The 5 Circles of Baffling Web Comic Hell
A recent study by the New England Journal of Medicine found that 86 percent of all webcomic artists are, quote, "clownshit insane." Not that I'm criticizing; I wrote a horror novel about dongs, I'm not going to throw stones from that glass house. But man, there is something about webcomics as a medium that really drives people to reach their craziest potential. In our exhaustive analysis in the forums we found that all of the mind-blowingly insane webcomics fit neatly into five categories, which we have arranged in order of most innocuous to the very nightmares of the Devil himself. So hang onto your sanity good and tight as we tour these five circles of webcomic hell, beginning with Level 5, where we find... Crazy People with Good Causes
Even the simplest and most banal message can turn into a glorious display of wild-eyed madness when filtered through the spinning kaleidoscope that is the webcomic creator's mind. A perfect example is the anti-smoking comic called... #10. Easy Breather:
Sure, the 3D-rendered characters in Easy Breather are a little terrifying. And sure the comic seems a little too obsessed with the "quit smoking" thing, pretty much blaming smoking from everything from rape to the Holocaust...
...but if you read the very first episode, it seems pretty harmless. It's an innocent tale of a little girl finding some cigarettes on the beach. Curiosity gets the best of her, but luckily her wise friend is there to intervene!
Well, that's pretty common sense stuff. Now go tell Mom and Dad, kids, so a valuable lesson can be learned!
Aaaaaand they're naked. See, this is why webcomics are a thousand times better than newspaper comics. This is why I think James Vipond, the creator of this comic, is a mad genius. A character's mother dies? Gee, what would be a nice way to make the dreary mourning scene go down better?
I assure you, the censorship was added by us. People make fun of Mr. Vipond, they call him crazy for making a comic where at utterly random times the characters' clothing vanishes into the ether. But dammit, 20 years from now that will be a staple of all entertainment. He's crazy in the way that Tesla was crazy. The world just isn't ready for his brand of genius. We leave you to your work, James, and continue to... #9. Hathor the Cow Goddess:
From the site: "Hathor the Cowgoddess...is a superhero who wants to save humanity through the combination of nurture, sustainability and bonding inherent in the practice of attachment parenting. Her movement is called the Evolution Revolution, her breasts are her superpower..." Wait, do you mean that her breasts are the source of her superpower? Because it doesn't make sense to say that the breasts themselves are a... wait, you know what? That actually sort of does make sense. "...and her sidekick is her baby, always carried in a sling and prominently (politically) suckling at her exposed breast." Well, that seems reasonable. Let's see her in action!
Aaaand... POW! Public nudity. I stopped and wrote down all of the questions raised by this particular strip. I wound up filling three spiral-bound notebooks. Including: Question #1. If she's part cow, how are all of her children human? Question #73. If the point of being a cow goddess is her superior milking ability, why just the two nipples instead of four? Question #876. Is that a nipple on her scalp? Her pet cause seems to be that the world will be saved, not just by breast feeding, but by breast feeding with a live audience. And I think she's right. If you're at Starbucks and you see a topless cow-woman hybrid loudly breastfeeding her human children, are you thinking about war or pollution? No. You're not thinking about anything other than the shit that's going on right in front of you.And while it's hard to argue with her "ice cream for breakfast" platform...
...it's a little hard to take life advice from a horned woman wearing a Hannibal Lecter anti-bite mask. #8. Law For Kids: We would be remiss if we didn't mention Law for Kids, the comics made by a group in Arizona to help kids stay out of trouble. Already the subject of many an Internet meme, each one is a masterpiece of minimalist storytelling:
What did they do wrong? The comic does not say. As in Oscar Wilde's tale of Dorian Gray, the grotesque sins of the protagonists that occurred between panels two and three are left to the reader's imagination. Perhaps the transgressions you imagine say something about you. Also left shrouded in mystery is the final outcome, as the sixth and final panel of each comic is left blank, taunting us with the unknowable nature of the future. In this case we think it's safe to say that those two kids were never seen again. Now let's up the crazy factor a few notches, and proceed to Level 4... |
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I've messed up the formatting...so be it. Here's the links then:
http://www.freeratio.org/thearchives/showpost.php?p=1954753&postcount=22
In regards to that John Rule character, someone tried to write to him. This is the result.
Rule is more messed up than one would think. He seems to sympathize with the Muslim terrorists when it comes to hating democracy.
At least with the Dan Lietha cartoons from the page 2, there are a bunch of parodies out there to help wash the taste away.
Oh, wow, Diversity Lane is hilarious! One of my new favorite webcomics ^_^
Texas, go to hell. You are not wanted, and contribute nothing.
Dear god Billy The Heretic looks awful.
i had entirely forgotten about this article as of yesterday, and, as a result, began reading concessions. i didn't ever realize it was insane until . . . you know . . . the pedophilia. what has been seen . . .
I think I figured out the first Lietha comic. If you're a Christian and you get lured by evolution into opening the door on millions of years, you'll be raped by Japanese tentacle monsters.
You forgot about Sonichu.
quote muzic_91: "go suck a big one and die you tex fagg"
It's nice to see people fighting bigotry with bigotry. Effective method, that. I'm amazed that your comments haven't already inspired TexasFirst to reform his terribly misguided opinions. And TexasFirst: please read your last sentence and consider very carefully the definition of the word irony.
Regarding the article, my one shameful admission is that I read Concession for awhile; at first it seemed like there may have been some layer of depth there that was waiting to be uncovered; but no, just creepy fetish, narcissistic self-pitying and angst, not to mention incomprehensible story arcs. I am so glad I was able to look away from that train-wreck. Ick.
TexasFirst: Please go soak your head in a vat of acid.
Also: Texas sucks, the south sucks, and your education, definitely sucks.
I think it's worth noting that in that last one the explosion is in the general location of Israel, so it's probably some Rapture-related thing.
Also, I think TexasFirst is hilarious. I'd congratulate him for his creativity in spoofing extreme bigotry, but I get the impression you just can't make that s**t up.
Wow, i lol'd when i saw tex's comments, like seriously laughed out loud, i bet he thinks it was a good idea that texas annexed itself from the USA, and prob thinks that they should do it again, so that they can kill all the mexicans (prob half their state) and african americans (maybe a third, im just making this s@## up) and run the whole damn thing on white power, in the words of me, go suck a big one and die you tex fagg
Wow, this is the last time I scroll down to the comments on this site, I'm disgusted that people like this Texas jackoff even exist. In the words of Nathan Explosion, Go Die.
Check out Gnartoons.com for some very amusing web comics.
Check out TexasFirst's comments if you want to be reminded why you don't live Texas.
It is surprising how much hate that Jews have for the rest of the world. About 90% of Jews are Turks, and less than 10% of the Jews are Hebrews (Arabs) according to the Jews, who don't even count the black Jewish Majority (more than 50% of all Jews) and they don't even allow black Jews into Israel, the Jewish Utopia. Still the Jews find time to hate Christmas Trees (all the law suits filed against public displays of Christmas Trees are filed by Jews) Jesus (whom the Jewish holy book says is being boiled in semen in Hell) Arabs (eventhough Hebrews are Arabs) Turks (eventhough most of the Jews they admit to are Turks) blacks (eventhough the ignored majority of Jews are black) and it seems, everyone else on the planet. Don't the Jews ever run out of hate?
Obama wrote a book, and stated in his own words that he hates white folks. The only “job” he ever had was working as a “Community Activist” (paid Communist Party employee) in “his community” the black community.
Nearly everyone who voted for Obama simply voted for him because he is back, does that make them all Racists, or are only White Man racists?
It is obvious that the White Folks who voted for Obammy aren’t the type who read books, but perhaps they could invest enough time to read a cartoon that tells the truth about the Ant-White Racist Homosexual Kenyan Communist Illegal Alien.
"You forgot the morons who think watching 8 hours of Anime a day and laboriously copied the notoriously easy japanese manga style means they aren't completely unoriginal pieces of crap.
An example: Boondocks."
Here we go again with the "easy to draw" argument. And ragging on Boondocks? For shame.
I would like to point out a webcomic, NEDROID (www.nedroid.com) because of 2 reasons: The main character is named beartato, and there is no profanity in his comics. Not that I don't mind a good dirty comic, but it is impressive.
@BobCratchit: Way to be an ignorant d******e and completely miss the point of Boondocks.
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CONCESSIONS!!! That is all I have to say. my friend got me hooked on its insanity and now I can't get enough.