The 6 Most Disappointing Video Game End Bosses

The peaceful land of Hyrule is being invaded by peace-hating goth dudes from a parallel universe. Only Link, a horse-breeding yokel, has a sword big and sharp enough to stop them.

What you'd expect ...
The leader of the goth dudes claims he gets his power from his "god." It turns out that this god is actually series regular Ganondorf.

Ganondorf is eager to fight you.

And, when Ganondorf is involved, anyone who's played a Zelda game before knows exactly what to expect. He'll fling a fireball or two at you, which you'll deflect with your sword, and he'll then deflect it back at you, and then this will be repeated until you're considering suicide. At this point, he'll forget to deflect it. Then, it'll hit him, shutting down his entire nervous system, and you can wade in with your sword, delivering cutty, meaty justice until he falls, dead, to the floor and then turns into a giant pig monster. And lo, our prophecies come true.

You kill his pig monster form, then Ganondorf tries to kill you from the comfort of his horse, earning himself another slice of hurt. He then, FINALLY, challenges you to a one-on-one sword battle. Bring it on, bitch: We named our character Rambo. We're ready for the ass kicking to end all ass kickings.

What actually happens ...
The sword duel fails to materialize. Perhaps, Ganondorf is depressed by the death of his horse. Maybe, he's embarrassed that this kid in a fairy hat has thwarted him utterly, or just baffled by the fact that this happens every time he tries to do anything. He probably can't even go to the toilet without fighting his way past some tights-clad Hero Of Stopping Ganondorf Having a Piss.

For whatever reason, Ganondorf's lacking motivation. He trudges around the battlefield like a teenager on the way to an interview for a job he doesn't want. He does, to be fair, swing his sword occasionally, but not in a sword fighting way. It's more like a pointer and he's giving a lecture; ranting, perhaps, about blond bastards in green tunics conspiring against him, to a room full of nervous college students. He manages to spin this out for a good few minutes before being decisively impaled.

Even then, he barely changes his fucking expression! We went into this battle expecting Darth Maul, and what we got was C-3PO.

This Xbox spinoff from the PC game sees Jack Carver (a more fitting name, we feel, would be Jack Ripopenfucktodeathshooter) killing an island full of Bad Guys(tm) using his genetically-implanted beastman powers.

Oh yeah, and his huge guns.

What you'd expect ...
Toward the end of the game, you're taking on fellow beastmen, and it's getting harder and harder, until you eventually fight a man named Crowe, second in command to the evil Krieger.

After you dispatch him, Krieger surrounds himself with beastmen to stop you getting to him. A fight with four beastmen, simultaneously, in a little room, with your health and ammo drained by the face-off with Crowe? You're scared. You don't want to do this. You want to see an alternate ending where Jack Ripopenfucktodeathshooter runs away to his mommy, who dresses him in a little flowery frock, because it's too hard to be a boy. You're reaching over to turn the Xbox off, shaking your head in horror, as Krieger says, "He killed Crowe! He took away your leader! You owe him vengeance!"

What actually happens ...
Krieger's beastmen decide that, since Jack Ripopenfucktodeathshooter killed their leader, he is now the new leader. And, who's been trying to kill their new leader?

Yes, Krieger is one of the legions of evil scientists who end up destroyed by their own creation. If only the poor guy had taken a few minutes to talk to his beastmen, find out how they felt, he might not have suffered such an ignoble fate. Instead, he'd have been shot in the face by Jack Ripopenfucktodeathshooter, which would at least have been over a lot quicker.

Mario's nemesis, Bowser, has a new, creepy plan to seduce Princess Peach. He creepily convinces his son that Peach is his mother. When given this news, Peach is surprised but doesn't deny it, which is even creepier. Baby Bowser then kidnaps Peach, and the three of them head off for a creepy family reunion in a toxic hot tub in space. Mario has to stop them by cleaning up the brown waste Bowser and son have left in their wake.

What you'd expect ...
After the intense fire-based punishment of the preceding volcano level, you're more than ready for some one-on-one fisticuffs.

You expect, nay demand, a duel of epic proportions. You will settle for nothing less than Mario emerging from this final battle burned and bleeding, but triumphant, with Bowser's severed head in one hand and a swooning Princess Peach in the other, roaring his victory to the gods themselves.

Or, an updated version of those arenas where you swing Bowser around and throw him face first into a bomb would be good, too.

What actually happens...
Bowser's annoyed that Mario has ruined his vacation. He's not annoyed enough to actually get out of his damned hot tub, though. He just sits there, putting up a token resistance.

But he really doesn't give a shit and consequently is not only defeated, but humiliated in front of his son.

You can't really blame him. He's been at this for over 20 years. He must have known from the start that this would happen, and what good has fighting it ever done him?

So, the final battle of Super Mario Sunshine is an uncomfortable farce for all involved. After Mario has smashed Bowser's hot tub (yes, that's how you beat him) Bowser goes plummeting sadly to earth, where he and his son wind up stranded on a desert island. There, Bowser is forced to explain to his son that dinosaur monsters and human women cannot actually mate, Bowser enduring the kind of shame that would destroy any other man.

Bowser's son bravely endures his father's humiliation, and vows to get his own revenge on Mario when he gets older. King Bowser reassures him as the camera pulls back to reveal they are trapped on the island with no means of escape...

...and thus within mere days, Bowser will surely be forced to eat his son, ending his sad royal line forever.