6 Things Movies Love to Get Wrong About The Workplace
Hollywood loves to make movies about businesses, because that's where all the peasants in their audience work. But writers and directors aren't exactly corporate experts and often don't even know what an average office job is like.
That's why they've come up with these weird misunderstandings of how companies work.
#6. Owning 51 Percent of a Company's Stock Makes You Supreme Ruler

The Myth:
Countless plot points have turned on the "51 percent rule," where if you own 51 percent of a company's stock, you are the supreme ruler of the company and can do anything you want. The villain in Mr. Deeds had the power to sell the company because he controlled 51 percent of the shares, even though the owners of the other 49 percent were unanimously against it.

Here he is spelling it out in case you weren't following.
Tons of other movies, ranging from The Secret of My Success to Richie Rich, have been based off of pivotal 51 percent moments, where the villain could only stare dumbfounded as the hero was discovered to have 51 percent ownership. Despite paying millions of dollars for the other 49 percent of shares, the other stockholders apparently have zero say in any business decisions and probably would have to bark like a dog if the 51 percent king ordered them to.
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"Nyaah! I own 51 percent! Mush!"
The Problem:
The truth is that most corporations require a two-thirds majority vote and are actually legally bound by some state laws to do so for big decisions (like whether to sell the company). Which makes sense. Is it really a good idea to give your company a self-destruct button that can be activated when almost half the shareholders don't want that at all?
Even if the company doesn't require a two-thirds vote for a decision as big as basically killing itself, there are laws to protect minority shareholders from "oppression" (that's the legal term) by the majority, which kick in during a number of different circumstances, like if the majority owner is doing something that makes no business sense for the corporation and only benefits himself. If the majority tramples these rights, minority owners have the right to sue their pants off.
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Also a legal term, referring to suing someone for so much money they can no longer afford pants.
A legitimate case can be made that the owners of the 51 percent in these movies, both villains AND heroes, make some decisions an outsider could consider questionable (Richie Rich spontaneously appoints a team of street urchins as his R&D team), which the minority owners could use to at least start a lawsuit and cause some serious headaches for the "supreme ruler."
Sure, maybe the most dramatic choice for Mr. Deeds' climax was for the girlfriend to appear out of nowhere and discover a secret heir, but it could equally have ended with the bad guy going down in a storm of lawsuits from what appear to be a couple hundred people.
#5. Firings Are Often Spontaneous and Dramatic

The Myth:
There's no boardroom scene Hollywood loves more than the dramatic, unexpected firing. In Batman Begins, a corrupt executive fires Lucius Fox with the quip, "Didn't you get the memo?" a line which Fox himself cleverly uses to counter-fire the corrupt executive at the end.

It's probably at least somewhat reassuring to be fired by the soothing voice of nature documentaries.
And there's plenty of surprise firings with a twist -- like this one in Entourage -- where the firer uses some kind of clever gimmick or catchphrase. We mentioned Mr. Deeds above for the 51 percent rule, but the climax of that movie also involves firing almost the entire board. And of course, look no further than Robocop for one of the most extreme firing scenes in movie history.

We're just saying, if The Celebrity Apprentice ever wants to boost ratings, they have their blue print.
The Problem:
Both the spontaneous firing scene and "51 percent rule" are based on the notion that the "boss" at a company can do whatever he or she wants. If a CEO fired someone so definitively in a real boardroom, he'd probably end up asphyxiating on all the red tape he'd be tangled in.
HR departments have extensive bureaucratic guidelines for how to fire someone and are so paranoid about building a paper trail of documentation that the process of firing someone usually takes weeks. They're justified in their paranoia, since there are a number of laws that allow at-will employees to fight wrongful termination for various reasons. Most employees, especially at the top, actually have detailed contracts to protect themselves in case of a firing.
That's why HP's CEO Mark Hurd got about $40 million as a reward after being fired for sexual impropriety and fudging expense reports -- because it was in his contract. Mercedes booted exec Ernst Lieb for billing his home improvements and vacations to the company's account, but couldn't even get him out of the company, because of the paperwork and legal nightmare that firing an executive usually involves. The payoffs are called "golden parachutes" because you now have enough money to equip your fleet of golden leer jets with the appropriate safety equipment

Actual photograph.
If they'd dumped him, they might have a lawsuit on their hands, like the ones filed by this fired casino CEO or the fired CEO of U.S.A. Track and Field. And what's at stake if the company loses? Well, when Renault fired three execs accused of corporate spying, the company's COO and six other people involved with firing them lost their jobs for improperly firing the first three guys.
So while Morgan Freeman's comeback was certainly snappy, actual executive would gladly go through the tedium of filling out HR forms and letting the bureaucracy slowly grind out the termination process, instead of seizing the opportunity for a clever spontaneous firing. Despite what their name would have you believe, firings are best served cold.
#4. You Wear Either a Suit or a Uniform

The Myth:
Not only does Hollywood have a baffling idea of how most people work, they also seem to have a disproportionate idea of what most workers wear. There's plenty of high-ranking characters wearing suits: Wall Street's Gordon Gekko, American Psycho's Patrick Bateman, Bruce Wayne, whatever Richard Gere's character was named in Pretty Woman, the list goes on.

Apparently his name was Edward. An obvious Twilight rip-off.
Meanwhile, blue-collar workers wear uniforms even if they manage the plant. Office peons get to wear a tie just like the boss, but they must have their forearms exposed for at least part of the workday for some reason.

Everyone who works for a "company" has to wear something restrictive. If anyone goes to work in shorts or jeans, they're a surfer, an artist, an off duty or undercover cop or a stunted man-child hacker.

Mix and match two casually dressed professions and your job is done: The Point Break law of screenwriting.
The Problem:
In real life, 55 percent of workers report that their workplace has no dress code, and tech companies in particular commonly have workers of all ages wandering in at 10 or 11 a.m. wearing shorts and sandals. Not little quirky companies, but giants like Cisco, Google and Microsoft.
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Microsoft workers on the company bus going to their office near Seattle. No suits, but you may be required to wear flannel once a week.
Companies have even started hopping on board a trend where they encourage their employees to wear shorts in order to save money on office air conditioning in this economic crunch.
Yet you would probably be hard-pressed to name a movie where a well-adjusted 9-to-5 worker and father of two shows up to the office in a T-shirt.








My theory about #1 is that for most of the people working in cubicle farms, their job is just that: a job. They know perfectly well that they're there during work hours, and when they go home, they have what they consider their real lives, separate. Whereas most people in the arts or entertainment or "living their dreams" don't see their work as just a job. It's their all-consuming passion, which means that if they're not as successful as they'd dreamed, or if their current project isn't coming out just as they wanted or envisioned, they're miserable. Everything is poured into those endeavors, thus the work has the power to ruin their outlook if it's not coming out just perfect.
ReplyI'll take the cubicle farm, thanks. I worked in them for years, and as long as I didn't have to deal closely with any flaming dickwads, I was happy as a clam. (Really, I wish somebody would give ME a job in one of those places. I'd kiss the ground they walked on, and I'm not kidding.)
I've got a boring, cubicle, claims adjuster job. I get to work from home, make my own hours, do what I want as long as I meet my production goals, and the company even pays my whole internet bill. It's freaking sweet, yo.
ReplyThe stuff from 2 about an individual on more then 1 Board can make for interesting Plot devices. Imagine in DC picked up on this and had a story about someone on the board for both LexCorp and WayneTech, imagine that potential tension? The thing about the begins reference with the firing is neither scene is that simple.
ReplyImagine the havoc that could be wreaked by an independent contractor working for both firms. Especially if Luthor promised him a fat bonus check if he did some industrial espionage. Crossover fun!
I remember the 51% thing from YuGiOh; in the backstory of one of the characters, he bought 51% of a company and that was it. He was also in grade school at the time.
Replyobviously whoever wrote this never worked a 9-5, because every one i've ever worked at is boring as shit. they don't treat you like a drone, but you basically are just doing the work of one.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesJust because you feel that way does not mean it's the same for everyone. I know people who are happy to be working 9-5.
I'd kill for a 9 to 5 job. I'm tired of working jobs with various shifts.
Yep. I used to do data entry, a job everyone seems to think is the epitome of Hell On Earth. But I'd show up at my desk, plug in my headphones and listen to great music or audiobooks, or the commentary on movies playing on my portable DVD player while I worked. After so long doing the job, I no longer need to even think about what I'm typing; the data goes through my eyes straight to my hands making hardly a second's imprint on my brain. It was SO GREAT.
You never realize how beautiful 9 to 5 is until you don't have it anymore. The careers that are more ambitious that that usually mean your work follows you home, eats at you while you sleep, maybe calls you at 3 am to tell you about some emergency. Sometimes all you can think about is how beautiful it would be to come home from work, drop a couple ice cubes in a martini glass and know that the work day is done.
Replyso maybe instead of reading cracked you should be reading craigslist to get a job
I agree. My job has a flexible work schedule, which is good, but that also mean that my boss can expect me to stay until 11pm or come to work at 7am in the morning. It is less rigid but it also mean that it's harder for me to separate work from my personal life...
I'd like to add one: people in movies call in sick to work all the time, for very little reason. Almost every place I've worked has had very nearly a zero tolerance policy for missing work. And the better the job, the less lenient they'll be about it too - most factory jobs that pay $12+/hour and offer benefits like insurance and a 401k actually have a "3 strikes" program, where anything such as calling in sick or being late can earn you a strike and cost you your job. It kills me to see people in movies and TV just calling in sick to work like it doesn't even matter, when in real life it could very well cost them their jobs.
ReplySmarter people just get a job that has sick leave.
Actually, it depends on the job. I work for a Fortune 500 company with sick time and even if you don't have any, thanks to the wonderful world of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), anyone can take time off as long as they have doctor's approval...even if that doctor is insane (or wants to go with you to that Disturbed concert).
"It's probably at least somewhat reassuring to be fired by the soothing voice of nature documentaries." lol
Replygief TDKR!!!!!!
I wonder which universe has the zillion jobs with no dress code. I hate wearing a suit, yet the more I climb in the rank ladder, the *more* I'm asked to wear a frickin' suit. And yes, it's a tech job. The only job I've had where I didn't have to wear a suit was because that particular IT department just didn't give a crap about the dress code.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesOn other things, 9 to 5 isn't hell. 9 to *whenever you're done* is true hell. Especially if it's like that the entire week. Or the entire month. Or months long... combined with working on weekends. Oh yes, I once had a job like that...
My husband's level design (video game making) job was dress-code free all the way up to CEO. FYI. Which is the industry norm. Also, that was often 'until it's done' in crunch mode. Which happens a few times a year in MMOs.
IMHO, more casual dress codes are becoming the norm for lots of office jobs. Maybe not as you go up the ladder, though. And in any case, I think the point made by the article - that the movies always depict either suits and ties or blue-collar uniforms - is valid. I can't think of any movies off the top of my head that show offices with business casual dress codes, for instance, but that's certainly a common option.
Agreed about the hell of being a salaried employee. That's really the issue.that makes people complain about office work, I think. I'm jealous of my wife because she's got the perfect setup - 9 to 5 in an office as an hourly employee. She gets stressed out when they're busy just like I do, but if they want her to work late they have to pay overtime (and it's amazing how they're able to re-prioritize when they can't just say "you have to stay until it's done and we don't have to pay you extra.")
In Catwoman, Halle Berry and her coworkers dress casual. The only ones who wear suits are the higher ranking execs and the evil boss.
I think the point is, you're most likely required to wear a suit only if you're really high up in the ladder. I suppose it depends on what kind of job you're doing as well. If you're meeting some important people/guest, then just wear a frigging suit...
I completely agree with "9 to *whenever you're done* is true hell" though.
Do people not realize that hating on Christina H is no longer funny?
ReplyBut it never stops being fun.
I think your fast becoming one of my favourite writers on Cracked, great article!
ReplyIf you write for Cracked for a living I can see feeling that way on #1. Unfortunately it's extremely true for me and everybody I work with.
ReplyI actually thought the article was pretty humourous, and Christina H has a lot of talent. The best part is that there is so much truth to the article, and it points out that most movies are made from one perspective, while we never really see the other perspective.
ReplyI agree with the last point, for me a job is a way to make money so I can pursue activities which in my opinion bring meaningfuol happiness.
ReplyOf course we should all try and have a job we enjoy but people I know who tried to define themselves by their careers ended up living pretty empty lives regardless of what job they had.
To be fair, you dont really want to see a movie about the McDonald worker that thinks he have found his lifes calling, or the office worker that spends 80% of his day on the phone, while wearing a t shirt thats stained from the days lunch.
ReplyIn some movies we like the things to be somewhat accurate, but in batman, we just want to see the joker drive everyone into insanity, and then batman five him a serious beating in the end.
It could work; it would jsut have to show co-worker interaction and nto show the actual work. It could be done as an ironic comedy.
well i didn't find this funny because, honestly, you're a woman, but i did find it interesting and you're definitely improving. so kudos, i guess, woman.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWomen can't be funny? What a misogynist.
Misogynist or not, you're just a moron.
I didn't even know the gender of the author of this article.
After reading the article and coming across your comment made me realize you don't get reality.
I'm assuming you are just being sarcastic. But if you're serious shame on you, you bastard.
A Christina H. article I don't hate with every fiber of my body. Another swing and a miss on funny. (that is a baseball reference)
ReplyI wonder if anyone truly laughed at this article and if so please let me know your secret. Another unfunny article by the most boring c**t on this site Christina H. Bravo keep em coming
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesI didn't find it funny, but I thought it was a great article; it's talking about stereotypes which we don't tend to question, which are obviously wrong in some respects when you think about them for a second, and which limit our options if we believe in them.
Watch out everybody, we got a badass over here.
I've got a secret for you, Loserhero1982. You will die alone.
I laughed out loud on the part of firing someone, perhaps because I recently got fired and then threatened to sue the company after which they deliberated with their lawyers for almost a month and then granted me a huge golden parachute :)
I'll let you on my secret Loserhero1982,...you have to develop a sense of humor. I'm surprised that after reading Cracked long enough to hate Christina, you still haven't accomplished that yet...
I've had two part-time office jobs while in college and couldn't complain about either, especially the one where I got to make posters for Student Activities. :)
ReplyShow us your boobs.
Well, I can only go on personal experience, but thus far... office jobs suck. My last one first insisted on formal attire then even went to far as to introduce pathetic air-hostess style uniforms. This in a private college/education agency, where I'd only see a handful of people a day, if that. It was pointless bull ----. Can you swear in comments?
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesAnyway - obviously the entire purpose was subjugation. People in positions of power - from Fascist regimes to bosses to kindergarten teachers - make up pointless, petty rules [like dress codes and soforth] because they KNOW that if you're made to be distracted and paranoid over adhering to the little stipulations, you won't have so much time or courage to consider breaking the bigger ones, like challenging their autocracy.
And, again, this is entirely subjective - but I personally could never feel fulfilled in a job where I have no opportunity to be creative. [So... that's pretty much every job I've ever had then]. I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing - I'd probably find contentment a lot easier if I could be satisfied doing something I currently would find utterly unrewarding - but as it stands.... Don't you find it frustrating to have ideas but no outlet for them? To spend your time doing something that PRODUCES nothing? That's what most jobs are like: similar to tidying your room. Necessary if you want to get on with your live, but repetitive and oh-so-tedious. And the worst part is, you can't just get on with whatever mundane task it is, and at least let your mind wander, because there will be some a*****e pushing you and pushing and pushing you to work faster and faster and faster so that you have to use all your concentration to focus on the inane job before you, until you actually feel like blowing your brain out or trashing the place just to escape, for a single second, from the crushing weight of monotony.
I started an office job not long ago and found it the other way around actually. They're pretty lenient about rules and dress codes, all they require is for you to show up at time and get the job done. Sure, it's repetitive, but so is all work. Getting good at art requires hours of repetitive drawing to get your style down perfect. Getting good at photography requires hours of similar work to get the technique down. Even playing sports at high level gets repetitive. And I feel like I produce something. I produce happy customers. That's my job, and I enjoy it.
If you think that's bad, don't try manufacturing. You're nothing more than a cog in a machine. You just have to shut your brain off just to make it through the night.
^ All the "bring jobs back to the US" folks don't seem to realize that when talking about bringing manufacturing jobs the Chinese "stole".
You want the work but not the sweatshop conditions...where's the "work"?
It sounds like you worked for a lot of dicks, but not all office jobs are that way. Entry-level jobs pretty much suck no matter where you are, and the places where it's easy to get hired are usually that way because nobody wants to work there. As an accountant, I'm not surprised we have a high job satisfaction rating, both because we chose to do what we do (it's not really a job you can fall into, at least not at the higher levels) and because the education requirements mean that we can start doing meaningful work right away, rather than grinding out TPS reports for our first year.
"Don't you find it frustrating to have ideas but no outlet for them? To spend your time doing something that PRODUCES nothing?"
In the last three years, I've worked on projects to expand our hospital's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, replace an aging (and frankly, depressing) senior care center with something more modern and dignified, and build clinics in remote villages that have never had access to professional health care. Sure, my day-to-day work involves spreadsheets and simulations, but I'm part of a team that produces something meaningful.
I'm deeply disturbed by how you equate being creative with what you do at work.
So you've worked the boring job where you do the same old thing. I've done jobs like that. Instead of grumbling about how work didn't let me creative, I channeled my creativity into my hobby of writing. Sure, it's not the same thing as being allowed to be part of the creative team at the company, but it provides an outlet and I've met some wonderful people that way.
Work doesn't have to be your only outlet. And it's healthier if it isn't.
Been there, done that. In fact, my last job switch was precisely because my new job would give me an outlet to my creative, inventive side. Sure, I have more work to do, but it's actually something I like instead of feeling like a remote-controlled robot every day.