Getting the body you want is hard work. Some people are happy with just eating right and going for the occasional walk. Some like to bulk up and show off their bodies at the beach. But if you needed an excuse to start being healthier, look no further than Ernestine Shepherd, who, in her mid-70s, looks like this:
Paul Michael Hughes/Guinness
Some say we have the body of a 30-year-old, too, and then they call the police.
What looks like a bad Photoshop is actually a very toned and muscular 75-year-old body, which belongs to a grandmother and former couch potato from Baltimore. After trying on swimsuits with her sister about 20 years ago, Ernestine looked at herself and determined she was just not happy with her body.
"I won't stop until I have a septuplapack."
Deciding that life isn't worth living if you can't pass for a co-ed at the age of 56, she chose to do something about it. What followed was 20 years of Shepherd kicking the shit out of old age by bulking herself up and becoming a regular on the Musclemania circuit. She is now in better shape than most people in their 20s, and could severely hurt and embarrass any mugger who tries to steal her purse.
"Oh, that's cute. Go on, sugar. I'll give you a head start."
The elderly super grandma can now bench press 150 pounds, which is 20 more than she weighs, and runs 10 miles every day before lunch. Can you bench more than your weight? Moreover, can your grandma lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk without snapping like a twig?
Shepherd has gone on to win several bodybuilding championships, and currently works as a personal trainer and a part-time model. In 2010, Guinness World Records officially granted her the title of oldest competitive female bodybuilder. As a big fan of the Rocky movies, her idol is Sylvester Stallone, whom she would love to meet someday. It's really sad to think that, while she's over a decade older than Stallone, she could probably lay his ass out on the curb with no problem whatsoever.
"Stop or my Mom will destroy you."
It's been said that if you're good enough at something, you should never stop doing it. That seems to be the case for Joseph "Jerry" Scalise and Arthur "The Genius" Rachel. Back in the '80s, they were arrested and found guilty for stealing the 45-carat Marlborough diamond from Graff Jewelers in London. A diamond which, to date, has never been recovered.
What's a "diamond"?
The pair were imprisoned for 13 years, and were released in 1993. After becoming crime-life consultants for Hollywood, many thought the pair had turned from their old ways. That proved not to be the case when the two friends, now both 73 years old, planned a major heist of a former mob boss' compound in 2011.
The elderly duo met inside a van to work out their upcoming crime spree. In it, they discussed their plans and even came up with a way to not be recognized as old people when Scalise suggested that they "Put on a black sweatshirt with the hood up and baggy pants and blast. Then run up the block. They'll think it's a kid."
"Wait, you mean this isn't how kids dress nowadays?"
Everything seemed to be in place, and the planning was almost finished. The downside? The FBI got wind of it and planted a bug in their van, allowing the entire conversation to be recorded. The pair and a third accomplice were arrested. Scalise and the accomplice pleaded guilty to racketeering charges, and Rachel opted to go to trial. Given their history, we would have to imagine they would have succeeded if it weren't for those meddling FBI guys.
The lesson here? Never stop doing what you love.
In February of 1910, a baby by the name of W.G. Watson was born. A century later, Watson went into work at 6:30 a.m., did his rounds and then celebrated his 100th birthday among his friends and co-workers.
Go to the store and get some candles. All the candles.
While most doctors hang up their stethoscopes and head for the golf course around age 60 or so, Dr. Watson has been going strong at his practice since the 1940s. This makes him the oldest practicing physician in the United States.
"Curly" Watson is currently the head of the Women's Center at Augusta's W.G. Watson Women's Center. Yes, he is the head of the department of the building that is also named after him. Watson graduated at the top of his class at the Citadel in 1931 and started in the medical field in 1947, and he has since delivered somewhere between 15,000 and 16,000 babies, which is somewhere around 290 babies per year for the past 55 years. Among the babies he delivered are several patients who have been seeing him regularly every year since their birth.
This makes the Rocky statue look like a pile of garbage.
Now entering his 102nd year, Dr. Watson still crawls out of bed in the morning at 6 a.m. to make his rounds at the nursing stations and operating rooms. Even though his eyesight is diminished and he's got a nasty case of arthritis, he still has no plans for retirement.
"Don't worry about Death. I'm pretty sure he's given up."
Erik Germ is the owner of hugefrigginarms.com and would love for you to follow him on Twitter. Many thanks go to Eric Yosomono, who helped with research for this article.
For more old folks who give us the willies, check out 6 Old People Who Could Kick Your Ass. Or learn why they act the way they do in 6 Obnoxious Old People Habits (Explained by Science).