5 Silver Linings Now That Your Flight Has Been Delayed
With the skies growing more crowded every year, and the airlines losing their sense of shame every day, flight delays have gone from being a rare event to a reliable nuisance for anyone who chooses to travel by air. But flight delays don't have to be bad news -- with the right frame of mind, there can be a lighter side to these annoyances. Below we've presented some of the ways you can make the best of your next flight delay.
Delay #5
: Let's Go Shopping
Attention all passengers waiting for flight LP236 to Chicago, due to weather conditions, your plane coming in from Denver is running a little late. Once it arrives we'll do all we can to turn it around as fast as possible. At this point we expect to start boarding in about 30 minutes.
What You Can Do Now
See? There was no need to rush after all. You definitely had enough time to buy the security guy with the soft hands a drink, like you joked about. That dude was taking some serious liberties. He was right up in there. Like he was kneading bread.
Face like iron, hands like silk.
You could be like these sheep sitting here moaning about how they'll be late, or you could use this opportunity to do some shopping. Your wife may be expecting something -- given that you've been gone for over a week, and because she was less than impressed by that half eaten bag of wine gums you "got for her" on your last trip. You should definitely hit up the duty free store and get her ... uh ... what do they have at duty free stores? Boxes of chocolate the size of the ones stereos come in. Bottled odors. Leather goods. Sure. Go pick her up some of those leather goods that she loves so much. What says "Thinking of you" more than a red snakeskin passport organizer?
Bulk liquor?
Delay #4
: Time For Supper
Attention all passengers waiting for flight LP236 to Chicago, it looks like we've got another delay here. There is a mechanical issue with the plane. Our maintenance crew is working on it now, but it's going to take some time to get this sorted out. Our best estimate is that this will take another hour.
What You Can Do Now
You should probably be glad they're not compromising your safety. Sit quietly and nod. This is an entirely appropriate delay, and you applaud and salute their airplane-related perfectionism.
Aircraft Mechanics: Sober 74 percent of the time.
Not like those other babies at the gate. Like that chubby dude there with the glasses. It looks like he's about to cry. No one wants to be in Chicago that badly. Could he miss his family that much? Or more likely, miss his MMORPG that much?
This delay means that you're probably not going to get home until something like midnight. You should eat. Remember the last time you tried to go eight hours on nothing but airplane candy and had to take a day off work? Constipation Related Absence does not look good on the old timesheet. So yeah, use this time to your advantage and get a nice hot meal. See if you can find the mandatory "Irish pub" that's in every damned airport. It will be called Flighty O'Leary's or something. There you can have the extremely Irish sounding Cajun chicken sandwich. Just like mom used to make when she had flight delays.
Everything on this plate has been dead since the Carter administration.
Delay #3
: Me Time
Attention all passengers waiting for flight LP236 to Chicago. The mechanical issues on your plane cannot be repaired, so it looks like we need to bring around a new plane. The good news is we do have one in the hangar, so we're going to wheel it over and get it ready for you. It looks like it's going to be at least another hour now folks. We apologize for the inconvenience.
What You Can Do Now
This is starting to get ridiculous. But you're not going to be like that ginger-haired jerk there, pacing back and forth, ranting at the gate agent. Calm down, guy. Yes I'm sure you could run a better airline yourself. I've heard that's a quality many crazy hotheads possess.
Take Richard "crashed a balloon into the Pacific Ocean" Branson, for instance.
You know what this is? This isn't an inconvenience. This is quality "Me Time." No work, no family -- for an hour you have no responsibilities at all! You love flight delays! And you are going to rock the hell out of this flight delay at the bar! This is your time! Time to spend drinking $9 beers! Time for sports highlights with the TV sound off! Time for banal conversations with strangers! "Where you going pal? Chicago? Ha, me too. Boy these airlines are idiots, am I right? Weather? I hardly knew her!"
I got stuck in Denver flying back to the UK for 22 hours once, alone, when I was 15.. I loved it! I got treated really well, had f**k loads of McDonalds and played my PSP the whole time, ahh, best day of my life (it was the worst)
ReplyWorst flight I've had was twelve hours waiting at a terminal for a flight to New York. It would actually have taken less time to DRIVE.
ReplyThe paragraph about moving walkways makes me desperately want to find an airport that has them.
ReplyIn other, related news, there is a short story called "Wait" by Roy Kesey. A diverse group of people are delayed in an airport. Wackiness ensues. Absurd wackiness, along the lines of Delay #1. In case anyone is interested.
I don't mind being stuck in the airport for a few hours but my plane was delayed on the tarmac for 2hrs with no aircon and we weren't allowed to leave our seats. Then I missed my connecting flight and had to wait 4hrs for the next available one. At least I got a voucher for a free meal.
ReplyI would have laughed more, but I've had #5-#2 happen in repeated cycles for no less than 3 days.
ReplyNever fly United.
Because other airlines never have delays.
United. Is. SATAN!
My sister used to fly between Indiana and Baltimore all the time and she always had a connecting flight in Detroit, which is apperently the worst airport ever because of all the delays.
ReplyI've actually never had a problem with DTW flights. Always had problems going from Atlanta to Panama City, Florida though. Delays going into the airport, delays heading out.
or you could complain
ReplyFeral Airport Brethren would be a great name for a band.
ReplyDoes Mr Bucholz have a twitter or fb? I'm considering becoming a stalker. -Stephanie Sadorra
ReplyYup, we can read your user name, hon.
Can I stalk you? I love upside-down supermodels
Worst flying experience in my life: stuck in Paris for 4 days before Christmas. No airline staff in the airport, no phone to call them from, ridiculous lines to wait in only to be told that they don't have access to the ticket, since their Star Alliance partners (who are running an ALWAYS empty office in the airport) made the reservations. Eventually I gave up, called a friend in Paris, and went for an extended, unexpected visit... So, I stayed 4 days in Paris, until they managed to put me on a flight that actually left, after 2 fruitless trips back to the airport. But I stayed 4 days in Paris, so maybe the best flight delay experience in my life actually! (they were supposed to give me a hotel though, and they absolutely failed at that)
ReplyThat's something I've always been curious about. Seems every time I'm in an airport half the stores are closed, and the restaurants have ridiculously short hours. Wouldnt they make MORE money stayin open longer?
ReplyAfter being forced to wander around Frankfurt's horrible clusterfuck of an airport for three hours after missing my connecting flight, and having to spend eight more hours standing in a line with 2,000 other people just to get a replacement ticket, I will never complain about airline delays again. Unless they make me miss my f*****g connection again.
ReplyWhy fly when you can teleport?
ReplyNot everyone can teleport.
Well, try harder then.
Hey! I had a fight delayed once, too. Therefore, this is relevant to me.
Replymost definitely would do people watching.. particularly.. guy watching ;P
Replyshopping not the best silver lining.. prices so darn high -.-
In the event of a riot, old people make excellent improvised shields.
ReplyBAHAHAHAHA!
Hilarious, but not true, unfortunately. Old people are brittle. If they don't just fall apart in your hands like papier-mache, anything aimed at you will just pass right through them undeterred. You might as well try to hide behind a ghost.
I knew this was going to be good when I laughed at the first sentence. Reminds me of my six-hour flight delay... never fly AirTran. The cheap rates aren't worth it.
ReplySame with Spirit!!!
This is bull! There are no silver linings to having your flight delayed. If your light gets delayed, you just have to waste some more time of your life in a friggin' airport. (After spending a whole night in an airport that had everything closed - they do that at night time btw - I am perhaps bitter and skeptical.)
ReplyYou do realize this is a satirical site, right?
You do realize this is Cracked, right?
The chain of problems with the flight described here is eerily reminiscent of an event that happened to me in Phoenix about 10 years ago, on American West airlines. The first plane had a landing gear issue, so they brought a second, which had an engine issue. They fixed the first, and the pilot had left. They found a new crew, but the luggage cart ran into the landing gear, breaking it again. Delightful 9 hour delay. It was also to Chicago.
ReplyThey found a new crew, but the luggage cart ran into the landing gear, breaking it again
lolwhat? Must've been lotsa "special people" working there
Hah...reminds me of a flight when we were stuck on the tarmac for several, several hours (like, 4-5 hours) because of plane issues, then crew issues, then who-knows-what issues, until we had missed every alternate flight, and the airline had to put everyone up in a hotel overnight so we could go stand-by at 6am the following morning. At least when you're stuck in the terminal you can wander around, instead of being told to stay crammed in your seat unless it's an emergency...
Reply