The 6 Most Pointlessly Elaborate Movie Murder Plots
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#3.
The Poisonous Spider in Dr. No
James Bond movies are notorious for elaborate murder plots that involve large stockpiles of nuclear weapons, a small amateur army and the equivalent of the gross national product of a small Third World country. So while this one may not be the most elaborate, it is probably the most ill-conceived. When one bad guy (Professor Dent) meets with Dr. No about their James Bond problem, Dr. No hands Dent a cage with a poisonous tarantula inside and orders that he kill Bond with it. Presumably he means with the spider, though it would have been quicker and more effective to bludgeon Bond to death with the cage. The Problem:
According to the American Tarantula Society, the only way a tarantula bite could have killed Bond is if he were allergic to it. They are poisonous, sure, but the venom only produces a feeling no worse than a bee sting. So the worst Dr. No would have done to Bond is give him a nasty bruise or a week of muscle cramping in the name of evil. But even if it had been some kind of genetically modified super-spider, the hard part is trying to get the thing to bite Bond. Ideally you'd need three burly guys to hold Bond down while you cram the spider down his pants. But of course at that point any weapon would work--and work better--than the spider. Instead they wound up releasing the tarantula in Bond's bungalow where, for all the villains knew, it could have waited for six weeks before accidentally hanging itself in his chest hair.
A Better Way: Instead of putting a spider in his bungalow, put a dude there. With a gun. To shoot Bond in the face. #2.
The Entire Plot of Smokin' Aces
A mob boss wants a Las Vegas entertainer dead, so he puts a $1 million bounty on his head so that a whole bunch of colorful and apparently grossly incompetent assassins will go after him at once. Also, the assassin is to bring the man's heart to the mob boss, whose own heart is failing.
A million bullets, knife wounds, shattered windows and one chainsaw to the ass crack later, we learn that the target (Buddy Israel) is actually the mob boss's son. Oh, and that the mob boss is working for the FBI. Pretty much everyone dies. The Problem: Hmmm... it might have something to do with "sending nine hit men to kill one coked up magician in broad daylight, with the understanding that only one of them can collect." Seems to be a lot of room for complication there. Such as, say, the hitmen all killing each other to get the cash.
A Better Way: The mob boss calls up his son to reconcile their relationship. He shows up at the penthouse looking disheveled and heartbroken. As father and son's eyes meet, they break down in tears and share a warm and loving embrace full of sobbing and apologies for all the wasted years. Then with a heart full of joy and redemption, the father asks for his son's forgiveness. He then shoots him in the face. #1.
The Joker's Bomb Conundrum in The Dark Knight
We would expect a ridiculously long and drawn-out murder plot from a villain like the Joker, a man by whom all clearly deranged and psychopathic murderers are measured. But this one had to have taken the assistance of a room full of supercomputers, and several psychics.
We're guessing the planning went something like this: "First, we find two empty buildings. Without the cops noticing, we'll secretly sneak in hundreds of drums of explosive liquids, and wire all of them to explode. Next, we'll orchestrate an attack on the convoy transporting Harvey Dent. This will involve blocking busy streets, blowing police helicopters out of the air and launching missiles at the armored car. All of this will be done, not to kill Dent (though that could happen at any moment) but to cause Batman to intervene so that he will throw me in jail.
Then, while the whole town is on alert, we go ahead and have our henchmen kidnap both Dent and Rachel Dawes and strap them in with the bombs in the two abandoned buildings. Then I'll send Batman after one of them, knowing that this will result in Rachel being killed and Dent being a certain distance from the explosion as to become grotesquely injured and disillusioned. Then I'll blow up the jail without accidentally killing myself. Gentlemen, it couldn't be simpler." The Problem: Really nothing, as long as absolutely every single event happens exactly as it did in the film, down to the millimeter and microsecond.
If the rocket blows up Dent's armored car instead of hitting the Batmobile, if the Batmobile doesn't happen to have a motorcycle hidden inside it, if somebody clears the makeshift roadblock out of the way before the convoy gets there, if traffic allows the cops to get to Rachel before Batman gets to Dent, if a cop happens to be stations out in front of Rachel's building when the cops get the coordinates, if a hunk of debris from the building hits Dent and kills him as he's escaping the explosion... You get the idea. A Better Way: The Joker makes a bullet disappear by shooting Rachel in the face. See more of Danny Gallagher's stuff at DannyGalagher.net or at his MySpace. To find out how these over the top plans are likely to end, check out 6 Baffling Mistakes Every Movie Criminal Makes. Or check out the baffling plans Hollywood had for some of its greatest flicks in 7 Terrible Early Versions of Great Movies. |
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Ok, first, in almost every single one of these movies, for the antagonists its never about the actual killing but, the act in wich they perform it. By your logic there is no reason for Hannibal Lecter to ever eat anyone if he could just kill them all. Secondly, obviously you weren't paying attention at the end of "Smokin' Aces", at all.
Ok, first, in almost every single one of these movies, for the antagonists its never about the actual killing but, the act in wich they perform it. By your logic there is no reason for Hannibal Lecter to ever eat anyone if he could just kill them all. Secondly, obviously you weren't paying attention at the end of "Smokin' Aces", at all.
Joker just played things by ear.
Besides, if Batman were to end up saving Dent unharmed, the Joker would somehow meet him and maybe burn Dent himself anyway. Still, the murder plot was meant to tell a good story.
C'mon Dan! Don't be such a killjoy!
This has already been said, but because repetition is fun...
The Joker didn't have an elaborate plan, he set in motion a great number of events and adapted to the result, which could have been anything, really.
A simple solution like a bullet to the brain would have been boring, and let's face it, the Joker is, in the end, just trying to have a good time.
Well, you probably should have actually paid attention to Smokin' Aces before you bitched about it. You clearly have no understanding of the plot whatsoever.
WOW I AM SO MAD THAT A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY IN BONDAGE GEAR FIGHTING A CLOWN IS SO UNREALISTIC! I AM ALSO RETARDED!
I'm happy with the way they portrayed the Joker... well, more of how Joker acted. Definitely had that vibe of 'chaotic.'However, his plan was lacking something I'd always liked about Joker in the comics.
The Movie seemed to be: A'll happen, so B, then C, then D, and this will lead to a big pile of burning money and Batman's eternal shame! Yay!
The way it should have gone (comic book Joker): If A happens, then we move on to B. If it doesn't happen, do C, if that doesn't work, initiate multitudonous backup-plans....
His plans were usually one big Xanatos Gambit, which, to me, was why it was fun to see Batman win. Triumph in the face of physical superiority gets old and repetitive.... such as Dragon Ball Z.
To be able to fight something that chaotic and brilliant, and be able to pick apart the constant Xanatos plots Joker employs, now that's planning.
By the way, Xanatos = http://tvtropes. org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/XanatosGambit
shoot them in the face? That's my thing, they always complain that it makes their eyes sting though.
I don't think the Joker's plan was completely planned like that. It was kinda he played by ear up until the whole part he got arrested. I think he foresaw that.
In Smokin' Aces, I meant to say. As if anyone didn't figure that out. ..it's early and i'm running on no sleep.
I'm not reading through all the comments to see if anyone pointed this out, but no one SENT those hitmen, they all, individually, found out about the hit on their own through random means. ...only to find out that they ALL misunderstood what the hell was going on, since they heard about from a crackly, broken recording or something.
But hey, I don't blame Danny for not understanding the plot. It's confusing.
It's entirely possible that Joker is simply making stuff up as he goes along, he has the intelligence to do so.
The key ability of Joker to get huge things into larger places seems to stem from his manipulation of the mafia and everybody's common sense. Who cares about large barrels going into a superstore? Just about everybody. Who cares about large barrels entering a warehouse... uh, nobody, that just happens anyway.
Doesn't help the ferry thing at all, but hey, somebody could be corrupted into believing they're supposed to be there, or somebody could be simply instructed not to give a damn.
I'm sure somebody like Joker could just roll with Dent being dead, Batman being dead (although he probably just figures he can't do it, just as well), that annoying b***h Rachel dying (seriously, who applauded when she died?)
Good explanation, mightymouse.
to quote the joker: "Do I look like a man with a plan?"
Pretty much summed it up for me.
@The Joker's Bomb Conundrum in The Dark Knight
This, a 1000 times over.
TDK was a major disappointment in my book (after the strong promise of BB). Sure some good performances by the cast, but the plot was so completely ass retarded throughout that long ago I'd come to the conclusion that either I'd seen a different film from all my friends, or I'd perhaps I or they had gone insane. It's nice to know there are kindred spirits out there, who aren't all "OMFG best movie Evar!!!".
"Also when are other film directors going to stop trying be Paul Greengrass with the fight sequences, and instead let us actually see the people fighting? The whole thing about Batman is that he's supposed to be an out and out ass kicker, so it would be nice occasionally to actually see him kick ass in an "woah!! Did you see that s**t!!" illegal ninja moves style occasionally.
The difference, Flashpenny, is that The Joker doesn't have some elaborate overarching plan for world domination or something. Thematically, he's a force of pure chaos, that's the role he serves in Batman mythology. That doesn't mean he has no goals, inasmuch as everyone who has any kind of philosophy has a goal, to see that philosophy borne out.
I think the confusion is the difference between coming up with a plan in the way that Dent and Gordon do and just reacting with a plan to things that come up. I don't think he necessarily planned for Dent to be disfigured so he'd become The Joker's pawn, but once he was disfigured The Joker took full advantage of it. The Joker would have been perfectly content for Dent to have killed him, and ecstatic for Batman to have done so, because it proves his point. The Joker doesn't even care about being the criminal overlord (a la the Jack Nicholson Joker), except insofar as it serves his ability to sow chaos.
The Dent and Rachel thing was also just a sadistic choice forced on Batman, that would have been done regardless of whether Joker was captured or not. (He could have phoned in the info if he wasn't arrested.) Its not completely insane for the police to have taken a bit to get there, especially if its out of the way. Police response time in any city is not insantaneous, even in dire emergencies. Beyond that, you have to do what audiences have to do in any action/sci fi/comic movie... suspend your disbelief rather than nitpicking.
Here's a note for anyone who is thinking about seeing "Cube":
Don't.
For the love of God, don't. It's really, really terrible. The only likable character is the autistic kid, who gets out alive. It is never explained properly. Kind of like "Rest Stop", but with less ghosts and plotline.
To all of you geniuses saying that the Joker has no plans that is totally untrue. He's just saying that to use Two-Face as his pawn. The Joker has 2 plans: to take over Gotham's criminal underbelly (which he succeeds) and also to prove that deep down everyone is just like him. That's what that whole ordeal with the boats was at the climax. That's why he took down Dent and made him insane. He wanted to prove that in a life-or-death scenario everyone is just like him. That is a plan. So don't take that "no plan" thing for a given.
about cube: "except for the autistic one"
SPOILER (for both of you who haven't seen it yet.)
we can always assume the the joker never planned anything and is just a master of improvisation
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Just one name, the champion of convoluted murder plots - Dr. Phibes.