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The bathroom is probably the least social room in the house for most of us who don't enjoy a strict diet of Eastern European porn. Sure we all use it but we rarely discuss it and no one wants to hang out there.

But that doesn't change the fact it may be the most important room in your house and, as with everything else in this age of technological marvels, advances are being made. Kickass advances.

Such as ...

10
The Indipod Car Toilet

Nothing screws up a road trip more than having to use a highway rest stop. Notorious for housing armies of disease-causing bacteria and, in some cases, serial killers, the rest stop is not your friend and no rest will be had. The Indipod was invented to let you drive right past it down the highway while pissing in your own vehicle, the way God intended.

Basically a tent that you just set up in the back seat with a really advanced-looking bucket inside, the Indipod is the evolution of the Big Gulp cup dad made you piss in on those long road trips back in the day.

For added kicks, you can keep driving while a passenger uses it, presumably getting causing unpleasant splashback at every turn and bump in the road.

9
The Intelligence Toilet

Japan, land of innovations you never knew you needed because you don't need them, once again wows the world with the Intelligence Toilet, which makes our standard western toilets look like the stupid family dog, hungry for feces but offering nothing in return beyond blank stares.

The Intelligence Toilet can measure the sugar levels in your urine, test your blood pressure, your body fat and weight, and then give you recommendations for diet and exercise. It's basically a genie you shit on.

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8
The Pet Potty Doggy Toilet

There's no reason dogs should be left out of the bathroom revolution, considering their toilet has not seen an advance since "the ground" became popular several million years ago. Now, thanks to the Pet Potty, dog owners don't need to really walk their dogs at all any more. We'll allow the official video to demonstrate:

Yes, at the 1:19 mark, you just saw a full, uninterrupted 15-second shot of an actual dog shitting on their product, before the turd got sprayed away with a shower head and then mulched by a trash compactor or some such.

This indoor toilet for dogs gets installed right into your plumbing, which the website assures us is easy without actually explaining the process, and is such a time saver. Of course you still have to manually hose off the poop each time, unless you can somehow teach your dog to do that.

7
Uni-P Public Urinal

The inequality of the sexes is never more evident than when it comes to the public restroom. The reason there's always a line outside the ladies' loo is because there are fewer places to go (since stalls take up more room than urinals, there are fewer in an average restroom). Thus men have long held urinals over women's head, probably more figuratively than literally.

But now, at long last, women get all of the advantages of the urinal. How, you may ask? Well, the above picture ought to clear it right up for you as well as demonstrating how this device would be in no way degrading or embarrassing for women.

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6
The Homophobic Robo-Toilet

Apparently life in Ft. Lauderdale has been brought to a standstill due to rampant homosexual bathroom antics. Not according to the police or anyone sane, just according to the mayor, who's convinced no one can set foot in a public restroom without having to wait behind a gay conga line to use the facilities.

Luckily, the mayor has proposed spending a quarter of a million bucks on a public toilet that's self-locking, self cleaning and, a feature that's sure to not cause any potential lawsuits, it sets off a siren and opens the door if it thinks you've been in there too long.

Yes, what better way to discourage public bathroom sex than by exposing it to a passing crowd of Boy Scouts.

5
The Pit Stop

Don't have room in your vehicle for that backseat tent shitter we showed you earlier? Wait, there's still hope.

This portable urinal is intended for truckers who don't have the time to pull over and do their business because they absolutely, positively have to get a load of hot pants to Seattle by six in the morning.

Designed for men or women, because pissing while you're driving is equal-opportunity gross, the Pitstop is just one of dozens of portable urinals available on the market today, but is probably the only one so obviously designed by a trucker who had previously rigged up a funnel, a hose and a gas can then decided he could sell the idea to others.

As you can see it also comes with a bracket that'll let you bolt it to your thigh.

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4
Do it Yourself Compost Toilet

What an age we live in. Finally, as a people, we can take the big toilet companies to task for their price fixing and constant gouging of all of us working shmucks. We're gonna make our own toilet. And not just any toilet, a fucking $25-or-less toilet. You can't even take a shit in New York for less than $30, and that's a fact we heard from some guy we met at a party.

Anyway the DIY toilet is, in a nutshell, a box you make with a bucket inside and a hole in the top. We bet you can guess what happens from there. But just in case you think it's as easy as all that, rest assured you need some sawdust to make it a fully functional crap receptacle.

Wait a second, why did we ever have all that flushing and plumbing and other such nonsense when a box and some sawdust is all it takes? You'll find out.

3
Portable Washlet

The Japanese come to the rescue again with the portable washlet, invented for those people who can't stand how public toilets don't squirt them in the ass with water. So now they take this little device, fill it with water, extend "the wand," jam their hand between their legs in the bathroom stall and squirt around until they hit the bull's-eye and achieve satisfaction.

Once again there is surely no possibility of a mortifying mishap when using this device, even if, say, a wacky friend decides to fill it with maple syrup.

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2
Blue Light Rest Rooms

One of the worst things about public toilets, aside from hobos bathing in them, shit on the seats, piss on the seats, piss on the floors, shit on the floors, people having sex in the them, a lack of toilet paper, no doors, George Michael, shit on the walls, clogged toilets, pay toilets, someone's love juices on the lock, no hand towels, crappy dryers that don't work and no hot water, is the damned heroin addicts.

Who wants to go into a bathroom and have no idea the guy in the next stall is shooting up until sometime later in the week they hear about it on the news? Well now there's nothing to worry about, beyond those 16 other things we mentioned, thanks to blue light rest rooms.

How are the lights going to keep druggies away? Because blue light makes it impossible to see your veins, and thus discourages people from shooting up. Yes, that's seriously what it's for.

It also has the added benefit of making the restroom look like an awesome nightclub, albeit one with shit on the walls.

1
DCBA Urinal Elephant

What did we tell you about the Japanese? Now, in an effort to prove ludicrous cartoons are the answer to everything, a giant, blue piss-sucking elephant exists to clean urinals in Japan.

The robot, designed to look like an elephant because the designer felt that was a logical reversal of a urinal's drain, can clean one out in 10 seconds and save 8 liters of water. This is touted as labor saving while not addressing that the robot weighs 220 lbs. and some poor bastard has to push it around from urinal to urinal.

It's also unclear how just using a brush and some Toilet Duck for a couple seconds then flushing the urinal was wasting both water and man-hours previously. But if we understood any of that we'd understand the need for a piss-drinking elephant robot that weighs as much as a full grown man.

As it is now, all we know is every time we use the bathroom in Japan, we're going to be glancing over our shoulder for fear we'll see this damned thing stalking us.


If you liked that check out Ian's rundown of 8 Classic Movie Robots That Actually Suck at Their Job.



More of Ian Fortey's stuff can be found at ScenicAnemia.com.

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