30 Reasons Eminem is Bad for Music
London Institute of Culture and Rap Studies
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Bigotry
Eminem is famous for rampant anti-Semitism. His recent hit Without Me complains "...well the FCZ won't let me be," apparently referring to the Founder's Conspiracy of Zionists, a supposed secret jewish mind-control plot often mentioned in Neo-Nazi literature. Why doesn't somebody take him to task on this?
- Get the man a therapist
Eminem brags in his lyrics that he has named his penis "Haley" and refers to it constantly in his latest songs. And we pay to listen?
- Get the man a therapist part 2...
The "Haley" references include this bizarre and deeply disturbing threat toward his mother:
"Ma.... Haley's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful!
But you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral!"
- Get the man a therapist, part 3...
Did you notice that the famously homophobic Eminem refers to his genitalia as "she?" Why can't we get help for this man?
- The backwards mask
When played backwards, several of Eminem's songs reveal curse words, including several instances of the word cr*p.
- Sexism
Women are nothing but mindless receptacles for sex in Eminem's world, as evidenced by his current hit Hot in Here where he issues these commands: "It's getting hot in here... so take off all your clothes." In the chorus a female voice responds in submission, "I'm gonna take my clothes off." A terrifying look into a misogynist fantasy.
- Read between the lines, part 2
If you listen closely to Without Me Eminem threatens another man that "you could get your ass kicked." At best this is a reference to vindictive animal cruelty, at worst it's a curse word and should not be allowed in music. If you interpret it as the latter, replace the "a" above with an asterisk.
- Why isn't he in jail?
Eminem repeatedly brags about his criminal background, even stating in one early song that he would "rock the mic like a vandal." Is this the role model you want for your children?
- Worse than stealing
Enormous sales of Eminem albums in recent years have detracted from those of far superior artists, such as Elvis Costello and Indigo Girls. There are rumors that they will file a lawsuit.
- Bigotry, part 2
In his hit film 8 Mile (which sources tell me is a reference to the supposed length of Eminem's penis) the star issues this shameful "battle rap" tirade toward an African-American opponent:
Get yo' negro rhymes out my white face
You don't try to mess with the master race
I'm gonna use rap to bring back slavery
Then I'll shave your 'fro in my shavery
I bust Aryan rhymes from the phrase to the letter
'Cuz anything blacks can do, whites can do better.
- Entertainment takes a brain
In his song The Real Slim Shady Eminem commands followers to "circle the parking lot" in their cars, and in the next line commands:
...please stand up.
Put one of your fingers on each hand up.
This would be impossible to do while driving.
- The numbers don't lie
Eminem is rap's most popular artist; but a 1998 University of Chicago study proved rap is the least enjoyable form of popular music, probably due to its horn deficit. Rap scored an 8.6 on the Henderson Audiological Good Scale. By comparison, the study found that Classical music scored a 16.9, Christian Rock a 19.6, and a spectacular 22.4 for ska.
So why do rap fans pretend to enjoy it?
- Why isn't this man in jail? Part 2
Eminem confesses to several murders in his lyrics (see Bonnie and Clyde '97) and after more than five years of an intensive homicide investigation, police still have no evidence that Eminem did not participate in the murder of rapper Tupac Shakur.
- What century is this?
Did anyone else find it disturbing that all of the black characters in Eminem's hit movie
8 Mile were played by Caucasian actors in blackface?
- He's a fraud
Listen closely to the beautiful chorus of the song Stan. Do you hear it? That's not Eminem's voice. Why don't you give credit to whoever really did the singing, Mr. Eminem? I guess he's too young to have heard of Milli Vanilli.
- It's not true music
If you listen closely, you can hear that Mr. Eminem's background music is generated by a machine, and in fact Eminem does not know how to play a musical instrument. Isn't it strange that we have made this man a millionaire, when he is an inferior musician to even I, who learned to play the tuba in High School? Further, music theorists prove that true music must contain a horn section. To quote Greek philosopher Asquintas:
Oh horn
The sword with which thou sad is shorn
Men hath no frown when their world is horned
Your golden blowsong, which demons hath hated
Like a brass flaresnake, longing to be inflated
- Read between the lines
Some of the lyrics in another recent hit, Closet, could be interpreted as being insulting to his mother (his mother being Michigan Senator Wilma Shady) and to his father (Leave it to Beaver star Jerry Mathers). Eminem relates an apparently traumatic experience when his father "split" but in reality his father returned just two hours later.
- Why isn't he in jail? Part 3
Eminem's song from a few years ago, Cop Killer, encouraged violence against police and is considered one of the ugliest pieces of music ever written.
- Did I mention he should be in jail?
In Closet Eminem proudly declares, "I got skeletons in my closet." It is widely thought by me that this is the skeleton of Tupac Shakur. Have the police not heard this recording? Wouldn't this song be grounds for a search warrant?
- Cinematic Idiocy
Speaking of 8 Mile, the final scene had the audience I watched it with howling with laughter. There is almost no way to disarm a nuclear device using only rap.
- Original? Hardly
The song The Real Slim Shady is a cover of the Roy Orbison song of the same name, released in 1976.
- The occult connection
In the lyrics of Without Me, Eminem confesses he "created a monster." It is widely thought that he performed a ritual of Jewish mysticism to raise a Golem. From the text, it was apparently constructed of chopped liver, wheat, and hard liquor.
- The occult connection, part 2
It is widely thought that the aforementioned Golem went on to become Andrew W.K.
- Know the Man
Eminem's hair is not naturally yellow; he dies it chemically. Such physical dishonesty has long been an indicator of weak character. To quote Sartorius:
Beware the man with a tinted mane
For it is theft thou soul doth contain
He longs for your brother's oxen
He longs for your boy's ass
When he is near, keep both well-chained!
- Bringing out the worst in us...
Eminem glorifies cold, unfeeling amorality with the lyrics:
Ice, ice, baby. Too cold, too cold.
Ice ice, baby. Too cold, too cold.
- Excuses, excuses
Eminem claims in Cleaning Out my Closet that he is a victim of "Munchausen's Syndrome," apparently as a way to defend his anti-woman attitudes (Derrick Van Munchausen was the real name of troubled 80's pop star Rick James).
- As further evidence...
In his hit Mongrels, Eminem states:
Impure races
In nonwhite places
Gonna rearrange your face
Like Trading Spaces
See anything wrong with those lyrics? That's right; they're stolen word-for-word from the hit Unwhite Holocaust by Simon and Garfunkel.
- Verbal filth
To quote the song Kill You:
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't goin' never stop beefin' I don't squash the beef
Why would we let our money support this growing and malignant anti-vegetarian movement?
- The incomplete performer
Hey, Mr. Eminem. Standing still and moving your arms slightly is not dancing.
There is no question in my mind that any performer who won't take the time to learn the art of dance should not be allowed to sign a record deal. To quote Farquitheus:
The rod of joy smites the male
Whose limbs hath flail
Jump! Flail! Jump! Flail!
I have soiled myself.
- Conspiracy of silence
It is widely thought that Eminem was one of the key players in covering up the faking of Tupac Shakur's death.
- Get the man a therapist
mmmmmmm ,, what would i say ... crab?? no .. bullshit?? naaaah .. simply its despicable, worthless, mean and low hot air -_-
Replyit's a joke to eminem fans , look at did i mention he should be in jail, and conspiricy of silence it sayes he killed tipac in one and the other one sayes he helped fake his death the guy is joking
Reply30 examples of why David Wong is a complete idiot:
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies1. Your first argument:
he said "the FCC wont let me be or let me be me..." because they censor his material and dont allow his music on the radio. claiming this means he a has a secret goal to control the minds of the jews is ludicrous
2. Your second argument
I have the full discography of Eminem and have listened to it many many times and not once have i heard him call his penis Haley and if he did I'm wiling to bet he managed to make some pretty deep symbolism with as he does with most of his lyrics
3. Your third argument:
How is this a threat? all he's implying is that she will have a funeral when she dies...and?
4. Your fourth argument:
Do I even need to explain how irrelevant that is?
5. Your fifth argument:
Oh no! a curse word? You do realize you can hear words a lot worse than "crap" if you play it forwards right?
6. Your sixth argument:
Name one famous rapper that does not make derogatory statements about women
7. Your seventh argument:
so in other words your saying its better to abuse animals than to curse? well damn, through my ass in jail then.
8. Your eighth argument:
Emeinem is obviously not for children so is there even any reason to go there?
9. Your ninth argument:
I highly doubt Indigo Girls fans would stop buying those albums for a eminem cd because that means they have very diverse tastes and besides that; its called a free market for a reason so that case wouldn't go far.
10. Your tenth argument:
8 Mile was where he grew up. and do you honestly believe he's racist? Dr. Dre is one of his best friends
11. Your eleventh argument:
You can not tell me Eminem has no brain. He has some the most clever lyrics in the rap industry. I honestly just find this argument humorous.
12. Your twelfth argument:
This has got to be the most ignorant thing I have heard in a very long time. You can't just put a number on the enjoyability of a genre of music, or anything for that matter. People don't just "pretend" to like it. If you don't like it, fine, don't listen to it, but how dare you try to say that rap isn't enjoyable just because you don't enjoy it.
13. Your thirteenth argument:
97' Bonnie and Clyde refers to him killing Kim and dumping the body in the water. which obviously didn't happen seeing as shes still alive. secondly, there's also no evidence supporting that he DID have anything to do with Tupac's death. in fact in one of his songs he says "hip hop ain't been the same since Tupac moved to Cuba, honest" implying that he misses Tupac.
14. Your fourteenth argument:
that's not even true so you can just stop there
15. Your fifteenth argument:
did he ever claim that it was him singing? no and it's quite obvious that it wasn't him seeing as it was a female vocalist unless your refering to the version with Elton John.
16. Your sixteenth argument:
If you listen closely to most of today's artists you can hear that its generated by a machine, and Eminem does not claim to play a musical instrument. He is a singer/
rapper/song writer. and your an incompetent critic if you say he has no talent
17. Your seventeenth argument:
I don't know where you get your information but his mothers name is Debbie Nelson and his fathers name was Marshall Mathers II. yeah, look it up, Eminem is Marshal Mathers III. did you do any research for this article?
18. Your eighteenth argument:
Eminem never even put out a song called cop killer. maybe your thinking of Ice-T
19. Your nineteenth argument:
okay this is a close second with number twelve in terms of the level of stupidity. Have you ever heard of an idiom? or do you just take everything everyone says literally.
20. Your twentieth argument:
wtf are you even talking about? have you even seen 8 mile? where in that movie is there ever a bomb? umm... oh yeah nowhere. idiot...
21. Your twenty-first argument:
I highly doubt Roy Orbison put out a song called real slim shady.
22. Your twenty-second argument:
wow... that's all I can say to this is just... wow. how can you be that ignorant?
23. Your twenty-third argument:
LMAO!! I know this must be a joke. because that it is far from "widely believed" are you just making up crap as you go?
24. Your Twenty-fourth argument:
Eminem's hair is obviously not naturally yellow! what famous person doesn't dye their hair? how does that make anyone a weak person? and by the way using quotes from smart people deosn't hide your stupidity.
25. Your twenty-fifth argument:
omfg. are you serious? you honestly think that was eminem? that was vanilla ice you jackass.
26. Your twenty-sixth argument.
This is a segment from an article from a medical website just to help you to avoid looking like an idiot again; "Munchausen syndrome is a type of factitious disorder, or mental illness, in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, he or she has caused the symptoms."
27. Your twenty-seventh argument:
yeah... yet again... wrong guy
28. Your twenty-eighth argument:
anti-vegetarian??? are you serious?? okay let me give you a lesson in lingo. a "beef" is slang for a verbal or physical dispute. not cow meat.
29. Your twenty-ninth argument:
and again, all he claims to be is a singer/song writer/rapper. accusing him of being a bad dancer is like accusing a waitress of being a bad cook.
30. And finally, your thirtieth argument:
wait... that faking of tupac's death? you just accused him of killing him! now your saying that he's behind the faking of his death? dude, seriously, put some thought into your writing.
The fact that you took the time to actually destroy 30 jokes by taking them literally astounds me. out of all the f*****g losers i've ever seen on the internet, you would have to be the biggest one.
"The difference between stupid and intelligent people -- and this is true whether or not they are well-educated -- is that intelligent people can handle subtlety." -Neal Stephenson
@Leahmarf is so right, and i have a couple more facts to add to this BS , yes I did my research.
Your argument five:
First of all, no one listens to music backwards. Second of all, at first i was like crap isn't a bad word, then i was like oh , that's not an A it's an I, so on that note, many rappers refer to the gang that they are affiliated with. SO WHAT
Your argument seven:
Oh my gosh. Call the cops, he said ass !
Your argument ten:
You, my friend, clearly need to to research. 8 Mile is a real place. And plus even if his penis is 8 miles , it's bigger and gets way more girls than you
Your argument thirteen:
You obviously can't count because '97 Bonnie and Clyde only speaks about one murder, that never happened
Your argument fifteen:
David Guetta's career is based off that. He makes the songs , and people sing them and store refers to the artist as David Guetta
Your argument twenty two:
How about you google "The Real Slim Shady by Roy Orbison" , then you would know it doesnt exist
Your argument twenty four:
Because dying your hair makes you such a bad person right ?
Your argument twenty seven:
Mogrels is not even a name of a song, and Simon and Garfunkel NEVER wrote a song called Unwhite Holocaust, and those lyrics were never created.
Your argument twenty nine:
You were obviously running out of untrue facts, probably half the famous singers/ rappers/ songwriter not only don't but can't dance. That's why they are so good at what they do.
Your argument thirty:
It is widely taught a lot of things that aren't true.
wow, well done MacMizzle, you're a f*****g genius.
Replyin regards to #15. the song is listed on iTunes as "Stan" by "Eminem & Dido." he always gives her credit. its called a sample. Jay-Z samples part of Annie for his song Hard Knock Life. Em has performed this live with Dido.
Replywhy would another artist sue him because his albums sell better than theirs? the logic behind that? none? ok good. sit down. shut up.
Replythe song Hot In Here is by Nelly NOT eminem.
ReplySorry didn't mean to unlike it and yes this two ! I didn't add that to my comment
ok its the "FCC wont let me be" the federal communications commission. he was referring to censorship.
ReplyI'm not even going to mention the rest of the bullshit in this article but at least do your research. The song is called "'97 Bonnie and Clyde" not "Bonnie and Clyde '97" and the line "I got skeletons in my closet" isn't in "Closet", it's in "Insane." Are you retarded or just stupid?
ReplyTjat was pretty funny, even funnier are the comments, some people REALLY are stupid.
ReplyYOUR REALLY STUPID.
wait this is a joke
ReplyFirst off, he never raps about the "FCZ", whatever the f**k that is, the correct line is "The FCC wont let me be." He's complaining about the Federal Communications Comission, which regulates regulates interstate and international communications by radio, television, wire, satellite and cable. Clearly this British "rap studies" expert doesn't know enough about the genre's country of origin to be talking about it.
Replyyou are pretty damn stupid. the whole article is a joke. for example #6 is a song by nelly, has nothing to do with eminem. You passed the stupidity test with flying colors though bro.
What? This article is bullcrap! you can TOTALLY disarm a nuclear device with rap! everyone knows that.
ReplyIsn't Haley his daughter?
ReplyOh wait, these are all jokes. But, none of them are funny...
Let this article be a reminder of a time before Cracked was funny.
Replyf**k All yall Eminem Haters the man who wrote this article can suck a dick
ReplyI remember knowing at least three different people who were all really into Eminem,and they all either needed or were already in anger management.He does have some awesome music though,and you can always respect a dont give a f**k attitude.
ReplyAlso,666 comments,kind of cool in an Im still in middle school kind of way.
if at all you a re concerned abt students and children you shouldn't have described it in this detail
Replyf*****g epic!!! I love eminem and now I love this article
Replyd
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