As anyone who's ever encountered babies in the wild can tell you, they're shiftless little balls of deception and greed. Those of us who stand up to walk, and sit down to poop may not be Mother Theresa, but it turns out we had a long way to go from our babbling drooling selves.
Yes, unless you're a borderline sociopath today, you were probably at your worst before you ever uttered a word. It's science!
It seems crazy that a barely functioning human infant could be cunning enough to lie to get out of trouble, but it's true. Baby You was such an asshole that you started lying before you could even speak. Scientists have found that by the age of just six months mini-you was already "fake crying" and "pretend laughing" to get attention. Babies are so good at that lie they will even pause briefly and listen to see if someone is responding to their crocodile tears before starting up again.
Oh shut up, you piece of shit.
Perhaps even more surprising is that, when they know they've done something wrong, the little bastards will distract their parents to avoid getting caught. Crying for attention isn't so terrible, because receiving positive attention makes you feel good. But causing a distraction? That means the slimy, shrieking baby knows it has done something wrong and wants to cover up for it. Before they learn how to poop without assistance, babies know how to create an alibi.
Why Did I Do That?!
Lying is considered an important part of a child's development. Once you can speak, your lies become more complex, and believable and the early non-verbal attempts at lying help us learn the types of lies we can get away with.
According to science, lying isn't something that happens when a normal baby get's corrupted by TV--it is normal human behavior. Telling the truth is the thing we have to learn. Most of us start to feel bad about lying around age four, once we're old enough to understand those morality tales our parents keep telling us. So the only thing standing between you and a life of crime was "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf."
Pictured: You, if your parents were flightless birds.