| Featured |
The 5 Current Genetic Experiments Most Likely to Destroy Humanity
|
#4.
Jellyfish-Monkeys
Good lord, what is it?
For the love of god, why are they doing this?
The researchers, who we assume are the esteemed Professors Cheech and Chong, were operating under the somewhat controversial thesis that "if ... if monkeys like, glowed, man? That'd be fuckin' crazy!" So far, though, all of these experiments have only resulted in one actual monkey with glowing hair and fingernails which was, sadly, stillborn. Researchers chalked this up mostly to the excess of fluorescent protein produced by the dead monkey, and only a little bit to the great and furious anger of an Old Testament God hurling ominous omens at them like the dodge balls they were also bad at avoiding in middle school.
What's going to happen to us?
Combine this with the highly intelligent nature of the typical primate, its superhuman strength and agility and complete lack of higher human emotions such as guilt, pity or regret and you've got a remorseless screeching, shit-flinging, venom-tentacled, unearthly monsters with no bones to break. Oh, and thanks to inept scientists, it won't even glow in the dark so that you might see them coming for you through the fucking trees. Isn't there something familiar about the combination of monkeys and jellyfish? We don't mean to fear-monger, here, but the image of a primal, yet vaguely human form prone to translucence and glowing and outfitted with wet, flailing tentacles just sounds too familiar to us.
|
That last one made me laugh and laugh and laugh... very well worded!
Oh, and the mice and rats caught and carried the plague from lice, and it became more dangerous after growing in human streets and sewers, hugely filthy at the time. The rats were innocent, more or less, as long as people clean up after themselves and don't litter we'll be fine.
Oh.... s**t.
I wanna know who crossed a dick and a sea anemononomomonome (sic?) [#4]
I can't believe the third one didn't even mention the cow-people from Diablo II.
it was the black rat that spread the plague
aren't cow people called fat chicks? *gets the crap beaten outta her*
forget spider pig SPIDERGOAT SPIDERGOAT DOES WATEVER A SPIDERGOAT DOES
If the cow-people look like this, I'll be happy: http://eng.dlsite.com/work/=/product_id/RE024261.html
a goddamn spider goat.
"Oh, and thanks to inept scientists, it won't even glow in the dark so that you might see them coming for you through the f*****g trees."
I nearly killed myself laughing.
Scientists have already created glow-in-the-dark mice.
Anyway, the "supermice" are not field mice. They are fancy mice (that is, the kind that people keep as pets and feed to snakes). Even when it refers to them as "Wild Type", that is a type of fancy mouse. Not that it makes it any less interesting, but it does set aside the worries about disease ridden super-field-mice. ;-) Fancies aren't disease-ridden any more than your dog is disease-ridden.
To the gang bashing the scientists because you fail to see the point of their experiments: It is seldom the resulting animal that is the final goal of genetic testing. So even though you see no immediate need for glowing kittens, the experiment can teach us something valuable. And glowing kittens are cool. http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hlynpvqMfaAdSttDgyTDWydW_5OQD8U2EEKG0
"doesn't mean I'm a pervert, it's more like having Pig-AIDS."
That is a classy ass line
YOU'VE SEEN IT! YOU CAN'T
UNSEE IT! RUN IN FEAR FROM-
THE SPIDER GOAT!
just don't give the cow people axes or we'll hafta deal w/ the secret section in Diablo 2 all over again.
Must run hide from spider goat!
I think I go hide under my bed now and pray the spider-goat kills me before the mice-munching cannibal supermen decide to have me for dinner.
Okay, so we can create spider-goats. Next: SpiderMAN! along with Michael Phelps- Aquaman, and Usain BOLT- The Flash, I know that, pending the soon-to come versions that are powered by your chestlight and can fly, the Ironman suit is possible. Superheroes, unite!
The Plague killed 1/3 of all Europe, who thought churches are immune to any and all diseases.
"Mice literally decimated Europe"
Surely they killed off more than %10 of the people!
More Funny Stuff
-
The 5 Most Retarded Causes People Are Actually Fighting For
Lobster rights? Good one!
-
The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Old School PSAs
Pot makes you a bloodthirsty homosexual pervert.
-
If Every (Famous) Person Got What They Deserved
Take that, James Blunt!
-
6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Retarded) Point
They died like they lived: idiots.
Popular stuff
-
6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
Apparently, science likes sex as much as Cracked.
-
The 10 Worst Places to Get Caught Having Sex
We know because people tried.
-
The Worst Day Ever (As Seen Through An Email Inbox)
-
How NOT to Get a Kiss
There's such a thing as wanting it too badly.
Check out more from BriTANicK.
Posted: 11/19/2008 2:29:34 AM
Post Subject: The 5 Lamest Forwarded Emails (And Why Your Mom Loves Them)
Since the dawn of time, man has sought ever-easier means of communicating. Smoke signals gave way to the Pony Express. Then came telegrams, then singing telegrams, and eventually the naked ones we a ...
How To Train An Army of Animals To Do Your BiddingIf you're like most Cracked readers, you have a deep and fierce loathing of everyone around ...
CNN Thinks Gift Cards Are Complicated (or Contest Winners, Rankings and preparing for the end)Well, six people won the HBN Contest, and they each get a scanned version of a Patrick Semple or ...
- Home
- Submissions
- Contact Us
- Newsletter
- Cracked Store
- Advertise
- Terms & Conditions
- Link to Cracked
- Privacy Policy
- Site Map
Copyright © 2005 - 2007 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.
![](”http://vs.dmtracker.com/images/zig.gif?Log=1")
KaliIsMyCopilot
Fabulous ... now I can't rid myself of the image of spider goats leaving messages containing our exact location in their webs for the zombie pigs to read. Thanks. *hides*