6 Heinous Criminal Acts From the World of Sports (Mascots)
There's nothing wrong with most sports mascots that a shot of Febreze wouldn't cure, but a rogue few have soiled more than just their costumes.
Drunk with the adoration of the crowd, and probably alcohol, here are some fur-suited performers who betrayed the trust of their fans and took to a tragic and/or hilarious life of crime.
#6.
Burnie Goes Caveman On a Judge's Wife
The Miami Heat's mascot is Burnie, some kind of sentient hellbeast made of fire with a green basketball for a nose. So what was his crime? Arson? Please let it be arson.
The Crime:
Aggravated Assault. Shit.
Wes Lockart, as Burnie, decided a female fan would enjoy it if he grabbed her by the legs and dragged her onto the court at an exhibition game. Really, what can go wrong with that? It's all in fun, right?
Well, it turns out the woman wasn't amused, and it also turned out she was Yvonne Gil Bonar de Rebollo, the wife of a local Supreme Court justice. He was, not surprisingly, equally unamused.
Burnie was charged with aggravated assault and battery (although the aggravated part is unclear--maybe because being assaulted by a costumed mascot is extra humiliating). The pair sued for--wait for it-- one million dollars.
She was eventually awarded $50,000, which fortunately for her the team has to pay, since it's hard to imagine someone working as a sports mascot having 50 grand on hand at any given time.
#5.
Reedy Rip-It and Slapshot Do Some Unsolicited Boob-Grabbing
We've lumped together Reedy Rip-It (of the Greenville, SC Drive baseball team) and Slapshot (of the New Jersey Devils hockey team) because they have something in common: thinking that mascots are rock stars and the fans are sex-starved groupies, all anxious for some furry action.
Please God, let me touch a boob today.
The Crime:
Groping Female Fans at the Game.
Reedy Rip-It, AKA Cecil Amick was arrested after groping a woman in the most charming of locales: under the stands. After charges were filed it came to light that not only did Amick have a record, but he previously performed as the University of South Carolina's Cocky. You bet he did.
The Drive were quick to point out that Amick was merely a Rip-It understudy, so we can be thankful that he didn't go on the power trip that a bigger head might have created.
Slapshot (played by an unnamed performer) took it even further, going on an all-out grab-fest. The hockey mascot, who dressed like a puck, racked up three official complaints from disgruntled gropees before getting the sack. The Devils retired the now-creepy character and today have a much-less threatening mascot: the actual devil.
#4.
Benny the Bull Punches a Cop
Benny the Bull, mischievous monobrowed mascot of the Chicago Bulls, is one of the most popular mascots in the business. He likes to give something back to the fans on occasion, whether they want him to or not.
Thus he decided to bestow his greatness on the Taste of Chicago event in 2006, a festival where the city's finest restaurants serve visitors from around the world. Benny selflessly took it upon himself to entertain the masses by riding through the crowd on his mini-motorcycle. It's important to note that no one had asked him to do this, as Benny had apparently decided on his own that even the fanciest gathering could be improved by a costumed man zipping around the guests on a tiny motorbike.
The Crime:
Misdemeanor Battery.
When a security guard showed up to tell Benny to knock it off, Benny refused, and continued riding around the grounds. A slow-speed chase ensued. When the guard caught up to Benny (who must have mistaken him for paparazzi), he clocked him in the face, knocking his glasses off.
When the guard turned out to be an off-duty police officer, Benny portrayer Barry Anderson maintained that he was "in character" when he hit the guy. Nothing puts a gourmet food-tasting event over the top like a good "in character" cop beating, right? Not surprisingly, the "it wasn't me, it was my anthropomorphic bull alter ego" defense failed, and Anderson was charged.
Thank you so much for the mental image of a green-costumed bird wearing a wire to a drug deal with Tony from Scarface. I laughed my ass off!
ReplyAs a Tarheel fan, I really enjoyed number 1
ReplyMan, poor mascots are just tryin' to get a nut and the ladies gotta go bein' all uppity and shit. Unless they were groping chicks from the other team, the ladies should have done like team players and let the mascots have their hot, furry way with them. Just so long as the dude in the suit stayed 100% in character the entire time.
ReplyAnd I'm sure you wouldn't mind if a 200 pound gorilla, who may or may not be wearing a mascot suit, walked up to you and grabbed your junk.
thats why i could never be a mascot, i'd be grabbin boobs like a mafucker.
ReplyI remember when I was in elementary school and Benny the Bull was arrested in Cabrini Greene (now torn-down infamous housing projects) for buying drugs.
ReplyI have to admit, I got a good laugh out of number one.
ReplyIf they commited their crimes in costume, they should be allowed to get away with them.
ReplyNo, they should be imprisoned while wearing the costume. If the "character" commits the crime, the "character" should do the sentence.
The taste of Chicago isn't the upscale event that you portray it to be...people get in drunken brawls and there are gang fights and shootings all the time...Every time I go I see fights arrests and I even once saw a stabbing
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHAHAHA, stabbings.
The Taste of Chicago: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Chicago is the City of Booze Jazz and Violence! If I went to Taste of Chicago and DIDN'T see a stabbing, I'd want my money back!
The ending of this article had a M. Night Shyamalan quality to it.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesIts hard to tell if that is a good or bad thing now.
It used to be called a "Twilight Zone" Quality
*sigh*
at least theres no twlight zone theme song humming when something goes aloof
"It turns out it's NOT man!"
You mean the wind killed his father? Dang, I thought it was the ram.
Taste of Chicago is like a big, urban version of the state fair. It's crowded, usually hot, and filled with people walking around with food on paper plates and on sticks. While Taste is great, calling it "gourmet" seems pretty inaccurate.
ReplyYeah, I went once and it was kind of a let down. It was so expensive, I only got to buy two things and it would up being bruschetta and, I think, a turkey leg.
Or a spelling person, evidently.
ReplyBurn!
so if he's an actual animal, who would really b #1? i don't no; i'm not a sports person
ReplyJust to point out that the Grump was never affiliated with the Yankees. The Red Barons were the Phillies' AAA affiliate until two years ago. When the Yankees took over last year they did away with the Grump. Shoddy research.
ReplyScince when has the taste of Chicago been a gourmet food tasting. for that matter scince when was the Taste of Chicago not so crowded you can barely walk let alone ride a mini scooter.
ReplyNow..not only do we have to be wary about clowns..MASCOTS?NooooOoooo!
Reply"mischievous monobrowed..." - that's some tasty alliteration right there. Both words even have the same syllable count!
Replyno, they don't.
uh, yes they do. Learn how to pronounce "mischievous."
and here i was, hoping a human mascot ACTUALLY killed his dad. now im disappointed. thanks a lot, cracked.
ReplyIs it bad that I got a little thrill out of the Devils being mentioned in a Cracked article...even if said mention was due to costumed boob grabbing?
ReplyI think I must be going through hockey withdrawals. One more month...only one more month...
me too! except it was because I hate them and revel in all their failures.
HAhahahah could you imagine getting molested by an oversized stuffed animal. I would be so creeped out but i would still laugh. I guess that's what some people are into though, i've seen porn. its odd.
ReplyE. Kelly, you are my hero! I loved #1. Great list!
Reply