#2. Ella Enchanted -- Ella Could Have Become God
We probably don't need to repeat the plot of Ella Enchanted for you, but we'll do it anyway, just in case you're hazy on the details. In the movie, Anne Hathaway has a curse that forces her to do anything she's told to do -- literally anything. When someone says "hold your tongue," she grabs her own tongue. When someone says "kick some butt," she instantly goes all Neo on some dudes and kicks their butts, despite not knowing anything about martial arts.
And that's how you know this movie came out between 1999 and 2005.
The curse can even break the laws of physics (even though movies with magical curses are usually super realistic); when someone says "Freeze!" she becomes suspended motionless in midair.
"Dear God, someone please unfreeze me; underwear wasn't meant to ride like this."
The movie follows the many problems the curse brings to Ella's life (her stepsisters bully her, Cary Elwes tries to turn her into his own personal assassin) while she tries to romance Prince Creepy Dude from NBC's Hannibal.
What She Should Have Done:
Just told herself to become the most powerful being in the universe. Seriously, it would have been that simple.
It takes Ella almost the entire movie and a staring contest with herself in a mirror to realize what a fifth grader would instantaneously: that you can tell yourself to do things. When she sees herself and says "You will no longer be obedient!" she breaks the curse -- but that was thinking too small. Ella can basically do whatever she can phrase as an order, regardless of whether it's even possible. For instance, she could have solved her bullying problem by just looking at herself and saying "Turn into Godzilla and stomp those bitches to death."
"I could have stopped myself from making Bride Wars."
Even if we assume that Ella somehow didn't find out about the existence of mirrors and reflecting surfaces in general until she turned 18 (she did live a sheltered life), she had a friend played by Minnie Driver who knew about the curse and could have helped her out -- it would have been as easy as grabbing her friend and saying "Hey, tell me to become super rich and immortal and beloved by everyone forever."
"... so you want to be Rob Lowe?"
She basically had a cheat code in real life, and when she finally realized it, she used it to get rid of her superpower. Nice going, dumbass.
#1. Wreck-It Ralph -- Fix-It Felix Could Have Fixed the Plot in Minutes
Wreck-It Ralph revolves around a video game universe inside arcade machines, like Tron but with less techno and Lebowski beards. Fix-It Felix Jr. is the main character of the aptly named game Fix-It Felix Jr., and rather than just going around stomping on shit and shooting fireballs like a lunatic, Felix's ability is that he can fix anything he touches: objects, places, vehicles ... hell, when someone beats him up, he just taps his face with his hammer and it's like new again.
"Definitely try this at home, kids!"
Wreck-It Ralph is the bad guy in Felix's game, who goes through a bit of a vocational crisis and ends up escaping it to become a hero. Ralph winds up in a racing game called Sugar Rush, where he meets an annoying little girl named Vanellope. When bad guys start destroying the Sugar Rush world, all the characters evacuate the game ... except Vanellope, because she's actually a game glitch (like Missingno in Pokemon, but less useful), so she can't leave. Ralph and Felix nearly die trying to save Vanellope until the menace is finally defeated.
The lesson, children: candy + old men + cars = danger
What He Should Have Done:
Fix-It Felix could have saved everyone a lot of trouble if he had just done what his name says and fixed Vanellope. A glitch is an error in the game's code, right? So why doesn't Felix just smack Vanellope in the mug and go celebrate in a copy of Custer's Revenge?
Keep in mind that this is a Sarah Silverman character, so the urge to smack her should have already been pretty high.
At this point, they know that Vanellope was actually glitched by Sugar Rush's evil King Candy so he could keep winning the game. We saw Felix fixing the race track to make it so the race could be won, and we saw him fix his own face, meaning he can fix both game damage and characters -- in fact, he fixes literally everything except the most important error, which proves he's even worse at his job than Mario is at actually cleaning pipes.
Despite being so inept, Felix not only returns to his game unharmed, but ends up getting hitched with a hot female soldier from a game called Hero's Duty ... although, considering the game that's a reference to, there's a huge chance Felix's wife is actually a bored teenage guy with acne problems.
Nathaniel loves superpowers. He'd like to recognize and thank DavidIsGreat for his help. To see some entries that didn't make it, see Rich's blog here or follow him on Twitter. Josh wants to be your BFF on Facebook and Twitter.
For more terrible of wastes of powers, check out 6 Magical Movie Items They Wasted on Bullshit and 5 Powerful Sci-Fi Technologies Wasted by Their Own Movies.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 4 Ways Porn Is Baffling the Internet's Biggest Companies.
And stop by LinkSTORM to learn why Wolverine is missing his calling as a chef.
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Related Reading: Ready for a look at the superpowers that would suck in real life? Click here. If superpowers that exist in real life is more your thing, click here and discover men who are immune to cold AND electricity. Feeling a little spiritual? Catholic saints have superpowers too. Of course, the most powerful force in the universe isn't God- it's bees! They can sense thunderstorms, super-heat their opponents, and even make miracle substances.