point where everyone should have dropped to the ground and started fighting over that sweet, precious mud, before realizing there's plenty for everyone. The whole planet is a muddy jungle, presumably. But no, they just ignore that extremely important bit of information and try a plan that actually entails being seen by the Predators, which naturally gets everyone murdered. It's like when video game sequels tell you "Oh no, you can't kill the villain with the same item again because [reasons]!" only without the [reasons] part.

It was only at the end that Adrien Brody decided to give that mud thingy a shot, and of course it fucking worked for him. The dude managed to kill the toughest Predator without even using a gun, simply by lubricating his body with wet dirt.

20th Century Fox
Dirt and enough fake blood to float a paddle boat.

#1. Pacific Rim -- They Scatter the Jaegers Thousands of Miles from Where They Know the Monsters Are Coming From

Warner Bros. Pictures

Pacific Rim shows us a half terrifying, half awesome future where humanity is constantly getting badgered by huge-ass monsters called kaiju that arise out of a portal in the Pacific Ocean. Since these kaiju just shrug off whichever nuclear weapons we throw at them, the nations of the world unite to build a group of giant fucking robots that apparently we could have made at any time: the Jaegers.

Warner Bros. Pictures
Which we then immediately ruin by giving them names like "Gipsy Danger."

Every major nation has a Jaeger protecting its shores against the kaiju, a system that works pretty well for a while ... until our governments shut it down, because it turns out that robots the size of mountains are kind of expensive. Instead, they all decide to build a big wall around the Pacific to keep the kaiju out forever.

The Mistake:

Shockingly, the "Let's put up a wall" plan isn't the dumbest decision here. Yes, it's not a very well-thought-out strategy, as demonstrated by the part where a kaiju walks through Sydney's wall like it's papier mache ...

Warner Bros. Pictures
It then ran off upon seeing Australia's fauna and never came back.

... the fact still remains that the kaiju should never have gotten that far in the first place. Why? Because scientists have known since the beginning that the kaiju are coming out of a single tiny portal in the Pacific Ocean, and for some goddamn reason the Jaegers have been stationed all over the world instead of at that single point.

Not a single Jaeger was patrolling that portal -- they all just wait to see which way the kaiju goes and then say, "Eh, fuck it, it's China/Canada/Peru's problem."

Warner Bros. Pictures
"Yay, it's not coming here! Let's get shitfaced and make our Jaegers hump."

At one point, there used to be more than 30 Jaegers, and it only takes one or two to punch a kaiju to death. Instead of waiting for Godzilla's cousins to start wiping their asses on our cities, wouldn't it be simpler to leave a few Jaegers near the area of the portal? Then, whenever a kaiju rears its head up, they all gang up on it, saving everyone a lot of money and grief. All those resources from the extra Jaegers that are no longer necessary could be used to build a base where the Jaeger pilots can rest, do repairs, or shoot the shit while they wait for more kaiju. Humanity has spent over 10 years fighting these monsters, and no one thought of this idea.

But, you know, when your main scientist is Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, we guess you get what you pay for.

Warner Bros. Pictures
Unfortunately, Danny DeVito doesn't show up to help in the lab until the second movie.

Related Reading: Speaking of screwing themselves, these movie characters sure did waste awesome superpowers. And did you know the hyenas in The Lion King must have been painfully devoured after the credits? We're serious. And we're also serious about calling some of Hollywood's smartest characters out for some of film's dumbest lines.

If you like movies but have very little time to watch them, Cracked's new Star Wars mini-series might be just what you need.

Do you dream of designing T-shirts and rolling around in the dollar bills that result from that design? Because if you enter our latest T-shirt contest, that dream could come true. Post your terrifying re-imaginings of cultural icons and you could win $500.

Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

729 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!