6 Things From History Everyone Pictures Incorrectly
#3.
Nobody Dressed How You Think They Dressed
The Perception:
So already it's pretty clear that if we don't have photos laying around of the historical period in question, we're basically just guessing. And that's interesting considering how many figures from the distant past we think we have a perfectly clear image of. For instance, ninjas looked like this:
Vikings looked like this:
And as anyone who's ever attended a Thanksgiving event at an American grade school knows, pilgrims looked like this:
The Reality:
The ninja outfit is ridiculous, if you think about it. If you're an assassin and your job is to blend in, you don't do that by dressing in a black bodysuit that screams "ninja" from a mile away. So, they dressed like normal people--workers, monks, merchants, basically anything that looked as un-ninja as humanly possible was the perfect disguise. This way, they could sneak around unnoticed, day or night.
Hidden inside those bushels are like a million katanas.
On rare occasions when they needed to move through the dark undetected, they still didn't wear black. Dark blue is the color you want if you want to blend in at night; someone in all black would stand out like a silhouette.
As for the Vikings, the one single thing we know them for--wearing huge horns on their helmets--isn't true. They just wore regular helmets, not anything fancy. Here's some advice: If you want a career in something that requires a lot of hand-to-hand combat, don't wear anything that's easy for people to grab onto. This is why when cops wear ties, they wear clip-ons. It's also why you don't want something on your hat that is essentially a giant set of handlebars.
Viking helmets: built for sensible pillaging.
As for the pilgrims, they were simple, farming folk, and as such wore clothes that made sense for the job. Do you really think someone would toil in the field or chop wood for hours on end dressed in a heavy coat and shiny shoes? If you're gonna have a long, hard day of stealing Indian land, you gotta at least have a shirt that breathes.
Therefore, it was more common to see guys in baggy shirts and pants, and gals in simple dresses. Hats were floppy and buckle-free, and boots were made of beat up leather and tied with bows. On top of that, the image of the demure, black and white puritan is also a myth, as people owned clothes in a range of colors including bright yellows, blues, reds and greens.
Why We Picture it Wrong:
The ninjas can thank the theater. In Edo period theater (which came about one hundred years after ninjas were around), playwrights needed a trick to show how sneaky ninjas were on stage, as well as a way to make them into "invisible" assassins. The stage hands already dressed in all black, so the audience had long been used to ignoring them since they weren't "part of the play." So, actors playing ninjas started dressing up in all black, too. Then the whole audience would jump when one of them would leap out of nowhere and kill a dude. Also, it looks totally badass.
As for the Vikings, Greek and Roman historians wrote about warriors from the North with horned helmets, which in and of itself was just an exaggeration used to make them sound like scarier bad guys for their stories. Also, it looks totally badass.
And the pilgrims, with their black hats and brass buckles on everything? Well, in the early 1600s, there were people who dressed that way, but those were the urban puritans back in England --precisely the people who decided not to become pilgrims and instead stay home in the first place. The reason we have the image of pilgrims dressing the same is because all the existing portraits of people from the era come from England. Also, it looks totally badass.
#2.
Jesus Looked Nothing Like the Paintings
The Perception:
Occasionally someone will come forward having seen the face of Christ in, say, a hunk of wood, or a toasted sandwich.
And always you can immediately recognize the face because of the trademark long hair and beard. It's maybe the most recognizable face in the world.
White guy, usually even with light hair and eyes. It's not just some pop culture invention; check out this image of Jesus found in the Room of The Segnatura at the Vatican:
Please, no jokes about the naked little boys at the bottom.
The Reality:
As you can probably guess, Yeshua of Nazareth, the man Christians think of as "Jesus Christ" today, actually looked a lot more Middle Eastern seeing as he was... well... actually Middle Eastern.
That's just an artist rendering based on what the average person of the time and place Jesus actually came from looked like, but you get the idea.
Why We Picture it Wrong:
For the dominant image of Jesus as a whitey, we have artists like Leonardo and Michelangelo to thank. A lot of the paintings of Jesus they made during the Renaissance became the "definitive" versions of his image, and they were just portraying him as a handsome Italian man, like everyone else in their paintings.
But the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aren't the only ones to blame; European paintings from the Medieval ages did the same whitewashing, most likely because, in the age of the Crusades, the Church was better off not reminding people they were praying to a little, brown Jew.
"Wait is that the guy we're supposed to Kill or worship? We might need to change our mascot..."
Of course, this racial artistic license isn't exclusive to white people, either--Jesus has been portrayed as Black, Hispanic and Asian, depending on who painted the picture.
Chinesus!
#1.
The Big Bang Wasn't a Bang
The Perception:
You don't need an extensive education in astrophysics to guess what the Big Bang looked like. It's called the freaking Big Bang. It must have been some kind of big ass explosion, right? Hell, even Carl Sagan agrees--after all, that's how he shows it in one of his highly respected documentaries.
"Our Universe began with the mightiest explosion of all time."
- Actual quote from actual Documentary
The Reality:
Since nobody was around to observe it, there is still debate surrounding the exact details of the origins of the cosmos, but it most certainly did not look like an explosion as presented in the above freeze-frame. There are some who say the origin of the universe came in a moment of extremely rapid matter expansion, aka the "Big Bang Theory." But the other, most common, camp is the "steady state" theory, wherein the universe has been expanding at the same rate since day one, and continues to expand at the same pace even now. Either way, though, both sides agree there was no "explosion." Instead the universe expanded like a balloon full of dark matter and other cool sci-fi sounding sciencey stuff.
The main argument between the groups of physicists is basically how fast the balloon inflated, not whether the balloon inflated or exploded in a ball of fire.
Why We Picture it Wrong:
The whole problem comes back to that really misleading name. So, what kind of jerk would come up with the name "Big Bang" if they were a smart enough scientist to know it was more of a "gradual swelling"?
Turns out it was one more opposed to the idea of a Big Bang than most. Fred Hoyle was an astrophysicist firmly on the "steady state" side of the great debate of the birth of life, the universe, and everything. He came up with the phrase "Big Bang" as a way to simply explain the viewpoint he disagreed with, intending people to hear the name and think the idea of a giant explosion giving birth to existence was ridiculous.
This was a gross misjudgment of human nature. As soon as he suggested there was a huge explosion at the birth of the universe, we latched onto that idea and never let it go. Hoyle simply failed to grasp how profoundly our species loves big-ass explosions.
When not ruining dinosaurs for everybody else, Alexander L. Hoffman writes sketchy comedy for First, The TRANYA! and Ritchie Redd. You can contact Alexander here.
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Chinesus!
Reply. Hoyle simply failed to grasp how profoundly our species loves big-ass explosions. hahahaaha love it
ReplyActually, you reasoning doesn't make sense, 'Christians deflect Jesus as Jew to go to Jerusalem, home of Jews and Jesus, to stop... muslims, hide Jesus Jew.' In fact, those anti-semites in Christianity, come from hauty Italians who if you haven't noticed, hated all cultures at most times in their history- though that doesn't speak for all Italians, and more predominantly from Germany- most anti-semitic behaviour occurs in obscure places in Germany, where the Bishops sheltered the jews from these crusaders, often times having their homes destroyed and being killed as well. When these Deutch crusaders tried to cross into Hungary, knights from that country rose up to protect the Jews in their country, slaughtered every last one of those German knights and the rest of Christendom hailed it as the right penalty of God against those who would kill Jews, God's people.
ReplyWhen it comes to the misconception that Christians slaughtered Jews enmass as a popular universal movement, is from, Again- GERMAN reformers, like Martin Luther, whose later career is quite insane. And that infected England because of German exchanges with the island as it too politically isolated itself from seceding from Rome. England brought in tonnes of Germanic people, including marrying some at the royal level and they disseminated their minority views upon the Jews by controlling the Church of England. It's propaganda like the Spanish Inquisition to believe that Anti-semitism is a universal Christian habit.
Where people like to point fingers is when it comes to the point where siege warfare is concerned and everyone in the cities were slaughtered. This is not a Christian practice, it's a political practice of warfare at that time- a city resists, you put down all resisters and civilians to inform the next city that resistance is not worth their time, because then your time is up. Muslims did it too. In these situations, you can't tell who is a Jew, a Muslim, a Pagan, a Jew- you can't tell slave from free, because that's how some people smuggle themselves to freedom- you kill everyone- it has nothing to do with religion, but universal practices of war. As above, Muslims did this too!
Now, in the end, the Crusaders realised that they had been duped by Constantinople, and a long line of kings named Alexis, they were manipulated so he could save money flexing power, holding on to his empire so he could forcefully negotiate with Caliphates, and even make alliances with them when it we profitable, he had no concern for the Jews and Christians being killed he described by 'having their entrails pierced and forced to run around stakes til their viscerals were yanked from their bodies.' Among other things. He wanted commercial trade to run through his city, he wanted to control the the lands in order to be able to squeeze Muslims financially and he constantly abandoned the Westerners he asked for help when it wasn't politically and fiscally feasible- in short, he told them people were dying, he couldn't help them, please send aid, and then constantly betrayed the people who came. When they were finally on par with this, figured it out, the Crusaders sacked Constantinople.
seriously? the feathered "velociraptor" is'nt even a velocitaptor. it is a Sinornithosaurus. i have a guide to this when i was a kid because i was obsessed with dinosaurs. it is proven that they were two separate creatures. i dont like the fact that you are posting false information. my source? kk.
Reply"A Guide To Dinosaurs - Consultant Editor Michael K. Brett-Surman" :)
In the long run, though, what does it matter, considering both were feathered?
Chickens are Dinosaurs ??
Reply"Our Universe began with the mightiest explosion of all time."
Reply- Actual quote from actual Documentary[Citation needed]
uhh
Replyjesus was a jew.jews are white,yes?therefore,jesus was white.
Okay, so not "Caucasian white", but "meditarranean white", which is quite different.
Personally I prefer the Ekonpyreisis theory, basic idea, millions upon billions of universes out there (universes? Universi?) two start to float together after the matter in them has expanded enough that it's nonexistent, touch, make waves in each other, crash, cause tons of gigantic explosions creating matter, then are forced apart by the power of their explosions as the matter begins expanding outward.
ReplyMuch more badass.
I love that there's an ad for the show "Big Bang Theory" right under the number one spot.
ReplyChinesus! Haha
Replyjesus was obvously middle eastern but to say he wasnt white is absurd since middle eastern people are caucasion by defination.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesthey simply are tan the rendering on here is a little dark. jesus was born in israel and have you seen what they look like they are not that dark they are darker then the average eurpoean but they still are lighter then the picture on here
This is why you read the small print - it says that's what an average person of the time and place would look like. Read Moar.
You're probably thinking of Ashkenazi Israelis who are decended from European immigrants. Jews from the Middle East or elsewhere along the Mediterranean (Mizrachi and Sephardic, respectively) are actually significantly darker than the picture in the article.
Middle Eastern People are Caucasian according to the Census, but go ahead and tell a Neo-Nazi that those filthy brown people are actually considered Caucasian.
Years back,there was a big uproar at a church when they chose a black man to play Jesus in the Christmas play.Letting a black man play him is no more absurd than a white man doing it.What I love about it is how those people accidentally let their racism show at the worst possible time.
ReplyAt my Christian high school that realistic picture of Jesus is pretty close to what I envisioned when my teacher described what Jesus probably looked like in reality. (Not that his appearance has any relevance to doctrine).
ReplyIt kinda does when certain groups (the KKK) use the excuse of "expressing religious ideals" when they burn crosses on the lawns of everyone they hate (people who are not white, American or Christian). And while His message isn't exactly altered by His appearance, we should try to make history as accurate as possible, even if it's just something trivial.
The funny thing is that Jesus wasn't even white, American, or Christian!
I thought the universe was expanding at a rapid pace. Nova never lies.
ReplyFor the first few seconds, or minutes or whatever, the universe went from being the size if a subatomic particle to a baseball then Earth and however big it is today. As far as we're concerned, the universe is still expanding. As to how fast, you'll have to ask an expert.
I worship Chinesus
ReplyThe main reason we think Puritans dressed like that is because that's the way they dressed when having their portraits painted. It was their Sunday Best. Since those portraits are the only things we have to do on regarding their appearance (at least visually), the image has stuck. It's kinda like thinking women in 20th century America always wore poofy gowns and lacquered fancy hairstyles, based on only having their prom pictures to go on.
ReplySo the raptors had feathers...I can live with that. Were they still insanely fast and smart? Because if they were it wouldn't matter in the least if they had feathers they'd still be terrifying as all else.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHonestly, I think the feathers would make them even MORE terrifying. Kinda like clowns - the bright colors just turn them into nightmares.
Velociraptors were also turkey sized and couldnt take an Ankylosaur from the underside, Utahraptors and Deinonychus were scary however.
Actually, even those were likely feathered since the most basal were feathered creatures that could glide (if not actually fly).
Also add: Witch-hunts. While most of us picture the Medievals in the Dark Ages as burning people for having funny peckles in their skin, Witch-hunting didn't happen until the late 1400s. ANTI-WITCH-HUNTING laws from the Frankish Empire as far back as the 700s banned witch-hunting on the pain of death. It became popular again after Innocent VIII tried to use a famine in Germany to rile up a witch craze to cover up the fact he had an illegitimate son before becoming pope. Keep that in mind, most Popes have them after. And once innocent VIII died, his pal Heinrich Kramer and his work the Malleus maleficarum was anathemized by the Inquisition and actually rejected by the Catholic hierarchy. Which explains why Spain and Italy were free from Witch hunts due to an Inquisition which would call bullshit everytime you called someone a witch; While Protestant Churches were the ones lighting up bonfires for witches, usually the poor folk and neighborhood enemies while the whole tow was high on ergot disease.
ReplyBefore Innocent and his ridiculous witch-fetish, the Church actually frowned on the belief in witches. They said anyone who thought such things were real were just sadly deluded.
Considering there are Pyramids left all over the world - pretty much 1/ancient civalization...and now new ones being discovered, I believe these were more or less flight path markers...for our Ancestors - regardless of how they went down in history. Especially if they lit up off the distant sun at night. Makes perfect sense. Fun Fact: Japanese pyramids beging dated 13,000 yrs old would suggest that even Egyptian/Sumerian/Grecian etc or basically 'Adam's Race of civilazations are're-plants'. Haha. And the Big Bang theory - I just read somewhere that an astrophysicist calculated the expansion process from the point of origin: From it to where we are now, in time/space/terrasect, it took 6 days to get here but to travel back to said point would take about 2 billion light years. (On account of the velocity, densitiy of hypereneger on the 'bang' part and the slowing process of expansion and wave freqency. Again, somehow makes perfect sense! At least the bibly didn't screw-I mean, SKEW that fact up! ;)' ♥
Replydude, your nerd is showing...
Considering there are Pyramids left all over the world - pretty much 1/ancient civalization...and now new ones being discovered all over the world, I believe these were more or less flight path markers...for our Ancestors - regardless of how they went down in history. Especially if they lit up off the distant sun at night. Makes perfect sense. Fun Fact: Japanese pyramids beging dated 13,000 yrs old would suggest that even Egyptian/Sumerian/Grecian etc or basically 'Adam's Race of civilazations are possible 're-plants'. Haha.
Reply