Hollywood's 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism

These seem to be stretching a little. There are plenty of really weak female characters out there, I mean, pretty much every female character in a romantic comedy is a slap in the face of feminism. Compared to them, I just can't get worked up over kick ass women with human flaws.

And holy s**t, that Livejournal link? Racist, reactionary morons like that are what's holding women back, not fictional heroines.

11/5/2009 11:14:17 PM

nerd_skull

This writer needs to seriously do her homework before putting up an article. Specifically im refering to Padme. Did this woman even watch the movie? Clearly it shows Padme fighting, on the political front at least, while pregnant. And if you read the books, she's in a few battles as well. It shows that a woman can be a mother, wife and successful, powerful career woman at the same time, hardly the weak person the writer confuses her to be. Also, the movie states it "seems" as if she's lost the will to live, meaning they really couldnt tell why. However, if the writer had done just a little 2 minute google search, she wouldve learned that Padme actually dies of larynx damage done to her by Vader, in one of the most dramatic scenes in the entire series of the movie which i find very difficult to believe the writer could have missed. Unless ofcourse she didnt watch the movie.

10/14/2009 3:10:48 PM

dasagaconts

I don't consider it to be feminism when women in movies kick ass unless they're ugly. The fact that Joss Whedon got a totally hot chick to be River redeems him in my eyes. The same cannot for most of these other chicks.

9/1/2009 7:26:03 PM

dorphlthewise

so, yeah, not the greatest article, but i want to point out something to the commenters who mentioned Amadala: yes, we know she died "of a broken heart", but that doesn't really excuse it. I mean, come on, in the realm of films, if a male has his heart broken or otherwise loses the one he loves, he generally focuses that into ass-kicking badassery. if a guy just rolled over and died everyone would scoff at the idiocy of the notion. so, why is it totally fine that a woman (who, as pointed out, now has 2 children and is, for all intents, a single mother) just kicks it cuz her man went bad? no one else close to aniken suffered this fate, only she did. so, yeah, i've always thought that was a pretty s****y move. i mean, just have her die birthing twins cuz, s**t, that actually happens. none of this crap about a girl dying from being sad.

overall, no movie character is ever too far from a stereotype (and once one is, it will be reused over and over until it, too, is cliched). it seems this list isn't fair to the fact that romantic love is in nearly every movie ever made and both men and women need rescuing now and then, none of that is bashing women in any way. just, you know, could we tone down being portrayed as falling to pieces or just becoming useless when our man dumps us? that would be cool cuz, i swear, it's affecting the real men out there. ever see the look on a guy's face when he realizes he needs to reject or hurt the feelings of a girl? we're not going to kill ourselves or you, it's really ok, we can take it. (and, yes, i know there are movies that work against this in favor of women, but it's still more of a problem than for men)

8/25/2009 4:46:41 AM

Conformist138

Man, if the author of this article were fictional I'd accuse her of being a straw man (sorry, straw womyn). I'm almost inclined to believe that this is some kind of Coulteresque troll.

8/20/2009 5:17:11 AM

NamesAreHard

Well, Miss Jennifer, how does it feel to have been cyber-b***h slapped by nearly everyone who read your pathetic article?

Sorry but you are an obvious misandrist of the Jessie Spano variety. I'll go ahead and repeat what everyone else has said before I get to your article. Feminism is not women getting back at the guys and existing on their own and eliminating all of their femininity. It is about equality among the sexes but it seems people like you prefer to veer in the other direction and give feminism a bad name.

Eowyn
Well she actually could qualify for your list but what is so wrong with her being in love? Your argument could be reasonable if the battle didn't start *after* Aragorn told her no. Forget that she loves her country and is brave enough to fight, it's bad because she gets a guy at the end. Makes perfect sense

Padme
A queen is like a president in that planet and they are generally elected younger since they would be more innocent and free thinking. Plus she is 14 in the movie and Anakin is 10/11 so that's hardly half her age. As a side note he would be old enough to drink in the second movie. When the chips are down, she chooses to go after him herself and try and help him. She dies because she had her heart broken. She could have died before giving birth but she held out as long as she could

River
She does not belong on this list. It seems misandrists just love to challenge someone like Joss Whedon for being anti-feminist because it gives them a surge or rush or something. There are plenty of other strong female characters in that who have ties to males. Zoe is married, Inara is a friggin prostitute and Kaley is hopelessly in love with Simon. Does that take away from their feminism? No, so why does River needing Simon's help take away from hers? She's nuts so she needs help. She repays them for it by killing every single reaver at the end doesn't she

Catwoman
Was she even supposed to be a role model? She's a friggin villain for crying out loud. I love how you immediately blame men for the femme fatale in stories, it just proves how much of a misandrist you really are. Besides, Batman Forever is one of the most sexist things out there along with Hope and Faith and 8 Simple Rules

Elizabeth
She does seem to go through guys a bit but she only loved one, all the others just fancied her. So how is she a non-feminist character if she doesn't tell Will to go f**k a dolphin and find another guy as soon as he goes away? Women aren't allowed to raise children by themselves are they?

8/2/2009 6:51:57 PM

rickysayshi

RexIdiotarum: While I agree with your TL;DR statement, this is a bad place to have it seen. This is a penis-centered humor site.

7/8/2009 9:25:18 PM

Wren

There are more forms of femininity than big boobs and nail polish, and that's one of the things few people realize, from straw feminists to game makers and Hollywood producers. Now, I cannot speak for everyone, but much of my life and jobs have dealt with issues of gender, so I've been interested in gender expression, gender roles, and defiance of them.

So, the way I see it is that Femininity focuses on social, emotional, and aesthetic aspects. Masculinity, on the other hand, focuses on the individual, logical, and competitive aspects.

Please note that I, in no way, believe that Femininity is exclusive to woman or that Masculinity is exclusive to Men. That'd be extremely hypocritical of me. Instead, I believe that because these are dynamic to an individual and not a bolean figure for either sex, it's impossible to pull off a character that solely expresses Feminine Traits or Masculine Traits without looking like a joke. Or an FPS Mute Space Marine Protagonist. Because Masterchief doesn't have blood, he has Testosterone.

So, in a modern world where anyone who claims to be a Feminist, myself included, gets strange looks and openly mocked for "Staw Feminists'" beliefs, it kills me a little to see this. I'd rather see feminists openly proclaim praise for a character that shows that there are okay with themselves and their expressions.

Case in Point: Kalie from Firefly. I love Kalie because she's a woman who's a total nerd but has a pretty feminine side in a way that doesn't devolve her down to her body. She's shown that she knew more about how the Firefly model's engine runs than the original male mech they were going to hire, ((She seemed more into Serenity's engine than the guy she was with.)) she's surprisingly open about her sexuality, and, again, a total nerd. As far as her feminine side goes, she likes dresses, has a cute crush on the doctor, and, unlike the rest of the crew, isn't a total psychopath. But here's the point, she seems very comfortable and happy in expressing herself as both masculine and mechanically inclined and feminine in her clothing style and general mannerisms.

My ideal protagonist that fits the ideals of feminism would be an independant and strong willed character that does what she feels will make her happy despite what anyone tells her Misogynists and Misandrists aside.

~ Recommended Reading Whipping Girl - Julia Serano, you always find the most enlightened concepts of a debate from people who've embraced both sides and saw both strengths and weaknesses. In the case of Feminism, look for Transgendered people.

6/19/2009 6:42:17 PM

RexIdiotarum

Interesting, but if you look at C.S. Luis's books, he is criticized for stripping his female characters of their femininity and portraying that to succeed as anything but a victim they need to adopt masculine traits.

Its a lose-lose situation.

Make a woman sexy yet bad-ass and suddenly they are merely being used as a sex symbol.

Don't make a woman sexy and put the woman as bad-ass and suddenly they are being stripped of their femininity.

Put the woman as anything except badass and they are a stereotypical victim.

I would like to know what feminists consider appropriate. I don't think they know.

6/15/2009 2:38:11 PM

Humility

I'm a little disappointing in this post. I agree with you for the most part about Eowyn, and Padme. I never seen the pirates movies (well, I have, but I didn't pay attention) so I can't comment on her. I can however point out your flaws in the assessment of River.

The reason River is so protected, isn't because shes a woman, it's because she is nuts! Had the character been cast as a guy, he would have been just as ineffective. Also the fan point of few is that river really didn't ever need protecting. She really have only been directly threatened three times in the series, and she handled her own business each time...

1: Pinned down with Kaley, killed all three of the men shooting at her, with little effort.
2: Bounty hunter sneaks onto the ship to kidnap her. After defeating most of the crew on his own he is outsmarted by River and knocked into space.
3: The reaver scene in Serenity....we know how that ended.

Despite all of this, is River even a feminist character? If you changed all the "shes" to "hes" and cut out one lude comment by Jane, River could have been played by a man. The title is "Hollywood's 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism" but Riven wasn't an attempt at feminism. I wonder, does Cracked.com not allow you to submit lists that are smaller then four? Did you a need a fifth example so much that you needed to go after an almost completely androgynous character?

And what was with quoting the crazy from live journal. Did you look at her profile picture? Currently its a photo of the capital building with the female symbol super imposed over it. You didn't see the she was a crap filled misandronist? Don't get me wrong, I'm on the feminist wagon, but I can't stand straw feminists

(Explanation of "Straw feminist" here... http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StrawFeminist )

6/14/2009 1:31:32 AM

Daria_C

RexIdiotarum, I think I love you. Exactly x 1000000.

6/13/2009 5:04:22 AM

asperad

Hm... I have five sadder attempts at feminism. So bold as to actually use the term Girl Power and talk about feminism while essentially boiling down to being the next pop idol that couldn't stand a chance against Brittany or Paris, that is;

Scary Spice
Posh Spice
Baby Spice
Sporty Spice
and Ginger Spice.

*Rubs temples*

Oh, yes, because, unlike your list, none of these characters had any more substance behind them than the standard female and feminist stereotypes.

So, I've debunked your list, no One being could top the pathetic excuses for "feminist" than Spice Girls- Who actually claim to be feminists.

Otherwise, you're shooting down a lady strong enough to go and fight in a war for love, A Senator, an Villain strong enough to mess with the goddamn Batman, Elizabeth Swan, and the girl that uttered the line, "No power in the verse can stop me." after wiping out a room of baddies while looking in the other direction.

See, there's a difference between Feminism and Misandry. Feminism is the school of thought that preaches men and women are equal. Misandry is the school of thought that all men are worthless. When applied, the differences between these two are staggering, and the vast amount of self-proclaimed "Feminists" that are actually misandrists hurt people like me that tries to preach the ideas of equality between sexes under the lable of feminsism.

So, how can condemning a group of ladies for not being "Feminist enough" be considered misandristic? Well, I'll tell you what, if everyone of these ladies were in fact men, we'd praise them for their depth and courage. Defying traditions! Ha! Bold. But is that not enough for a woman? No, because women have to be better then men. -Wait what? You say having a character that not only has more hidden depth on the Serenity can also kick major ass, all because she's slightly insane? Well, of course, we're ignoring the sweet mechanic that's proven herself to be better than the male they were originally going to hire, and as a result got more life from the ship... doesn't that count? The snarky first mate who's loyalty is what keeps her on this ship, to her husband and captain, she proves herself to be the most wise crew member... but she doesn't count? Why? Oh, because they have a "glorified prostitute on board." *Sigh*

Really, because my ramblings are long, I should sum it up with one sentence; By nitpicking any female character in a story for not being the ideal form of feminism (Which seems to be between Mary Sue and God)you cheapen the meaning of Feminism itself.

~Sorry.

6/5/2009 9:37:13 PM

RexIdiotarum

I wouldn't say that River Tam was supposed to be a Buffy-type girl originally. In the TV series, most of the time she is this crazy, bewildered girl, and it wasn't until near the 'end' of the series that she became quite a bit more useful (raid on Niska's place and tricking Jubal Early). But even then I thought the emphasis was more on her super genius aspect than her martial arts / physical ass-kicking skills.

The film, now, that was a different matter. If I had to guess, I would say that studio execs put pressure on Whedon to make River more "Buffy-like". That last scene where she takes out a whole army of Reavers, some of whom were armed with ranged weapons with a couple of axes was the primary reason I could never quite take the film too seriously.

But, uh. Anyway. Funny article anyways. Especially agree with #1.

5/27/2009 12:16:40 PM

cornflakes

Here's my question: Why do so many female characters have to be analyzed about whether or not they adhere to feminism? Did anyone get up-in-arms about Die Hard because John McClaine was the stereotypical angry, violent man?

No. Because it was f*****g awesome.

3/31/2009 12:50:06 AM

RaistliniltsiaR

CheapJeep, humans all have testosterone and estrogen, so I have to wonder about your biological facts. If you really want to look at it biologically, men are the ones fighting because their deaths are expendable compared to women's - a significant dearth of women severely limits the population, possibly leading to that group dying out (thus making the fighting pointless to begin with).

This article made me ask who I thought were GOOD fictional (portrayed in film, of course) representatives of feminism. You know who I thought of? Scarlett O'Hara, Elizabeth Bennet, and Jane Eyre. Women who know what they want in life and fight for it, despite society trying to force them to do otherwise; who aren't always "nice"; and whose opinion of themselves matters more than others of them. Though Scarlett is the only one who cooks or cleans, they all get married and (presumably) have children, never wearing trousers or latex. Elizabeth never even has a job. But all three supercede the societal bonds of their times to be able to follow their hearts - as, one could argue, does Elizabeth SwanN.

Perhaps, as an earlier poster pointed out, the fact that the 3 successes at feminism I mentioned were written by women is relevant. But how does that explain this article, then?

3/27/2009 1:53:29 AM

ellecue

Amen, CheapJeep. It's sad how people like Jennifer think that in order to be a truly liberated woman, you have to suppress anything feminine or attractive about yourself.

I wonder, what would Jennifer consider to be a good feminist role model. I theorize that it would be the sort of badass warrior woman who never wears a dress or make-up, despises the color pink, has no empathy for children or animals, would sooner kill herself than COOK or CLEAN, beats the s**t out of any man that looks at her funny, and will never ask for or need help from any menfolk, ever. Yeah, that's the kind of character whose example you want to follow. Women shouldn't be allowed to dress up and look pretty; that privilege is reserved specifically for gay and transsexual men

The entire point of feminism is to promote equality, to give women the choice to live their lives. If a women WANTS to look pretty or work at home, it doesn't mean she's a brainwashed slave of the vast and all-encompassing male hegemony. She just has different interests than the rest of you.

Frankly, all of the women on this list make much better role models than the character type I outlined above. Well, except for Padme, but that's George Lucas for you. The listing of River and Elizabeth in particular piss me off. Her insanity has nothing to do with her gender, and Jennifer forgets about all the other competent women on the ship who help her out.

As for Elizabeth? While I agree that the pirates who act like the actual pirates from history (i.e. bloodthirsty bandits on ships) are poor representatives for the cause of freedom, why is it so bad that Elizabeth falls in love? That she refuses to cheat on a man that she knows will come back as faithful to her as ever? You may begrudge her for not kicking ass any more, but the movie's over by then. There's literally no more ass left for her to kick! And do you honestly think she's done nothing but stare at the ocean and pine for ten years? She's had to raise Will Jr. all by herself, which canNOT be a walk in the park in the colonial age the Pirates movies take place in.

All is not lost for young Jennifer, however. If the reader ignores the horrendous leaps of logic she takes in making her point, neglecting to research her source material and using raving lunatics as a source, the article is actually pretty funny. You might have a future at Cracked, Jennifer, but you'll have to get your ass in gear if you want to meet the high standards that we expect from our Cracked Top # articles.

3/22/2009 12:35:01 AM

Solitair

Don't love, don't give, don't forgive, only use. This is the female, let alone feminist warcry throughout the ages. Strange how they should take umbrage at that being the male one as well.
They are not as good as men as warriors, carrying about 20lbs of fat and 25% less cardio capability than we do with no testosterone to build muscle and half the adrenal capability to turbocharge the system.
Furthermore, they DO have a sex drive which DOES distracts them from the essentially focussed task of killing.
Males realize that to be -that good- is to wipe the floor with all before them in a competition which is utterly without mercy or softness and for which they secretly spend their lives dreaming of 'just one chance', without a woman to say it's okay.
It is not to respect women nor to subordinate their wills that men do not include them in their combat games but rather to preserve the concentration by which they must render everything 'objectively' (literally the part of the brain which recognized things as things, not people), not as an item of independent correlative value.
Point blank ladies: If you want equality, get used to being treated like bleep. Just like we treat all the other _guys_ when it comes down to us vs. everything. It applies as much to the big screen (butchered face, sliced open bleeps, gored belly, there's a 'real woman' in combat) as it does to the office environment. And your insistence on things being any other way destroys the mindset by which we are -at our best- when we compete, ruthlessly. Without you.

3/17/2009 4:47:00 AM

CheapJeep

I'm confused about the Batman one. It says Catwoman died because she kissed Christopher Walken, but didn't she kill him? Don't you mean died from kissing Batman? Tell me if i'm wrong, i've never seen the movie.

1/30/2009 2:11:11 PM

POLLY

While it pains me to expose how sad and meaningless my life is: the majority of Eowyn's lines were in fact written by Phillipa Boyens and Fran Walsh which means that she out of all your list of characters was the result of TWO woman. Granted, Tolkien, a man, wrote the book...but this article is referring to Hollywood after all.

Honestly, I don't think Eowyn should be counted as Hollywood's sad attempt as much as Tolkien's sad attempt. Walsh and Boyens made the character a lot more feminist in the movie, in the novel she fights in one battle for about half a second (Merry does most of the work to be honest) before injuring her arm and deciding to quit, while in the hospital she gives up trying to live ala Padme until Aragorn works his magic. And at long last she realises that her life has been meaningless, that woman were put on this world to make babies, hooks up with Faramir and becomes a nurse. Hell, if that wasn't bad enough Gandalf, Aragorn and Eomer talk s**t about her while she lies comatose next to them.

While we're on the subject...

Several episodes of "Firefly" were also written by women, including the before mentioned "puked on her brothers bed" one.

That said, great article. Hell, I'm just glad to see the Firefly nod (although that article you mention wouldn't happen to be "The Rapist view..." one that everyone keeps bringing up)? Because honestly that chick is nuts!

That was probably the most pathetic thing I've ever written in my...Today. Maybe...

12/22/2008 12:40:35 AM

YoSafBridge

Anyone ever notice the similarities between River and the Mamelukes from the Persian Empire? I'm not going to go into an in depth comparison, but you should wikipedia "Mameluke" if you are interested.

11/25/2008 7:45:22 PM

ondonaflash