Hollywood's 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism
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Hollywood has a dilemma. Its blockbusters are all written by men, but to make the real money, they have to sell some tickets to females, too. What to do? Let a woman write a blockbuster? Ha! Of course not. Just insert a feisty woman into the story who won't take any crap from men in a really formulaic way! That should please the feminists, right? Well, when you look at the results, you see they probably shouldn't have bothered. #5.
Eowyn (The Lord of the Rings)
Eowyn is introduced in the second film as some sort of princess. Actually, we're really not sure; we sort of drifted off when there weren't stabbings going on. But we're reasonably sure she is related to that crazy dude that was the King, and that makes her a princess in our books. Supposed to be a Role Model Because: In the movies we see that she's an able ruler, and a trained warrior. Eowyn is told to stay behind and help protect the women and children of Rohan while all the men go off to ride horses and stab things.
As girls are wont to do in stories like this, she instead decides to abandon her responsibilities and run off to play with the boys. She disguises herself as a dude, which we noticed is sort of the opposite of how Legolas operates. The "You Go Girl!" Moment: While in battle, she manages to catch the fearsome Witch King off guard and stabs him right in the fucking head. The exchange plays out something like this: Witch King: No man can slay me! Mine is an evil laugh! Eowyn: Behold my vagina! Witch King: * dies *
The Problem: Aside from the fact that she ran off with the army because of her hots for Aragorn (who sadly only had eyes for the hobbits) thereby making her central motivation to get the approval of some filthy male, she rather quickly gives up her warrior woman ways and pretty much marries the first guy she sets eyes on after Aragorn gives her the "It's not you, it's me" speech. Luckily for her, it turns out to be a poor man's Sean Bean, but it could've been the burned out husk of Denethor. We're just saying.
The lesson here, impressionable young girls, is that playing soldier is all well and good in emergencies, but you're not really complete until you land a husband. Any husband. #4.
Padme Amidala (Star Wars Prequels)
Natalie Portman's Padme shows up in the Star Wars prequels as the Queen of some intergalactic backwater. Not only is Padme the youngest elected Queen in history (eh, we'll have to do another article on George Lucas's poor grasp of what a monarchy is) but she's a certified kicker of asses. After three movies, we know she is stern yet beautiful, driven equally by her duty and her love for a whiney Jedi wannabe who's totally half her age.
Supposed to be a Role Model Because: In The Phantom Menace we see her equally at ease arguing the finer points of Robert's Rules of Order on the Senate floor and personally leading a raid to bring down the brutal Gungun occupation of her homeland. In the second movie, we see her flying a jet and fighting off a brutal monster in some sort of alien gladiator contest. Plus, she's Princess Leia's mom, and we all know badassery is carried on the X chromosome. The "You Go Girl!" Moment: Anakin: You call this diplomacy? Padme: No, aggressive negotiations! *stuff blows up*
The Problem: Padme does just fine as an ass kicker until she starts using her uterus. As everyone in Hollywood knows, a uterus makes women do crazy things. In movies, pregnancy makes a heroine into a useless, whining, fragile creature (ok, other than Juno). The pregnant Padme spends most of the movie crying and wondering when Anakin will come home. After confronting her baby daddy about his experimentation with the Dark Side, she's injured and goes into labor. While giving birth to future ass kickers Leia and Luke, Padme decides to die.
Seriously, the movie makes it pretty clear: she just gives up. No serious injury, no difficult birth, no blood spurting onto the table. What about the two children she has to live for? Nope. She'll have none of that. The uterus will not allow it. #3.
River Tam (Firefly/Serenity)
In the Firefly universe, River is the genius kid sister of Serenity's ship's doctor, Simon. Lured away from her family at a young age with the promise of advanced schooling, River has been tortured and programmed as an assassin and possible psychic. Her abilities include mind reading, precognition, advanced weapons training and ballet. Supposed to be a Role Model Because: Since Firefly was created by Joss "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Whedon, it's pretty much assumed that all the female characters will be ground breaking paragons of feminist virtue. Maybe this is because Whedon genuinely respects strong female characters, or maybe he's intimidated by a cult fanbase that demands every show of his have another Buffy in it. River, with her acrobatic fighting moves and penchant for exsanguinations, would seem to be a perfect fit.
The "You Go Girl!" Moment: After her brother is gunned down by bad guys, River proclaims "My turn", then proceeds to gleefully and gracefully mow down every last one of them with a mother fucking sickle. The Problem: Despite River's inherent ass-kicking abilities, she rarely uses them to the benefit of the crew. The character has been driven insane by her experiences, and therefore she spends most of her time saying crazy things and throwing up in her brother's bed.
In fact, protecting River forms the backbone of no less than five out of thirteen episodes, plus the theatrical movie. That's an awful lot of rescuing for a feminist hero. Many fans noticed this, too, and expressed their outrage on their Livejournals: "... I'm not sure that I will recover from the shock of watching the malicious way in which Joss stripped his female characters of their integrity, the pleasure he seemed to take from showing potentially powerful women bashed, the way he gleefully demonized female power and selfhood and smashed women into little bits, male fists in women's faces, male voices drowning out our words." Holy crap! They make it sound like the movie includes a 20-minute montage of Whedon pimp-slapping every female on the set. |
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WTF.
Seriously, way to ignore every bit of progress any of these character might have made to be strong female characters to chew out the few flaws. It seems that all that would make you happy would be an equally ridiculous stereotype in the opposite direction.
Also, linking to someone sorta infamous on LJ for being completely nuts? Doesn't bode well for your argument.
I actually found this entertaining. Accurate? Maybe not, but I don't come to Cracked as a source for academia. Comedy, children. Get over it! Honestly I've seen a decline in how funny articles are around here. It isn't the subject matter, it's the way things are written. This is actually written in a funny way.
But of course stepping on fanboyism on the internet prompts these anal sorts of commments. Laugh! Move on with your lives!
I fascinates me how almost everyone that post a complaint here tend to point out one way or another, that you are a WOMAN. I guess we need no further explanation why the characters on your list turned out the way they did...
As for female characters; Juno and Lisbeth Salander (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) is really two of the few true kickass female characters in recent years.
"Femme fatale" literally means "deadly woman" by the way, not "dangerous woman".
What bothers me most about this article is that the author is so clearly driven by some sort of weird anti-fanboy agenda that she is willing to twist these examples so far out of their original shape as to be almost unrecognizable. Either that or she literally does not understand the movies in question. The fact that River is essentially broken due to her horrific mistreatment at the hands of the Alliance is the WHOLE POINT of her character. She's not supposed to be another Buffy. And other examples contain information that is flat-out factually wrong. As anyone who actually bothered to watch Batman Returns all the way through knows, Catwoman is alive and (relatively) well the last time we see her. I don't usually leave negative comments on articles, but the weird bias on this one really bugged me.
this article alone makes me hold the strong belief that women should not be allowed to write articles for cracked.
These seem to be stretching a little. There are plenty of really weak female characters out there, I mean, pretty much every female character in a romantic comedy is a slap in the face of feminism. Compared to them, I just can't get worked up over kick ass women with human flaws.
And holy s**t, that Livejournal link? Racist, reactionary morons like that are what's holding women back, not fictional heroines.
This writer needs to seriously do her homework before putting up an article. Specifically im refering to Padme. Did this woman even watch the movie? Clearly it shows Padme fighting, on the political front at least, while pregnant. And if you read the books, she's in a few battles as well. It shows that a woman can be a mother, wife and successful, powerful career woman at the same time, hardly the weak person the writer confuses her to be. Also, the movie states it "seems" as if she's lost the will to live, meaning they really couldnt tell why. However, if the writer had done just a little 2 minute google search, she wouldve learned that Padme actually dies of larynx damage done to her by Vader, in one of the most dramatic scenes in the entire series of the movie which i find very difficult to believe the writer could have missed. Unless ofcourse she didnt watch the movie.
I don't consider it to be feminism when women in movies kick ass unless they're ugly. The fact that Joss Whedon got a totally hot chick to be River redeems him in my eyes. The same cannot for most of these other chicks.
so, yeah, not the greatest article, but i want to point out something to the commenters who mentioned Amadala: yes, we know she died "of a broken heart", but that doesn't really excuse it. I mean, come on, in the realm of films, if a male has his heart broken or otherwise loses the one he loves, he generally focuses that into ass-kicking badassery. if a guy just rolled over and died everyone would scoff at the idiocy of the notion. so, why is it totally fine that a woman (who, as pointed out, now has 2 children and is, for all intents, a single mother) just kicks it cuz her man went bad? no one else close to aniken suffered this fate, only she did. so, yeah, i've always thought that was a pretty s****y move. i mean, just have her die birthing twins cuz, s**t, that actually happens. none of this crap about a girl dying from being sad.
overall, no movie character is ever too far from a stereotype (and once one is, it will be reused over and over until it, too, is cliched). it seems this list isn't fair to the fact that romantic love is in nearly every movie ever made and both men and women need rescuing now and then, none of that is bashing women in any way. just, you know, could we tone down being portrayed as falling to pieces or just becoming useless when our man dumps us? that would be cool cuz, i swear, it's affecting the real men out there. ever see the look on a guy's face when he realizes he needs to reject or hurt the feelings of a girl? we're not going to kill ourselves or you, it's really ok, we can take it. (and, yes, i know there are movies that work against this in favor of women, but it's still more of a problem than for men)
Man, if the author of this article were fictional I'd accuse her of being a straw man (sorry, straw womyn). I'm almost inclined to believe that this is some kind of Coulteresque troll.
Well, Miss Jennifer, how does it feel to have been cyber-b***h slapped by nearly everyone who read your pathetic article?
Sorry but you are an obvious misandrist of the Jessie Spano variety. I'll go ahead and repeat what everyone else has said before I get to your article. Feminism is not women getting back at the guys and existing on their own and eliminating all of their femininity. It is about equality among the sexes but it seems people like you prefer to veer in the other direction and give feminism a bad name.
Eowyn
Well she actually could qualify for your list but what is so wrong with her being in love? Your argument could be reasonable if the battle didn't start *after* Aragorn told her no. Forget that she loves her country and is brave enough to fight, it's bad because she gets a guy at the end. Makes perfect sense
Padme
A queen is like a president in that planet and they are generally elected younger since they would be more innocent and free thinking. Plus she is 14 in the movie and Anakin is 10/11 so that's hardly half her age. As a side note he would be old enough to drink in the second movie. When the chips are down, she chooses to go after him herself and try and help him. She dies because she had her heart broken. She could have died before giving birth but she held out as long as she could
River
She does not belong on this list. It seems misandrists just love to challenge someone like Joss Whedon for being anti-feminist because it gives them a surge or rush or something. There are plenty of other strong female characters in that who have ties to males. Zoe is married, Inara is a friggin prostitute and Kaley is hopelessly in love with Simon. Does that take away from their feminism? No, so why does River needing Simon's help take away from hers? She's nuts so she needs help. She repays them for it by killing every single reaver at the end doesn't she
Catwoman
Was she even supposed to be a role model? She's a friggin villain for crying out loud. I love how you immediately blame men for the femme fatale in stories, it just proves how much of a misandrist you really are. Besides, Batman Forever is one of the most sexist things out there along with Hope and Faith and 8 Simple Rules
Elizabeth
She does seem to go through guys a bit but she only loved one, all the others just fancied her. So how is she a non-feminist character if she doesn't tell Will to go f**k a dolphin and find another guy as soon as he goes away? Women aren't allowed to raise children by themselves are they?
RexIdiotarum: While I agree with your TL;DR statement, this is a bad place to have it seen. This is a penis-centered humor site.
There are more forms of femininity than big boobs and nail polish, and that's one of the things few people realize, from straw feminists to game makers and Hollywood producers. Now, I cannot speak for everyone, but much of my life and jobs have dealt with issues of gender, so I've been interested in gender expression, gender roles, and defiance of them.
So, the way I see it is that Femininity focuses on social, emotional, and aesthetic aspects. Masculinity, on the other hand, focuses on the individual, logical, and competitive aspects.
Please note that I, in no way, believe that Femininity is exclusive to woman or that Masculinity is exclusive to Men. That'd be extremely hypocritical of me. Instead, I believe that because these are dynamic to an individual and not a bolean figure for either sex, it's impossible to pull off a character that solely expresses Feminine Traits or Masculine Traits without looking like a joke. Or an FPS Mute Space Marine Protagonist. Because Masterchief doesn't have blood, he has Testosterone.
So, in a modern world where anyone who claims to be a Feminist, myself included, gets strange looks and openly mocked for "Staw Feminists'" beliefs, it kills me a little to see this. I'd rather see feminists openly proclaim praise for a character that shows that there are okay with themselves and their expressions.
Case in Point: Kalie from Firefly. I love Kalie because she's a woman who's a total nerd but has a pretty feminine side in a way that doesn't devolve her down to her body. She's shown that she knew more about how the Firefly model's engine runs than the original male mech they were going to hire, ((She seemed more into Serenity's engine than the guy she was with.)) she's surprisingly open about her sexuality, and, again, a total nerd. As far as her feminine side goes, she likes dresses, has a cute crush on the doctor, and, unlike the rest of the crew, isn't a total psychopath. But here's the point, she seems very comfortable and happy in expressing herself as both masculine and mechanically inclined and feminine in her clothing style and general mannerisms.
My ideal protagonist that fits the ideals of feminism would be an independant and strong willed character that does what she feels will make her happy despite what anyone tells her Misogynists and Misandrists aside.
~ Recommended Reading Whipping Girl - Julia Serano, you always find the most enlightened concepts of a debate from people who've embraced both sides and saw both strengths and weaknesses. In the case of Feminism, look for Transgendered people.
Interesting, but if you look at C.S. Luis's books, he is criticized for stripping his female characters of their femininity and portraying that to succeed as anything but a victim they need to adopt masculine traits.
Its a lose-lose situation.
Make a woman sexy yet bad-ass and suddenly they are merely being used as a sex symbol.
Don't make a woman sexy and put the woman as bad-ass and suddenly they are being stripped of their femininity.
Put the woman as anything except badass and they are a stereotypical victim.
I would like to know what feminists consider appropriate. I don't think they know.
I'm a little disappointing in this post. I agree with you for the most part about Eowyn, and Padme. I never seen the pirates movies (well, I have, but I didn't pay attention) so I can't comment on her. I can however point out your flaws in the assessment of River.
The reason River is so protected, isn't because shes a woman, it's because she is nuts! Had the character been cast as a guy, he would have been just as ineffective. Also the fan point of few is that river really didn't ever need protecting. She really have only been directly threatened three times in the series, and she handled her own business each time...
1: Pinned down with Kaley, killed all three of the men shooting at her, with little effort.
2: Bounty hunter sneaks onto the ship to kidnap her. After defeating most of the crew on his own he is outsmarted by River and knocked into space.
3: The reaver scene in Serenity....we know how that ended.
Despite all of this, is River even a feminist character? If you changed all the "shes" to "hes" and cut out one lude comment by Jane, River could have been played by a man. The title is "Hollywood's 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism" but Riven wasn't an attempt at feminism. I wonder, does Cracked.com not allow you to submit lists that are smaller then four? Did you a need a fifth example so much that you needed to go after an almost completely androgynous character?
And what was with quoting the crazy from live journal. Did you look at her profile picture? Currently its a photo of the capital building with the female symbol super imposed over it. You didn't see the she was a crap filled misandronist? Don't get me wrong, I'm on the feminist wagon, but I can't stand straw feminists
(Explanation of "Straw feminist" here... http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StrawFeminist )
RexIdiotarum, I think I love you. Exactly x 1000000.
Hm... I have five sadder attempts at feminism. So bold as to actually use the term Girl Power and talk about feminism while essentially boiling down to being the next pop idol that couldn't stand a chance against Brittany or Paris, that is;
Scary Spice
Posh Spice
Baby Spice
Sporty Spice
and Ginger Spice.
*Rubs temples*
Oh, yes, because, unlike your list, none of these characters had any more substance behind them than the standard female and feminist stereotypes.
So, I've debunked your list, no One being could top the pathetic excuses for "feminist" than Spice Girls- Who actually claim to be feminists.
Otherwise, you're shooting down a lady strong enough to go and fight in a war for love, A Senator, an Villain strong enough to mess with the goddamn Batman, Elizabeth Swan, and the girl that uttered the line, "No power in the verse can stop me." after wiping out a room of baddies while looking in the other direction.
See, there's a difference between Feminism and Misandry. Feminism is the school of thought that preaches men and women are equal. Misandry is the school of thought that all men are worthless. When applied, the differences between these two are staggering, and the vast amount of self-proclaimed "Feminists" that are actually misandrists hurt people like me that tries to preach the ideas of equality between sexes under the lable of feminsism.
So, how can condemning a group of ladies for not being "Feminist enough" be considered misandristic? Well, I'll tell you what, if everyone of these ladies were in fact men, we'd praise them for their depth and courage. Defying traditions! Ha! Bold. But is that not enough for a woman? No, because women have to be better then men. -Wait what? You say having a character that not only has more hidden depth on the Serenity can also kick major ass, all because she's slightly insane? Well, of course, we're ignoring the sweet mechanic that's proven herself to be better than the male they were originally going to hire, and as a result got more life from the ship... doesn't that count? The snarky first mate who's loyalty is what keeps her on this ship, to her husband and captain, she proves herself to be the most wise crew member... but she doesn't count? Why? Oh, because they have a "glorified prostitute on board." *Sigh*
Really, because my ramblings are long, I should sum it up with one sentence; By nitpicking any female character in a story for not being the ideal form of feminism (Which seems to be between Mary Sue and God)you cheapen the meaning of Feminism itself.
~Sorry.
I wouldn't say that River Tam was supposed to be a Buffy-type girl originally. In the TV series, most of the time she is this crazy, bewildered girl, and it wasn't until near the 'end' of the series that she became quite a bit more useful (raid on Niska's place and tricking Jubal Early). But even then I thought the emphasis was more on her super genius aspect than her martial arts / physical ass-kicking skills.
The film, now, that was a different matter. If I had to guess, I would say that studio execs put pressure on Whedon to make River more "Buffy-like". That last scene where she takes out a whole army of Reavers, some of whom were armed with ranged weapons with a couple of axes was the primary reason I could never quite take the film too seriously.
But, uh. Anyway. Funny article anyways. Especially agree with #1.
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Women are allowed to be weak and strong, just like men should be. So just because a woman is weak doesn't mean it's anti feminist.
That being said, most of these movies make me want to vomit with rage.
(Also, what about Whedon's ZOEY?)