From the minute babies are able to understand basic communication techniques they give everyone a big fuck you. You've all seen babies thrown tantrums; screaming and thrashing their limbs about, forgetting that at any moment you can crush their tiny, fragile bones in your superior man-sized hands.
Any goddamned moment.
Tantrums not only stem from not getting what you want but also from refusing to do things. Babies will even resist things they actually want to do or enjoy doing, seemingly just because they are tiny freaking assholes. "No" is one of the most common first words spoken by children and can sometimes occupy their entire vocabulary for three months before they say just about anything else.
Why Did I Do That?!
Defiance is a way for a baby to define themselves. They start to realize that they are separate from the world and have their own thoughts, desires and actions. When you were first born, your parents would put you into your crib and you fell asleep. But a few months later it occurs to you, what if you don't feel tired? What if you CHOOSE not to go to sleep? What if you refuse and express your displeasure?
"I feel nothing but contempt for you."
And it's important to remember that this kind of baby-bitch-negativism isn't restricted to things the baby doesn't want. The baby might whine when you try to put it to sleep when it's not tired, but it might also whine when you take it out of the crib. And when you feed it, or rock with it, or try to comfort it, it will push you away simply because you're doing something. The baby's in control, and you need to know that.
You're a good parent. You're doing your best raising your stupid little baby and, so far, you think you're doing a pretty decent job. Then one night, you put your baby in their crib as usual but instead of nodding off they sit up and start beating their head against their crib over and over again. Hard. You're in too much shock to do anything, or maybe you're just kind of a crummy parent and you want to see where your baby's going with this when, after a minute or so, it is all over and your innocent little angel is fast asleep. What the hell just happened?!
It's not just your baby, either. Starting at about nine months, before going to sleep many infants will bang their heads against something solid up to 80 times a minute. Spells can last from a few minutes to a few hours. They're not mad, they're not trying to get something, they are seemingly just hurting themselves for no reason at all other than to fuck with your already fragile and sleep-deprived parent brain.
Why Did I Do That?!
It feels fucking awesome, and it's the closest this baby can come to getting high (unless you're really crummy parents). The surge of adrenaline that the kid gets from the slight pain induces a happy, calm and relaxed feeling followed by exhaustion. They don't care if you protest, and they don't care if there's any harm done. They just want that next adrenaline fix, and they'll bang their head all night to get it.
But they can quit any time they want. Totally.
You are destroying the lives of everyone around you.