The 8 Most Cringe-Worthy Comic Book Movie Moments

To answer your question: Yes, that pretty much puts them in the running for the most ridiculous moments in the history of non-pornographic cinema.

#8.
He's the Juggernaut, bitch

As Seen In:
X-Men: The Last Stand

Why It Sucks:
The awesomeness of a comic book movie tends to be directly proportional to how seriously the director takes the source material. So, it was a little troubling when the X-Men franchise handed the reins to Brett Ratner, a director who built his career on films like Money Talks and the Rush Hour franchise, in which black people talk differently than white people, and that fact is deemed hilarious.

Pretty much every fan's fears were confirmed by one piece of cinematic chimp fuckery that earned Ratner a place in the comic world's Hall of Douchebags. Before the film went into production, a meme called "The Juggernaut Bitch" was sweeping the Web, in which an X-Men cartoon is overdubbed so that the characters talk like pimps and other insulting black stereotypes, while teenagers giggle audibly in the background.

Ratner was apparently inspired by the video's zero-effort popularity, and decided to insert the line into the fucking film as a nod and wink to its fans. So, we get the once momentously badass Juggernaut breaking the fouth wall to deliver this line that makes no goddamned sense in the context of the scene. But, why worry about things like that, right, Brett? After all, it's just a comic book movie, right?

As appreciative as the hip kids in the Family Guy demographic were that Ratner decided to throw them a bone, it probably wasn't worth ruining what should have been the best of the X-Men trilogy.

"Worst Ever" Meter:

#7.
The Turtles and Vanilla Ice enjoy a rap battle

As Seen In:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

Why It Sucks:
There had to have been a moment during production on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II where two people on the set turned to each other and said, "You know, even for a sequel to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, this movie is going to be really fucking bad."

We're going out on a limb here, but maybe that moment occurred during the shooting of the scene in which the Turtles use breakdance moves to fight bad guys while Vanilla Ice gives a rap play-by-play in the background.

While the Turtles' strange mixture of hip-hop, karate and traditional Russian folk dancing is pretty absurd, Ice steals the show. At first he seems surprised when he sees giant ninja turtles and anthropomorphic animals fighting at his concert, but pretty soon he's rapping a verse that includes the line, "Gonna rock and roll the place/ With the power of the ninja turtle face (possibly faith. Also, does it really matter?)" Arguably the scene's finest moment comes 4:05 in, when Vanilla expresses his gratitude to the Turtles by directing four violent crotch thrusts in their direction, the Vanilla Ice equivalent of a 12 gun salute and widely regarded as the highest honor for a warrior during the early '90s.

That said, with You Got Served, Stomp the Yard, and Step Up coming out in recent years, this sequence may be timelier now more than ever. The most recent development in the dance world, we believe, is "crunking." It basically involves thrusting your crotch wildly in the air while hopping around and gyrating your arms like a seizure patient. With such a sophisticated progression in dance, it's a wonder the Ninja Turtle's "breakdance-fu" didn't catch on. Maybe, it was the cumbersome prosthetic costumes and kicking of ninjas in the face that turned the kids off. Apparently kids today aren't willing to pay the price to look fucking awesome.

"Worst Ever" Meter:

#6.
Johnny Blaze can't handle the heat

As Seen In:
Ghost Rider

Why It Sucks:
Just when you thought the "HOW'D IT GET BURNED?" scene from The Wicker Man remake would teach Nicolas Cage the dangers of overacting, he kicks it up a notch by actually starring as the burning object--screaming enough to make Al Pacino embarrassed for him. This being Nicholas Cage, however, it looks less like he's burning and more like he's horribly constipated and for some reason really, really enjoying it.

Following the transformation (which, in a masterful piece of editing, awkwardly cuts from his screaming and melting-off face to a Colgate-white skull on fire), Ghost Rider immediately comes into contact with the horrifying face of evil ... the quiet, haunted kid who thought shopping bags were pretty in American Beauty.

Things only get more fatuous from there as Ghost Rider spouts off ditties like, "Back to hell!" and "You're going down!" The emo-douche (we mean Blackheart) retaliates with, "I don't think so." It's truly a battle of wits.

"Worst Ever" Meter:

#5.
Mr. Fantastic gets jiggy with it

As Seen In:
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Why It Sucks:
Just barely beating out the Fantasticar, which was one big Dodge product placement (complete with the Human Torch asking if it had a Hemi), Reed Richards has a glorious sequence where he ventures onto the dance floor and shows off his moves. Naturally, his moves involve stretching.

Not as naturally, his suit is somehow able to stretch out, too. We're not quite sure when Mr. Fantastic made it a priority to invent designer wear that could stretch out like silly putty, but we're guessing it was somewhere around the time he figured stretching his arms into grotesque noodles would be a good way to pick up chicks.

In comic movies, the scene where the superhero uses his powers to do everyday tasks is one of the most difficult to screw up. All you have to do is match the particular hero with the everyday task that their power would make awesomely easy. Wolverine uses Iceman's breath to chill a drink before opening it. Spider-Man uses his Spidey sense to avoid a bully attack. And, Mr. Fantastic uses his stretching ability to ... dance better? Really? If you found yourself with extraordinary stretching abilities, how far down on your list would going to a dance club be? If anything, his powers make him more gangly, so this is the exact wrong thing to have him do. They couldn't put him in a charity pickup basketball game, or something?

Of course, before the women at the club have realized the implications of all that stretching, Richards' bride-to-be, as played by Jessica Alba, pops in and ruins his chances. Some might wonder why he'd even need to cheat on someone as hot as Alba. Those people should talk to the makeup department that made her look like a fat-lipped plastic albino.

"Worst Ever" Meter: