3Some of the "Fun" Scenes to Film Are Really the Worst
Imagine this: You're tasked with filming a late-night orgy scene out in the woods -- you know, standard fare for True Blood. It doesn't get any better than that. You're going to spend the next 12 hours surrounded by beautiful, naked actors pretending to have sex with one another.
But according to Thrust, there's a catch. Several, really. First, it's almost freezing outside, but you don't worry about your junk turning into a dongsicle, thanks to Catch 2: Your junk is securely inside a drawstring pouch to ... protect some degree of modesty? You'd think those dick pouches (the norm for Hollywood sex scenes) would just make it weirder.
But those scenes can be a nightmare for the crew, too, since some actors are so hung up about their privacy that you have to jump through hoops to get them to disrobe and pretend to do the nasty on camera. In some cases, the scene has to be shot with a skeleton crew behind closed doors in order to minimize the number of people who see the actors' naked vampire butts jiggling around. Which seems strange, since millions of people are going to see them anyway:
Just as long as none of those gross craft services people see this.
Then there are the fight scenes, the hallmark of a great action movie. That part is fun, right? You get to pretend to be a badass on camera, fake punching people and watching them go flying! Well, these "fights" are really more like dances -- carefully memorized sequences that have to be rehearsed endlessly. That means actors learn the entire fight, punch by punch and block by block, from start to finish. And then they shoot it. Over. And over. And over.
And there is often little margin for error, above and beyond the obvious prohibition against accidentally crushing Alexander Skarsgard's scrotum. Oftentimes a director will want a fight scene to be one continuous take, which means everyone -- the actors, the camera crew, the lighting technicians -- has to be absolutely perfect for the duration of the entire fight. This translates to "You're going to film this scene until Bruce Lee comes to you in a heat-exhaustion-induced fever dream and imbues you with the ability to get it done."
Or you just actually start fighting.
2You Can Get Fired for Screwing in a Light Bulb
Much like an early 1900s coal mine, film sets have a union problem. Because the unions are so specialized, the work is intentionally split up into countless departments, and there are consequences for performing a task not specifically assigned to your department. For example, Holden heard a call over the radio asking for a light with a diffusion frame (read: transparent sheet) in front of it. Being an eager go-getter, he did the entire job himself -- and was immediately told by his boss that he'd be fired if he ever did something like that again.
"You treat these things like goddamn cobras."
You see, he was an electrician. His job began and ended with setting up the lighting rig. When he set up the diffusion frame, he crossed over into the territory of the grips (lighting and rigging technicians), and crossing union barriers is a big no-no. Needless to say, when something as simple as setting up a light requires two people from different unions, things can get complicated in a hurry, and it's a large reason filming takes so long and costs so much.
If there's an electrical cord in the way, even an extension cord plugged into nothing, someone from the electrical union has to move it, regardless of how easy it might be to do it yourself. And there are unions for everything, making you twist, turn, and dance through so much red tape that you practically mummify yourself with it any time you want to finish a simple task. And when we say "everything," we mean it -- pushing the dolly, holding the clapper, setting up lunch, sculpting Robert Downey Jr.'s facial hair -- every conceivable task is assigned to a specific department. And only that department.
There's actually a whole union just for that goatee.
But hey, at least that means the job comes with all of those sweet union benefits, like job security! Well ...