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The 8 Least Intimidating Gangs in Movie History

By Ian Fortey May 26, 2008 504,312 views
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To upper middle-class white suburbanites, few things are more terrifying than a roving gang of hooligans, with the notable exceptions of poor fuel economy and the maid stealing decorative soaps.

But even those people would be hard pressed to find too many reasons to fear the following gangs, most of whom would probably be mistaken for dance troupes and second-rate children's entertainers in real life.

#8.
Red Triangle Circus Gang from Batman Returns

The entire Batman franchise is responsible for some seriously awful gang activity. None so heinously combined our fear of gang violence with our terror of carneys as the Red Triangle Circus Gang as portrayed in the second Batman film.

Answering to the Penguin, this gang was a random bunch of freaks who apparently were so moved by a deformed Danny DeVito that a life in the sewers spent strapping cartoony explosives to aquatic, flightless birds seemed all too beautiful a dream for them.

So with clown makeup, fire eaters and a tiny poodle that catches Batarangs, they left their big-top roots behind and went to work trying to fulfill their vision of whatever the fuck it is a group of malevolent circus freaks thought they'd accomplish by making their dumpy leader mayor of Gotham.


Grr!

#7.
The Greasers from The Outsiders

Nothing epitomizes badass street cred like rolling with Patrick Swayze, Tom Cruise and C. Thomas Howell. Unless C. Thomas Howell is playing a character named Ponyboy, in what apparently isn't meant to be anything overtly homoerotic.

Following the same gang format that has existed since Shakespeare made it popular, The Greasers fall in love with some chicks from the other side of the tracks and that means someone really wants to drown Ponyboy, which is understandable. Instead the Karate Kid does some stabbing and the foolish gang violence is soon replaced with two skinny boys on the run, both of whom look like they'd lose a boxing match to Hannah Montana.

Then it degrades into burning school house heroics and poetry, along with deeply profound deaths and other assorted girly aspects of gang life that make it seem like semi-organized crime really isn't all it's cracked up to be.

#6.
Los Locos from Short Circuit 2

While not prominently featured in the film, this gang has a memorable turn as the bad asses that turn Johnny 5 into a streetwise thug. Which, in a talking-robot movie targeted towards middle-class white people meant the gang was a group of singing minorities who live on the streets and commit no actual crimes beyond some graffiti and using the word "balls."

#5.
The Regulators from Young Guns

Undoubtedly conceived as cool by some people in a studio somewhere desperate to make teenage girls of the '80s want to watch a western, Young Guns was a veritable Calvin Klein underwear ad of a movie featuring men who were at the time considered young and popular.

Little did anyone suspect that only Kiefer Sutherland would ever salvage something close to a respectable career while both Lou Diamond Phillips and Emilio Estevez would live out their days having cashiers at the 7-11 ask them if they used to be famous while they try to trade food stamps for porno (only Charlie Sheen suffered a worse fate, dying and getting sent to Two and a Half Men).

While we don't want to question their pistol-handling abilities, the fact remains that if these four came up behind us in a dark alley, we'd probably fear they were just going to steal our Chapstick.

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157 Comments

sunnee_days: i believe everyone agries with you. to quote family guy
"i thought we were gonna wrestle with those greasy sharks"
"not without 8 years of ballet and 2 years of jazz tap we're not."

6/16/2009 12:36:02 AM
Mr.McCreepy

I love the Outsiders, but Ive always wondered how a guy named Pony Boy got to be in a gang. Or Soda Pop for that manner.

3/16/2009 8:15:16 PM
bloodyneptune

sunnee_days: i totally agree. that gang was the gayest i have ever seen. they should've been put on this list

3/15/2009 10:34:04 PM
Casandraelf

Seriously? Neither the Sharks nor the Jets made your list?? Were the pirouettes intimidating?

2/13/2009 11:46:09 AM
sunnee_days

Hey Now!!Tombstone Kicked Ass!!
Hell,Most Guys Know At Least Some of The dialouge!!
"Ya'll KIlled Two Cowboys!!".
"I'm Your Huckleberry!!".
"You Tell Em'I'm Coming!!And I'm Bringing Hell with Me!!".
Hell,I'm Surprised That Somewhere a Theater Manager Hasn't Turned Tombstone Into a Midnight Movie Fave Like Rocky Horror!!
Couldn't You See a Bunch of Folks Dressed Up Old west Style Going In And Hollering"Ya'll Killed Two Cowboys!!"When The Movie starts??
Oh Yeah,Some Of The Characters From"The warriors"Look Like They Could've Been Extras in The Rocky Horror Show!!

1/26/2009 5:32:26 PM
TheEnemyBelow

I Just Now Noticed:The Red Triangle Circus Gang Look Like
Theyr'e Refugees From a Mexican"Dia De Los Muertos"Celebration!!

1/26/2009 5:26:05 PM
TheEnemyBelow

oh come on the warriors was the best movie left to us by the 80s

12/28/2008 2:22:27 PM
ELFfromToronto

Sadly, I do have to agree with several others...where the hell is West Side Story? I mean...seriously. At least toss in the sharks.

Yes, only the sharks.

I am biased.

11/27/2008 5:36:19 PM
Maryland_Belle

what about West Side Story?!?! It doesn't get any better than a bunch of punk ass kids "dance fighting"

11/13/2008 2:59:14 PM
Mysticnyx06

The Red Triangle Circus Gang and the Baseball Furies ARE intimidating gangs - make no mistake. In fact, I would suggest that their idiotic appearance is the most terrifying thing about them. What they're basically all saying by their fashion choices is, "I'm so f***ed up that I don't even care if everybody thinks I look ridiculous. I'm going to kill them all anyway." That's pure psychosis, and it IS scary.

10/24/2008 10:20:28 PM
bad_zebra_4

Sadly, my all-time favorite gangs were omitted. Once you've seen the Rollerblade gangs in Prayer of the Rollerboys, you never forget.

8/22/2008 11:47:13 AM
RenoRaines

Gay Thug Dating?!

8/18/2008 7:53:53 PM
timchuma

What? No Back to the Future references? The gang from BTTF2 was anything but intimidating. Except for the whole "Griff-looks-like-he's-tripping-balls-and-he-looks-like-he's-going-to-snap-and-slit-my-throat" thing.

Still, I'd put it on this list.
f*****g McFly.

8/18/2008 10:20:01 AM
Mierdin

What, no mention of the "gang war" from Anchorman?

8/17/2008 1:36:48 PM
Wheelz

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8/15/2008 9:50:36 AM
malimar

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8/15/2008 9:50:35 AM
malimar

Whoever thought up the costumes for the warriors must have been smoking crystal or something. Who in their right f*****g mind runs around half naked with a leather vest on with a bunch other guys who are also half naked wearing leather vests at night in New York and they're taking orders from someone named "cleon"?

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