6 Supervillains Who Were Actually OK Guys
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Every Saturday, Cracked lets someone from another website do the update for us. They get to show off their stuff to our fans, and we get to be lazy while someone else does our job for us. In the latest example of our convenient selflessness, former Cracked writer Matt Wilson of the International Society of Supervillains pleads his case for some of the more sympathetic supervillains. #6.
Doctor Octopus
Origin and M.O. Otto Octavius uses the four mechanical arms that were accidentally fused to his body in an experiment gone wrong to commit crimes and generally make life difficult for Spider-Man. He also, oddly enough, almost married Spider-Man's Aunt May. Awkward.
Why He's Not So Bad In two words: brain damage. See, Otto was just a regular old misanthropic mama's boy who didn't really want to hurt anybody prior to his accident. But as fans of every comic book ever know, radiation has a tendency to angry up the blood, and he went into full-on supervillain mode afterward, unmasking Spider-Man and waddling into various banks to rob them. So, really, to blame him for his crimes is sort of like blaming a blind kid for walking into shit. In the movie, it's not even Otto that's the problem, it's his four mechanical arms leading him around by the torso, randomly killing doctors and taking over abandoned clock towers (presumably out of envy for the width and girth of tower clock's mechanical arms). But Then Again Even radiation-induced mental illness cannot explain those glasses or that haircut. #5.
Mr. Freeze
Origin and M.O. Victor Fries was a scientist working on cryogenics research when his wife, Nora, fell ill. He found a way to preserve her body, but his boss didn't like him using company resources for personal use, so he tried to put a stop to all this "keeping my wife alive" bullshit. When Fries tried to fight back, the boss kicked him into a vat of chemicals, greatly lowering his body temperature. Rather than taking a hot shower and suing his dickhead boss, Fries decided to go with this whole cold thing, living out the rest of his days in a cumbersome refrigerator suit and freezing shit with a ray gun. Why He's Not So Bad Because his motive is love. Everything Mr. Freeze does, he does it for Nora. And like Bryan Adams says, it's OK to fight, lie, die or even walk the wire for someone, as long as it's for love.
But Then Again
#4.
Magneto
Origin and M.O. Erik Lensherr's family was shot and killed by Nazis and buried in a mass grave (who says comics aren't for kids?) before he was taken to a concentration camp. After his escape, he discovered his power to control all types of metal while trying and failing to save his daughter from dying in a fire. Now, he uses those powers to prove that mutants are superior to humans in every way except in fashion.
Why He's Not So Bad You can justify a lot with the sentence, "My parents were killed by Nazis and I was in a concentration camp." But even if you overlook that, the simple fact is Magneto thinks he's doing the right thing by promoting the mutant cause. He's often called the Malcolm X to Professor Charles Xavier's Martin Luther King, Jr. Calling Malcolm X evil would be a stretch for even his harshest critics. But Then Again Malcolm X never used his powers of magnetism (Ed. Note: Hey, we couldn't find a source that said he didn'thave them) to remove the iron from someone's blood, or pick up the Golden Gate Bridge and turn it toward Alcatraz. Also, he never called his group of compatriots anything like "The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants." So, you know, it's not a perfect comparison. #3.
Sandman
Origin and M.O. Upon his escape from prison, Flint Marko fled to probably the worst possible place he could go: A nuclear testing site in Georgia. While there, he stumbled into irradiated sand that... made him into sand, too. I don't know, just go with it. Anyway, he uses his sand powers to fight Spider-Man and get sand all in his hair! Try to get that out, bitch!
Why He's Not So Bad He changed his name from his birth name, William Baker, to the more made-up-sounding Flint Marko, because he didn't want his mom to know he was a thief. Nobody who's genuinely evil would be so worried about what his mom thinks. And according to Spider-Man 3, Flint only stole stuff to help his terminally ill daughter get medical treatment. Unless they left out the part where he wanted to cure her in order to kill her in a more creative way, that's downright heroic. But Then Again Sand in your hair really is a serious fucking problem. #2.
Bizarro Superman
Origin and M.O. There are about a dozen different origin stories for Bizarro (partially because there have been about a dozen different Bizarros), but all you really need to know is that he's a messed up, albino-looking Superman clone who talks in opposites. He was created by one of Superman's nemeses (let's just say Lex Luthor) to vex the big blue boy scout. Why He's Not So Bad He may have been created by Superman's arch-villain, but Bizarro himself is basically a simpleton. He talks funny, he's clumsy and he wears a ridiculously clunky sign around his neck that says he's number one.
Evil is a lot like Oscar-baiting performances. You can be stupid and evil, but you can't go full retard. Once you go past a certain point, you're like a big, idiotic farmhand that accidentally strangles the ranch owner's daughter. People start feeling sorry for you. Plus, Bizarro, at heart, just wants to be like Superman. He's like a dog following his owner everywhere he goes, only way dumber, and more prone attempted murder. But Then Again Bizarro and the residents of the entire planet of Bizarros (that exists for some reason) can sort of be a bunch dicks. Or not, considering that they say everything in opposites. It makes it really hard to work out the sarcasm.
#1.
Galactus
Origin and M.O. He's a big, immortal space guy who eats planets. He almost ate Earth once, but the Fantastic Four pointed a fancy gun at him, so he left.
Why He's Not So Bad Because he's just hungry. He's not driven by greed or desire for power or some kind of psychotic sexual attraction to mutilating innocents. He just wants to eat, and it just so happens that what he eats is planets. If you found out that doughnuts contained entire civilizations, would you feel evil? Would you stop eating doughnuts? But Then Again
He was in Fantastic Four 2, and just about everything in that movie was evil. Keep in mind that Matt is only being paid for this piece in clicks to the-iss.com. That said, he'll probably just spend all those clicks at the dog track. |
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If you're going to be a comic book reading nerd at least try to be an up to date nerd LordPretzel.
The events you mention that involve the Infinity Gems were a trick by a trans-dimensional creature that eats universes (even more OK then Galactus?) to enter this reality. Galactus fell for it and Thanos had to take care of business- as he is want to do.
Speaking of Thanos he totally deserves an honorable mention on this list. Sure, he has repeatedly A. Kicked the crap out of everyone B. betrayed everyone and C. Killed all living things, but he did it for his sweetheart Death.
Actually, it was revealed in a comic series a while back that Galactus was searching for the Infinity Gems. Why? Because it turns out he was created by Eternity to keep the universal population down... but he hated his job.
In one scene, Galactus laments (in his little thoughtboxes) that he can't even sleep anymore, because every time he closes his eyes, he sees every f***ing resident of every planet he's eaten.
He found out that the Gems generate a form of energy that just happens to be the kind he needs to survive...
Granted, in this comic, Thanos went good and teamed up with Adam Warlock, so I'm not sure if it's very 'canon' anymore.
I agree that Magneto is just trying to speed up the inevitable. Mutants are considered a separate human species, h**o superior, so it's on the same level as h**o sapiens wiping out the Neanderthals. Apologies to the creationists out there for the spoiler.
Yes. Quite.
Beatcamel
Or use the gravity gun from Half Life 2...
Wow, what a bunch of nerds & virgins you all are! I don't know what's more lame & pathetic: That some of you wusses take this so seriously that you reference your comic book catalog with ID numbers to back up your position, OR... that NONE OF YOU QUEERS have come on board to call out this list as absurd for leaving off the OBVIOUS #1....
...(wait for it)......
... CATWOMAN!! Come on people. I mean, she was a villian, but then again she wasn't. She had the hots for BatFag, but he wouldn't play 'Slide the Salami' with her. But that's his fault! Any & all of you nerds who aren't h**o have busted a nut fantasizing about her! That NONE of you came on to nominate her, shows how lame your priorities are!
What actionbastard said makes a lot of sense actually
Hey, FF 2 had Larry, The Silver Surfer! Which is probably the only reason to watch that steaming pile of dog sh...
I own the comic where Aunt May and Doc Oc almost get married...nerd alert..
Great list. While reading this, I am reminded of an unusual James Bond villain in the film Licensed to Kill, Franz Sanchez. Roger Ebert points out that he is different from other JB villains because 'he doesn't want to rule the world. He just wants to be a cocaine billionaire.' Now, I don't condone drugs, but it goes to show that every villain has a different...purpose in life. I don't have to tell you to avoid drugs. It's better to rule yourself than to rule the world.
'Fxxx the world.' - John Rambo. Says it all, dunnit?
Everyone knows one good end justifies all means and misdeeds! Jesus Nana, you racist jerk, always looking down on people because of their color and not what they've done with their lives. How can you stand to live with yourself?
Good thing no black people are racists. There would be no one left to show us the path to equality.
"How can you defend Malcolm X? He was a convicted felon for armed robbery, pimping, selling and using cocaine, and burgulary. Sounds like your typical black superhero to me." -nana
Sounds to me like somebody needs to read the remaining 3/4's of that Malcom X bio.
I guess where you're from,
no white people have ever been guilty of robbing, pimping, and using cocaine.
Because that would only be typical of some n****r s**t, right?
Must be a nice place. Tell Wally and the Beaver I said "Hi".
Never understood why Magneto, a Holocaust survivor (the event not the villain lol), is hellbent on the fact that mutants are a "superior race" and should be treated as such. Great villain though.
"Is it possible that Galactus only go for life-supporting planet because it will contain more 'nutrition' for Galactus? Not that he eats the living things on the planet, but the planet will have more 'life-force' or something. Maybe someone nerdier can confirm this"
Yes, that is true, if my memory is correct. Planets with no life don't fill his hunger. He needs planets with life on them.
Dude. Dock Ock is one bad dude.
He killed an entire world just so he'd have a place to put his stuff.
and that automatic arm thing in the movie is one of the more goddamn retarded plot devices ever, its like "I made arms to help me with delicate labrotary work, so, of course I'll give them the ability to think for themselves."
What? That doesnt make any goddamn sense. If you just need arms for lifting heavy, dangerous stuff, WHY GIVE THEM THE ABILITY TO THINK?!
One could add Buddy Pine AKA Syndrome from The Incredibles, the fanboy who only wanted to be Mr.Incredible's sidekick and turned to a super-villain when his hero abruptly snubbed him.
I heard that there is an inter esting place for all h O t g irls and guys,
seems it is named: ___Tallmingle.com___ ,if u want to find some fun or lov ers, please have a try !!!
My boyfriend would argue that Sylar from Heros should be on his list because his "power" is the compulsion to learn and be the best, also his mum feeds this compulsion when he tries to ask to be normal she says that aint good enough but then he kills her so I disagree with my sttopid boyfriend!
Theres only so much you can blame on a compulsion and I dont regard slicing peoples heads open cause they are naturally better than you falling into this category.
I have the compulsion to take as much drugs as I can fit in my hat but I dont do it cause thats taking things a bit far and I may die so instead I stick to a plastic cup size to go by.
All im saying is he could probably have done things a better way if hes so smart and all but feel free to disagree with me as my boyfriend frequently does......sigh
Using Bryan Adams to justify anyone's actions (outside of murderous rage) is just not gonna work.
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Galactus was even LESS evil than you'd think.
From Wikipedia: "After his death, Galactus' remains take the form of a star.[19] When the Fantastic Four later learn that much of the energy Galactus harvests from planets is devoted to keeping the cosmic entity Abraxas imprisoned — thus preventing him from destroying the multiverse — Franklin Richards and Valeria Von Doom resurrect Galactus. Galactus is instrumental in defeating the unleashed Abraxas.[20]"
He's a goddamned planet eating superhero, saving something even greater than the universe from destruction. Would you hate on Superman for eating hamburgers? Don't hate on Galactus for eating planets.