6 Unintentionally Hilarious Legacies of Famous Figures

It's probably a safe bet to say that we'd all like to be remembered after we pass on to that great social network in the sky. The only problem is that fate can have a downright twisted sense of humor, and it sometimes conspires to make sure that the reason you're remembered may not be exactly what you had in mind. For example, we're almost certain no one ever intended to leave a legacy quite like these.

#6. A French Writer's Statue Becomes a Sex Symbol

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Victor Noir was a 19th century French journalist who was buried in the famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery after being shot down by Prince Pierre Bonaparte, Napoleon's great-nephew. According to some accounts, Noir delivered some top-notch political criticism by way of slapping Napoleon in the face, the prince then having no choice but to blow him away in self-defense. But most people don't remember Victor Noir for the brazen way he died. These days, he's simply known as "that corpse with the giant wang."

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images News/Getty Images
"Zut alors! Is that a blunderbuss in your pocket?!"

For reasons that can only be speculated upon, the sculptor who fashioned the statue on Noir's grave depicted him lying dead with a downright impressive crotch bulge. And thanks to the bulge, Noir took on a whole new persona in death that most men sadly never possess in life (Internet comedy writers notwithstanding): that of a full-fledged fertility god. According to legend, a woman kissing the statue's lips and giving its crotch a vigorous rub will find a husband by the end of the year, enjoy a better sex life, or even become pregnant. The legend is so popular that, while the rest of the statue has developed a greenish patina, the lips and crotch bulge look shiny and new.

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images News/Getty Images
A little nosey-nosey and kissy-chin have proven inevitable as well.

At one point officials erected (sorry) a fence around the statue in fear of long-term damage from all the rubbing, but the fence has since been dismantled in response to protests by throngs of women who felt they were being denied their God-given right to some bronze-hard effigy action.

And on a similar note ...

#5. A Christian Prophet's Burial Place Becomes a Perverted Tourist Destination

Ehsan Abbasi/Panoramio

High atop a mountain peak in northeastern Iran, near the border with Turkmenistan, gleams a shrine housing the tomb of Khalid Nabi, a Christian prophet predating the Prophet Muhammad who once promoted Christianity throughout the Middle East. Nabi left two important legacies on the world -- for one, his daughter became one of the first Muslims after meeting Muhammad and converting. More significantly, his resting place looks like this:

via NewsBeast.gr
"Zut alors! So very many blunderbusses!"

Yeah, the gravestones all look like wieners. According to some commentators, there are also a bunch of headstones shaped like titties, but it's also possible that some of the wangstones just got buried the wrong way around.

Ali Majdfar/Pbase.com
"Fuck the world," said an angry, literal-minded stone giant.

It's notoriously difficult for researchers to study the graves and why they look the way they do because, Iran being a super-conservative religious state, people are afraid to look too closely at the Herculean penis stones. But that hasn't stopped Khalid Nabi Cemetery from becoming a major tourist destination for young people from around the world. Just remember, if you see any state police, the proper response is "Dicks? What are you talking about?"

Away from prying eyes, however, the site is a popular venue for tourists to celebrate ancient Persian culture by pointing, giggling, and taking opportunistic photographs of themselves hugging enormous dongs.

via Historical Iranian
This is it: the pinnacle of his life. It's all flaccid from here on out.

#4. A Heroic Naval Commander's Memorial Inspires Young Sailors (to Get Lubed Up and Mount It)

Marine Corps Times

OK, we promise this whole article won't be about people molesting statues. But this entry is.

In 1857, Commander William Lewis Herndon left Havana aboard the SS Central America with a full load of passengers and millions of dollars' worth of gold. It was all smooth sailing until he floated right into the grumpy side of a cyclone. The ship took irreparable damage, but Herndon bravely saw each and every woman and child onto lifeboats. Refusing to leave his post while anyone else was still on board, Herndon and 426 other men went down with the vessel, and his courageous act was memorialized with a tall stone obelisk on the grounds of the U.S. Naval Academy to forever stand as inspiration to countless generations of young sailors.

Also, a tall stone obelisk happens to be perfect for doing this:

June 2011, almost three months before Don't Ask, Don't Tell's full repeal.

In an annual tradition known as the Herndon Monument Climb, upperclassmen lube up the monument with 50 pounds of lard before the plebes (first year academy students) work together to climb it -- a feat that can take over two hours and requires them to strip down to their skivvies, apparently. Once they manage to slip-'n'-slide their way up, they replace the plebe sailor cap at the top of the monument with a much more respectable peaked cap, thereby cementing their status as plebes-no-more.

Marine Corps Times
Herndon's great-great-grandchildren must be oozing with pride.

After four midshipmen were injured during the 2008 climb, then-superintendent Vice Admiral Jeffrey Fowler banned the grease from the event, reducing the multiple-hour climb to a multiple-minute one for the class of 2013. However, his replacement, Vice Admiral Michael Miller, didn't hesitate to bring the sexy back as soon as he took over, saying, "Conducting the ceremonial climb in the same manner as so many previous classes helps to instill spirit and camaraderie among plebes and better links them to the many classes that have gone before them. The Herndon Monument Climb serves as a useful event in reinforcing teamwork, organization, and leadership."

Marine Corps Times
If you orgasm during, it doesn't count as hazing.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!