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Allergies are your body's way of saying it hates you. About one in five of you are allergic to something, whether you know it or not. And while those of you who go into sneezing fits around cats or pollen may think you've got it bad, you have no idea. Here are six allergies that would probably make you consider investing in one of those huge plastic bubbles. #6.
Electricity
Reports about sensitivity to electricity began with the introduction of computer monitors. People complained about a whole host of symptoms, and this was before the spread of wi-fi and cell phone towers (which release a related but more powerful type of electromagnetic energy than electrical wiring) made the whole thing much worse. About three percent of people complain of electrosensitivity symptoms, though there is no reliable way to test for it so it's difficult to know how many of those people actually have the allergy and how many just like to bitch.
"What's it going to do to me?"
And while it's not listed as an official side effect, the most disorienting side effect may in fact be that it makes the Amish look like sane and reasonable people. Hell, Ted Kaczynski will probably start to make a lot of sense after your laptop gives you a third degree sunburn all over your groin.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
Your only real recourse is installing very expensive EMF filters in your home. There are companies that specialize in EMF protection, such as LessEMF who sell special electromagnetic field-repelling clothes. Their catalog does not make it clear if these are all reflective jump suits, so we'll go ahead and assume they are, and that 1960s science fiction was right about the future.
But more importantly, does any of it actually help? Well, that's where it starts to get weird. The problem is, since the whole phenomenon is kind of new, we don't know much about it. And the long list of varied, seemingly unrelated symptoms have caused some researchers to assert that patients are, "Making shit up." In fact, some test subjects apparently showed symptoms even when there was no electrical fields around, or only when they thought there were. You can tell the sufferers it's all in their head, but that's what they say about our fear of clowns and that doesn't magically make it go away. #5.
Exercise
"Why yes, I have been playing video games for 17 straight hours," they say from their sweat-soaked sofa. "It's the only thing keeping me alive."
"What's it going to do to me?"
Of course, any out of shape person will recognize most of those symptoms from their own bouts with exercise (or trips to the mailbox without a mobility assistance scooter). The important question in determining if you're actually allergic is what happens next. Do the symptoms recede while you leaf through your catalog of gender-neutral tent dresses? If so, you're probably just in bad shape. If you do have an exercise allergy, things should be progressing from the already crappy hives, coughing, chest-tightness stage to what's called anaphylactic shock. It's easy to recognize because your blood pressure plummets, your lungs close and you experience fainting and many other things doctors call symptoms and we call "dying." By this point, someone should be calling an ambulance. If not, either no one likes you or they decided your retarded exercise allergy is simply natural selection at work.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
#4.
The Cold
"What's it going to do to me?"
Some people develop hives (red itchy spots) on the skin when they encounter cold temperatures (called cold uticaria) and it can be triggered by any rapid cooling. So you can even get it during warm weather, when you first climb out of a swimming pool for instance. In fact, if you have cold urticaria, jumping in very cold water can kill your ass. This means that old trick where you run up to the edge of the pool and stop short while your friend jumps in could technically be a form of manslaughter. Yes, even if there was actually water in the pool this time.
"For the love of God, what do I do?"
After telling you that you have a cold allergy and your life as you know it is effectively over, he'll likely give you antihistamines and advise you to avoid the cold, which again makes it seem like pretty much anybody can be a doctor with a few hours training. Either way it means for a few months out of the year (depending on where you live) you'll be known as that creepy shut-in who stares longingly out the window and scares the shit out of the local children. Though we should note that some of you are already that guy without the aid of any medical condition. So what else could you be allergic to that would give you even more of an excuse to stay inside and surf for internet porn? |
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My girlfriend is alergic to sweat, even her own... she gets a rash and hives, albeit short lived. On the upside, she keeps herself quite clean.
It was recently discovered that some of my siblings have Celiac (also called non-tropical sprue), and so they have to avoid gluten, which is in practically every manufactured edible product not sold at a health co-op. The side effects are pretty messed up. My brother was initially diagnosed with spastic colon until the doctors figured out it was gluten... and my sister suffered some bone-density and fertility issues as a result.
After reading the article, I think I might just be alergic to electricity. Sigh.
Haha i'm so glad i found this article, i was mildly allergic to the sun for about a month because of overexposure, it was the craziest thing ever.
I have no idea why it went away, but i'm so glad it did, it really was torturous.
I went to summer camp with a girl who had a water allergy. One day we went swimming in the lake and she got hives all over her stomach and legs. People don't even believe me when I tell that story, but now Cracked readers know the truth!
I thought I was the one of the only ones allergic to the cold. Nice to know I'm not. I will literally puke if I go into the shade during summer, in addition to large ass hives and tightening skin and all that.. yeah. not fun.
I have solar urticaria, the one not made fun of :P
It is a rather difficult disorder to live with. Periodically I slather myself in SPF 100 and take antihistamines so I can go do things with my friends, but on a regular basis I sleep in the daytime and keep the curtains closed. When I'm exposed to sunlight I get blotchy rashes and a faint, dizzy feeling that leads to passing out.
I have fibromyalgia syndrome and didn't develop a sun allergy until I got sick with this disorder so it is possible that they are intertwined somehow. I also can't handle extreme cold or heat.
I'ce has Cold Uticaria since the day I was born. On the way back from the Hospital, my parents noticed my face was swollen and covered in red welts- Itw as the middle of February.
It has a nasty tendancy of going away (or the symptoms lessening) for awhile (say, several months to several years) And then flooding back full-force.
It sucks. I take antihistamines every day for it, and luckily they allow me to go out in the cold (At least this year.)
Ha.
Two words: Celiacs disease.
I happen to suffer from cold uritcaria... Not so fun, and no one ever believes me when I say I can't go outside in the cold or even go swimming until they see the hives that bump up on my skin.
It's a freaking lame allergy, and I seriously miss being able to go out into the snow, since I live in Canada and all. Although I have had the condition for over 7 years, it has gradually toned down in severity... So if any of you out there ever develop it, please know that it can get better over time.
I read about this woman who was allergic to semen AND latex. She must have thought for so long that she was just allergic to sex...
I teach English in Japan, and have about 60 students... and THREE of them are allergic to sunlight... they're not related, either. f*****g vampires...
yeah but how do you go about explaining how you know that about her? "uhh well one day i nutted all over you and you broke out in hives and started screaming"
I think I'm going to tell my baby she's allergic to semen one day. who needs birth control when god built it right in for you?
oh god semen...that sucks, where's the fun in that? Wouldn't u die quickly from the water allergy? Our bodies are made up of a lot of it...
Bockscar. I am so with you. I am a total lazy ass who hates cleaning up my room. I only clean it if I start sneezing non stop and get rashes. I guess its God's way of telling to clean up a bit more. ;p
I'm allergic to the cold as well, it sucks. But luckily I don't live in a country that has winter. ^^
~t
if someone was allergic to all these things they would have one effed up life
People with allergies like this should not be allowed to exist according to the laws of nature. Jesus Christ, I'd rather die than be allergic to f*****g WATER
Damn nazi vaginas
Maybe but personally I prefer the more klingon alien look.
That chick who's allergic to cold ain't bad either.
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I used to be allergic to the sun, it used to be quite a pain, I would develop these irritating rashes. Thankfully grew out of it. And now atleast I know it could've been worse... atleast Im not allergic to semen