The 6 Most Obnoxious (And Unavoidable) Facebook Groups
When Facebook emerged on the scene in early 2004, it was the plucky young challenger to big bad MySpace. Over time, Facebook has risen to dominance by offering its users a far longer list of ways to annoy their friends to the point of physical violence.
The worst of the annoyance techniques has to be the copious and utterly pointless group invites which come standard with any account. You may recognize them as...
#6.
Facebook's Latest Feature has been Sent to Destroy Us!
Why You Invited Us:
Human beings thrive on familiarity. It's a big warm blanket in a cold, scary world. We've been using the Facebook we know and love for years, and now they went and changed it! Join this group to force them to change it back and keep it that way forever!
Why We Unfriended You:
For starters, you haven't been using Facebook as you now know it for years. It has evolved constantly in that time, and each innovation has been treated as a crisis, causing the community to descend on Mark Zuckerberg's e-house like it was Frankenstein's mansion.
Or, at least, to swear to never use Facebook again.
Of course, you came to accept all those changes with time, maybe even came to enjoy some of them. But more importantly from Facebook's point of view, you're not going anywhere and they know it.
So for the seven people from this group that actually do stop using Facebook, there will be 100,000 new profiles created... today.
#5.
If 1,000,000 People Join this Group, I Will Do Something Wacky
Why You Invited Us:
The whole internet social networking phenomenon came about thanks to modern man's almost pathological need for attention. Also, among Facebook users there is still a large demographic of college-age males who will risk life and limb just to finally get someone to look at them.
"A million members and I'm gonna drink this semen!"
Why We Unfriended You:
First of all, we're probably not getting this invite from the actual guy offering to do the stunt. No, far more likely, it's coming from somebody else, spreading the gospel of Billy: The guy who will fuck a goat. We guess everybody needs something to believe in.
"999,999 people joined. Holy shit this is on. This is so on."
Now, we admit we're mildly amused by the thought of a guy whose parents are spending thousands of dollars on his education say, setting fire to his grundle hair at the urging of enough strangers.
But we all know that none of these groups actually end with the stunt being performed. Our attention whore who started the whole thing knew he'd never hit that ludicrous target and was just hoping to get an "Oh, you're so silly," and a good-natured pat from the cute girl down the hall he's too scared to actually start a real conversation with.
"Here, take my card. I almost drank semen."
But even if he was willing, it's still asking us to earn our internet entertainment. Handing out Facebook invites isn't a lot of effort, granted, but it sure is a lot less to just click on over to thousands of existing videos on YouTube of dudes trying to ramp their dirtbike off the roof of their house.
That's the way it should work; you put out the effort, then we decide if you're worth the attention. Now grab the peanut butter and the camera, and climb into the lion's cage. How else will you ever get people to like you?
#4.
Join this Group to Fight [Insert World Problem Here]
Why You Invited Us:
The world we live in today is filled with bad things. You might have heard about this on the news. So when a little invitation pops up for a group preaching awareness and compassion over the latest horror to inflict itself on humanity, it feels good to click "Accept." Inviting others to do the same feels even better.
You're part of the solution.
"I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna save Africa."
Why We Unfriended You:
No, you're not.
"I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna watch Gossip Girl on Hulu.
While there are people out there who put in huge amounts of their spare time and energy for these causes, there are far more whose commitment to Darfur ends at "Send Invitations."
It's not helping. It's the opposite. It's what people do to alleviate the guilt of not helping while continuing to not help. Once you've sent the invite on to enough people to feel like you've done your good deed, you move on to drawing penises on your friends' graffiti walls.
It's like the social networking version of Live Earth. How many of the people in attendance were there because they wanted to save the environment, and how many were simply jumping at the opportunity to look like they cared while seeing top musicians for free (or in some cases the opportunity to be baked enough to pretend they weren't watching Akon gyrating with no shirt on)?
And if you do decide to get up and actually donate to a good cause, please, please don't start one of these...
I loved the "Gossip Girl" caption, but am sort of amazed that a racist group would get behind Kevin Kolb. Philadelphia sports teams consistently have more even race ratios than other cities (see Wayne Simmonds).
ReplyYou didn't mention the new Tautology club groups: If a million people join this group it will have a million people in it.
ReplyActually, that one's kind of witty...
"It's not helping. It's the opposite. It's what people do to alleviate the guilt of not helping while continuing to not help." No actually, that would be prayer.
ReplyLooks like someone just got told, and it's not the people who pray.
Why we unfriended you:
ReplyBecause we're attention-seeking dicks who accept hundreds of friend requests from people we don't know and don't give a s**t about, and who are consequently completely expendable.
Facebook sucks the sweaty hairs on the balls of that scribbly drawing.
ReplyNow this is why I don't have a Facebook. Or a Twitter, for that matter.
ReplyIf I get ten thumbs up on this comment I wont wash my hands after my next trip to the bathroom
Replythere are literally thousands of eight year olds that do that without getting any thumbs, not impressive :3
What have I learned today? grundle hair and extreme ironing. Thanks, Cracked!
ReplyA kid at my school made a group called "If 1,000 people join I will wear a banana costume to school." That's about half the kids at our school. Nobody would join, so he had to change the number to 800, then 750. Finally, at 500, enough people joined and he wore the costume. I saw him for like three seconds, but those three seconds were awesome.
ReplySo he was an attention-whore who whored for attention just for the opportunity to whore for more attention?
What was stopping him from wearing the banana costume before he started the group?
hes gonna grow up to be an actual whore, and not a very good one since he lowers his price so easily.
Now you're not even invited to join a group,your freaking friends do it for u on ur behalf. The s**t part is that there's no escape/delete button!!! You're stuck in there!
ReplyYou can leave a group
i actually joined the group "if 1 million people join this i will slam my nuts in the door" because the whole thing is a jake and amir joke. (from the episode "facebook privacy")
ReplyYou forgot groups that do the same thing as other existing groups but have far less members.
Reply...it got Betty White to host, didn't it?...
Reply#1 is retarded and including it on here is a bit hypocritical. Cracked, where has your quality gone?
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesYou're right! Back in 2007 this place was the crap! But now that it's 2008...everything's gone down the toilet! I really hope you guys recover coming 2009.
You say that like there was some to start with...
Time travel ftw
I guess for a time period the reply button only worked for douche-tards.
I started a group for my website once called "If I get a million fans ...", just to lampoon it all. Every week or so, I'd post something on the Wall like "... then we'll all get to travel through time (in the same direction we're currently going, that is)", or "the first million fans will get to star in their own superhero movie". I never expected to actually get to a million fans (though I still shoot for the stars); on the other hand, the more I focus on the actual website, the less often I visit the group. I can't even remember the last time I checked the page to see how many were on it.
ReplyIs anyone else sick of people boasting about not having a Facebook account as if it's the ultimate sign of individuality?
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesI know a handful of ones still boasting the same thing about myspace
No only a*****es like you
Thankfully no, I'm not. This is mostly because I don't know anyone shallow enough or dumb enough (surprisingly) to do that. It would be especially goofy of them to do that since with 500,000,000 Facebook accounts in existence (even acknowledging duplicate accounts) roughly one in about 15 people in the world has a Facebook account. There are very few things less individual than that.
Yes, I am.
You don't like Facebook, we get it. It's not something worth boasting about.
I don't boast about it, but I tell people I don't have one when they ask if I do.
I'm more sick of people being surprised by me not having a facebook account. They act like it's weird to not have one and that you must assimilate to survive.
I dont boast about it,no,but the question always comes up,and I always end up having to explain myself.If people werent so puzzled and shocked about other people not having facebook,and if saying "I dont have facebook" was enough for them,no explanation necessary,then maybe most of us would gladly shut up and move on.
I am not member of Facebook, but another smaller community site, and I have managed to make a group - club, because it's iwiw - that is still have only one member, me. The " Let's murder infants club" has like 700 members, so I am pretty proud of this.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesYou sound like a hipster douche.
Last time I checked, hipsters didn't care for dead baby jokes (they're pretty mainstream)
Would mind telling us so we can destroy your group?
What the hell does iwiw mean?
There's actually at least one of those activist groups that does activist stuff, even if it is just 'boycott this product for these environmental reasons' and 'email this company here and tell them that you don't support them because of the nasty things they're doing to orangutans'. It's not earth-shaking, but it's still more than most do.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMy brother's ex-girlfriend, in addition to being a vile druggie b***h and a huge cheating s**t, is part of the group "I hate smoking!!!!!" as well as the group "I LOVE SMOKING.."
Which is just another reason I want to rid the world of existence.
People who use 'druggie' as a pejorative is a primary one of mine. A crackhead and a weed smoker are two entirely different species of person. 'Druggie' tells me nothing about her so much as it tells me something about the person using the word. It's sort of like the 'd' version of the 'n' word.
I agree with mesila. I smoke weed all the time but I'd never touch crystal meth or crack cocaine-besides, alcohol, caffeine, tobacco-drugs too, but you never call anyone who relies on any of those as a crutch a druggie.
Well that's because of a screw-up on facebook - she probably had to join one of those in order to give her opinion, and she forgot to unlike it. Same thing happened to me when I stupidly got into an argument with some hillbilly and several days later noticed that according to facebook - "[me] is a fan of "We will be watching you fags burn from Heaven
they should make an article for the 6 most obnoxious cracked articles, wouldn't that be irony-y
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesIronic is the word.
No, it wouldn't be irony.
You fail at being an ironic hipster douche. That is to say, you fell off the bottom rung in the ladder. Game over man, game over. Just give up.
To quote Bender: "The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention- now that IS irony!"
Goddamn it, Whedon, get off the Cracked comments. They're not doing an article about you today.
I was surprised not to see "I lost my phone, give me yo digits" groups on here. Those are EVERYWHERE and most of the time they start with "I swore I would never make these groups but..."
ReplySo they trade in fingers? Or what?