Most fashion fads all start the same way: some musician wears something unusual on the stage or in a video, and millions of teenagers and college kids run out to buy it. This process has led all of us to wearing some laughably stupid shit over the years.
Which just makes it all the more frustrating to think back to all of the music fashions that should have caught on, but didn't because society apparently just wasn't ready. But oh how I wish it was socially acceptable to wear...
7The Bright Red Codpiece (Cameo)
If you were alive in the 80s and had working ears, you know who Cameo is. If not, then you may only know them as, "the band whose lead singer had a red shield on his dick."
That piece of clothing right there is called a codpiece, and when you wear a codpiece, you are ready for fucking battle. It sends a message to your opponent that says, "I'm about to beat your ass, and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. But I'm protecting my stuff-n-things because after this is all over, I'm nailing your mom." Add in the fact that it's violence-and-rage red, and there is not a man on earth who will be able to maintain eye contact with you through a conversation. Or a woman, though for very different reasons.
What we do not understand is why, after Larry Blackmon hit airwaves with this fashion in 1986, this accessory didn't become as common as the necktie. By now it would have become so accepted that the freaking President would take the stage in one on inauguration day.
What Caught On Instead:
Tupac's exposed boxers/low hanging pants.
Though we should probably also blame a Marky Mark-era Mark Wahlberg for this one:
As an aggressive show of manhood or sexual virility, the low-hanging pants trend was just cowardly. It was for people who wanted to show their fuck gear but didn't have the balls to just not wear pants. And we've all seen these unbelievable douchebags out in public, pulling up their beltline with every second step to avoid the pants slipping down around their knees.
Our feelings on the matter are that the primary muscles involved in walking should be the legs. If the arms are doing just as much work, it's time to find a new fashion. Do ladies honestly get turned on by the sight of your junk hiding behind huge baggy striped boxer shorts? Especially when you could have your dick decked out in red armor like a brave crimson knight?
6Stuffed Animal Pants (Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers)
You saw Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers wearing these awesome pants in Young MC's Bust a Move video:.
You can't tell us those aren't comfortable. There has never been a product in the history of mankind that's fluffier than Flea's stuffed animal pants. We don't care what anybody says, nothing bad can come out of something fluffy that you can legally cuddle with your balls.
Sure, they're probably pretty warm in the summer, but tell us that you could honestly have a bad day when standing waist-deep in stuffed animals. Imagine getting mad at someone else while either of you are wearing stuffed animal pants. Imagine fighting a war, and trying to bring yourself to fire upon an enemy wearing stuffed animal pants.
What Caught On Instead:
Emo skinny pants with white belt combo.
We're not sure who did it first, but we're at least throwing a glance in Fallout Boy's direction. Skin tight, ball-crushing jeans, topped with a glaring white belt. Many teenagers in the 1970s had posters on their walls of women wearing this exact outfit. Pants so tight, you could see if they waxed their legs before the photo shoot.
You know that sound a vacuum packed jar of peanuts makes when you open it for the first time? We'd rather our pants not make that sound every time we unzip to take a piss.