5 Sci-Fi Medical Procedures We'll Have in Our Lifetime
Every conversation about health care these days is about the skyrocketing cost, and how we're going to pay for it and what the government should do about it. But in the middle of that conversation, we kind of lose track of the fact that downright jaw-dropping advances are being made every day. That's one reason the stuff costs so much, after all.
So let's at least take a moment to marvel at the fact that we're not too far away from having ...
#5. Memory Deletion
The Problem:
It's a compelling enough idea that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind built its entire plot around it: selecting and erasing certain memories from the human brain.
After all, we all have a skeleton or two in our closet, and an idiocy or two thousand in our past that we'd like to just wipe off the record. Wouldn't you, if given the chance, choose to erase from your mind that one time in eighth grade that you got hammered on spiked punch and tried to grope your math teacher on the dance floor?
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One boy's drunken error was the greatest night of Mr. Jameson's life.
The Sci-Fi Solution:
Well, soon you can! Science has been tinkering with the memory parts of the human brain for quite some time, for reasons that range from potential military applications to curing Alzheimer's disease to "because they can." In fact, some successful lab tests on memory alteration have already been made.
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"We found our car keys! Thank you, science!"
"But Cracked," you say, "surely that means nothing? Some wacky doctors playing with lab rats are light years away from any actual, tangible results on humans." Good thing, then, that one Dr. Merel Kindt and her team from Amsterdam University -- Amsterdam having no shortage of people with memories of the "Oh fuck, what did I do last night?" variety -- have already performed memory drug tests on human subjects.
Their project has dealt exclusively with dampening bad memories. Naturally, scientists being scientists, they first artificially created said memories with a slightly serial killer-y method of electric shocks and pictures of spiders, but still -- they managed to tamper that very specific fear-memory back into obscurity, so it's probably OK.
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"What a curious little creat- OH MY GOD, IT'S GOT MY HAND!"
It is, by the way, worth noting that most every scientist with some degree of know-how on the subject says the memory alteration process can be used for both erasing and enhancing memories. And they have been dealing exclusively with shitty memories. Keep that in mind when you place your bets on whether Dr. Kindt is on the receiving end of a Nobel Prize or if we're witnessing the origin story of the real life version of Scarecrow here.
#4. A Gun That Heals You
The Problem:
Skin. The largest organ of the human body, the protective layer that both shelters the raw, sausage-like horror movie monster that lurks within and covers it to be at least somewhat presentable. And rarely are you more screwed than when your skin takes so much damage that it can't heal -- burns induced by fire and chemicals can easily mess us up beyond the point of recovery.
At that point, a patient's only option is usually skin grafting, where they basically take some skin from your thigh or, indeed, ass, and sew it right the hell onto the part of you that got burned. It's a difficult process with a healing time of many weeks, but hey, what can you do? It's not like we have magical healing guns like the medics in Team Fortress 2.
Via Oxcgn.com
He'll heal your whole goddamn face off.
The Sci-Fi Solution:
Oh, wait. We totally do.
Meet the skin gun, a gun that shoots regeneration. Literally -- when you pull the trigger, it shoots liquid skin solution on you, harvested from a sample of your own healthy skin. The process takes a mere 90 minutes -- in a couple of days, the new skin settles in and you're good to go.
The researchers don't consider the gun to be ready yet. It's not a failure or anything -- the skin it makes is just fine -- it's just that they have bigger things in mind. Yes, their goal is to make the gun regrow everything, from hair to muscle tissue to organs. Because after you've managed to build a goddamn gun that heals, reasonable aspirations just cease to be a thing anymore.
#3. The Anti-Depression Magnet
The Problem:
Depression and the various ailments that spring from it are the scourge of modern society. Sure, most of us get the blues every now and again, but when things really go off the rails, that shit goes clinical. Clinical depression is a dead serious thing that goes way beyond listening to shitty country ballads and sulking, deeply affecting the life of the person and likely everyone they're close to.
And here's the problem: Depression is a bitch to treat. Even in fictional universes where they have beams that instantly heal wounds, they'd never depict some kind of invisible depression-curing ray that they could just shoot at your brain.
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Depression: Cured.
The Sci-Fi Solution:
Well, here it is:
Via Gajitz.com
Nothing treats depression like a dentist's chair attached to a bewildering array of soulless machines.
The secret is magnets, and we're not talking about the pseudoscience bullshit magnetic bracelets that are intended to cure your arthritis. This is no placebo, this is transcranial magnetic stimulation, where a patient's head is exposed to a powerful electromagnet that stimulates the mood-controlling areas of the brain. The principle isn't that much different from electroshock therapy, only without the electrodes and without so many patients running away screaming at the mention of it.
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"You take the treatment or we will beat the fucking depression out of you!"
And experiments show it apparently works. Once they figured out a way to perform tests in a reliable way (which was, for some reason, bombarding everyone's brain with electric shocks to mask the magnet), the magnet proved its effectiveness and is currently getting tweaked for widespread use. And it'll be available pretty damn soon, considering the fact that magnetic therapy devices have already been approved by the FDA.
Jay Sean Singer has already patented and created LCD based animated "tatoos". University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign professor John Rogers, last year published a paper in Science on "epidermal electronics" which could be attached to patients' skin and still function as the body moves and stretches the skin. They've proven that the concept works, now the epidural or temporary tattooos are being tested for reliability. Either of these concepts can be used to monitor glucose, blood pressure, and other aspects of physical health. The LCD tattoo is already in use, though not medically (yet). It is certainly conceivable. Unlike the epidural tattoo, the LCD screen is permanently surgically inserted under the skin. How cool is it to be able to change your tattoo anytime you want? Runners could easily monitor their heart rates and BP. Diabetics won't need to poke themselves at all. On another note: Wired recently published an article about "scanners", yes, Tricorders, just like in Star Trek, they wave the thing over your body and read your oxygen, glucose, CO2 levels, etc. This instrument measures science-fictiony "T-rays", and is already being used for all kinds of purposes--security, drug busts, medicine (such as finding cancers). the difference is now they can put it in a hand-held device at room temperature. They are also developing hand-held MRI devices.
ReplyAs far as deleting memories, if we get that good at it: If we could delete every embarassing mistake we'd every made, or every painful memory, we not only lose the lessons learned, but miss the good along with the bad (as seen in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). Memories make us who we are. Where do you draw the line? Erase the child abuses memories of violent criminals? Then erase all of their violent acts from memory? Who would they be witihout those memories? Is that humane or unethical? How about instead of prison time? Would participation be voluntary? I'm sure I'm not the only one that's considered this. They are already experimentally using "amnesia" drugs in the treatment of PTSD. Of course the drugs used today aren't terribly specific and the results have been mixed--depending on timing and individual response. There's a lot of ongoing controversy about their use for this purpose. If the research into pinpointing and suppressing or erasing memories is effective then that raises many ethical questions. There is certainly room for abuse with these technologies.
I was unable to edit this into my rather lengthy comment, but I believe it's worth saying: In regards to the use of amnesia drugs in treating PTSD---- They are already experimentally using "amnesia" drugs in the treatment of PTSD. Of course the drugs used today aren't terribly specific and the results have been VERY mixed--depending on timing and individual response. For example, women who have been victims of amnesia-producing date rape drugs are still traumatized even though they don't remember being raped. They may not even remember the circumstances surrounding the rape. This lack of memory doesn't lessen the pychological pain or effects of being raped. So obviously, simply erasing memories surrounding traumatic events is not necessarily the answer. In some cases, the lack of memory makes their trauma worse. It's the knowing but not remembering. The imagination can be worse than reality. There is certainly room for abuse with ANY of these technologies.
starve myself and drink red wine all day to gain immortality? done and done.
Replyits not a science boner its a brainer.
ReplyAge acceleration drugs? Jesus, because we don't already have enough of an overpopulation problem.
Replyf**k people.
Cool article, but that picture is Himalayan Balsam, not Japanese Knotweed.
ReplyOh...my......God,that spray gun was freaking insane.And memory loss?im getting a nerdgasm here : watch death note/play an awesome,awesome game,erase memory,rinse and repeat!!
Reply"Memory erasing" should not be in the same sentence as "potential military applications"
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYes, I'm betting more than a few people shuddered when that came up....
Welcome to the Dollhouse.
The possible implications this could have on returning combat veterans could revolutionize the treatment for PTSD. From Vietnam vets all the way to Operations Enduring and Iraqi Freedom, we would not have to 'learn to live with the repercussions' of the horrible things we've seen. Sign me up!
And yet no hoverboards and working sexbots :(
ReplyDr. Kindt reminds me of Dr. Krieger.
ReplyA woman named Dr Fiona Wood actually patented a special spray on skin in about 1993, its been around for a while.
ReplyThis stuff is pretty amazing, and for someone who gets burned I'll bet that the skin gun probably is a freaking godsend. You see those people who got burned and have a body part/s that look like hell, I'm sure having thrown skin on that sucker would have done good. Maybe that would be able to replace all skin grafts?
ReplySomebody just played a videogame and was all like "lets invent this s**t for real" didn't they?
ReplyOh well, I suppose James Bond "invented" mobile phones and Star Trek "invented" music on computers (which evolved into potentially thousands of albums on a small box in your pocket)
Oh also the get out of fat free pill is making chubby chasers rub their dicks raw right now. "Finally! no more girls that would look so much better with an extra five stones on them mucking around with all that 'dieting' shit"
I'd never erase all the mistakes in my past... how counter-productive. It's the zap of cognitive dissonance and embarassment that i feel like a flashback when i am about to repeat a mistake. It borders on intuition now. Sometimes i feel "funny" about something and usually trusting my gut instinct will later show me that my brain notice the pattern of failure.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesErasing any mistakes in your past would be like unlearning every life lesson you've ever learned the Right (hard) way.
Although as a counterpoint, im just talking about normal stuff. if someone got raped or was in a war or something, and now it is affecting their life like PTSD or flashbacks. Perhaps then, memory deletion would be very beneficial. But only if theyre officially crazy... not just cause they wanna forget that drunken bender...
I was planning on weaving an intricate trail of clues insinuating I had led a secret life as an international super spy, leaving them for my self to find, and erasing all memories of the plan from my brain.
Having PTSD or being raped does not make you 'officially crazy'. I'm sure all the vets that read that comment are super happy that they fought for your right to act like a self important p***k in the comment section of a comedy site.
@mexistache Isn't that the plot of the movie Paycheck?
I guess I'm going to have to be the guy who points out that "Some wacky doctors playing with lab rats are light years away from any actual, tangible results on humans" incorrectly uses light years. Light years are a measure of distance, not time. Damnit Cracked, I expect more from you!
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesIt's not necessarily referring to time: we say 'a million miles away from [ ]', why not light years?
yes thank you CarrieVS. I'm so tired of seeing people peeve about this light years thing. A light year takes at least one year to happen (assuming you got a light-speed craft!) so it's a measure of both time and distance. We're not doing a math word problem right now, so your point is moot. It's just an expression...
maks8987, a light year does not "take one year to happen". It's a unit of length and nothing else. That's like saying a meter takes 1⁄299,792,458 of a second to happen, just because a meter is defined as the distance light travels in that time. Distance does not "happen".
What he meant was 'it takes at least one year to travel a light year, because nothing can travel faster then the speed of light'.
Except neutrinos going from Geneva to Prague or wherever the heck it was: anyone heard any more about those?
Someone found the error; they didn't break the speed of light.
Haha, you're an idiot if you do TMS. We don't even know yet if the effects are permanently damaging. We neglect to tell you that when you come in for psychology studies.
Replywhats tms
the same is true for every psychotropic antidepressant drug that's currently on the market (mostly SSRIs), seeing as none of them have been out for longer than maybe 40 or 50 years. you must be a receptionist
I seriously can not wait for that depression magnet thing to come out. NO MORE 10 PILLS A DAY!
ReplyGood god, they've invented the Spice!
ReplyIt's type TWO diabetes that's linked to obesity, not "diabetes" as a whole. Type ONE diabetes has NOTHING to do with obesity; you could be within healthy weight or even underweight and still end up with it.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesPlease avoid using wording that could give the impression that diabetes in general is caused by obesity.
Shut up. The point was about glucose meters, not specific types of diabetes.
Actually diabetes as a whole is. Type one specifically isn't, but the probability of having diabetes of some type given that you are obese is higher than the probability with no other information.
It's not as well known, but the fact is that even people at healthy weights can develop Type II diabetes. And the connection between weight and Type II diabetes may not be as strong as we think: The fact is people that have undergone gastric bypass surgery will suddenly NOT BE DIABETIC anymore, even BEFORE they've LOST ANY WEIGHT. This points to other factors being responsible, with weight gain perhaps being a coincidental factor.
I've remember a TV Show Invisible man where title character would go mental if he didn't get his antidote serum or some s**t like that. Indicator of how much time he's got in his hand was a tattoo of snake which would change colors. That was some cool shit. And now I see, that will be (sorta) reality. Can't wait.
ReplyGreat show. The snake tattoo was an Ouroboros (snake eating it's own tail)
I bet if I looked hard enough through my attic, I could find my old VHS tapes of the show recorded from sci-fi.
Thanks for the Manu Tuilagi pic. Best English rugby player, and not even English.
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