5 Heroic Movie Deaths That Didn't Actually Help Anyone

#2. Alien: Resurrection -- Christie

The Heroic Sacrifice:

In Alien: Resurrection, Ripley finds herself fighting those pesky aliens once again, this time as a clone and alongside a group of mercenaries trapped in a spaceship. One of those mercenaries is gun-toting Christie (Warrick from CSI), whose specialty is making extremely unlikely shots by ricocheting his bullets on just the right angles.

Because boastful badasses always have the best luck in the Alien franchise.

At one point, the troupe have to make their way up a rickety space ladder to escape certain death -- unfortunately, one of them, Vriess, is wheelchair bound, and the ship doesn't appear to have any working access ramps. Christie is nice enough to give Vriess a lift, strapping him reverse-piggyback-style, but as the two ascend to safety, they are suddenly attacked by an alien who manages to get a grip on Christie's foot. As they struggle with the alien, the situation is reversed, with Vriess hanging from the ladder and Christie piggybacking on his back.

"It was your turn anyway, man."

When the alien is finally shot in the face, Christie is left with a pile of dead meat still clinging to his foot -- and since Vriess is slowly losing his grip from all the weight, Christie sees no other choice ...

"Welp, suicide ahoy."

... and cuts himself and the alien loose, saving Vriess but dying in the process.

Wait a Second ...

Let's for a second ignore the fact that the expert marksman repeatedly missed the massive alien climbing toward him -- maybe he was just thrown off by the fact that there was nowhere to bounce his bullets. There's an even bigger problem in this scene, namely the fact that the "grip" on Christie's foot looks like this:

This is why you should always spray your boots with Pam before fighting aliens in space.

That seriously looks like something they had to glue to the actor's boot because otherwise it'd just fall off by itself. Christie couldn't shake that off? Or kick it away with the other leg? Or just tilt his foot slightly and let gravity do the rest? Remember that the alien is dead now, so it's not like it can put up any resistance.

"Yay, I survived a vicious alien attack. What, it's slightly touching my foot? NOOOOOO!"

The alien did manage to burn Christie's face by spitting on him, but clearly alien saliva isn't as acidic as their blood, otherwise the aliens could have just loogied their way out of their cell earlier (they had to kill one of their own and use his blood to eat through the steel). Except for the instantaneous scar, Christie seemed just fine, and it didn't look like the acid was eating through his skull or anything.

Unlike Ron Perlman's character, who looks exactly like that all the time.

And this actually gives us the only rational explanation for Christie's behavior: He knew that his second career as a male model was over, and decided that life wasn't worth living as a cripple (to which Vriess probably said "Hey, fuck you.")

#1. The Shining -- Dick Hallorann

The Heroic Sacrifice:

Some of you only know The Shining as "That movie where Jack Nicholson smashes through a bathroom door with an axe and says, 'Here's Johnny!'" The background is that Jack and his wife and son are staying at the Overlook Hotel, acting as caretakers while it is closed for the winter. The hotel happens to be haunted by some evil spirits (or something) that drive Jack crazy and make him try to murder his family.

Hey, we've all been there.

Dick Hallorann, meanwhile, is the kindly old chef with psychic powers who works at the hotel. He isn't there to help the family when shit goes wrong, because he spends most of the movie vacationing in Florida. But then he gets a mental newsflash from young Danny (Jack's son) that shit of a most terrifying nature is going down at the hotel (remember, we said he was psychic).

"My nostrils sense danger!"

Hallorann promptly heads to the hotel to rescue the family from the crazy father and/or evil spirits driving him to murder. He arrives, at which point he's greeted by Jack Nicholson with an axe to the chest. Hallorann dies, but hey, at least he did everything he could to help Danny and his mother, right?

Great job!

Wait a Second ...

You know what would have been even more helpful and much safer for everyone involved, though? Calling the freaking cops. He didn't have to tell them the information was coming from his psychic abilities: He could have made up any old bullshit to get the cops to the Overlook. "I just realized I left the stove on and the house is slowly filling with deadly gas. Hurry! Before it's too late." And with that 10 second sentence, Hallorann would have easily solved the entire plot of the movie without even moving from his bed, where he was at least 30 percent less likely to get axed in the chest.

Let's reconstruct the events from Hallorann's perspective: So he's just chilling in Florida when he gets the psychic message from Danny ...

You needed to see this again.

... and he's so convinced that something urgent and terrible is going on at the hotel that he immediately tries to call over, but the lines are down due to a snowstorm. Since that plan failed, he goes for the next fastest option: Getting dressed, buying a plane ticket and boarding a plane to Colorado, which is a four-and-a-half-hour flight.

Add at least 15 minutes for picking that tie.

Hallorann arrives in Colorado and borrows a snow cat to get closer to the hotel, because as we mentioned, there's a freaking snowstorm going on. So that's at least another hour, probably more, where Hallorann knows Danny is in danger ...

... and at no point in this six-hour-plus journey does it occur to him to call the state police.

So what was Hallorann thinking about that whole time? Not a plan of action, that's for sure, because the first thing he does when he gets to the hotel is loudly announce his presence and get himself killed. Couldn't he have scanned the area for axe-wielding maniacs with his mental powers or something? Or used the mental link with Danny that allowed them to communicate over several states and ask him what's going on?

"I usually reserve that for more important, ice-cream-related conversations."

Maybe he did try to get in contact with Danny and the kid was too scared to reply back. Maybe the same weirdness going on in the hotel interfered with his powers. That still doesn't explain why the hell he didn't at least try to call the authorities ... but then again, some things in The Shining are better left unexplained.

Such as.

David is a freelance writer, feel free to follow him on Twitter or check him out over at Film School Rejects, where he is a regular contributor.

For more curve balls Hollywood threw at us, check out The 5 Most Easily Avoidable Movie Deaths and The 5 Worst Deaths Written for Great Characters (And Why).

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The Filthiest Joke Ever Hidden in a Children's Movie

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