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The 6 Creepiest Comic Book Characters of All Time
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#3.
Inner Child (Dorothy's Doll) from Doom Patrol
Creepy Because: Holy shit, get that thing away from us! If the DC superhero teams were islands in the Pacific, the Justice League would be the Big Island of Hawaii, with its majestic beaches and luxurious resorts, while the Doom Patrol would be one of those islands with lepers. The Doom Patrol embrace all those superheroes who are too ugly to team up with anyone else. We don't know how something that looks like Inner Child can exist in the same planet as Superman without Superman tossing him into the sun just on general principle. Anyway, he was found by Doom Patrol member Dorothy inside a Haunted House the team was using as headquarters at the time. We guess demoniacally-possessed property is very cheap in today's market. He befriended Dorothy who, as a very hairy 16-year-old girl with the face of a chimpanzee, could use all the friends she could find.
Wait, what the fuck is going on up there? Do you people remember that scene in The Shining where the ghost of a guy in a dog suit is giving a blow job to an old guy? Well, if Dog-suit-man ever walked into a room and found this scene, he'd go, "Hey, guys! What are you doing--SHIT! SHIT! OH MY GOD!" and then he'd run away to Amityville or some other haunted house where such things are frowned on.
Yes, it appears that two naked fat ghosts, one with a house plant tied to his face, want to "play" with Dorothy. We are not exactly sure what Dorothy would gain by following Inner Child's advice besides a sore ass and memories that will haunt her forever, but it looks like Inner Child wants to stay and watch. Seriously, there aren't even words for all the fetishes at play here.
OK, how about we never find out what happened after that right there. #2.
Proty from Legion of Superheroes
Creepy Because: He's a sentient spunk blob. Proty is a small alien being that looks like something between a pile of dried-up bird crap and some form of gelatin made of semen. He was rescued by Chameleon Boy from a space zoo and quickly adopted as a pet. He carried him around everywhere on his shoulder like a parrot, except that parrots don't make you look like you have just been the star of a Japanese porn flick.
By his looks alone Proty, would normally deserve a spot in any list of creepy things, but like the rest of the characters in this list he had to make that extra effort and tapped some ass he shouldn't have tapped. Again, like most of the guys in this list, Proty fell for blond jailbait, in his case the Legionnaire Saturn Girl (yes, all of the Legion of Superheroes had retarded names). Sadly for Proty, Saturn Girl was out of his league because of her higher status, and by that we mean that she had the status of "human being" and Proty was a talking lump of mashed potatoes. But, one day fellow Legion member, Lighting Lad (yesh), got himself killed while saving the universe. Through an extremely convoluted set of circumstances we cannot begin to recount here, Proty resurrected Lightning Lad by transferring his own soul into his body.
The thing is, Proty never told anybody. He just walked around pretending to be Lightning Lad. And why not? He can now eat at the table and date Saturn Girl instead of just squishily humping her leg while she slept on the couch. Years later they even married, had three kids, and lived happily ever after. Well, not really, because she didn't really marry the man she loved and never found out she had given birth to the children of a pile of sentient bird shit who used to live in a zoo. #1.
Terry Long from Teen Titans
Creepy Because: Look at him. Terry Long from Teen Titans is a cross between a member of the Bee Gees and a Dutch porn star. He is the fist of the '70s hitting you in the face forever. Why is this jackass in the comic? Easy, he became the steady boyfriend and later husband of Wonder Girl. Wonder Girl, if you didn't know, grew up on an island full of Amazonian women where no man could visit. These are the only circumstances we can think of where a girl (and remember these are the "teen" Titans) could think this divorced ex-college professor was the man of her dreams. Most people who dream about Terry Long end up rocking in a fetal position on the floor of their bedrooms, holding a knife and downing pots of coffee in a quest to never sleep again.
Who is the greatest hero in the DC universe? Superman, you say? No, it's the anonymous blond man in the above picture who blocks the terrifying view of Terry Long's polka dotted banana hammock. Terry Long stained every page of Teen Titans when he appeared with his downright palpable, reptilian sleaziness. When Terry wasn't trying to blend in with the Teen Titans like a creepy uninvited uncle, he was openly hitting on Wonder Girl's female teammates. Several issues later, after Terry managed to brainwash Wonder Girl into marriage, our suspicions were proven true. A team of Teen Titans from the future went back in time to kill the son of Terry and Wonder Girl. Why? Because he was going to grow up into pure evil, that's why! If the superpowered Hitler from the future had to come from somewhere, Terry Long's haunted testicles were one of the more likely places.
Finally in 1997 Terry Long died in a car crash, leaving the universe a substantially less sleazy place.
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"Terry Long is the former leader of the Aryan Nations in Canada."
Nuff said
He is coming back. Wonder Girl kid has already shown up, so Terry's probably going to show late this month.
Heads up people:
DC Comics has a new event called Blackest Night. You know how there are Green Lanterns? Well there are other groups with superpowers based on other colours of the rainbow. Sinestro is yellow, Star Sapphire is violet etc. Now there are Black Lanterns, who are evil.
All of their members are essentially zombies with power rings. To become a Black Lantern, you must be a corpse.
So Barry Allen (The Flash), Arthur Curry (Aquaman), Martian Manhunter, even Jonathan Kent (Clark's foster father) and Batman's parents are Black Lanterns now.
Even minor characters like Batman villain Ventriloquist (the nerdy guy with the Scarface dummy) are Black Lanterns.
You see where I'm going here?
Terry Long died in the DC universe. He's probably out of his grave already. And he's got superpowers, now. His costume probably have that banana hammock as well, only undead.
The DC universe is doomed.
So, uh, anyone notice that last guy walking, the guy at the end of the list, under the line,
Terry Long's haunted testicles were one of the more likely places.
Look at the picture under that line and try to tell me the way his legs are closed don't look like a severely stretched vagina. That is all. X'D'
You guys don't know much about the Big Island of Hawaii, do ya? Aside from the volcanoes -- which are just holes that spew toxic gas and burning ooze -- there's only crappy beaches, no-horse towns, and endless rain. If Oahu was Manhattan the Big Island would be like New Jersey and upstate NY combined.
Still, you've gotta feel sorry for Jennifer Long, Terry's daughter, there. It wasn't her fault her dad was a creepy douche, and she probably died there, too.
Whoa that Terry Long dude is awesome! His creepy douchebaggery just makes him hilarious. How can you not admit to the lagendary-ness of that picture of him eating a cheeseburger with his bananahammock out? Just look at the other guy backing away from him!
Terry Long IS a douche of the highest (or lowest) order, but I'm going to partially agree with maryjane69 here, how could TWINCEST not be #1??? seriously!
Uhhh . . . yeah. I'm with the author here. Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch - creepy, but . . . eh. Terry Long, a 10 on the Richter Scale of creepy douchebaggery.
Then again, I'm not attracted to my sister, so clearly that's not so much a concern for me. If I were pondering porking a sibling, that'd probably strike a little closer to home.
@chicoboy
If you actually went to that site and then, WATCHED THE VIDEO, you earned every therapy session it is going to take for you to come to terms with it. There is such a thing as being an idiot.
Doom Patrol was so creepy because Grant Morrison wrote it. It was both creepy as all hell and f*****g awesome, It's a good thing I only read it recently and not when I was 12.
If you thought that the "Quicksilver-Scarlet Witch" thing was creepy, then you should see.......
oh, s**t, THAT REALLY Was creeepy!!!!
"you can see more of comet at 2guys1horse.com"
at first i thought this was a hysterical joke of the usual 2girls1cup variety. my bofriend pointed out that it probably wasn't so i went to the site. once again, the internet has proved me horribly, horribly wrong. omg.
OK, to Marty Rotten and others - the Scarlet Witch and Vision were married. Emphasis on "were." They divorced several years ago for various reasons and she started shacking up with various other Avengers, firstly Wonder Man. Then, in one of the hallmarks of his piss poor tenure so far, Quesada had her go nuts, at which point her comment "no more mutants" somehow translated into "OK, all you X-Men that pay for the executives' boat houses, you keep your powers. Screw the rest." She is still around, sort of. And yes, the twincest is in just Ultimates, and last time I checked anyway Quicksilver was still pissed off at her for that whole mutants thing.
Just saw this topic: The 5 Most Ill-Advised Dating Sites on the Web: " Perhaps you've heard of ____Tallmingle.com ? "
Funny ....Seems Tallmingle.com is back now .....
For f**k sake Cracked!! COME ON!!!!!! Terry Long, A sleazy, ginger, 70's porno star is worse and more wrong than TWINCEST!!!?? JEBUS!!!, that gives me strong suspicions about the dude that wrote this article more than the dude who penned the ultimates me finks. That sould have been number one BY FAR!!!!
I now have to go and re-think my choice of internet comedy sites, Im gonna try find one that doesnt make me want to gouge out my own eyes with a blunt spoon everytime I see my bro! Bad tyms! man,,,,,, bad tyms :(
If you don't believe in ghosts, then what the HELL is happening here?! I'd really love to know myself, not just douchebag spamming...
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1b78d8b44a984bab0dd0&page=3&viewtype=&category=mr
This entire list could be filled to the brim just on the Doom Patrol alone. I love that book, but still...I heard recently someone wants to turn it into a movie too...
mr_izan, shut the f**k up you ignoramus piece of s**t before i stab you with scissors up up your nose and put a hole in your brain just like that horse put a hole in that guy's rectum and killed him. oh yeah, some things can't be unwatched and you only bring hate to yourself by spreading that s**t. f**k YOU!
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can anyone tell me where I can download an online comic
#5.
Ultimate Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch from The Ultimates
just asking, need reply thanks