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Who do you think are the most cynical people in the world? Cops? Executioners? Or maybe prostitutes? Clowns? We're thinking it's doctors. If you want proof, check out some of the horrifying-yet-hilarious slang they use around the office. Yes, these are real. #8.
PRATFO
When It's Used:
We're not saying you should ever lie in court, but in that situation you should at least consider it. #7.
AMYOYO Syndrome
When It's Used:
Well, television is not to be believed. If a patient split from crotch to neck, sustained a shotgun wound to the chest, or fell twenty stories onto the pavement, then a great deal's up to a God. Assuming he exists, or cares. Thus we get the AMYOYO Syndrome diagnosis, with the variations SOLOMFYOYO (So long, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own) and GPO (Good for Parts Only). #6.
Faecal Encephalopathy
When It's Used:
Variations include Cranio-Rectal Syndrome and Cranial Rectosis, presumably for when the patient doesn't have shit for brains but merely has his head up his ass. #5.
Cut and Paste
When It's Used:
#4.
SBI
When It's Used:
Either may be followed up with a "SWAG" (Scientific Wild-Ass Guess).
#3.
CTF
When It's Used:
It's at this point you should realize that when you're surrounded by the sick and dying every day, no subject is too dark for comedy. #2.
Slow Code to China
When It's Used:
#1.
CBT
When It's Used:
Here are some other, rather self-explanatory terms you probably don't want to hear in the halls outside your hospital room:
If you enjoy thinking your doctors are horrible people and want to think it more, this site has an enormous list of these terms that pretty much redefine cynicism. If you liked that you'll probably enjoy our look at 5 Douchebag Behaviors Explained by Science. And don't forget to check out Internet Party 2: An Intervention for MySpace to see which sites you shouldn't be inviting to your next intervention. You should probably also watch this video to find out why 7 Reasons the New Kid Rock Song is The Worst Ever Written. |
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They missed PITA patient (Pain In The Ass patient).
I never go to the doctor or emergency room for reasons like this, I don't want to be judged or made fun of because some doctor thinks I am taking my illness too serious.
You missed the classic TSBUNDY - Totally Stuffed, But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet - that they use for so-called "Bed Blockers".
This was specially painful to read, as my 95-year-old granfather has just been diagnosed with cancer... i dread getting to read any of these terms in his chart... doctors are such assholes -_-
CATFWOT = complete a*****e that's a f*****g waste of time
TOBAS = take out back and shoot
fat people deserve to be insulted
My mom used to work in a children's hospital and nurses used FLK (funny looking kid) on kid's charts so doctors wouldn't be surprised when they walked in the room. It's terrible but kind of necessary lol
Ok What Those BRB Mean?
Some Help Guys?
^^
JPFN= "Just plain f*****g nuts"
WADAO= "Weak and Dizzy All Over"
ADD="All Done Dancing" (Dead)
DRT= "Dead Right There" (instant death)
Jeez, such twat behavior for those in a highly respected profession. I'm SO glad we're spending so much on health care >_>
FLK = Funny Looking Kid
I seen RFSK, really f*****g skinny kid.
had a rookie at one point following the stretcher holding up the diconnected end of an oxygen mask still attatched to the patient.
On a sort of similar related topic, we once sent a summer student who was with us doing some orderly work down to collect some glass fallopian tubes from the HSDU (theatre sterile support unit). Amazing. Idiot.
I'm a doctor, and we do use "supratentorial problem", which means above the tentorium, a membrane at the base of the brain - in other words, "it's all in their head".
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This one is often used in female patients - TUBE - Totally Unecessary Breast Exam. Sometimes male doctors say - I need to tube you, just to rule out breast cancer. So ladies - if you are well endowed - watch out for male doctors!
Also: annoying family members that are hitting the nurse's call button every 5 minutes with minor requests or inane questions are said to suffer from Chronic Slapping Deficiency---which said nurses wish someone would correct for them.
My two favorites of all time (frequently used in ICU signouts to the oncall physicians:
1. PBABLTO: Pine Box at Bedside---Leave Top Off.
2. MFC: Measure for Coffin.
God, we are some funny bastards, no?
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Actually the "CBT" that you provided wasn't nearly as bad as the "CBT" that jumped into my mind upon seeing the letters.